The Lonely Heart (9 page)

So what had changed? It only took a second for the answer to hit Grady. Watching Josh, how brave that kid was…really, Grady couldn’t do any less. Isaiah would back him on this—

probably after a bit of an argument, but he would support Grady in the end. Josh would be thrilled. The hands would bitch, but they’d adjust. Everyone else could go to hell.

Grady patted the sleek neck below him, running his fingers thought the coarse, tangled mane. “Lance, boy, I think it’s time to make some big changes in my life. I think I’m finally ready for it to be
my
life.”

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THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 56

Isaiah stepped onto the porch, zipping up his coat with gloved hands. The ranch was quiet today, the boys hunkering down inside around the wood stove. Isaiah didn’t blame them. The snowstorm that had whipped through the night before had left more than just a thick coating of white on everything. The temperature was down around ‘forget the thermometer, I’m freezing my balls off’ and any sane person was staying inside beside the nearest heat source.

So what did that say about Isaiah? Probably nothing good. But he was going stir-crazy inside, and if he had to put up with Grady’s crappy mood for one more minute, he was going to snap.

Isaiah’s sense of fair play took that moment to pop out and remind him that he hadn’t exactly been an angel to live with lately, either. He told his inner voice to shut up, but it didn’t erase that niggling sense of guilt.

Hell, maybe he just needed to get laid. When was the last time he’d used anything other than his own hand? Isaiah swore softly when he realised he couldn’t remember. No wonder he was so cranky.

Grady, on the other hand, was just being difficult.

The screen door squealed behind him and Isaiah’s jaw clenched. “Get back inside before you freeze to death,” he said around gritted teeth.

“Isaiah.”

Isaiah swung around. “What?”

Grady stood in front of the door, hands shoved in his jeans pockets, clad in nothing more than a thick AQHA sweatshirt. Isaiah rolled his eyes. The man really did plan on freezing to death.

“If you’re gonna bug me, at least put a coat on,” he ordered.

“You want to tell me what’s eating at you?” Grady pressed, making no move to go back inside. “Josh is worried.”

Isaiah snorted. “Oh, please. He’s so absorbed in that new video game you bought him we could blow up the couch and he wouldn’t notice.”

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THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 57

“What is with you?” Grady demanded. “I’ve never seen you in such a crappy mood.”

“You!” Isaiah whirled around. Everything welled up—the sudden responsibility of Josh, moving in with Grady, their constant arguments lately, the lack of sex. God, the list was endless, and Isaiah snapped.

He ignored the way Grady took a reflexive step back, ending up pressed against the side of the house. Isaiah’s temper was in control and it felt damned good. “For the last month you’ve been wandering around in a daze. You barely talk to me and practically run from the room when I’m around. You spend half your time hiding in your bedroom and last night you fell asleep at dinner. You won’t discuss the ranch with me, you won’t discuss business plans.

I don’t know what’s going on with you, and you’re obviously not interested in sharing. You want to be an antisocial bastard? Fine, but at least have the decency to quit lying to me.”

“I’m fine—”

“What the hell did I just say?” Isaiah scowled, planting his clenched fists on his hips and struggling with the urge to throw a punch at that stubborn jaw. Talking to Grady could be like talking to a rock. The man only heard what he wanted to hear, and most of that he chose to misinterpret.

Josh and Isaiah had been living in the big house with Grady for nearly a month now. At first, it had been great. For the first time, Isaiah had felt like he was getting to know the real Grady—a big-hearted man whose laugh stirred equal parts lust and affection in Isaiah. He’d managed to shove back the lust, despite the looks he caught from Grady. They were building a comfortable little makeshift family here and he wasn’t about to mess it up by throwing sex into the mix. But just when they’d established a nice routine, Grady had withdrawn.

Grady sighed and shifted from one foot to the other, one toe poking out of a hole in the blue woollen sock. “Can we at least discuss this inside where it’s warm?”

“No.” Isaiah could be stubborn, too. All right, it would be more effective if he wasn’t spiting himself with it, but Isaiah wasn’t feeling very rational at the moment.

“Then—”

Josh banged outside, nearly sending Grady flying as the screen door whacked the big man in the ass. Isaiah snickered.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he yelled after the figure bundled up in a bright red coat. Josh, at least, had the sense to dress appropriately.

Josh’s hand flicked up in a quick gesture.
Barn
.

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THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 58

Isaiah shook his head. He should have known. He let Josh go. It was nearly as warm inside the stable as it was in the house. They kept it shut up tight and all those equine bodies put out enough heat to rival a furnace. It was nice and cosy and would keep Josh occupied for a while.

“Out to the stables?” Grady asked, lips twitching.

Isaiah nodded his head. He started to share a smile with Grady, then remembered that he was mad at the man and turned it into a scowl. Grady scowled back.

“I’m fine, it’s not a lie, and you’re being a jackass,” Grady said. “And I’m not going to stand out here while my toes go numb.”

Grady stormed back inside and Isaiah dogged his heels, slamming the door shut behind him. Isaiah instantly started to sweat in his multiple layers. Stripping off his gloves, he tossed them to the floor like an ice hockey player preparing for a fight. The coat dropped next.

“I don’t get you,” he snarled, still peeling off layers of outer wear and clothing. He hated the cold. Hated it. “You’re like that damn downstairs shower when somebody flushes the toilet, hot and cold and back again with no time to take a breath between. One minute I think I understand what’s going on inside your head, the next I’m floundering around like an idiot. If you’re having problems and you don’t want to share, fine
.” And it doesn’t hurt. It
doesn’t.
“But you’re acting all secretive and odd and it’s starting to bug not just me, but Josh, too. He asked me the other day if you were getting tired of us hanging around all the time.”

Isaiah’s anger abruptly deflated when he looked up and saw the stricken expression on Grady’s face.

“He asked what?” Grady asked hoarsely. “No, that’s—of course I’m not getting tired of you. That’s ridiculous. I like having both of you in the house with me. You know that.”

“I don’t know a damn thing when you
won’t talk to me!
” Fuck, it felt good to yell.

Probably counterproductive, but they said repression was bad for your heart, right?

“It’s stupid,” Grady muttered to his feet. “Really. I’ll talk to Josh, though. Let him know it’s nothing personal. Both of you, you belong here. I’m not thinking about kicking you out or anything, I swear, and I don’t want you guys even thinking something like that.”

Isaiah sighed, but the closed-off expression in Grady’s eyes told Isaiah he wasn’t going to get anything else out of Grady. Not now. If he knew anything for certain about the frustrating man, it was that Grady only shared so much at a time. Then he sealed up tighter than a brand-new pickle jar.

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THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 59

Isaiah shoved his snow-covered boots into the closet, where they could melt without leaving a big puddle that he’d have to clean up. Or, more likely, would slip in and end up on his ass in the hallway. It wouldn’t be the first time. Josh was usually pretty good about doing chores when asked, but the brat could never seem to remember to put his boots away.

“Josh will want some hot chocolate when he comes in,” Isaiah said. It was a peace offering of sorts, he figured. His anger was gone now and he just felt tired and defeated.

Grady didn’t trust him and that hurt. A lot.

Grady’s face held a mixture of relief and regret as he agreed. Isaiah warmed up some milk while Grady stoked the wood stove in the living room. Then they collapsed on the couch and popped in a movie while they waited for Josh to drag his frozen self back indoors.

The silence stretching between them wasn’t uncomfortable, but it wasn’t pleasant, either.

And Isaiah didn’t have the first idea how to change it. It seemed like the harder he worked to get close to Grady, the further Grady pulled away. It was by equal turns frustrating and heartbreaking.

Isaiah let the on-screen explosions and Bruce Willis’ quips pull his attention away from a situation he couldn’t change. But that didn’t mean his plans were aborted, only delayed.

* * * *

Josh was bored. Weird. That didn’t happen very often living on a ranch. But Tommy was nowhere to be found—and Josh could usually find him. Isaiah had taken off with the other guys earlier today and wouldn’t be back until evening. Josh had finished all his chores and had brushed out Speckle, the horse Isaiah had put in his care. He was sick of video games, the computer was acting funny. Bored, bored, bored.

Chewing on his thumbnail, Josh wandered down the hall. A low curse caught his attention and he halted. Oh. Grady was still there.

Josh poked his head around the door of Grady’s office, blinking at the sunlight streaming through the big picture window. The man in question sat behind his big desk, head in his hands, muttering softly to himself.

He didn’t want to scare the big rancher, so Josh knocked on the open door. Grady’s head went up, expression guilty, as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

“Josh!” Grady exclaimed. “What are doing in here?”

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THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 60

Josh shrugged and wandered into the room, trailing his fingers along a shelf on the towering dark wood bookshelf against one wall. His sock-clad feet made no sound on the carpet as he circled the room, trying to come up with some excuse for interrupting Grady.

Grady sighed heavily, then beckoned to him.

“Come over here, squirt. I could use some help.”

Josh bounced over and rounded the corner of the desk. Grady swivelled his chair and pulled Josh in closer.

Oh. Pretty
. Josh traced the magazine with one finger, the pages open to display a series of pictures of a big, stocky black and white horse. One photo in particular caught his eye. A horse was racing across a field, the thick white hair on its feet flying, mane whipping around the massive head, big brown eyes shining with life and excitement.

“He’s a beauty, isn’t he?” Grady agreed in a low voice.

Josh nodded.

“They’re called Shires. You don’t see them much anymore. They were originally bred to carry knights into battle a long time ago. Then people used them for farming and logging and hauling cargo in wagons. But since tractors came along, the big breeds are slowly dying out. People are doing their best to help, but it’s not easy. I love them, always have.”

Josh pursed his lips. He’d never seen that particular look in Grady’s eyes. He switched his attention from Grady to the magazine then back again. If Grady liked the big horses so much, why weren’t there any on the ranch?

Josh did his best to ask that exact question. It took a minute, but Grady caught his meaning. His smile was tinged with sadness and his voice, when he spoke, grated with a tone that sounded like rust and dirt.

“This is a working ranch. A Shire isn’t a practical addition. They aren’t good for herding cattle and not much needs hauling that we can’t do with the tractor, truck, or ATVs.”

Josh might have been young, but it sounded a lot like Grady was quoting someone else.

Snatching a piece of paper off the corner of the desk, Josh quickly scrawled, ‘
Who says you
always have to be practical?
’ He handed the sentence to Grady and the man took it, but didn’t look. Instead, he faced Josh with a solemn face.

“Isaiah says you’re feeling a bit uncomfortable around me,” he said slowly.

Josh shrugged. Not uncomfortable, exactly. He just felt like half the time, when he tried to communicate with Grady, that Grady wasn’t interested in deciphering Josh’s meanings.

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THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 61

Grady scrubbed at the darkening stubble on his chin. “I know I’m not always easy,” he admitted. “But you and Isaiah are the only family I have.”

Huh. That was a new one. Josh poked at the paper, wanting to know why Grady hadn’t tried to read it. Grady handed it back with a sad downward tilt to his lips.

“I can’t read.” The words were spoken so softly that Josh almost missed them.

Josh’s eyes widened at the confession. He poked at Grady’s hand and, when that didn’t work, grabbed the man’s face in both of his hands and made Grady look at him. He let the silence stretch, knowing Grady could read the questions in his eyes.

“One of my teachers in grade school thought I might be dyslexic,” Grady finally said. “I could never make the letters behave. They always turned around and upside down and got all mixed, even when I was just trying to learn the alphabet. I dropped out of school in eighth grade and no one really cared. No matter how hard I try, even now I can only make out really simple things like headlines and signs, or sentences that I’m really familiar with. You know, invoices that I see every day, that sort of thing.”

Oh. Wow. Josh wouldn’t have even guessed. Grady looked so sad and miserable that Josh just had to lean in and give out a hug. His arms couldn’t reach all the way around the bulky chest and Grady was hard and solid to his touch. The big frame stiffened for a second, but just as Josh was going to pull away, Grady lifted his arms and squeezed Josh close.