The Long Journey to Jake Palmer (21 page)

Ryan pointed at Jake. As he did, something in the being's eyes shifted. From intense to malevolent. A smile played on the corners of his mouth, but not even a millimeter of mirth reached his eyes. Jake's heart rate doubled as Ryan stared at him, eyes on fire.

Ryan's gaze darted to his right. Along the floor, hidden in the shadows, lay a short sword. Two strides and Ryan stood over it. Another moment and he held it in his hand, his eyes again fixed on Jake. Ryan slowly lifted the sword till it was pointed at Jake's chest.

“What are you doing? What is wrong with you?”

“Wrong? Nothing.” Ryan slid his foot forward.

Ten feet was all that separated them. Seven feet from the tip of the sword.

“You're making me nervous.”

“Oh? This isn't the way you remember the story going?” Ryan was on his toes now, bouncing slowly.

“What's going on, Ryan?”

Ryan's only response was to cover the ground between them faster than Jake thought possible. Another flash of movement and the tip of the sword hovered half an inch from Jake's heart. Ryan's breathing now came through clenched teeth.

Jake tried to back up but slammed against the stone wall behind him. Ryan advanced, the sword touching Jake's clothes. Now the point pressed into the skin beneath his compression shirt. Sweat broke out on Jake's forehead and his heart slammed against his rib cage. Ryan had gone nuts. Jake had to think, figure out a way of escape.

But if he got away from Ryan, where would he go? Ryan knew this realm. Jake, on the other hand, knew nothing about the paths and tunnels that would lead him to the surface. His only chance was to talk Ryan down.

“Again, why are you doing this?”

“It is necessary.”

“Necessary for what? What do you want from me?”

“I want the same thing you do.”

“I don't know what I want.”

“You want the truth. You want to be free. Isn't that what you came here for?”

“Free from what?”

“What is your chair, Jacob Palmer? The one that holds you in an enchantment so powerful you cannot break free? One that has held you all the days of your life? Think!”

“Killing me isn't going to help me figure that out.”

“ ‘From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force.' From your book of Matthew.”

Ryan's eyes grew wilder. He pushed the sword harder against Jake's chest, and it broke the skin. He felt blood ooze into his shirt as Ryan's face contorted. A moment later, the world went black.

W
hen Jake opened his eyes he stood at the bottom of a long, steep road enclosed by a tunnel.

Ryan stood next to him, eyes bright. No sword, no strange look in his eyes. It was the man who had saved his life and spoken wisdom with every word.

“Jake?” Ryan's face looked puzzled. “Are you with me?”

“Yeah, I . . .” Jake shook his head and stared at Ryan. “What did you say?”

“I asked if you're ready to return to the sunlit lands.”

“Yeah, sure. I mean . . . sure.” He pointed behind him toward the dark castle. “How did we get here?”

“We walked.” Ryan frowned. “Are you quite well?”

A breeze brushed his face for the first time since he'd entered the underground kingdom. Along with the light wind came the smell of grass and cattails.

“Yeah, I'm good.”

They hiked up the dim road without speaking for the better part of thirty minutes. Finally they came around a bend and sunlight burst through an opening in the tunnel the size of a
small door. Jake blinked against the brightness, which was almost blinding compared to the dim light he'd been in for the past—two hours? Three?

Jake slowed and let the light wrap around him like a blanket. He stood in the opening and drank in the trees and the pond and the meadow. He was back. And now that he was back in the light, he was going to get answers.

“What happened down there?”

“Pray tell, what do you mean?”

“You attacked me.” Jake narrowed his eyes. “Why did you do it?”

“Attacked?” Ryan's lips pushed together and confusion contorted the rest of his face. “I don't understand that of which you ask, Jake Palmer.”

Jake stepped across the meadow's thick grass and stuck his face within inches of Ryan's. “You understand exactly what I'm talking about.”

Ryan danced back, hands up, the corners of his mouth twitching as if ready to break into a smile.

“Please tell me what I understand, Jacob. My ears would welcome your view of what happened in the throne room.”

“Throne room? That wasn't a throne room; it was a torture chamber.”

Ryan's only response was a raised eyebrow.

Jake rubbed his fingers over the spot where Ryan's sword had penetrated his skin, then lifted them. “See this blood? This tells me you were more than making a point. You either lost it down there, or you're playing a game with my life that you've told me nothing about. Why did you do it?”

“I explained this already, Jacob. Because it was necessary.”

“That tells me nothing.”

“I have sympathy for your plight, but that is as much as I can reveal at this time.”

Again the look of mirth in Ryan's eyes and the hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth, but seconds later the hint broke into outright laughter. The mirth turned to disdain.

“Tell me.”

“As great as my desire is to explain in detail what is truly transpiring here—and that desire is indeed great in the moment—I cannot do so. My deep apologies.”

The laughter died down, but the mockery in Ryan's eyes did not. A slow rage built inside Jake, fueled by the mind games, the shock and fear of being stabbed in Underland, the answers that weren't answers, all mixing into a Molotov cocktail that was about to explode.

“What is wrong with you?” Jake stepped forward, hands balled into fists. “Why are you putting me through this?”

“There is nothing ever wrong with a bit of amusement. In fact, it can be a balm to the soul.”

As Ryan continued to dance like a boxer in front of Jake, something broke inside. Without a sound he sprinted toward Ryan, drove a shoulder into his stomach, lifted him high, and slammed his body to the ground.

Ryan's air whooshed out of him, but Jake didn't hold back. He jammed his knee into Ryan's ribs and placed his hands around the being's throat. As Ryan gasped for air, Jake shouted, “Tell me!” over and over again.

Ryan grabbed Jake's forearm in an iron grip. Jake clasped Ryan's wrist and tried to yank it off, but it was like trying to bend a steel bar. With one swift move, Ryan wrenched Jake off of him and rolled to the right. A second later he was on his feet staring down at Jake.

“Well, that was enjoyable.” Ryan laughed again as he brushed the dirt off his dark green clothes. “But I think we should be finished, wouldn't you agree?”

Jake struggled to his knees, staring up, heart pounding with fear. He rubbed his arm where Ryan had taken hold of it. Jake knew the grip well. It was the exact same one he'd felt the day before in the river. The one that had held him down.

The one that had wanted him to die.

Jake staggered back, blinking, shaking his head. “No, it's not true. It can't be.”

But the truth was undeniable and blazed its way into Jake's heart. He gave little shakes of his head as he stared at Ryan.

“It was you.”

Jake stumbled back another two steps and went down, the revelation almost too much to take.

“Of course it was me.” Ryan lifted his hands and clapped once. Twice. Three times. He continued to clap, a second between each strike, as he started a slow circle around Jake.

“Clever, don't you think? Almost killing you, then pretending to be your rescuer? In here I have all the power, and I thought that a fun little exercise for us to take part in.” Ryan laughed, a high, mocking laugh that slid down Jake's back like ice. “But what took you so long? I anticipated you figuring it out
before now. Is it possible that Leonard is right, that you are quite stupid?”

Jake's mind spun, searching for answers. “Why would you do that to me?”

“It's quite complicated.”

He staggered to his feet and rotated, his eyes fixed on Ryan, who continued to circle around Jake. “Try me. Let's see if my little pea brain can track with you.”

“You are one who can bring much light to the people of this world. If you figure out this journey of healing you're on, you'll bring that much more light to everyone around you.” Ryan tightened his circle and Jake moved to his right, mirroring Ryan, two prizefighters staring each other down, evaluating strengths and weaknesses.

“And you don't want that to happen.”

“To get there, to find the healing you crave, there are obstacles you must overcome.”

“And you're going to try to stop me from succeeding.”

“Not try, Jake.” More laughter. “I don't have to try.”

“Who are you?”

But Jake already knew the answer. Ryan had already spoken the truth yesterday on the bank of the river.
There are forces in this universe that desire life, and others that are twisted, their only desire the destruction of all that is good.

“How can you be here? If this is a slice of heaven, how can you be in this realm?”

“Your holy book speaks of Satan being in the throne room of God.” Ryan smirked. “Any other questions, Jacob?”

“What do you want from me?”

They continued to circle, Ryan with his palms together. “That, I can tell you. The answer is quite simple. I want you to die.”

Jake took short breaths through his nose and pushed them out through his mouth.
Steady.
He didn't doubt Ryan's words. The conviction in his eyes only heightened Jake's belief, but something was off. Something that made no sense. An instant later it cut through his mind like a shaft of light. Revelation swept over Jake and he realized why he hadn't died in the river.

“You're not allowed to kill me, are you?” Jake puffed out a mirthless laugh. “You would have done it in the river if you could have. But you didn't. You held me under that water long enough to bring me to the edge of death, but you weren't allowed to seal the deal.

“You were doing whatever you could to scare me off. Keep me from coming back. You crave the idea of seeing me shredded. Want to drive fear in my mind, anchor it down, and keep me in the prison I've lived in for the past year and a half.”

Ryan's face was stone. No emotion. No reaction to Jake's words.

“I'm right, aren't I?” Jake balled his hands into fists. “You don't want me to have healing or restoration, to gain back what I lost. You don't have all the power you claim to wield. Just as Satan had to ask permission to sift Peter, there are rules, restrictions that hold you in check.”

“The old man might be wrong.” Ryan smirked again.

“You just said there were obstacles for me to overcome. What are they?”

“You'll never pass the final test, Jake. Give up now. Life will go better for you. Leave the meadow and never come back. At least you'll live.”

“Tell me what I have to do.”

Ryan stopped circling and drilled his gaze into Jake, but Jake held his ground. Ryan couldn't kill him. Whatever this being threw at him, Jake would find a way to overcome.

“Tomorrow, meet here if you dare.” Ryan pointed at the meadow. “Right here, and you will have one chance. If you survive, you will have the healing you desire. Healing that will stay with you when you leave this realm. You have my word. But know this also. The restrictions placed upon me to this point? They will be lifted if we meet again.”

“We will meet again.”

“Then know this in the depth of your soul.” Ryan advanced three steps, then four toward Jake. “I've seen the future. If you come back, Jacob Palmer? You will die.”

J
ake's mind was still reeling as he hauled himself into his canoe.
Have to talk to Leonard.
He glanced frantically around the little cove, among the reeds, anywhere the old man might be. Nothing.
Always here? Every morning? Then why not today?

After ten more minutes of futile searching, Jake headed for Leonard's house. Jake found him forty minutes later sitting in a lawn chair, staring at his garden. A second chair sat next to Leonard. Obviously he'd been expecting Jake.

“You weren't there this morning.”

“Nah. Something in my gut told me you'd need a chance to calm down before we talked. That your visit wouldn't be the most pleasant. I thought the paddle back would give you a chance to clear your head.”

“It's still a mud pit.” Jake sat and gripped the arms of his chair hard. “Which is why I'm here.”

“Then we're both here for the same reason.”

“You told me the promise of the corridor comes with a price. And my time to pay is coming. What did you have to pay, Leonard?”

Leonard's eyes grew misty as he gazed up at the clouds. He held the position long enough for Jake to wonder if he'd decided to stop talking. But he finally brought his head back down and fixed his eyes on Jake.

“I was married for fourteen years to my third wife, but this time it was different. This time my marriage was a sappy, stupid, fairy-tale marriage where we never fought and loved each other more each day. She was light and life all bottled up in a concentrated form so potent that a few drops a day were all I could take. Any more and I would have died of happiness.”

Jake frowned at him in surprise and Leonard waved his hands as if he could wipe the look off Jake's face.

“I know, I sound like a moron. Or like a chatterbox from a little-girl movie.”

“No. You don't. You sound like you had a love as rare as gold.”

Leonard turned away and Jake guessed the old man was wiping the tears off his cheeks. When he righted himself, his face was stoic again. “Go ahead, I know you want to ask what happened to this pink-cotton-candy-puffy-cloud bliss.”

“I do.”

“Pretty simple. Same thing millions have been through. She started coughing one day. Lasted long enough to go to the doctor, who told us if she was lucky she'd live a year. She died three months later.”

Leonard gripped the sides of his chair and his arms shook.

“I came here to Willow Lake a year after she passed away. All I wanted was to be alone. But as fate would have it, I talked to a local who told me a fairy tale about the lake, and for reasons I
still can't explain, I became obsessed with seeing if the legend was more than a folk tale.

“I didn't believe, but it gave me something to do to put a salve on my broken soul.”

“Because the thing you wanted most in the world was to see her, be with her again.”

Leonard's glare seemed to ask why Jake wasted the air in his lungs to make such an obvious statement. He dropped his gaze and Jake thought he might not start up again, but after an age, he scuffed the sod at his feet and continued.

“I knew it was impossible to see her again, truly see her again. She was gone and wasn't coming back. And I knew there was no chance of there being a path anywhere on this earth that would take me to the place where she would be.”

Leonard's head swung slowly back and forth. “But I searched the end of the lake like I was searching for my own life, like if I didn't find the path to the field, I would die.

“That impression grew till I had no doubt the corridor was real and I had no doubt I'd find it. Only a matter of time. I still didn't think I'd find Anna on the other side, but that didn't slow my search in the least. It gave me a purpose, a passion, an obsession really.”

Leonard lifted his head and peered at Jake from under his brows.

“But when you finally did find the corridor, to your utter astonishment, you found her as well.”

“Baw!” Leonard waved his hand at Jake as if swatting flies. “You can't find the corridor. You can only put yourself in a position for it to find you.”

So true.

“Was she there?”

“Yes and no.”

Again, Leonard paused and seemed to vanish into a world inside his head. Jake imagined his elderly friend was revisiting moments experienced forty years earlier.

“Even now I don't know if she was really there or if what I saw was a vision or just a figment I made up in my mind or an angel who looked like her. Did it matter to me?”

Leonard drilled his gaze on Jake as if he truly wanted an answer to this question. Jake gave a tiny shake of his head.

“You're right, it didn't matter, because whatever it was, it was real and it was her. We talked about things only she and I would know. We walked around that meadow full of the thickest grass I've ever seen, around that pond of crystal water, and I allowed myself to sink into the greatest joy I've ever known before or since. I was blown to bits in the hurricane of her presence.

“We lay down together, backs up against a gnarled apple tree, and I fell asleep in that field. When I woke, she was gone.” Leonard shook his head as his chin drooped again to his chest. “She was gone.”

“And?” With his eyes, Jake begged Leonard to continue. “What then?”

Leonard looked up and glared at Jake with narrowed eyes. “You like this, don't you, Jacob?”

“What?”

“Seeing me wallow in this sickening sorrow.”

“No.”

“Sure you do. You want answers and you're willing to drag regrets from an old man.” Leonard jabbed a finger at him and his voice grew louder. “Well, you're going to have to work for the answers. You're going to have to face the crucible yourself. Because if you don't, you'll end up like me.”

By this time Leonard was shouting, and it took all of Jake's focus to stay calm. Whatever choice Leonard had made years ago had been eating his soul from the inside ever since. Finally his words petered out. He settled and seemed to shrink at least three inches into the lawn chair.

The truth was so obvious Jake scolded himself for not figuring it out earlier. “You can't get back, can you?”

Leonard didn't answer. Didn't move. Just stared at Jake with those steel-gray eyes. He didn't have to answer.

“That's why you're there every morning after all these years. You're trying to find the corridor again. But you can't. You're locked out somehow. You got what you wanted most in the world—you found her, talked to her—but then something happened that blew it all apart. Something that has kept you from getting back in all these years.”

“Maybe you're not so stupid after all.”

“Then give me the gift of a full education.” Jake leaned forward, his heart thumping. “What choice did you make? What did you do or not do that shut you out?”

Leonard's gaze roamed the sky as he spilled out the rest of his story.

“After Anna vanished, I waited two days for her to return. Then a man appeared in the meadow. Called me by name.
Claimed I knew him, and that he knew me. He stood on the other side of the pond beckoning me to join him. So I did.

“Something about him was so familiar I was instantly drawn to him. A bit older than me, midforties by his look, knew things about me only God could know. I was wary—something about his eyes—but I listened to him because the things he said boggled my mind.

“Then he showed me things that stretched my beliefs further than I thought possible. It didn't take me long to figure out he was not a man, but a spiritual being of incredible power. And that's when he began to crawl under my skin. I saw things in his eyes I didn't like.

“The next day I came again, and again Anna wasn't there, but the man was. His talk was still full of honey, but at certain moments I saw his eyes grow so cold I was frightened. But even so, I asked where Anna was and if I would see her again that day. The man's answer was sharp. ‘Tomorrow you will have the chance to fully grasp what you want most.'

“Of course I returned the next day, found the corridor as easily as I had the first three times, and when I met the man, I naturally asked when I would be united with Anna.”

Leonard stopped talking and watched a dragonfly land on the apple box next to him. It seemed the dragonfly was looking at the elderly man, wanting him to continue the story, and when Leonard spoke again, it was to the dragonfly and not Jake.

“The being I called Arthur answered with a wave of his hand. Instantly Anna stood behind him, her eyes wide with fear. Arthur pulled two long knives out of his belt and laid out the rules quickly.

“ ‘A blade for you, a blade for me. We fight to the death. If you win, Anna is yours. If I win, she is mine, and you will be gone from the meadow forever.'

“I tried to tell myself it was a joke, but Arthur leaped forward and sliced his blade through my forearm. Not deep, he was only sending a message about how real this battle would be, and how serious his declaration was.

“I'd never learned how to handle a knife, but I didn't see much choice. The fight was over minutes after it began. There I was, kneeling on the ground, trying to stop the blood seeping from my wounds. As the ground beside me darkened with my blood, I staggered up and tossed my blade at his feet.”

Leonard pulled up his sleeves. Long, thick scars ran up and down his arms. He ran his finger along the longest one, glanced at Jake, then returned to the story.

“ ‘Is that all you have?' Arthur mocked me with scorn in his voice. ‘Where is your courage? Your valor? Will you not die for the one you love?'

“ ‘I'll be back,' I shouted to Anna as I staggered toward the corridor. But before I could push aside the willow branches, Arthur called out in a voice that haunts me in my dreams.

“ ‘If you leave here now, you'll never return, and you will never see Anna again.'

“I didn't believe him. I'd been to the corridor every day for four days in a row. I knew I could find it again.” Leonard sighed.

“Part of me did believe him. But I convinced myself I could get back with my shotgun and kill Arthur and be with Anna forever. I looked at Anna and told her I loved her and that nothing
would stop me from coming back for her, then pushed through the branches. I never saw her again.”

Jake didn't speak. Didn't move. Simply waited for the revelation to settle. It all made sense now. Why Leonard seemed to have a love-hate relationship with the corridor. Why he seemed to want to help Jake one moment and thwart him the next. His friend was shattered by what he had done, or what he hadn't done. Part of Leonard wanted to see Jake find what he wanted most in the world; another part believed he would be sending Jake to his destruction. Destruction no matter which path he chose.

“She was my prize, the one I lived for. I never figured out how someone so beautiful, so kind, so perfect would love me. But she did. And I gave up on her. Gave up on us.”

“Could you have beaten him?”

“My mind says no. Logic shouted it would have been impossible. I was bleeding out. Cut in six different places. The doctors said if I'd gotten to the hospital any later I wouldn't have made it.”

Leonard let out a bitter laugh. “They asked if I had cut myself. That was of course the only explanation for what happened. Apparently I was incoherent. Kept babbling about the corridor and the meadow where I'd seen my dead wife and fought a man with knives.”

Again, Jake let the emotions of the moment subside. He handed his blue water bottle to Leonard. Leonard took a long drink before handing it back.

“But there's only one thought that I've never doubted. For forty years now I've never wavered in this belief.”

Leonard peered at Jake with haunted eyes. “I should have
stayed, Jacob Palmer. I should have continued to fight. Maybe I could have beaten him, figured out a way to win. At least I would have tried. At least I wouldn't have had to live these past forty years wondering
what if?
I should have realized Arthur was telling the truth and if I left, I would never return.”

“How could you have realized that?” Jake said. “You didn't even know what the place was. Didn't know what kind of powers you were dealing with. Didn't know—and don't know—if what you and I have both experienced is all inside our heads. You don't know if those scars on your arms and legs came from your own hand. But you do know one thing. You knew that dying there in that meadow back in 1976 wouldn't have accomplished anything. And—”

“Oh, I know that, do I?” Leonard glared at Jake with fire in his eyes. “I know that it would have done nothing? Let me tell you something, boy. Let me describe for you what I do know for certain: I know that if I hadn't given up, if I'd died that day in that field on the other side of the corridor, I wouldn't be sitting here in a battered old-man body, drowning in a lake of my own regret day after day after day.”

They sat in the silence for more than five minutes. Maybe longer. The sun continued to creep up their bodies, and the warmth of it somehow sparked hope inside Jake. But hope for what?

“What should I do, Leonard?”

“You can beat him, Jake. I believe it with everything in me. I don't know how, and I can't even start to explain why I believe that so strongly. But I do, right down here.” Leonard patted his stomach and clenched his jaw.

“I don't think you'd be let into that place just to end up dead. I know that's not a lot to go on. It's almost nothing to go on. And I know I'm the one who never went back, who stayed on the sidelines. But I've had a lot of years to think about what I didn't do, and I'm not going to let this drop till I tell you how I feel and what I think your choice should be. Couldn't live with myself if I didn't, you understand?”