The Lost And Found Girl (43 page)

‘What are your feelings for James now, my dear?’

Daisy shrugged. ‘I shall always love him because he is my brother. But we must live separate lives. I understand that. James does too. It is very odd, Mother. My attraction for James was immediate and flared quickly. It was out of control and I was confused. When Abel told me who he really was I felt quite ill. Now – now my feelings for him are, well, sort of unclear. I mean I love him but not in the
same way. I do not think we shall share our lives. His world is so very far removed from mine.’

‘It need not be.’

Daisy shuddered. ‘He has been schooled to be a lord. I have had no such preparation to be a lady. It will difficult for me.’

‘Take your time to decide, my dear.’ She paused before adding, ‘You are very fond of Boyd, aren’t you?’

‘I have not known a life without him. Neither do I want to.’

‘That is understandable. You thought
he
was your brother,’ her mother stated.

Daisy was silent for a moment. ‘I believe it was my feelings for Boyd that confused me in the first place. My regard for him runs deep and always has. It is different from the way I felt about James before – before, well you know. You see I
believe
in Boyd. I trust him. It’s as though our hearts are in step with each other and, I admit, I have clung to him at times.’ Daisy gave a rueful half-laugh. ‘I asked him to marry me when I was about eight. He put me right of course and as we grew up he set me apart from him whilst still caring for me.’

‘Were you hurt by that?’

‘Yes I was. He said I should marry and I thought it was because he wished to find a wife himself and wanted me settled first. He tried to separate our lives but I truly believe that he found it as difficult as I did.’

‘Well, my darling, it is clear to me that he no longer wishes to be separated from you.’

‘Do you think so, Mother? Since Abel told us about my birth he has avoided me even more. He spends his time with the horses and talking to Abel about sheep farming!’

‘He sees you as the daughter of a lord now and not his little sister who was brought up in a cottage.’

‘Yes, that’s it, Mother! He thinks that he is beneath me! How can that be when we were brought up together? He has expected me to change but I think it is he who has changed, not me.’

‘He does not know that, does he?’

‘But I am the same person and so is he! I cannot let him walk away from me now.’ She lowered her voice and added, ‘I shall not.’

‘Why do you say that, my dear?’

‘Because I love him, of course!’ Daisy cried, and repeated it softly to herself. ‘I love him.’ She looked up with tears in her eyes. ‘I love him, Mother, and he constantly puts this distance between us. He behaves as though he is afraid to be close to me.’

‘Oh I don’t think he is afraid, do you?’

Daisy shook her head. ‘Boyd does not flinch from fear. He faces it. Then why does he avoid me?’

‘He is allowing you to choose the life you want. He is thinking only of your welfare.’

‘Really?’ Daisy blinked away her tears.

Beth smiled and nodded. ‘You can’t see it but I can because he is like Abel in that respect.’

‘But Abel loves you as – well, as a husband loves his wife.’

‘Dearest Daisy, open your eyes to Boyd as a man. He is a fine young fellow and he is not your brother. Do not treat him as such.’

Daisy stared into the distance. Might Boyd love her in the same way as Abel loved her mother?

Beth added, ‘How is your riding coming along?’

‘Very well,’ Daisy answered slowly and thoughtfully.

* * *

Boyd lifted her down from the saddle and they tethered their horses to a gate. The day was bright and sharp with white clouds hurrying across a blue sky.

Daisy surveyed the desolate moorland and commented, ‘The wind is wilful today but it adds to the beauty of the fell.’

Boyd climbed the gate and shaded his eyes against the sun. ‘There’s a lake in the distance.’

‘It’s a tarn. It’s called a tarn.’

‘We’ll ride there one day. As soon as you feel confident enough, we’ll take a picnic and make a day of it.’

‘I’d like that.’

He sat on top of the gate and offered his hand. ‘Come and sit beside me and share the view.’

She clambered up beside him. ‘Do you like the Dales, Boyd?’

‘Very much. Being here is the first time I have felt truly free.’

A lock of hair escaped from underneath her riding hat and whipped across her face. ‘I feel as though I belong here.’

‘So you should. You were born here.’

‘Thank you for teaching me to ride. Are we kindred spirits again, just as we were before Redfern?’

‘We can never go back to how we were when we were brother and sister.’

‘Was I such a nuisance to you?’

‘What makes you say that? You were never a burden to me.’

‘I thought so at the Abbey, when you pushed me away and tried to marry me off to that horrible Joseph.’

‘I had my reasons.’

‘I was so hurt. I felt I was losing you. Perhaps that was why I was so vulnerable to James. Why did you do it?’

He stared into the distance and did not answer.

‘I don’t want any more secrets between us, Boyd.’

‘I had to do it. I was in love with you and you were my sister.’

‘But I have known that I loved you since I was eight years old.’

‘I was
in love
with you! It was different. It was desire, passion, a love I had not experienced before. I prayed to God for the strength to overcome it.’

Daisy had felt those urges too, more so since he had been teaching her to ride and she wished to tell him so. ‘During the time we have been at High Fell I have been praying for us to regain the nearness we used to have.’

‘It has not been lost. I have tried to resist it and have failed. When Abel told me the truth about your birth I was overjoyed, until I realised that you would be destined for the higher levels of society.’

‘But you were mistaken. Abbey life is not for me. I am not prepared for it, nor do I wish to live it.’

‘What do you wish for, Daisy?’

‘I want a life here in the Dales, on a farm like this one.’

‘Well I suppose you can have it. You are a wealthy woman.’

‘I am not. My brother James is a wealthy man. All of Redfern belongs to him and anything I have is by his grace and favour. Anyway, I do not want a life in the Dales if I cannot have you with it.’ She inhaled sharply and went on, ‘I love you, Boyd. I admire and respect you and – and I want you as a lover not a brother.’ There, she had said it. Her heart was on her sleeve for him to see. She held her breath as she waited for his response.

‘Do you mean that, Daisy? Do not say it if you do not truly mean it because I really do love you.’

Daisy let out a ragged sigh that quickly turned into a smile. ‘I mean it, Boyd. I cannot imagine my life without you.’

He jumped down from the gate and placed his hands around her waist to lift her to the ground. ‘I want to kiss you like your lover not your brother.’

She raised her face to the sun and closed her eyes. His lips discovered hers with a gentle exploration at first that quickly developed into a searching hunger and then a passionate desire that she returned wholeheartedly. Boyd was all she wanted in a husband. She had known that since she was eight years old.

When they paused for breath he whispered, ‘Shall we marry soon?’

‘Oh I think so, don’t you?’ she murmured. ‘There is so much more I want to find out about you. Kiss me again, Boyd.’

They parted eventually and went back to their horses. He helped her into the saddle, mounted his own horse and they set off side by side to return to High Fell and their future together.