The Love Letters: A Novella (13 page)

February 12, 2003

Natalie,

I just spent the last thirty-six hours with Floyd and Russell on a cliff. The best part was the night vision goggles. The worst part was the thirty-six hours with Floyd and Russell. I’m pretty certain Russell is forgoing the deodorant for some stupid reason, and Floyd makes clicking sounds with his mouth when talks for extended periods of time.

I’m a pretty laid-back guy – I usually ignore quirks and focus on the positive attributes in a person. But WHAT THE FUCK? Torture has a whole new meaning over here, and after thirty-six sleepless hours, I figured out why.

There’s nowhere to go. I’m fucking landlocked.

I can’t excuse myself to go play video games and chill. I can’t read an entire Sports Illustrated without some dumbfuck slapping it from my hands. I can’t have a burrito on a patio with a cold beer. I can’t sleep until noon with you in my arms. And I definitely can’t sneak out and surprise you with little presents.

Land-fucking-locked.

In other news, I’m heading back to Camp Hammond tomorrow. I’ll email you as soon as I can.

Z

February 13, 2003

Lover boy,

Happy Valentine’s Day, ya sneaky bastard!

Earlier this morning, I was scheduling a meeting with some vendors in New Jersey when a man came barging into the office with a vase of flowers. Molly was having lunch with some clients, so I pointed to her desk without disconnecting my phone call – it was the third time scheduling this meeting!

The delivery guy put the vase on Molly’s desk, and then he shoved a clipboard in my face to sign. He waited for a tip – I gave him my bag of Sun Chips. He stormed off.

While the vendors were bitching about the price of gas or something, I studied the blue crystal vase filled with two-dozen red tulips. BAM! I hung up on the vendors and ran to Molly’s desk, knocking over the trashcan and spilling a bottle of water.

Finding the little card tucked among the waxy stems was like finding a perfect pair of jeans. I hesitated before opening the envelope, but I KNEW THE FLOWERS WERE FROM YOU!

You actually remembered the conversation we had about tulips! And the blue crystal vase? That was all you. And the card!

The tulips are red,

The vase is blue.

V-day belongs to lovers,

Everyday belongs to you.

Je t’adore, ma femme.

They’re gorgeous! How did you do it? How do you ever do it? You always know exactly what I need! Thank you, my love, for making me smile.

XO Nat

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
RE: I’m Baaack!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’m here! Fisher welcomed me with open arms and a box of strawberry Pop Tarts. Best homecoming between two heterosexual men on Valentine’s Day ever.

I need to take a very long nap before my very long shift.

Z

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
RE: RE: I’m Baaack!

Zach!!

An email! Best gift ever in the history of cupid and his arrows and candy hearts and stupid roses. I’m sure you’re exhausted, but I need to know everything ASAP. We should try yahoo messenger. I’ll set it up and we can decide on a time.

I’m so relieved that you’re safe and warm, and that your bunk buddy still loves you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Except in my case – absence makes me bitchy.

PS Thank you for the roses. Very thoughtful. I especially love the Snoopy vase.

XOXOXO Nat

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
RE: RE: RE: I’m Baaack!

What? Are you messing with me? I’m very tired, woman.

Please tell me you DID NOT get roses in a Snoopy vase.

Z

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
RE: RE: RE: RE: I’m Baaack!

The tulips are gorgeous!

Sweet dreams, my prince.

March 2, 2003

Z-pack,

Do you want to know what the biggest tease of my life is right now? The weather. Today is perfection – bright sunshine and a crisp sixty degrees . . . but guess what’s coming? A FUCKING SNOWSTORM!

How can I wear my new lapis blue spring jacket when there will be snow covering the ground for another week? This, the weather, is why New Yorkers are so tightly wound.

In other exciting news from across the world . . .

Chloe’s bed was delivered yesterday! Do you think she’ll be okay with matching duvet covers? I don’t care! God, I hope I can find something really tacky and flowery to piss her off!

As much as I’m counting down the days for Chloe to move in, I wish it was you. You belong with me in NYC, not in a makeshift dormitory inside a shipping container.

Come home to me.

Natalie

3-11-03

Ma femme,

Happy 3-11 Day! I’d tell you to listen to their music all day but we both know they suck.

Mmm, I’m still thinking about last night’s yahoo chat. Thank God I can sneak off to my office storage room, because my dick is still hard. Have you thought about using your skills as a sex operator? There are tons of horny guys that would pay big money for your imagination.

Wait. Don’t even think about it. Your naughty mouth belongs to me. Only me.

I’m heading to chow with Fisher. It’s Taco Tuesday, and if we don’t hurry, the Army jerks Bogart the ground beef. I can’t eat the tofu tacos again.

Love,

Zach

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
RE: Pot of Gold!

Z,

Not only did I have my first mug of green beer, I got the best news! Guess who’s flying to Miami tomorrow for an insurance conference? Moi!

Molly twisted her ankle playing racquetball this morning and can’t fly to Miami to run the events. She’s worked so hard on everything that I almost feel bad, but . . . it’s five days in the sun!

Shit! I gotta go home and pack!

XO Nat

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
RE: Lucky

You deserve it, ma femme. Enjoy your trip! Do that thing where you pretend I’m there – I want all the details.

I love you.

Z

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
RE: Hello?

Molly said you got back a few days ago and haven’t been to work. What gives?

Z

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
RE: ?

What happened in Miami? I’m not an idiot.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
RE: I’m sorry

Zach,

I’m the idiot.

March 24, 2003

Ma femme,

There is absolutely nothing you can do to make me love you less. If you accidentally toss out my autographed Don Mattingly rookie card, I would be fucking pissed, but I will never stop loving you.

You’re human, Natalie. You have a spirit that can’t be caged.

No regrets and no expectations – that’s why we work.

Zach

March 31, 2003

Zach,

I did what you wanted. I brought you with me to Miami. We’re both to blame.

I pretended you were with me – unpacking my suitcase, taking a long shower, and then ordering desserts from the room service menu. But it wasn’t real.

And then I met Alex.

He was the one to tell me dirty jokes. He was the one to quote my favourite movies. He complimented my new dress. He was the one who flirted with me. He was the one I fucked in my hotel suite.