The Love Letters (31 page)

“From what Maggie said, I honestly suspect her son's frettin' the most.”

Nat had never been enthusiastic about her leaving for the entire summer, and his last letter had left no doubt about the reasons behind his concerns. “Even so, Nat knows this arrangement won't last forever. He and I've already discussed it.”

Mamma shifted away from that subject and talked instead of how much Katie and Rachel Ann missed Marlena. In turn, Marlena asked about her brothers, as well.

Then, after a time devoted to a few everyday things, her mother said, “It seems only the dear Lord knows how long you'll have Angela Rose now. Are ya sure you can manage with everything else you're doin' there . . . for my mother?”

Marlena assured her that she was just fine. “Angela's little face brightens up every time she sees me, Mamma. She's beginning to respond to me in a way she doesn't with anyone else.”

“I daresay she's bonded in a short time. That's
gut . . .
and bad.”

“She
needs
me, Mamma.”

Her mother sighed into the phone. “I hope you won't be heartbroken in the end.”

“That's kind of you, Mamma. And thanks for lettin' me know about Gordon's parents' request. I feel so sorry for them, I do. But I can't say I understand them . . . not wanting their granddaughter with them, at least not just yet.” Marlena fought back tears, trying to imagine what Luella would think if she knew.
And Gordon, too!

“Your father and I are prayin' for you every day, Marlena.”

She thanked her mother, said “I love you,” and then they hung up.

Marlena sighed as she thought of Nat and his parents, but presently she cared more about the news regarding her niece.
She headed upstairs to see Angela Rose, who was beginning to stir in her sleep. Despite all the uncertainty, Marlena wouldn't think of turning her back on this precious baby, seemingly so alone in the world. “I'll take
gut
care of you, for as long as the Lord permits,” she promised the little one.

M
amma's words played continuously through Marlena's mind while Angela napped. She did not want to harbor any frustration toward Nat or his parents, but she couldn't deny that she was feeling drawn toward things that would only confirm their fears.
Even so
, Nat
and I
are going
to be
married,
she thought.
Aren'
t we
?

When Angela Rose opened her little peepers and grinned over at Marlena seated on the bed, she went to her. “We're goin' for a Sunday afternoon stroll, little darling. And I have a surprise for ya.” She dressed Angela in the navy blue baby bonnet she'd purchased on the sly at Saturday market. “There. Now you can easily pass for an Amish baby.” She picked her up and kissed her soft, warm cheek.

“You'll fit right in with all the other little ones out havin' an airing today,” she said, carrying Angela downstairs to tell Mammi where they were going.

“I surely hope you can find some shade somewhere. It's mighty warm out there,” Mammi said.

“I know just where to go,” Marlena assured her. And she did, taking the main road a short distance, then turning onto the tree-lined back road that eventually led past the old mill where Boston had stayed. She'd decided not to go all the way down the hill in this heat, however.

Still pondering her mother's phone call, Marlena knew better than to let things simmer, lest her frustration turn to anger. She began to pray like Mammi, whispering her cares to the Lord above, laying them all out like quilt squares. She also pleaded with God to steer her footsteps—for always. “And give my beau Thy understanding.”

She felt sure that if Nat could just experience either her parents' church or Mammi's here, he'd appreciate the second thoughts she sometimes had about joining their more traditional one. “How can I move ahead with baptism back home, dear Lord? How . . . after what I'm learning?”

She recalled the verse Mammi had read before breakfast that morning, from John chapter seven, verse thirty-seven:
“If any man thirst, let him come
unto me, and drink.”

After closing the Bible, Mammi had gone on to say that her own spiritual thirst was quenched once she believed and made the decision to drink from the living water.
“I'll never thirst that way
again,”
Mammi had said with tears spilling over her wrinkled cheeks.

“More than anything else, I want the living water that Jesus offers,” Marlena said into the air now as she pushed the stroller.

Tears threatened, and she let them fall. And the more she prayed, the harder she cried.

Small Jay and his father had gone walking along one of the shady field lanes the mules crossed daily, except on the Lord's Day. There, the corn was waist-high to Dat.

“I heard something at the shared meal today, Jake. And I'm gonna ask ya about it straight out.”

Small Jay turned to look at his father.

“The grapevine has it you snuck Shredder over to Abram Mast's.”

Small Jay was surprised to hear this; he'd mistakenly assumed this would be about Boston's outburst in church. “
Jah
, I did,” he fessed up.

“Supposedly Luke got a letter . . . one you wrote yourself?”

Small Jay nodded solemnly. “
Is des Druwwel
?”

“
Nee
, you ain't in trouble.” Dat stopped walking and looked down at him. “Just wonderin' why ya didn't come to me first.”

Small Jay shrugged, feeling like he'd done something wrong. “I figured Shredder was done for.”

Dat shook his head. “Not a
schmaert Kaader
like that.”

“Well, he seemed
dumm
to me. He kept doin' the same thing, Dat. He never learnt.”

His father burst out laughing. “I like that, Jake . . . I certainly do. Mighty discerning.”

Small Jay nearly asked right then why his father never used his nickname, but it had been such a long time since Dat had done anything with him like this, he didn't want to spoil the moment.

“Next time there's something on your mind,” Dat said, starting to walk again, “will ya look to me first, son?”

He felt he ought to pinch himself to see if what he was hearing was true. “I'll remember.”

“
Des gut
.” Dat put his big hand on Small Jay's shoulder.

He felt mighty pleased as he realized that it must be all over
the place about the letter he'd written to Luke, and Shredder going to live over there. Maybe even half of Brownstown had heard about it.

Swallowing several times, Small Jay noticed Dat had matched his own stride with his as they walked slowly back toward the house. Truly, it was nearly the best day of his life.

Marlena stared up at the tall rattling windmills as she pushed the baby stroller, recalling how, as a little girl, she liked to see the sun bounce off Dawdi's, squinting up as she pointed to it.
“Perty Windmiehl,”
she'd say over and over, grinning through missing front teeth.

Marlena also remembered both her and Luella helping Mammi Janice by pushing the old lawn mower, their small hands side-by-side on the wooden handle. At one farmhouse along the road, she noticed a pair of black field boots on the porch steps, and a long fly strip hanging near the door. Seeing the boots reminded her of trying to walk in Dawdi's old ones and toppling out of them, giggling all the while.
Seems like just yesterday . . .

Marlena gazed out across the lush hayfields, still daydreaming. After this sacred day of respite, haying would commence. Men would be cutting once the early dew dried tomorrow, swirls of insects flying out from the remaining tall hay. Rabbits and groundhogs were discovered in there, too, sometimes before it was too late.

She saw mothers out walking now—Amish and English alike—pushing baby carriages or pulling wagons filled with youngsters shielding their eyes from the sun. Some of the women called “hullo,” and she waved back.

As she walked, Marlena considered how endearing and inquisitive Luella had once been before she'd turned sullen in her teens and quickly became disinterested in anything that wasn't English.

While brooding over the past, Marlena saw Luke Mast coming this way. His head was down as he walked on the opposite side of the road, his lips moving like he was talking to himself.

Should she speak first? He had been such an attentive listener the last time they'd met by happenstance in the van. Now, though, Luke was intent on working something out, so lost in thought he appeared to be.

She wiped her face, drying her tears, and just then he looked up. “Hi, Luke,” she said.

“
Wie bischt,
Marlena?” He smiled and crossed the road to her.

“I'm all right, and you?”

He glanced at the sky. “Sometimes it's easier to pray out here with the birds and the breezes, ya know.”

“I'm finding that to be true, too.”

He nodded and met her gaze. “There's somethin' real inspiring about sharing one's heart with the Creator when surrounded by His creation.” He leaned down to smile at Angela Rose and tap gently on the top of her little blue bonnet. “This is your niece, ain't?”

“
Jah
, and I'll tell ya she's one happy little girl today.”

“Happy's always
gut.
” He crouched down. “Are ya catchin' any perty butterflies today?” he asked Angela.

She let out a baby-sized giggle.

“Hey, I think she likes me.” Luke chuckled. “I've got two nieces your age, little one,” he said, making a silly face for Angela.

Marlena had to smile. “She's wearin' her Amish bonnet for the first time . . . dressed part English and part Plain.”

Luke glanced up at her. “What's it matter at this age?”

Marlena was surprised. “'Course, I guess Angela Rose really is half Amish and half English, considerin'.”

“Bring her over and we'll teach her to milk cows next.”

Marlena laughed. “I'm thinkin' she might be a little young yet.”

“You've got a point there.” Luke stood up, eyes twinkling.

“Well, I'd better let ya get back to your prayin'.”

Luke removed his hat and fanned his face, then put the hat back on. “Would ya mind if I walked with yous a little ways?”

She shook her head, guessing he wanted to finish their conversation from the other day. But as they went, she quickly discovered he had other things on his mind. It seemed he needed to get something off his chest about a young woman he was fond of, but who was in love with someone else. “And she's prob'ly in the dark about how I feel,” he said, folding his arms as they walked.

“So it might be best not to say anything,” Marlena said, “considering ya want to respect that,
jah
?” Luke hadn't asked for her opinion just yet, but she'd given it anyway.

“That, and not make a fool of myself.” He shrugged. “I've considered any number of things, but I want to do what's respectable.”

Marlena recalled seeing the pretty brunette riding with Sarah and Luke.
The day Aunt Becky brought Angela Rose to Brownstown.
Of course, Marlena wasn't going to embarrass Luke and mention her. “Does your sister Sarah know how ya feel about the girl you're sweet on?”

“No one knows. That is, no one but you.”

Why's he telling me?
She felt pleased that he found her to be trustworthy. “I'll keep mum on this.”

He nodded. “Now ya know what I was praying 'bout before.”

Fleetingly, she thought of telling him about Nat Zimmerman's concerns as to where she went to church, wondering what he might think of all that. But it was enough that Luke had already shared so freely.