The Love Triangle (BWWM Romance) (46 page)

He stood, watching her sleep; the caramel color of her skin made him want to touch her, he loved the smoothness of her. He especially loved the way she felt beneath him, hot and moving. Again he felt the passion rise up within him. They had to head home that day. He thought back over the last two days and he smiled. It had been full of adventure and excitement. The night before, they had made s’mores and sat in a hot tub together before making love. He had to talk to her… explain why every night she woke to found him awake and working. She would understand, and be supportive. There was no doubt about that. She always gave 100% to everyone and everything she did. He flinched as he felt the familiar guilt creep in. She should be someone’s wife, someone who could love her. He was too full of demons, but someone needed to be with her and to keep her safe.

Just thinking about it made him angry. He was torn between the battles that were raging in his head. Either way, what he needed to do was take a step back before she wanted more from him. He wasn’t sure how to do that, but he had to try. She took that moment to roll over in a tangled mess of sheets and she was naked to the waist. His grip tightened on the mug he was sipping from as he allowed his eyes to feast on her beauty. He wanted to touch her and taste her but anything more and he wouldn’t be able to come back from it, and that wasn’t an option.

He made his way back into the kitchen and started making breakfast. His motions were focused and deliberate. It was the only way to keep from running back into that room. He needed to have something to focus on, and food he could handle. Even still he wasn’t able to relax until he heard the shower come on, she was up and getting ready for the day. He knew what he had to do, but he was dreading it. At least he had a few hours before he had to worry about it.

Chapter Ten- Ciara

The water was welcome. Her body ached and she smiled to herself thinking about it. It had been a wonderful weekend. Not just physically but he had spent time talking to her, getting to know her even more. He was a good man. She lathered up and put herself in check. They hadn’t talked about where things were headed, she wasn’t even sure what he really wanted from her. She wondered about his sleeping habits. He rarely slept and he was always mobile. There was something there, but she wasn’t sure how to ask. They were going home, and she was glad. She missed Antoine and her daddy. It was time, her whirlwind vacation was over, and the real world was soon to be her focus. She smelled breakfast and made her way out to see him.

He was a picture any women would be happy to see in the mornings. He was in a white t-shirt and pajama pants. His hair was tousled and he was cooking. That alone made him gorgeous. He smiled over at her and she blushed.

“You make the toast and we can tag team this. Then we can get on the road if you’d like.” He was smiling but his words were clipped slightly and she had to wonder if she had done something wrong.

“Sounds good.” She moved and together they ate, cleaned up and loaded the car. He didn’t have much to say and she felt uneasy about discussing it. Something was on his mind, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

The ride home was beautiful. The sun was bright and high and she laid her head back as the breeze flew around her. He wasn’t saying much so she wanted to enjoy the ride. It was a long trip and before she was home, she would ask what was happening with him. Unfortunately she fell asleep, not having slept much the night before. She sat up quickly as they pulled into her apartment complex.

“Wow, I must have been tired. I’m sorry I wasn’t much company.” She looked over at him.

“It’s okay, I had a lot on my mind. I think we need to talk, Ciara. This weekend was… well it was great, I’m sure you know how I feel about that. I guess I just don’t want to rush into anything, with us. I guess that’s all I’m saying.”

She swallowed hard. “I see. You know you could have had this talk with me before we went. We’ve been dating for a couple of months now, Derek. Do I strike you as the type of person you can’t have that talk with or something?”

“No, it’s not that, Ciara… I don’t know, I just wanted to clear the air I guess.”

She looked at him hard. “I’m not stupid, Derek, I don’t assume anything with you and I. I was just enjoying what we had. Then you bring me home and tell me “hey don’t get the wrong idea” at my doorstep no less, and I just feel dirty now. Thanks for that!“She jumped out of the car and grabbed her bags from the back.

“Ciara, wait it’s not like that.” He jumped out of the car to help her but she was already walking. He finally reached her and stopped her by jumping in front of her. “It’s not like that, I don’t even know what I am saying, Ciara
, I’m sorry.” 

“Derek, do you want to be with me? Do you?” She watched his face change a couple of times and he paused. It was all the answer she needed.

“Don’t worry, Derek, I won’t bother you about this. I hope you will still honor your offer to help my father but you and I… it’s done. Besides, it was a great weekend, right, no hard feelings?”

She managed to give him a smile and he seemed to relax some. She heard a shout and Antoine was making his way over to them and grabbing one of the bags. He chatted with Derek and it gave her a chance to compose herself. She fought back the tears she knew were just waiting under the surface. She had actually thought… She was a fool simple as that. She grabbed her bag and started to head toward the stairs.

“Have a good night and thank you, I had a good time.” She smiled at him sweetly.

She made it all the way into the apartment before she took her things in her room and finally exhaled. She wanted to cry, but crying would come later, when she was alone. She could hear her father and Antoine laughing over a show and she went back into the kitchen and gave hugs and told them all about the mountains. Finally after dinner, she tucked Antoine into bed and went to make some tea. She sat down on the hard chair and sipped at it, lost in thought. She didn’t even hear her father come into the room but he was suddenly sitting across from her. She gave him a smile.

“Hey, Daddy, did you have a fun weekend?”

“I did, I made some ornaments and we played some games, it was nice really.” He fell into a coughing fit and Ciara jumped up to pat him on the back.

“Dad, are you feeling okay?” No fever, at least as far as she could tell. Something was definitely wrong though.

“I’m fine honey, just a cold. Now I’m not one of your girlfriends or anything but if you need to tell me what the doctor did to upset you, I want you to know I am here.” He gave her a smile.

“What makes you think he did anything wrong?”

“Baby girl, I raised you… I know when something’s wrong.” He patted her hand on the table.

She sighed. “I ended things. He wasn’t sure what he wanted and I didn’t want to talk him into it, that’s all, Dad.”

He looked at the window for a moment before he responded. “You know your mother and I, we took our time. She was single and I was a playboy, don’t ya know.” He gave her a wink. “Your mother was beautiful, and I took my sweet time in figuring out that I wanted her to be all mine. In fact she met someone else and was gonna marry that guy.”

She leaned forward. “Really, she never told us that part.” She smiled at him.

“She sure did, I had to almost kidnap her and make her see that I loved her to the moon and back.” He chucked as he remembered those days. “All I’m saying is that some men don’t even know what love is until it hits them in the face. Now I am going to bed.” He stood and grabbed his cane and made his way to his room.

“Good night, Daddy, and thanks.” She smiled as he shut his door. If only it was that simple.

The next couple of weeks flew by so quickly it surprised her when she noticed the change in the weather once more.  True to her word, she didn’t try and contact Derek anymore. He sent her messages and tried to call her almost every day. But even when it related to her father, she refused to discuss it with him. It hurt too much and she was trying to find a way to not love him. She had a full plate already: work,
Antoine and her father. They all kept her busy and they all loved her back. It wasn’t the same, that’s true, but it was enough, it had always been enough before and it would be again. Just as soon as she convinced herself she didn’t love him.

***

The change in the weather brought on more changes she didn’t see coming. She had gone to the cabin with Derek almost three weeks before her life was forever changed. She made her usual rounds in the morning and called for both of the men in her life. Antoine bounded in with his usual level of energy. She looked at the clock and sighed.

“Daddy, I am going to walk Antoine to school, I’ll be back and we can head to the clinic!” she called out to him as she slid out the front door, helping Tony with his backpack.

The chill in the air was just settling in but she didn’t want to give up the warm weather just yet. She walked with Antoine and once he was in the building, she glanced at her watch again. They were going to be late, especially if the car didn’t start. She ran up the stairs and into the apartment. He was still not up and she went to knock on his door.

“Dad, we're going to be late. We need to get moving.” When he didn’t respond she peeked in the room.

She knew something was wrong the minute she walked in his room. There was a stillness in the air, a calm that made the fear rise up in her chest. She walked towards the bed and she knew he was gone the minute she saw his face.

***

Nothing felt real anymore. She was numb all over even as she tugged at her dress. The funeral had been tasteful and elegant. He was buried beside her mother just as he’d asked her to make sure of when he was alive. Fortunately, he had been paying on the plot and funeral costs for a while. They had received just enough to cover the funeral. She felt Antoine’s hand in hers and she smiled at him. He was such a brave boy. He had been sad when she told him what happened, but he had simply understood that grandpa was an angel now. His response to it had actually helped her get through it. He was quite a host as they were in the apartment surrounded by her father’s friends. Poor Miss Jackson was distraught and Ciara spent most of her time consoling her. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned to see him there.

He looked thinner, somewhat disheveled, but still perfect to her. She gave him a weak smile.

“Derek, it was nice of you to come.”

“I’m worried about you, Ciara. I know you’ve been avoiding me. Why didn’t you call me and tell me? I had to find out this morning when I went through the files for the week.” He ran a hand through his hair. She knew he meant it.

“I’m sorry, Derek. You’re right, I should have called. It’s just been such a whirlwind. One thing or another to tackle and work through. I just haven’t had time.” She swooned slightly and he swore under his breath.

He walked her to a chair by the door. “Sit here, Ciara, I mean it, just stay put. I’ll hang with Antoine for a bit and chat with people. No, don’t argue. I mean it, Ciara.” There was a finality to his tone that made her do as he asked.

Soon, people were headed home. The kitchen was full of food from all the women in the building who had shared some affection for her father. She smiled as she said goodbye to everyone. Antoine ran and gave her a hug goodbye as well. He was going to stay with a friend. She needed the time alone, to process. She turned around to face Derek.

“Derek, thank you for your help. I appreciate it.” She walked into the kitchen.

“Don’t do that, Ciara, don’t dismiss me. I know we had this… this thing between us, but it doesn’t change the fact that I care about you, and I cared about him too.”

“I know that.” She snapped at him and immediately sobered. “I’m sorry, I’m just so exhausted.” She slumped down in a chair.

“I’m right here, Ciara, let me help you. I’ll work on getting this stuff put up. Why don’t you go shower.” He watched her, she was not herself and it scared him.

“That’s a good idea, thank you.” Her actions were almost robotic and he knew she needed to feel.

She made her way into the heat of the water. It made her feel something and she welcomed it. If she could feel something… anything, it would be good. She felt the numbness surround her. He was gone and now she just had her and Tony. She eventually turned off the water and wrapped herself in a robe. She walked over to the dresser in her room and on it was a tie. It was the one she had pulled out of a stack in the laundry to fold and give to him. She picked it up and felt the numbness begin to crack. She let the pain rush in as the loss surrounded her and suddenly he was there. He held her tenderly as the sobs racked her body.