The Lycan Hunter (The Gardinian World Series) (46 page)

She was tired, not in a sleepy and needed a few hours to herself
kind of way, but soul deep tired. She needed the peace she had ironically
found in the arms of her Lycan but now was forced to find in training
and motherhood.

Alexis reached down and stroked her daughter
’
s glossy black curls
.
The little girl
’
s face was turned towards her brother. Even in her sleep
, she sought him out to ensure that he was still close by.

The twins didn’t tolerate being away from each other, a nice way of saying that even at a few hours old, they tore away their swaddles
in the midst of their respective tantrums at being separated after birth.
That had been the reason for her son
’
s angry cries when he yanked her
from her medicinal sleep.

Just looking at them broke her heart. She and Kyran had only been
married for a few days, yet the space he once occupied was a void no
amount of living could dissipate. She ignored the screaming pain that
ricocheted its way through the corridors of her heart. She would go on
, because the two little people in an overpriced crib who refused to be separated, demanded it of her.

Alexis slept when the need arose, though it brought no true rest.
Sleep was a tireless taskmaster, hell bent on resuscitating the memories
she buried in her conscious hours. Ronan ensured she ate, though food
was void of both texture and flavor. Eating was a necessity that she
indulged. Revenge, to be meted out in the form of the deaths of all those
responsible for her current misery, required fuel, and her relentless
training demanded sustenance.

Ronan had balked at seeing her knocking out five miles on her
first day awake after her C-Section, but he shut up after her ultimatum.
Let her train or she
’
d go hunting. He left her to the treadmill that she
’
d
had moved to her bedroom. At some point, she’d get out to the gun
range, but for the moment, she contented herself with the treadmill
and the weight room.

A whimper drew Alexis’ attention back to the crib. Her son was
fighting in his sleep against his swaddle. As expected, his displeasure
caused his sister to open her eyes to find the source of his agitation.

Those pale blue eyes framed by long lashes struck her heart. They
were Kyran
’
s eyes, just like she had a softer more feminine version
of her father
’
s face. Her cheeks were more rounded, lips fuller, but
Kyran’s presence was still there. The brother to which that gaze was
focused on was a baby-faced version of Kyran. Those features, softened
by infancy and innocence, would only make the resemblance to his
father more devastating as time melted both of those trappings away.
Her only mark evident on either of them was in the brown eyes of her
son. Hopefully, that was all they’d get from her.

Alexis glanced down at her watch. Ronan would stop by shortly
for his daily check-in. In general, no one bothered her. Each pack member
was stuck in their own limbo of pain. The Passing couldn
’
t be done
for their Mikko, because for whatever reason, Lykil wouldn’t release the body. Alexis wasn’t in any particular rush to see Kyran officially
buried, so she didn’t bother fighting for the privilege of seeing the
lethal wound in the center of his chest.

The door to the twin
’
s room opened and clicked softly shut. Alexis
didn’t bother turning around. Ronan only wanted one of two things: to
make her eat or sleep. Since she didn’t smell food, it had to be the latter.

“When are you planning to sleep, Alexis?”

She smiled to herself. He was getting better at hiding his pain. His
voice had almost been riddled useless at one point, and it killed her one
syllable at a time to be witness to his oral pain.

“I’m not tired right now.”

“You need to take a break.”

“Sleeping isn’t exactly restful. He
’
s there in my dreams as much as
he is in the very foundation of this house. Every dream, just like every
fiber of this carpet, is a reminder of how I failed to keep him safe.”

That
’
s when the tears started. Admitting out loud that she had
failed stung in a way that the hollow part of her no longer registered.

She
’
d known something wasn
’
t quite right with Tuyir; that her
agitation was unnatural, but she
’
d ignored the sensation and embraced
the chaos.

“Is that what you think? That…” his voice broke, “you failed?”

“How could I not? I saw it. Tuyir was…off. He was like a fiend,
and I didn’t feel right. Instead of calling for Lykil, I joined the firefight.
By the time I came to my senses, most of the Lycans were injured, but
I was relatively unscathed. The pack mourns its Mikko. You mourn
your brother, because of me. So you tell me how it
’
s not my fault,
Ronan?” she whispered.

It was the first time that she
’
d told him what happened in the
meeting, not exactly a detailed account, but she doubted either of them
needed details; the result was the same.

Alexis studied the twins in the long stretch of silence, because she
refused to turn around. His red-rimmed gaze of deep-seated misery had
already been burned into her subconscious. Seeing it again would only
amplify her pain, so she kept her focus on the twins.

“When have I ever sounded like Ronan, Alexis?”

The entire conversation played back in her mind. She
’
d been focusing
on the words, not their inflection. Any rumblings that had sounded
like Kyran, she
’
d just assumed her grief stricken subconscious had
coughed up. For him to be here now was too cruel, especially when
she still felt that gap in her existence that used to belong to him. The
last thing she needed or wanted was a visit from him. It was too soon
, and she doubted there would be a time when it wouldn’t be.

“When, Alexis?”

She fought the hold that tried to turn her around. Whichever god had sent Kyran on some grief counselor mission could shove it and
their well-meaning intentions up their ass. As far as she was concerned
,
she didn’t need the pep talk. She was dealing. If they wanted enthusiasm
, they shouldn’t have taken her heart to begin with.

“Look at me, Alexis, please.”

“
Why? You
’
re everywhere I look. I don
’
t need any more reminders.
I’m haunted by you enough as it is.”

“I’m not dead.”

The possibility that he was unaware of his demise crossed her mind.
Even with all her studying, she didn’t know if the ghosts, or Kahi, had
a conscious or if they had the ability to be corporal.

“I think once we do your Passing, you’ll understand.”

Alexis turned around, intent on reassuring herself that he wasn’t
real. She struggled to convince herself that Kyran was dead, but the
truth was, she was suspect of any god who would return him to her. Her luck had never been that good, and she had no reason to believe that it had changed.

The Kahi that stood across from her was an exact replica of her husband. She didn’t even know what she expected, but it wasn’t the
immediate sense of longing that slammed into her. Sure he spoke with
Kyran’s voice, but some part of her hoped he wouldn’t look like him, that he would be transparent or something other than the vision that stood in front of her.

“What are you doing here?”

The question was soft, but judging by his sharply raised eyebrows
, it caught him by surprise.

“I live here.”

She shook her head. “No, you don’t.”

“You’re kicking me out? Are you already tired of being married
to me?”

“What?”

“I tell you I’’m not dead, and you respond by telling me I don
’
t live
here.
” He shrugged before he continued, “
I don’
t know how that will
work considering the fact that I’m Mikko and I have to be with the pack.”

“Ronan is Mikko now.”

The Kyran Kahi snorted. “I’ve already talked to Ronan. He hates my job.”

The fact that Ronan was the first person the Kahi had seen pissed
her off. She had been his wife.

“You’re still my wife,” he laughed when her head jerked in surprise.
“You need to learn not to mumble your thoughts. And I only talked to
Ronan because he happened to see me coming up here.”

Alexis knew she was running out of arguments, but she had a final
point that he couldn’t have an answer to and still be living.

“You say you’re not dead, but I felt…I felt you die. I still don
’
t feel you
. Explain that.”

“I woke up downstairs and couldn
’
t feel you, so I came up here to
find you. I had to know you were okay. Trust me. I don
’
t understand it,
either.”

Alexis paused and just scrutinized him. Everything about him was
right, from his demeanor to slight inflections in his tone, but the absence
of him in her soul forced her to reject the possibility.

“
I don’
t believe you.” She shook her head and wiped her hand quickly
across her face to free them of her sudden tears. “I'm sorry, but I don
’
t.”

He stepped up to her, wiping her tears away as he cupped her face
in his hands. His kiss was as unexpected as it was swift. It deepened as he pushed his way inside of her mouth, showing her by the dance of his tongue that he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

That part of her aching soul preened at the gentle exploration of his hands on her body, how he leaned into her, fusing her body and
lips to his. By the time he broke the kiss, Alexis wasn
’
t entirely sure
she cared if he was Kahi or not.

KYRAN LOOKED OVER
his shoulder to find Lykil leaning against the door, his arms crossed over his chest. The god was dressed in a well-fitted tracksuit of unblemished white cotton.

“I have to leave, but I need to restore your link.
I had to pinch it of
f.”

“Why?” Kyran and Alexis asked in unison.

“Alexis, when you were stabbed by Theo, is that a pain you wanted
to share with Kyran?” When she shook her head as a response, he
continued, “Kyran was missing a heart, and he had to regrow it. Trust
me when I say that you don’t want to know what that feels like. I’ve
been blown apart, and the pain involved in putting myself back together
is one that I would share only with those I vehemently hate, like my brother.”

Kyran didn’t say anything, because it was true. He may have been
clinically dead, but he was perfectly aware of the agony he experienced
as every cell in his chest repaired itself, perfectly conscious of the
seconds that ticked by while a heart grew from a single cell and returned
to its powerful muscular form. None of it made any scientific sense
that he could be dead by all rules of human understanding, and yet
he lived for three days without a heartbeat.

Alexis forced him back into the conversation when she asked how
Kyran was able to survive.

“At your wedding, I told you how I gave you a piece of my eternal
life. Well, in doing so, I made you a lot harder to kill. During the transfer
, Kyran tried to interfere because he thought I was hurting you. When I looked at him to make him stay in place, he received his own dose, though it was a lot smaller than yours.”

“So if you knew it was possible that he would live, why didn’t
you tell me? I grieved for nothing.”

“What if I was wrong? What if what he received wasn’t enough
of my essence to repair that kind of damage? Would you have been
all that excited to find out that he might live only to have to bury him anyway
? I spared you any unnecessary grief the best way I could.”

Alexis was quiet for a few minutes before she went to Lykil and hugged him.

“Thank you.”

“Let me restore your link. I’m being summoned to Gardas.” He
pushed away from the wall and stood in front of Kyran. “I suggest you
block your thoughts. It’s going to be enough to deal with just feeling the other’s presence again.”

They both nodded when they were ready.

Kyran prepared himself for the same gentle process that he’d
experienced during the wedding. He hadn’t grown accustomed to feeling
Alexis’ absence, but the agony of regrowing his heart had distilled the
initial panic of what her absence could potentially mean. Waking up and finding the link still missing compelled him to find her before he
did anything else. Having that vacancy suddenly filled again made
him feel both elated at the fullness of it and gluttonous for wanting
more of her.