The Man at Mulera (26 page)

“
Please don
’
t hurt him any more. It
’
s genera
lly
hurt that starts people on a peculiar way of
li
ving, and I do know that Greg wasn
’
t happy as a boy.
”

“
For Pete
’
s sake!
”
His eyes had a warning g
li
tter as they looked at her.
“
If you
’
re in love with the chap you
’
d better fa
ll
out again pretty quick. If it
’
s only pity, save it for a more worthy object
.
And now for the love of heaven will you go to bed. You look as if you need someone to put you there!
”

She moved towards the door.
“
You
’
re so terribly difficult to speak to, so intolerant. Sometimes, I
’
ve wondered what on earth I could do if
...”

He was looking at her pleading eyes, and after a second or two he softened s
li
ghtly.
“
Why don
’
t you come to me frankly, and let
’
s talk things over? Anything would be better than to have you seriously considering tying yourself to a chap like Greg A
ll
wyn.
”
He paused, and added non
-
committa
ll
y,
“
If it
’
s fu
ll
charge of Keith that you
’
re after, you
’
l
l
have to find a different type from Greg.
”

She said, tiredly,
“
I suppose so far we haven
’
t done badly. Keith hasn
’
t the least idea that you and I are at loggerheads.
”

“
We
’
re not—not about his upbringing; we
’
ve almost become adjusted.
”
His mouth pu
ll
ed in, sarcastically.
“
Idea
ll
y, I suppose, we should have married each other. But then it takes something more than someone else
’
s child to bring a couple together, and we
’
d never quite trust each other, would we? At least,
I’d
never trust you—you
’
re so keen on keeping the boy that you
’
ve even considered hooking up with a weak character like Greg
!
So we
’
ll have to find some other solution, won
’
t we?
”

Somehow, Lou kept her tones light.
“
Are you sure you haven
’
t already found one?
”

“
That
’
s clever of you, Louise,
”
he said offhandedly.
“
We
’
ll go into it some other time.
”
He opened the door and stood there, aloof and polite.
“
See that your windows are fast—there
’
s a wind getting up. Goodnight
.
”

Baffled and hurt, Lou went to her room. She undressed and stood at the window in her pyjamas. The moon was gone and the breeze was stronger, whipping away the sweet, lonely song of a bird in the trees. Nearby, a disgruntled shrike berated its mate and something scuttled over the grass.

A window banged, and she listened to make sure that it was not Keith
’
s. No, it was in Elinor
’
s room, straight across the corridor. It banged again, and Lou frowned, wishing Elinor would secure the bar before the noise could waken the boy or Mrs. Acland. There was a silence, and then another thud. Lou slipped her arms into her tailored silk dressing-gown and opened the door. She rapped on Elinor
’
s door, received no reply and went into the room.

It was in darkness, except for the starlit square of window. The curtains billowed, the window grated and swung. Lou went over and pegged the bar, turned and saw that Elinor was dragging back the mosquito net. The bedside lamp flowered suddenly, and Elinor was visible, leaning back into her pillows with one hand pushing at the reddish hair.

“
Hallo,
”
she said dazedly.
“
Want something?
”

“
The window wasn
’
t fastened. Didn
’
t you hear it?
”

“
I was heavily asleep—the brandy, I guess. My first drink for months. Sorry the noise woke you.
”

“
It didn
’
t
.
I was just going to bed.
”
Lou moved as if to leave her, but she was held there by the look in Elinor
’
s eyes. It was a dull, hopeless look.
“
Can I get you something?
”

“
Sure,
”
flippantly.
“
Get me another brandy.
”

“
Do you mean it?
”

Elinor shook her head.
“
No. Sit down and talk to me for a bit.
”

From Elinor, this was an unusual request. Lou sank into a cushioned wicker chair about a yard from the bed, and drew her gown about her knees.

“
What shall we talk about?
”

“
Me. I
’
m leaving Mulera.
”

“
Soon? When did you decide?
”

“
It
’
s crept up on me. I shouldn
’
t have come here, really, but I did have a sort of hope that I
’
d find the answer to one or two things. Seems there isn
’
t any answer. Keith doesn
’
t care for me
...”

“
He does like you. Children naturally fight shy of unhappy people, but if you were happy with
him
I
’
m sure he
’
d love you. Where will you go?
”

“
I
’
m not sure. This is my first visit to Africa—there
’
s plenty I haven
’
t seen. I might get to the coast and find a post of some sort.
”

Lou said gently,
“
Do you still feel you can
’
t settle here?
”

Elinor reached for the inevitable cigarette.
“
Want one?
”
When Lou had declined she lit up for herself and blew smoke.
“
I
’
m finished with the East—I
’
m sure of that. But settle? I
’
ve reached a point where I can
’
t settle without a good reason for it. I thought Keith might be an excellent reason, but I realize now that though he might be good for me, I
’
d be bad for him. I
’
d let myself dote on him because I
’
ve nothing else. Besides, he
’
d miss his father more with me than if he stays with Ross.
”

“
Surely you
’
ll marry some time, Elinor?
”

She shook her head, looked at the grey tip of her cigarette.
“
I
’
ve given up even thinking it might be possible. I don
’
t know why it is, but since I
’
ve
...
matured, I go for men like Martin Craddock.
”
Her smile was resigned and without humor.
“
Don
’
t worry; I
’
m not in love with Martin Craddock, but he
’
s the steadfast, true-blue type that my stupid, wandering soul seems to fasten on to. It
’
s understandable, I suppose. Thirty-two isn
’
t such a vast age that you don
’
t occasionally feel the need to lean upon someone.
”

“
Oh, Elinor.
”
And for a moment Lou could say no more. She watched the thin face, the long nervous fingers.

They revealed far more than Elinor could have known. Lou said,
“
Why can
’
t you settle somewhere near here so that you could often see Keith? Martin would be only too happy to have you as a friend.
”

“
Come off it, Lou.
”
Elinor squashed out the half-smoked cigarette.
“
Martin Craddock couldn
’
t allow himself to be involved with someone like me. Besides, he has a woman in Zomba—didn
’
t you know?
”

“
Good heavens, no
!
”

“
She
’
s the widow of a government man—very top-drawer. The man died about eighteen months ago, and she went to England. I believe Martin wrote to her but gave up hope, because she didn
’
t answer his letters. But apparently the woman decided to give them both plenty of time. Anyway, she arrived in Zomba about the same time that I arrived here.
”

“
How do you know all this?
”

Elinor shrugged.
“
We
’
ve talked—Martin and I. It
’
s odd, but I believe I understand that
...
that other man in Singapore far better since I
’
ve talked a little with
Martin
.
”
She sighed, philosophically despondent
“
What a mess life can become. For goodness
’
sake get married while you
’
re young, Lou. As you grow older you find yourself looking for a certain type—and they
’
re always rare!
”

After a silence Lou said,
“
Don
’
t do anything in a hurry
...
please
!
Ross doesn
’
t want you to leave, and it
’
s possible than he might help you to find a post in Nyasaland. You can
’
t be Keith
’
s guardian, but I hate the idea of your leaving
him
entirely.
”
She hesitated, and said softly,
“
He
’
s like Dick, isn
’
t he?
”

“
Very much,
”
Elinor nodded broodingly.
“
I
’
d like him to grow up that way—but he wouldn
’
t if he lived with me. I
’
m too much of a failure.
”

“
I don
’
t believe it
.
For a woman alone I think you
’
ve done wonderful things during the past eight years
!
”

“
As a matter of fact
,
”
Elinor said with the jaded smile,
“
I do far better on my own, these days. When you
’
ve no one to mull over your troubles with you don
’
t think about them. In Chekwe, I
’
ve committed the cardinal indiscretion for a woman of my background; perhaps because I
’
ve kept my own counsel for a long, long time
I now find that having spilled a little, I ca
rry
on unburdening myself.
”

“
That
’
s good. It
’
s cathartic.
”

“
Maybe, to an extent.
”
Elinor
’
s smile lost the worn look.
“
It
’
s nice to have someone here who genuinely wants me to stay. I won
’
t, I
’
m afraid, but I do appreciate it
.
Perhaps I
’
ll come back some time, but I feel I must get away soon—within a few days.
”

Lou got reluctantly to her feet. She asked tentatively,
“
Would you have stayed if Martin Craddock hadn
’
t told you about his ... his own private hopes?
”

“
Now you
’
re being girlish. I
’
m far too shopworn to have fallen suddenly in love with your District Commissioner. I
’
m going because my reason for coming has fallen away. I
’
m not giving up my claim to Keith, because I never really had one. In any case, he
’
ll be happier with Ross and Paula; they
’
ll give him a balanced childhood.
”

Lou found herself nodding automatically and moving towards the door. She envied Elinor
’
s subjective outlook.
“
I hope the wind won
’
t keep you awake. Goodnight, Elinor.
”

T
he easiest way to forget one
’
s own problems for a while is to shoulder someone else
’
s. After that brief conversation with Elinor, Lou felt a compulsion to do what she could for her, yet it was difficult to work out how to act
.
There was no sign of Greg the following morning, but he had obviously worked as usual, for when Ross came in at lunch-time he said he would be free all afternoon, and that he had invited Paula and Martin for tea. Martin, it seemed, was due for a week of official business in Zomba, and young Peter Whyte would have to carry on in Chekwe.