The Medici Mistress: Nothing and no one would stop him from having her. (14 page)

Annie shook her head. She really didn’t. There was a natural curiosity within her that needed quenching.

Her apartment was groaning under the weight of memories. She tried to ignore them, but they were everywhere. The pile of matchboxes Giac had built while Annie read a book; two wine glasses sitting beside the sink, from the night they’d decided going to bed was far more important than washing the last of the dishes. The air had a tang of his aftershave, that made her stomach clench.

Her face was pale, when she gestured for Carrie to make herself at home. The American woman handed a coffee cup to Annie then sat in the middle of the sofa. Her face was drawn; there was suffering in her eyes, too.

Annie sat on the edge of the armchair, too nervous to recline fully.

“I gather you’re mad with Giac.”

Annie shook her head, not sure what to say in the face of such directness. “I’m not mad. But I can’t forgive him.”

“Why not?” Her pale blue eyes bore into Annie’s.

Annie bit down on her lip. The last thing she wanted was to bury Giac. Without knowing how much Carrie knew about their relationship, there was little she could say.

“I knew about you,” Carrie seemed to understand Annie’s hesitation. The American woman ran her fingertip around the top of her coffee cup, her fingers shaking slightly. “I’m afraid I’ve been terribly selfish, Annie, and if you don’t fix everything between you and Giac, I’ll never forgive myself.”

Annie’s heart began to race in her chest. “Selfish? You? I don’t understand.”

“No. You wouldn’t.” Carrie put the coffee cup down and stood, pacing towards the bay window that overlooked the busy street. She spent a moment, marshaling her thoughts, then turned back to Annie. “Giac’s the first person who’s ever really loved me. Who’s ever treated me like I mattered.” She saw the discomfort in Annie’s expression and shook her head. “We were never really
in
love, though, Annie. We might have thought we were, briefly, in the beginning.” Her smile was wistful. “But really? Giac was my protector, and I was happy to let him protect me.” She winced. “Even when I knew it was hurting him.”

“He loves you.” Annie contradicted, sipping the almost ice cold coffee, grateful for something to do with her hands.

“Yes, and I love him. But we are so far from being ‘in love’ it’s not funny. I mean, really, Annie. I can see that he floats your boat, but he’s totally not my type. Not anymore. It didn’t take long for me to realize that something had happened over here. It occurred to me that he had met someone else. But I needed him, Annie, so I didn’t ask him about it. I suppose, if I’m honest, I didn’t want to know. I was sick, and scared, and the only person who’s ever made me feel safe is Giac. So I clung onto him.”

Annie nodded quickly. “It’s only natural,” she murmured.

“Maybe.” Carrie’s beautiful face broke into a fragile smile of self-recrimination. “I caught him looking at a photograph of you. He thought I was asleep, but I wasn’t. He was just staring, with the most … lost, is the only word I can come up with, expression on his face.”

Annie swallowed, but a lump in her throat made speech difficult.

“I told him to leave me. Once I realized that he loved someone else. But he wouldn’t.” She shook her head. “I think he felt beholden to me. Oh, Annie, I’m so sorry. I had no idea that he loved you, and that you loved him. I would never have got in the way.
Especially
because I don’t love him in that way.”

Annie looked down at her brightly painted toe nails. She had the oddest sensation that she was floating through space.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, finally, forcing her lips into something like a smile. “
He
knew. And he still chose to leave me. He chose you, and what you have together, over what we shared.”

“Yes.” Carrie’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly, and her smile was lightly mocking. “Because he’s the most supremely loyal son of a bitch you’ll ever meet.” She held up a hand to stall Annie’s argument. “When push came to shove, he chose me. You’re right. And I understand you feel offended by that. Betrayed, even. But, Annie. Giac has been protecting me since we were kids. He acted out of habit; an old loyalty that has outgrown its usefulness. He wants
you
now. He is loyal to you. He will not hurt you. Please, don’t hurt him like you are. He deserves better.”

“
Me?
Hurt
Him?
” Annie actually laughed, it was so ridiculous.

Carrie swept across the room and crouched before the raven-haired Annie. “He
is
hurting, Annie. He’s been hurting for years. The number of times I’d find him just staring out a window, and I know now that he was thinking of you. Let him show you that you are all that matters to him.”

“I can’t.” Her voice cracked. “Don’t you see? I’m terrified. I can’t go through that again.” She shook her head. “When he married you, a part of me died. How can I ever believe myself safe when I love him so much?”

Carrie nodded sympathetically. “Because he loves you that much, too. Annie, if you truly feel that way about him, you’ll do this one thing for me.”

She lifted her brows in a silent enquiry.

“Go to him. Go, now. Don’t shut the door on him. Give him a chance to tell you everything, once and for all. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t.”

Annie stood, her brain swirling with questions and thoughts and ideas and beliefs. How many chances could she give him? How many times could she let him do this to her? She thought about Chloe and Stu, and the way their love for one another seemed stronger than ever, despite what they’d been through.

Knowing what to do with any certainty was impossible. But Carrie was right. Annie would always regret walking away from him. She would always wonder.

“Okay. You’re right.” She scooped up her purse, and slipped her feet back into her shoes. She moved to the door as if in a daze. Carrie followed, and together, they walked downstairs without speaking.

A cab passed almost immediately, and Carrie hailed it. Once Annie was seated inside, she stared bemusedly out at Carrie, still on the pavement.

“Are you coming?”

Carrie shut the door and leaned her head towards the open window. “No, Annie.” She squeezed Annie’s hand. “I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago. I’m going to give you two some space.” She stepped back. “I hope… and I know it sounds crazy… I hope we can be friends one day.” She knew that if they couldn’t, she would have to walk away. She’d already cost Giac too much with her stubborn reliance on his friendship. He deserved better.

              CHAPTER ELEVEN

It took him at least five minutes to come to the door.

“What?” He muttered gruffly, his accent thick, as he pulled the door inwards.

Annie stood there, her dark hair pulled into a side pony tail, her jeans and sweater unmistakably casual, her face pale, her eyes uncertain. She wrapped her arms around her chest, anxiety clear.

“Annie?” He stepped back, though his first instinct was to crush her to his chest and never let go.

She bit down on her lip. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

He nodded. “Come in.”

She prevaricated, hovering just outside his apartment.

He had the sensation that he was trying to grasp water. That she might run away again if he didn’t say exactly the right thing. “Or we can go somewhere?”

She shook her head. “I’ll come in.” She gulped as she walked past him, trying not to notice the way his pants were so low slung and his torso was bare.

“I’ve been at the gym,” he said by way of explanation. “I was about to shower.”

For both of them, it conjured images of the last time they’d been together. Annie’s cheeks flushed pink with remembered pleasure. She looked away.

“I’m glad you came,” he said honestly, walking ahead of her into one of the lounge areas.

“Carrie came to see me.” She blurted out, hoping the other woman wouldn’t mind that she’d said as much.

“She did, did she?” His smile was crooked. “I am not surprised. She was quite upset to hear about us.”

“She didn’t seem upset,” Annie contradicted. She didn’t sit. She was already at a height disadvantage. Instead, she moved to the glass doors that overlooked the western border of Hyde Park. Two mounted police officers were circuiting the graveled road. She watched their progress, a frown in her creased forehead.

“She feels guilty.” He shook his head. “I told her it is all my fault.”

Annie spun around, her cheeks pink. “You’re not usually one for self-doubt,” she snapped, emotions running raw through her body.

He tilted his head. “I was going to leave her Annie.”

“Was going to?” She spat, her eyes blazing. “That’s easy to say now!”

“I called her. I couldn’t do it over the phone.” He frowned, remembering the conversation. “I was going back to America, to break it off. I didn’t want to tell you about Carrie until it was all finished. I loved you so much, Annie Carlton. Even without Carrie, I felt like I could never deserve you. But with the baggage I brought with me… well, I knew it would be a hard sell.” He winced. “Then, she got sick.” Annie sobbed, and he had to physically restrain himself from going to her. He gripped the back of a dining chair. “Her life has been a disaster. Her father abused her, as I’ve told you. What I didn’t tell you is that I discovered the fact after Carrie took an overdose of sleeping pills. I swore, from that day on, I would not let harm come to her.”

“And that’s very noble of you.”

“Whichever decision I made, one of you would get hurt. I consoled myself that you would get over me. That you’d move on, and forget all about me. You were young; we’d hardly known each other long.” He shook his head. “I told myself that I was the only one who would suffer. That I was the only one who was giving something up.”

Annie’s heart turned over in her chest. As apologies went, it was almost perfect. Her voice was barely above a whisper. He had to strain to hear her. “But you were wrong. I never got over you. I never forgot. I never moved on. I’ve missed you every day.”

Her words filled him with ice cold remorse. But Giac Medici had always been solution orientated. “The thing is, Annie, we obviously belong together.” Like a panther, he stalked across the room. She stood perfectly still, watching and waiting. “I can promise I won’t hurt you again, and I can tell you that I mean it. But I think it’s better if you just let me show you.”

A whole family of butterflies were dancing in her belly. “How?” She demanded huskily. “How can you show me that?”

He laced his fingers through hers, and lifted her left ring finger to his lips. “By marrying you, and showing you every single day, for the rest of our lives, that you are all that matters to me.” He rubbed her finger between his thumb and forefinger. “I would do anything but see your face fall as it did yesterday.”

She swallowed convulsively. “I love you too much,” she said finally. “If you … changed your mind, and left me… I don’t know that I’d ever recover.”

“My mind is not open to change.” He shook his head. “Do you not understand,
bella
? I married Carrie, in name only. You had my heart. You had my body.” He put a finger under her chin. “Our marriage was never consummated. How could I be with another woman after meeting you? It has always been you, from the moment I first met you. It was as if I was struck by lightning and my soul was recreated, its purpose in life only to serve you.”

Annie didn’t realize she was crying until he leaned forward and kissed away one of her tears. “But if she didn’t divorce you….”

“I would have died a very sad, very lonely shell of a man, pining for you.” He shook his head. “I am sorry that my sense of obligation controlled my actions. I felt I needed to be released from what I had promised Carrie, so many years earlier. And I am, now, Annie, finally free to tell you how much I love you, and to beg you to put me out of my misery and agree to marry me.”

She was silent, and Giac felt an odd plummeting in his stomach. “I will not be a perfect husband,” he continued, his words tumbling over themselves in his haste to push his argument. “I know I’m arrogant, and demanding. I know I’m more than a decade your senior.” He frowned. “Annie, I am not accustomed to feeling as anxious as this. Will you please say something?”

She blinked, her eyes scanning his handsome face, his dark eyes, his stubbled chin. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Do you want to marry me?” He felt like his heart was being massaged and pulled in different directions.

And she did. She did, so desperately, but she wasn’t ready to tell him that just yet. “Let’s start with dinner, tonight.” She said, but her face was beaming.

He had never been left to balance on a knife’s edge before. Giac decided, sometime later that day, when he was impatiently watching the clock, that he didn’t like the sensation at all.

Annie had suggested a roof top restaurant in Kensington. He had gone along with it, though he preferred to call the shots. He wasn’t going to say or do anything that might endanger their future.

He needed her.

Still, he was left to cool his expensive, tailor made shoes at the bar of the restaurant for almost thirty minutes before she arrived.