The Meltdown (7 page)

“Yeah, but I’ve never been in the lead before. I don’t know what the hell I’ve gotten myself into,” I say, gently fingering the five green bracelets dangling from my left arm. The bell sound the fragile jewelry makes is pleasant to my ears, but I know it can be loud, especially in a quiet room.

“You all right, Jayd? Usually this shit doesn’t bother you so much,” Chance says, noticing the concerned look on my face. I look up at Nigel standing over me and know he feels there’s more behind what I’m saying.

“Yeah. I’ve just got a lot going on.” And if I take these bracelets off, I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse. Maybe I can keep them in my pocket or something. As long as they’re on my body, I should be all right.

“Tell me about it,” Chance says, tossing the lit butt into the gutter and rejoining us in front of our classroom. The rest of the students are inside enjoying the buffet the drama booster moms spread out for us during every production, and it’s not your typical coffee and doughnuts. There’s shrimp cocktail, several types of bread and butter, pasta, a large salad, and a fruit tray for the vegetarian cast and crew members. I wish I had some ziplock bags on me, because I would surely take some food to go. I haven’t been grocery shopping in a week, and the little bit my mom provided is just about gone.

“What’s up with you, girl?” Nigel asks, rubbing my shoulders hard like he used to do back in the day when Rah, Nigel, and I were inseparable. I miss junior high. There was still plenty of bull to deal with but nothing like we have in high school. I hope college takes it down a notch, because a sistah is tired of all the heat. The whole reason I’m overextending myself with all of my newfound extracurricular activities is to make my college applications well rounded. It had better be worth it in the end.

“Nothing new,” I say, enjoying the massage. But something in Chance’s pretty blue eyes tells me he’s the one who needs to talk. “What’s up with you, Chase?” I ask, finally remembering to respect my friend’s wishes to be referred to by his birth name. I think “Chance” is more fitting, but it’s not my choice to make.

“Shit, as usual,” Chance says, shrugging his shoulders. “My dad’s tripping hard because I’m proud of my black heritage, man. He thinks I’m rubbing it in his face, but I’m just being me—you know what I’m saying?”

Nigel and I look at Chance like the stranger he’s becoming. I want to tell him he can’t become black overnight, but he’s trying his hardest to disprove that theory. I’m all for honoring our ancestors, but Chance has been a rich white boy
from Palos Verdes for seventeen years. He can’t become a brotha from the hood in a day no matter what he wears.

“How’s your mom coping?” I ask, truly concerned about Mrs. Carmichael. Chance is her baby no matter whose body he actually came out of. I know she must be hitting the liquor cabinet hard these days.

“She’s not,” Chance says, and I know what that means. Escaping reality always seems easier when it’s too much to bear. Chance actually looks concerned for a moment, but it doesn’t last long.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Chase,” I say, almost too relaxed from the massage to make the words audible. “Please be easy on her. She loves you, and y’all are so close. I’d hate to see that relationship ruined.” Nigel’s hands move from my shoulders up to my neck, damn near putting me to sleep. Whatever problems I had before are melting away.

I hope Mickey enjoys her man’s kindness. When Rah and I were together, he never minded Nigel and I being close, because he knew it’s a brother / sister thing with us. I’ve never been attracted to Nigel, and I don’t think he’s ever felt that way about me, either. But Mickey wouldn’t be nearly as understanding if she saw us now. Luckily she’s at home for a couple of more weeks healing from having the baby. Hopefully she’ll be back for the last day of school. It won’t be the same if the crew’s incomplete.

“Whatever, man. I’m not worried about Lindsay and David right now,” Chance says, calling his parents by their first names like they’re strangers. “I’ve got to get my own shit together, especially since the first seventeen years of my life have been a lie. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.” Chance can’t be serious. He’s taking this adoption thing really hard. If I’d never dreamed about his birth parents, none of this would be happening, at least not now. Sometimes I feel like my dreams are more of a curse than a blessing, but I know
better. The truth had to come out one way or another. I just wish my friend was handling it better.

“Did you just call your mom and dad by their first names?” Nigel asks, feeling my shock. If either of us tried that with our parents in a serious tone, we’d both be picking our faces up off the floor from having the sense slapped out of us.

“They’re not my parents,” Chance says. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was about to break down and cry. “My mom’s name is Sylvia, and my dad’s name is Bret.”

“Wow,” I say, unable to think of a proper response. What can I say? Chance has to process this new identity his way, and as his friend, I have to support him, even if I think he’s going about it the wrong way.

“Your five minutes are up, people,” Mrs. Sinclair says, interrupting our powwow. She’s holding a large cup of coffee in one hand and her clipboard with the script in the other, ready to get back to business. Maybe if Mrs. Sinclair drank less coffee, she wouldn’t be such a spaz.

“Yes, ma’am,” Chance says, trying to make his favorite teacher laugh, which she does slightly.

But it’s back to basics when she looks at me. Something about her eyes is a little off, and it’s not the excessive caffeine. The three of us head back into the room, ready to finish our final scene for the day. There’s no cheer practice after school for me today, because I have an optometrist appointment. Then it’s me time since Jeremy has a family dinner tonight: I’m sure as hell not attending another one of those.

“And, Jayd, those bracelets have to go,” Mrs. Sinclair says to me as I pass her petite frame by the door. “This isn’t a night at the Apollo,” she says, insulting the black in me. If I could slap her, I would, but I’ll maintain my cool—for now. If she continues to push me, I’ll eventually have to push back, and I guarantee she won’t like the results.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nigel asks, equally offended by the off-color comment.

Chance looks at us both, completely baffled. See what I mean about not turning black overnight? It’s a lifetime of experiences, not just a change in cigarette choices and attire that makes us who we are.

“It means that this is a professional production, and all cast members are required to get into full character,” Mrs. Sinclair says, defending her comment. She looks up at Nigel’s tall stature and softens her stance a bit. She’s never had to deal with another black student before, and I’m grateful for the support. “Suzy doesn’t wear loud bangles, and as Suzy, you need to lose the noise, Jayd.”

“Okay, I get it,” I say, removing the jade bracelets one by one and sliding them into my jean pocket. Mama said I should never take them off, because they provide protection; this has to be a decent compromise. Patting the five delicate bracelets through my pants, I suddenly feel uncomfortable with my decision. There’s physical contact in this scene, and they could easily break—then I’d really be in trouble. My purse might be a safer option to store them for the time being.

Finally I’m ready to continue rehearsing the final scene, in which my character darkens the room, putting everyone on her turf. Since Suzy’s blind and her enemies aren’t, she weakens their advantage over her by turning out the lights at night. Alia—playing an anxious ten-year-old girl named Gloria—is ready for the action to begin. Nigel, Chance, and Pete, another drama regular, are ready to play the bad guys.

“Places, everyone,” Mrs. Sinclair yells. Matt and Seth get busy prepping the lighting and closing the doors, ready to start. Hopefully the Williams women’s taboo of blindness—or completely losing our gift of sight—won’t come back to
haunt me for the time we have left in rehearsal. I glance at my purse across the room and silently pray for protection as the lights go off and the scene begins.

The remainder of the rehearsal went by without a hitch, thank goodness. I got so into character that I actually thought I was blind again, allowing my other senses to take over and guide me through until the very end.

“Good work, people,” Mrs. Sinclair says, clapping loudly. The rest of the crew joins in the applause, making me feel good. I can’t wait for Thursday to come. We have only two shows, with the last on Friday evening. I’m sure we’ll be sold out both nights. “Lights, please. Chance, help me lock up the main stage,” she yells, but they never come on. I’m still in darkness. What the hell?

“I can’t see!” I exclaim, my blindness as real as a heart attack. I knew it was a bad idea to remove my bracelets. Shit. Now what do I do?

“Oh, Jayd, quit being so melodramatic. You did a good job. It’s over now,” Mrs. Sinclair says as she leaves the room, but I couldn’t care less about her nonchalant ass right now. I literally cannot see, just like when I experienced my mom losing her vision, and this time it’s not from a dream.

Taking a deep breath, I reach my hands out in front of me, feeling for whatever I can. I’ve got to find my bag.

“Jayd, what’s up with you, girl?” Nigel asks, coming to my aid. I hold on tight to my friend and try not to panic.

“My bracelets are my protection, Nigel. I need my bracelets.” I continue feeling around in front of me, reaching for my purse. Next time I’ll have to figure out something else, because this shit ain’t working for me at all. I feel like I’m going crazy, and I know I must look like it, too.

“Here’s your purse, Jayd. I got you,” Nigel says, handing me the bag as I frantically reach inside and claim my jewelry.
As I slide the cold circles onto my wrist one by one, reciting the chant for power Netta gave me to accompany the ancient birthday gift, my sight begins to clear. By the time the fifth one hits, I can see again, even if my vision’s still a little blurry.

“Damn, that was scary,” I say, rubbing my eyes clear. Mama wasn’t kidding when she said never to take these off. Mama rarely jokes about anything. I don’t know why I thought this time would be any different. I’m just glad the chant to Shango, one of the most powerful male orishas, worked. Come hell or high water, these bracelets have to stay in place for the play, damn what Mrs. Sinclair thinks. I’ll figure something out, but this Suzy comes with bangles whether it’s written into the script or not.

Chance and Mrs. Sinclair come back into the classroom, and we’re ready to roll. Matt, Seth, and the rest of the stage crew buzz around, tearing down the set and performing other duties that come with their jobs. The rest of the class files outside with the ringing bell. Nigel and I head toward the gym while Alia and Chance walk toward the parking lot, exchanging knowing glances. They can try and be discreet all they want, but it’s obvious they’re sharing a secret. However, that can wait until later. I’m more concerned about the fact that I went blind for a moment. I knew I shouldn’t have taken this part. It’s too close to our lineage’s taboo, and I walked right into the trap with my ego leading the way.

“And like every other challenge the women in our lineage have faced, you can’t run from it or you’ll be chased down until you face it head-on,”
my mom says, joining the trek.

Nigel’s too busy texting to notice the warped look on my face that accompanies my mom’s invasion.

“But, Mom, you saw what happened to me in the shower on Monday and now this, not to mention my meltdown yesterday, courtesy of Esmeralda.”
I think back. I really
need to write everything down before I forget it, although I don’t see how that’s possible.
“Something’s wrong and I need to fix it.”

“Of course you do, but instead of telling Mama like I told you to, you decided to try and deal with it yourself. Way to go, Jayd.”

Damn, my mom can be mean. I’m already having a bad day. I don’t need her to make it any worse.

“If I told her, she would’ve chosen to stay behind instead of taking the vacation she needs and deserves,”
I say. Everyone has to make sacrifices sometimes. Regardless of my personal issues, I know I did the right thing.
“I can figure this out on my own.”

“If that’s the case, then you need to get your big-girl panties on and get it done. Later, baby.”

My mom’s right. I can’t afford any more mishaps, and they seem to be plentiful nowadays.

“Seems like you’re in a world all of your own,” Nigel says, now aware of my strange expression. The rest of the students walking during the passing period seem pretty laid-back at the end of the day while my day has been anything but easy.

“You were the one preoccupied,” I say, glancing at his cell. It’s too hot of a day for the long hike uphill, but neither of us slows down in spite of the sweat forming above our brows. If a cheerleader or an athlete is late to practice, that’s more work and sweat.

“We’re having a little dinner at Rah’s house tonight for his birthday,” Nigel says, but I’m not falling for it this time.

“Uh-uh,” I say, shaking my head. “I am not giving him any more of my time, Nigel.” We approach the boys’ gym. “Especially not this week. I’m swamped.”

“Come on, Jayd. You know he doesn’t want to celebrate, but we can’t have that, now, can we?” Nigel says, convincing
me once and for all to make an appearance. With Rah’s mom forever missing in action and his dad doing time in Georgia, his birthday’s always bittersweet. His grandparents usually have a cake for him and cook something, but that’s about the extent of it. I wasn’t around the last two years to help him celebrate, and he is a good friend.

“Fine, I’ll be there,” I say, hugging Nigel.

“I’ll let him know. And all he wants from you is a free braid,” Nigel says.

“I think I can handle that.”

“Bet, Jayd. See you then.” Nigel disappears into the boys’ locker room leaving me to head toward the main parking lot. After the two days I’ve had, all I really want to do is get some uninterrupted sleep. It’ll have to wait until after the party. We all deserve a happy birthday, including Rah.