The Midwife's Christmas Miracle (14 page)

By the time Max returned to the maternity unit, over an hour had passed. Alan Harper had decided to consult a member of the trust’s legal team to ask his advice about handing over the information the police had requested. He’d insisted that Max should be included in the discussion so a conference call was set up. However, in the end nothing definite was decided. It seemed that everyone was reluctant to take any steps that could result in the trust being sued, so more lawyers would need to be consulted before a final decision was made.

Max was seething when he stepped out of the lift. Although he understood the need to protect their
patients’ privacy, nobody seemed to appreciate how urgent the situation was. Lucy was working at the desk and she frowned when she saw his grim expression.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Bureaucracy gone mad is what’s wrong. Instead of doing all we can to help the police find the mother, we’ve been banned from handing over any information.’ He shook his head. ‘Everyone’s more concerned about the trust being sued than anything else.’

‘It’s a sign of the times,’ she said softly. ‘Court cases are rife these days. Nobody’s immune, not even hospitals.’

Max sighed. ‘You’re right, of course. It’s just so frustrating not to be able to do anything to help.’

‘I know.’ She picked up a printed sheet and handed it to him. ‘I checked back through our files and this is a list of all the babies born here during the past six weeks. If we discount all the girls it leaves fifteen in total.’

Max glanced at the paper and shook his head. ‘Nothing leaps out at me. How about you?’

‘I feel the same. I recognised some of the names, the babies I delivered, but that’s as far as it goes. He could be any one of them.’

‘Or he might not be on this list at all. After all, there’s no guarantee the baby you found was born here.’

‘That’s what’s so worrying. The police have so little to go on.’

‘Did they find anything on the CCTV footage?’

‘Yes, but it’s not much help, I’m afraid.’

She handed him half a dozen grainy photographs. Max grimaced as he squinted at the blurred image of a hooded figure carrying the Moses basket. ‘You can’t even tell if it’s a man or a woman from these!’

‘I know. The police have taken the tape back to the station to see if they can clean it up, but they didn’t sound too hopeful. In the meantime, they want us to show these pictures to everyone who works here in case someone knows who it is.’

‘I doubt they’ll recognise her from these.’ He handed back the photographs. ‘There’s been no phone call?’

‘Not yet, but everyone knows what to do if she rings,’ she assured him.

‘There’s not much more we can do, then, is there?’ He glanced at his watch and groaned. ‘It’s gone midnight already!’

‘I didn’t realise it was so late. I need to check Helen Roberts’s blood glucose levels again.’

She got up and came around the desk. Max stepped aside to let her pass, feeling his body stir when she accidentally brushed against him. He took a deep breath to control the surge of desire that flooded through him, but he could tell that she’d realised what was happening when he saw her face colour. It took every scrap of willpower he possessed not to haul her into his arms and kiss her until they were both senseless.

‘I’ll be in the office if you need me,’ he told her, his voice grating from the strain of keeping a rein on his feelings.

‘You’re not going home?’ she asked, and he could hear the tension in her voice too. His heart started to race when he realised that she felt exactly the same as he did.

‘No. I’d rather stay here in case the mother phones.’

‘She might not phone tonight, though. It could be tomorrow before she plucks up enough courage, or the day
after that. You can’t work twenty-four hours a day, Max, until she gets in touch. You’ll wear yourself out!’

Max smiled when he heard the concern in her voice. It felt good to know that she cared about him, very good indeed. ‘I understand that, but if she does call tonight then I’d like to be here so I can talk to her.’

‘It’s up to you, of course. But promise me that you’ll be sensible and go home in the morning.’

‘I promise, on one condition.’

‘And that is?’

‘That you’ll come home with me, Lucy.’

P
ALE
winter sunshine was filtering into the room when Lucy awoke. Just for a second she had no idea where she was before it all came rushing back. She was in Max’s flat. In his bed.

Rolling onto her side, she studied his sleeping face as she recalled what had happened when they had arrived at his apartment earlier that morning. Their hunger for each other had been so great that they hadn’t made it further than the living room. Max had made love to her right there on the sofa, his powerful body pressing her down into the smooth leather cushions. It had been an explosion of raw passion, the release they had both needed so desperately. Max had wanted her as much as she had wanted him; surely that had to mean something?

Lucy sighed as she tossed back the quilt. Maybe he
did
want her but it wasn’t proof that he was looking for more than a physical relationship, was it? She had to accept that this was probably all she could have and enjoy it while it lasted.

She made her way into the en suite bathroom and stepped into the shower. Like the rest of the apartment, it was state of the art and she spent several minutes
trying to work out how to turn on the water. She was so engrossed that when the glass door slid back and Max appeared, she jumped.

‘I wondered where you’d got to.’

‘I…um…I was attempting to take a shower,’ she explained, feeling her breath catch when he stepped into the stall. Even though it was only hours since they’d made love, she could feel the hunger building inside her again as she took stock of his naked body.

‘It can be a bit tricky to work out all these switches,’ he agreed, reaching past her to turn one of the dials. Water suddenly began to flow from the shower head and she gasped when she felt its coolness on her bare skin.

‘It’s freezing!’ she protested, trying to move out of the way.

He caught her hand and stopped her. ‘You won’t feel cold in a moment,’ he said softly, his eyes holding hers as he raised her hand to his lips.

Lucy’s pulse leapt when she felt his tongue glide across her palm. When he reached her wrist he didn’t stop but carried on up the inside of her arm, licking the droplets of moisture off her skin. Although the water was still beating down on her, she no longer felt cold but boiling hot, burning up inside. When his mouth moved from her arm to her breast, she cried out, shuddering as his lips closed over her nipple. Her legs felt so weak all of a sudden that she could barely stand but he eased her back against the tiles and held her there while his lips and tongue continued to work their magic, licking, stroking and caressing every inch of her until she was mindless with passion.

He drew back and looked into her eyes. ‘Do you still feel cold?’

‘No,’ she murmured, feeling herself trembling with desire.

‘Good.’

He smiled as he lifted her until she was straddling his hips. His mouth found hers at the very moment that he entered her and she closed her eyes as a wave of intense pleasure swept through her. She didn’t need to look at Max to know that he felt the same. They were so completely in tune that she could tell exactly how he was feeling. She clung to him as they climaxed together, and in the final second, just before the world dissolved, she couldn’t hold back any longer.

‘I love you,’ she whispered. ‘I love you.’

Max could feel the words echoing inside his head, growing louder and louder with every beat of his heart. Lucy loved him—could it be true?

He wanted to leap up and punch the air in delight, but how could he? How could he celebrate when it was the one thing he should never have allowed to happen?

He set her back on her feet, reaching around her to turn off the water, feeling the pain bite deep into his gut when he saw her eyes open because he knew he would have to hurt her.

‘Max? What is it? What’s wrong?’

He had to steel himself when he heard the alarm in her voice. It would be so easy to accept what she was offering him, but it wouldn’t be right when he had nothing to offer her in return. ‘We need to talk, Lucy.’ Opening the glass screen, he took a towel off the rack
and handed it to her. ‘Why don’t you get dressed while I make us some coffee?’

‘I don’t want coffee! I want to know what’s wrong.’

‘Let’s leave it until we’re dressed,’ he said flatly, deliberately removing any trace of emotion from his voice.

She didn’t say another word as he stepped out of the stall, but she didn’t need to. Max could feel her pain as he strode into the bedroom and dragged on his clothes. He didn’t think he had ever felt as bad as he did at that moment, knowing that he had to hurt her even more. It was only the thought that he was doing it for her sake as well as his that gave him the strength to continue.

The coffee was ready by the time she appeared at the kitchen door. Max filled a couple of mugs and placed them on the table then pulled out a chair for her, but she made no attempt to sit down. She just stood and watched him, her face looking unnaturally pale in the glare from the overhead spotlights.

‘So this is it, Max? You’ve had enough of me already?’

Her tone was bitter and he flinched. Sitting down at the table, he took a sip of his coffee, hoping it would steady him. He needed to make her understand that this was the right decision, the
only
decision that made any sense.

‘I told you that I wasn’t looking for commitment,’ he said quietly.

‘Yes, you did. No one could ever accuse you of being untruthful.’ She laughed, and his heart ached when he heard the pain in her voice. ‘I suppose it’s my own fault. I committed the ultimate sin, didn’t I? I should never have told you that I loved you.’

‘Look, Lucy…’

‘No. Please don’t say anything. I feel foolish enough without you trying to reassure me that it doesn’t matter. All I can say is that I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, Max. I never intended to do that.’

She spun round on her heel and he realised that she was going to leave. Was that what he really wanted? Did he want her to walk out of his life, thinking that she’d been at fault in some way? He shot to his feet and hurried after her. She already had her coat on by the time he reached the sitting room and his hands clenched when he saw her fumble with the buttons. He couldn’t bear to know that she was upset and that it was all his doing.

‘Lucy, I’m sorry! If anyone’s to blame then it’s me. I should never have got involved with you in the first place. I knew how dangerous it was but I kept telling myself that I could handle it.’

‘Dangerous,’ she repeated, turning to look at him. ‘What do you mean by that?’

‘That I knew from the first moment we met that I could very easily fall in love you.’

‘And would that have been such a bad thing?’ she asked, her voice catching.

‘Yes.’ Max could feel the blood pounding through his veins. He knew there was only one way to make her understand why they couldn’t have a future and that was to tell her the truth. The thought of how she would react was almost more than he could bear but he had to do it.

‘I’m no use to you, Lucy.’ He held up his hand when she went to interrupt. ‘No, let me finish. The fact is, I’m no use to any woman because I can never father a child.
That’s why you’re better off without me messing up your life.’

Lucy felt the room start to spin. She grabbed hold of a chair and clung to it while everything whirled out of control. She heard Max say something but she had no idea what it was. When he took her arm and sat her down on the sofa, she didn’t protest. She couldn’t. Every single word seemed to have disappeared from her mind apart from the words he had uttered: he could never father a child.

‘Here, drink this.’

He placed his mug of coffee in her hand and helped her raise it to her mouth. Lucy shuddered when she felt the hot liquid trickle down her throat. She took another sip then set the mug down on the coffee table, afraid that she might drop it. Max was sitting beside her now and she could tell that he was waiting for her to speak, but what could she say? She was so shocked by what he had told her that she had no idea how to respond.

‘Wh-when did you find out? That you couldn’t have children, I mean?’ she managed at last.

‘Three years ago. Becky and I had been trying for a baby for a while. When nothing happened, we decided to have some tests done.’ He shrugged. ‘It turned out that I was to blame.’

‘It must have been a terrible shock for you,’ she said softly.

‘It was.’ He gave her a tight smile and her heart wept when she saw the anguish in his eyes. ‘I’ve always loved kids and just assumed I’d have some of my own one day. Finding out that the chances of it happening were virtually nil was a lot to take in.’

‘But there is still a chance that you could father a child,’ she said quickly.

‘A very
slim
one. Apparently, I produce enough sperm but they have poor motility.’

‘Surely there are steps you could have taken? I don’t know much about fertility treatment but they can do wonderful things these days. Did you and your wife never think of trying it?’

‘No. To be honest, I don’t think we could have coped with the strain, let alone the disappointment if it had failed. We’d been going through a rocky patch even before we decided to try for a baby and that was the final straw. It was simpler to call it a day.’

‘I’m so sorry, Max. It must have been a horribly difficult time for you.’ She squeezed his hand, wishing there was something she could say to make him feel better.

‘It’s all over and done with now.’

He moved his hand away, making it clear that he didn’t want her sympathy, and she sighed. Although she understood how painful it must have been for him to discover that he was unlikely to father a child, he couldn’t let it affect his life for ever.

‘Are you sure about that?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You already admitted that your divorce is the reason why you steer clear of long-term relationships. It doesn’t sound to me as though it’s all over and done with from that.’

‘Obviously, it has a bearing on how I lead my life these days. It wouldn’t be right for me to expect any woman to forgo having children because of me.’ He
looked steadily back at her. ‘I certainly wouldn’t put you in that position, Lucy. It wouldn’t be fair.’

‘But surely it should be my choice,’ she protested.

‘Some choice.’ His tone was grim. ‘Stick with me and give up your dreams of becoming a mother. Or find some other guy who can give you all the children you want. I know which option I’d choose.’

‘You make it sound so…so
clinical
! But you can’t just turn your feelings on and off like a tap, Max.’

‘You can when it’s the sensible thing to do.’ He stood up abruptly. ‘Maybe you think you could live with the situation right now, but a few years down the line, you’ll change your mind.’

‘How do you know that?’

‘Because I’ve seen how you are with the babies on the ward, how much you love them. Be honest, Lucy. Do you really think that you’ll be happy if you never became a mother? Because I don’t.’

Lucy hesitated. Although she longed to deny what he said, it wouldn’t be right to do so without thinking about it first. She had always assumed that she would have a family one day, so could she really imagine being childless?

‘I thought not.’ Max obviously took her hesitation as a sign that she agreed with him. His face was set when he looked at her. ‘I don’t think there’s any point letting this affair continue, is there?’

‘If it’s not what you want, Max, then, no, there isn’t any point.’ She stood up, trying not to let him see how much it hurt to hear him speak to her in that distant tone. Tears stung her eyes as she picked up her bag. It had never been just an affair to her. It had been so much more!

‘You may as well know that I’m planning on leaving Dalverston in the near future. That should make life simpler for you.’

Lucy couldn’t hide her surprise as she turned to him. ‘Leaving?’

‘Yes.’ He shrugged. ‘I decided that it was time I applied for a permanent consultant’s post. Anna is due back from maternity leave at the end of January so it’s the perfect time to make the move. I have a couple of interviews lined up in the next few weeks, so hopefully it won’t take too long to find a suitable position.’

‘Then all I can do is wish you luck,’ she said hollowly, her head reeling when it struck her that he must have been planning his departure for some time if he already had interviews scheduled. The thought that she had only ever been a fleeting distraction to him was more than she could bear and she knew that she had to leave before she did the unforgivable and broke down.

She hurried to the door and let herself out, bitterly aware that Max didn’t try to stop her. Why would he when he was probably relieved to see the back of her? All that talk about him being afraid of falling in love with her had been so much hot air. There’d never been any chance of that happening!

Tears ran unchecked down her face as she hurried down the drive. She’d thought she knew how it felt to have her heart broken but she’d been wrong. This was far worse than anything she had experienced before. She had lost the man she loved with all her heart and she couldn’t imagine how she would ever get over it.

Max stood at the window, watching as Lucy ran down the drive. The urge to go after her and beg her to forgive
him was so strong that he almost gave into it. His hands clenched as he fought for control but it was hard to stand there and watch her walking away from him. Maybe he had done the right thing, the
only
thing, yet he couldn’t help feeling as though he had thrown away something really precious. There was going to be a huge gap in his life now that Lucy would no longer be a part of it.

The days passed in a blur. Lucy was aware that she was functioning on autopilot most of the time but it was the only way she could cope. If she allowed herself to think about what had happened then she would break down.

Thankfully, she saw nothing of Max. Although she knew he was in work during the day, he was never around when she arrived in the evening for the night shift. She suspected that he was avoiding her and was relieved. The less she saw of him the better, she told herself, but it was hard to pretend that everything would be fine when it was such a long way from being that.