The Mighty and Their Fall (19 page)

There was a pause.

“The certainty is absolute?” said Ninian. “As a natural father I must ask that.”

“It may be, my son,” said Selina. “The account agrees with what I know. There may be no room for doubt. There must be proof, if you want it and will follow it. But Hugo is prepared.”

“As a natural father I am disturbed,” said Ninian, in a lighter tone. “There is the risk that the threat of this marriage may return. But I hope it is only a natural father's uneasiness.”

“A threat? It is a certainty,” said Hugo. “Of course it will return. That was the object of my effort, and is its reward. I thought you understood.”

“I feared it,” said Ninian, as if to himself. “It flashed into my mind as I heard. We must hope the danger will pass.”

“What have you against the marriage?”

Ninian gave a sigh, as if at a threadbare question.

“I will say one thing once. Your holding Lavinia to a life that denies her youth. That is, the sacrifice of it. Surely it is enough.”

“She will make the life for us both. I am willing to share what is hers. I am free from the pride that would satisfy itself at her expense.”

“Well, would not everything be at her expense?” said Ninian, with a little laugh. “It is true that you are without pride. But the words are empty ones. It is too late for the change'”

“It is the time for it, as you know. And I shall not touch what is not mine. Lavinia will deal with it.”

“But there would only be what was yours,” said Ninian, contracting his brows. “What was hers is put to other purposes. Both you and she know it.”

“There has been no change. She has taken no legal step. It has simply to remain in her hands.”

“Yes, we must ask that, Father,” said Lavinia.

“But what do you ask?” said Ninian, with a bewildered air. “It cannot be withdrawn now. Its uses are mapped out and settled as your uncle wished.”

“Nothing has been done,” said Teresa. “It has not been put to any use. Lavinia sees it as hers.”

“This series of steps!” said Ninian, smiling. “And the same money! How many times can it be given away?”

“It is not to be given, Father. We have our freedom again. I must have what is mine and use it. I want to give Hugo another life, and to share it with him. You think there will be nothing new in it. But for us there will.”

“No, my dear,” said Ninian, gravely. “I must assert my authority. For your sake, for my sake, for the sake of us all. But for your sake the most.”

“You can only make it hard for me. You know the truth.”

“Did she mean to have everything then?” said Ninian, with gentle raillery. “She wanted to give a thing and take a thing, like the wicked man in the rhyme? Well, it does not trouble her father. He understands his natural girl.”

“Do you mean you would use the money for yourself?”

“No, of course I do not. I have said what I shall do. Use it as my brother wished, before illness clouded his mind. That wish is sacred to me, as his real one. And I shall save you from a fatal step. That wish is
my
real one, my dear.”

“I can hardly believe you, Father. Is this the man you have been?”

“It is the man I am. The man who will suffer misjudgement to save you. In other words your father.”

“There would be many other words,” said Hugo. “Happily there will be no cause for them.”

“Hugo, I have lost you as a brother. Am I to lose you in every sense?”

“No, I am to be nearer, Ninian. I will try to be a son to you.”

“So you have given your answer,” said Ninian, without a smile.

“You are sure, my son?” said Selina, in a voice that sounded far away. “The money is apart from the marriage. It is not all one thing.”

“Mother, our thoughts should be on you,” said Ninian, turning as if in compunction. “I spoke of a brother. You are feeling you have lost a son. A long tie is broken.”

“No, I am glad to know the truth. I am glad it is what it is. Glad that your father never turned from me. I wish I had always known.”

“Have you always known, Grandma?” said Lavinia.

“I have known nothing,” said Selina, dreamily. “I could not ever be sure. I was not sure about what I said. It might have been true. I often thought it was. You must have known I could not be sure.”

“Why did you put it as a certainty?”

“I wanted to save you,” said Selina, in a deeper tone, leaning forward and looking into her face. “Hugo does not care for you enough. You are a person who inspires deep feeling. That is a thing we don't explain. He has not the depth in him that you have. I wanted to save you both. And I may do it, if I go on thinking. I have my thoughts.”

“Well, I must take up my cross,” said Ninian. “I must be a resolute father. It is not an easy course.”

“Nor a credible one,” said Egbert. “And it can avail you nothing.”

“It is a question of our lives, Father,” said Lavinia. “If we are living for ourselves, it is time we did. I am not a lofty character. That is too well recognised for it to be expected.”

“The past is forgotten. Anyhow by your father. Why do you remind people of it?”

“It is what you are doing,” said Teresa.

“We cannot prove you are not honest, Father,” said Egbert.

“And you want to prove it?” said Ninian, gently. “It is a sad thing to have to say. More and more I see where the power should lie. The suspected person may be the one above suspicion. I am not afraid to claim the place. My mind is open to you all. I have hidden nothing. I have nothing to hide.”

“If only he would hide some of it!” murmured Egbert.

“Now the one thing has been found out,” said Hugo. “You intended that to be hidden.”

“Tell me what that is,” said Selina, in a petulant tone. “I have heard whispers about it. I have asked before. I should not ask, if I did not want to know.”

“It was to do with Ransom's will,” said Hugo. “As Ninian's activities tend to be.”

“Anyone who speaks of my will may get nothing from it,” said Selina, nodding her head. “I shall know who it is. It is the kind of thing I know. But I have thought about it. I have done one thing. And I am thinking of another.”

“Mother, what are you saying?” said Ninian. “Yours is a life we never imagine ended.”

“It will not be left to imagination. No one knows what it is to be a memory. No one will ever know.”

“Mother, you are tired. Our talk has been too much. And it has been a waste of words. Most of them were better unsaid.”

“I am often tired,” said Selina, putting her hand to her head. “But not in this way before. I have heard without knowing anything. And that is not a thing I do. It is as if I were someone else. It all goes by as though it had no meaning.”

“It has not had much,” said Ninian. “You chose your absent moment well. It was wise not to try to follow it.”

“I could not follow. That is what I said. It may not have been worth it. But you all seemed to feel it was.”

“There are the children,” said Ninian. “I will call them in. They will be a change for you.”

“A change?” said Selina, drawing in her brows. “I often see them.”

“They will help you to forget what you should not have heard. Their world is still an honest one.”

“Agnes and Hengist and Leah!” said Selina, sitting up, and then breaking off with an empty look in her eyes.

“Come in and talk to your grandmother,” said Ninian. “Say something to interest her.”

“Did you not hear what your father said?” said Miss Starkie, speaking from safety herself.

“I did not hear,” said Selina, shaking her head. “Not so that I knew what it was.”

“Grandma, you are tired,” said Agnes. “You don't seem like yourself.”

“She told you to say it,” said Selina, looking at Miss Starkie.

“Oh, I could have managed better than that, Mrs. Middleton.”

“You tell us a good deal about yourself. It never comes to an end.”

“Leah, you can say something,” said Miss Starkie, hesitating to go any further herself.

“So you put it on to her. That is not doing so well. And it is the other who says the right thing, and knows it is better than the wrong one.”

“It might not be true,” said Hengist.

“Would you like me to die?” said Selina, as if catching his meaning.

“No, I don't think so. Why should I?”

“You know you would not,” said Miss Starkie, hardly able to fall short of this.

“When I am dead, will they remember me?” said Selina, to herself.

“Yes, we shall,” said Hengist. “Father will be sad, and so will Lavinia. And that will remind us.”

“You would not need reminder,” said Miss Starkie.

“I only said we should have it.”

“Tell us what you think of our real question, Grandma,” said Egbert.

“You mean the money? It must happen as it will. They all want everything. We don't know who should have it.”

“There are always different claims,” said Ninian. “And always the one real one.”

“You must not be selfish, Ninian,” said Selina, as if saying an accustomed word to a child.

“That is true. I have a chance to serve them all. I must not lose it.”

“It is easy to give what falls into your hands.”

“It might be easier to keep it. But I am not one of your people who want everything.”

“You always seem to have it,” said his mother.

“And we seldom do that without wanting it,” said Hugo.

“Hugo, I have never said what I hesitate to say now. This house is mine. I have never grudged you a place in it. You have not found the talk of my grudging true. Do not force it to be so now.”

“Your parents gave me the place and enough to keep it. I have cost you nothing.”

“Money!” said Ninian, sadly. “So there is nothing else. No affection, no sharing of deeper things, no place in family life. And I must answer your words with my own. I have not gained anything either. Not that I wished to gain.”

“You knew I had nothing over. Anything I had, you would have taken. You have given the proof.”

“You all want it all,” said Selina. “And Ninian has the most. He has had the chance, and that is what it is. No one gives until he must. We find that is true when we make a will. I have tried to do it wisely. And I think I have been wise. But you all want everything, and no one can have it or give it. I will go now.”

She rose from her chair, and as Ninian went to help her, looked up into his face.

“I wish it was yours, my son. It would be better so. But if it is not, you will give it to them. They will have what is theirs.”

“Yes, yes, I will,” said Ninian, stooping over her. “It is mine, but I will not remember. I will say no more, and that means that it is given. And that it is taken. That is the certain thing. And I should not have used it for myself. It is other people who give. And it is my daughter who takes. I am content, if others are.”

“I am content,” said Hugo to Lavinia. “But I did not know I should be so ashamed of it. Can it be true that self-denial is its own reward? Even when it is forced on us.”

Selina went to the door, and her son followed with his eyes on her, as if oblivious of anything else. Miss Starkie manœuvred her charges in front of them, and urged them to the stairs.

“Why is there a hurry?” said Hengist, on an upper floor.

“You might not have known what to say to your grandmother. She is overtired.”

“She didn't seem to like you, did she?” said Leah.

“She is not herself today,” said Miss Starkie, in explanation of this.

“She seemed to be herself,” said Hengist.

“No one who cared for her could think so.”

“Do you care for her yourself?” said Leah.

“I appreciate what she is. Of course she is not my grandmother.”

“No. She couldn't be as old as that.”

“Well, it would be possible,” said Miss Starkie, seeing no reason to disregard the truth.

“Would it?” said Hengist. “You haven't even any parents.”

“Well, they did not live to be old.”

“Did your being a governess break their hearts?”

“And bring their grey hairs with sorrow to the grave?”
said Leah. “That would have been a pity, if they weren't even grey.”

“What kind of a person is Grandma?” said Hengist. “Very good or very bad?”

“She is good, of course. No one can be perfect,” said Miss Starkie, forced to a reservation in Selina's case.

“Why isn't she perfect? Because she does not like you?”

“We are good friends when she is herself.”

“Can people be good friends, when one is despised and rejected of the other?”

“You don't attend to what I say,” said Miss Starkie, with justification.

“I have always been Grandma's favourite,” said Agnes.

“When people are that, they sometimes deserve to be,” said Miss Starkie, tired of too little effort in this direction.

“Leah and I would not stoop to fawn on people.”

“Some people's level does not admit of much stooping.”

“She means our level is low,” said Leah.

“Well, so is everyone's. Only some people have more power. People are really all the same.”

“Indeed they are not,” said Miss Starkie. “There can be a great difference.”

“Well, Grandma said they were,” said Leah. “She kept on saying it.”

“I should not remember what she said today,” said Miss Starkie, in favour of a general forgetfulness.

“Do you mean what she said about you?” said Hengist.

“No. What did she say? I hardly recall it. I meant what she said about you, if I am to speak the truth.”

“We might not recall that.”

“No. It is best to put it all out of your minds,” said Miss Starkie, on a sympathetic note.