The Moment Keeper (2 page)

“Oh, Tom!” Elizabeth says. “Not another one. You’re going to spoil her. We’ve only had her for three days and you’ve already brought home four stuffed animals.”

Tom picks up Olivia. “How’s Daddy’s little girl today?” and kisses her chubby pink cheek. “Tell Mommy that daddies are supposed to spoil their little girls.”

Elizabeth walks over, bags under her eyes and hair thrown back in a lopsided ponytail. She puts her arms around Tom and Olivia.

“How was your day, Liz?” Tom asks.

“Despite not getting enough sleep and hanging in my pajamas most of the day because I didn’t have the energy to shower, I’d say things are going pretty well.”

“It’ll get better,” Tom says. “Every new parent feels the way you do.”

“I know,” Elizabeth says. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that we have the family we’ve always wanted. Just happened so fast and I wasn’t as prepared as I thought I’d be.”

“You’re doing just fine, Liz. Don’t beat yourself up.”

“But I want to do everything right for her. I want to be the best mommy I can.”

“And you are,” Tom says. “You love her. That’s what’s most important.”

Tom kisses Elizabeth on her forehead and she leaves to order pizza — the night before it was Chinese — because she’s too tired to cook. Tom rocks Olivia and tells her about his day in the ER.

“And then Daddy had to stitch a woman’s hand because she cut it while slicing a bagel. And next, a mommy brought in a little boy who had swallowed a tiny Lego piece he had found while crawling on the floor. And that was Daddy’s day, Libby Love.”

And he kisses her forehead and places his index finger onto her tiny palm. Olivia’s fingers curl around his, hugging it so tightly her knuckles turn white.

So Olivia’s dad’s a doctor. I had learned while recording an earlier moment that her mom was a nurse. Reminded me of what a deadbeat dad I had. I tried to forget the day Matt lost his job, but Wendy’s montage of my life included this moment.

“Just look at you,” Grandma said. “You smell like the bottle and you look like an unmade
bed. No wonder you lost your job, Matt. You’ve got to pull yourself together. No one’s going to hire you looking like that.”

Matt punched the brown frayed chair he stood next to. “Just take care of her. Don’t worry about me.”

I hadn’t realized until I saw my life moments one after another how seldom, if ever, Matt referred to me by my name. I was always “she” or “her” or “the baby” or “that girl” or “that kid”. There were very few times when he said “Sarah”. I wondered if he avoided saying my name because it made me seem more human, more difficult to blame and hate. As he would any enemy, I think he preferred to keep me at a distance.

Elizabeth walks into the room. “You hold her so much you’re going to spoil her,” she tells Tom, who is still rocking Olivia.

Elizabeth walks over to Tom and lightly brushes Olivia’s tiny head. She doesn’t have much hair and what she does have is so light that she looks bald.

“I love watching her sleep,” Tom says. “She looks so peaceful.”

Elizabeth smiles. “Makes you wonder how something so beautiful can come out of so much ugliness.”

Ugliness, I thought. You haven’t seen ugly until you’ve seen Matt come home drunk and wreck our home.

“Matt, stop,” Grandma yelled. “Stop or I’ll call the police.”

Matt just laughed and held a lamp in his hand. “You won’t call the police. You never call the police,” he said, his words slurring together so you couldn’t tell where one stopped and the next one began.

Grandma carried me, then three, into her room and locked the door. I heard glass breaking and Matt cursing. I heard what sounded like furniture flipping over. Then I heard a knock on the door. It was the police.

I buried my head in Grandma’s chest. I loved being so close to her heart. Its beating always soothed me. We watched as the police led Matt away. The house was a disaster. That was the beginning of the end. That was ugliness.

Chapter 3

“Wait until I tell Daddy that you got your first tooth,” Elizabeth says as she changes Olivia’s diaper. “And guess what today is? Your six-month birthday! That’s half of a year.”

Elizabeth pulls pink pants over Olivia’s diaper then slips a pink top with brown polka dots over her tiny head. She picks up a basket filled with hair wear and slips a pink stretchy headband over Olivia’s head, positioning the flower on the right side, toward the front. “You’re getting so big. Yes, you are.”

Elizabeth picks up Olivia and twirls her around, and Olivia giggles. Elizabeth stops and pulls Olivia into her chest and kisses her cheek.

“I love you so much, Princess Libby. You’ll always be my princess, my little girl.”

A tear slides down Elizabeth’s cheek and her smile swallows her creamy face.

“Look, Matt,” Grandma said as he walked into the kitchen.

I sat in the metal high chair giggling as Grandma pretended the spoon was an airplane and made airplane noises as she flew the spoon toward my mouth.

“Coming in for a landing,” Grandma said. “Open wide.”

I opened my mouth and Grandma slid the spoon in, scooping up the cereal that slid from my rubbery lips onto my chin.

Matt walked over. “What did you want to show me?”

“Sarah’s got her first tooth. See it there? On the bottom? That little piece of white poking through her gum.”

“Yeah, so what? She’s got a damn tooth. I have a mouthful.”

“Matt, it’s your baby’s first tooth.”

“She’s more your baby than mine,” said Matt, pouring a cup of coffee and walking away.

He paused when he got to the door and turned around. “The tooth is nice.”

“Where did you find that?” Elizabeth asks Tom as he walks in carrying a stuffed tooth about the size of a grapefruit.

“Where I buy all of her stuffed animals,” he said.

“The store at the mall?”

Tom nodded. “They have everything there.”

Elizabeth smiles. “Yeah, and pretty soon we’ll have it all here.”

“Gotta celebrate the milestone, Liz.”

Tom shakes the fuzzy white tooth and it rattles. “Lookie what Daddy has, Libby Love.”

He walks over to the playpen and picks up Olivia. He shakes the tooth and Olivia laughs. Slobber slides down her chin and onto her pink bib embroidered with “Daddy’s little girl”. Tom gives Olivia the rattle and she shakes it and giggles. As always, Elizabeth snaps photo after photo. Her camera and video recorder are never far from her.

“Where are you going?” Grandma asked Matt.

“Out.”

“Out where?”

“Just Out.”

“Matt, this has got to stop. Drinking every night. Your grandfather died a drunk and I swore I would never bring up a child in the same house as a drunk.”

“I’m not a drunk. I just need to get away at night.”

“Then go to the gym instead of that bar. It’d be better for you.”

“My friends are at that bar.”

“Friends? You call them friends?”

“Yeah. Friends.”

“They’re losers, Matt. A bunch of deadbeat dads and worthless husbands. If Sue were alive she’d…”

Matt whipped around. Fire-engine red flooded his scrappy unshaven face. He hammered the air with his arm, using the movement to emphasize his words. “Don’t. You. Ever. And I mean never. Bring Sue up. She’s gone. Died and left me with her.”

He pointed to me in the playpen.

“Don’t blame Sarah for Sue’s death, Matt. That little girl is the best of both of you.”

“Well, then take her. Celebrate her first tooth and leave me the hell out of it.”

Matt walked out the door and Grandma picked me up and held me and cried me to sleep.

“Are you sure you want to go out tonight?” Elizabeth asks Tom.

“We haven’t been out alone since we got Libby. As much as I love her, I want to take you on a special date. Don’t worry. Your mom knows what to do.”

Elizabeth hugs Olivia before putting her in the playpen so she can finish getting ready.

“Do you think I’m getting fat?” she asks Tom, turning around in the black silk dress she bought at the new boutique by the bank.

“Yeah, as a matter of fact I was just thinking how much you’re starting to resemble a pregnant hippo.” Tom laughs.

Elizabeth picks up the hairbrush on her vanity and throws it at him. “I’m serious. Do you think my butt’s getting fat?”

“No, Liz. Your butt’s beautiful.”

“What about my thighs?”

“They’re perfect, too.”

“My boobs?”

“Not that I wouldn’t mind it if they were fatter, er, bigger, but they’re the same size they’ve always been. And they’re perfect.”

“There has to be some part of me that’s not beautiful or perfect,” Elizabeth says.

“Well, now that you mention it, you do have a little wiry hair that grows out of that mole beside your lip that looks a little witchy. Sometimes, I just want to pluck it but I’m too scared to touch it. I think it might attack me.”

Elizabeth chases Tom around the room and wrestles him to the ground and Libby starts to cry.

“You’re making her cry,” Tom says.

The bell rings.

“Lucky for you, Mom’s here,” Elizabeth says.

Tom opens the door and Cindy walks in carrying her bag of knitting supplies.

“There’s my little princess,” she says, putting her bag on the antique cherry table.

She takes Olivia from Tom. “It’s just me and you tonight, my little Libby Love.”

Elizabeth walks into the room wearing her new dress that showcases her hourglass figure and endless toothpick legs.

Tom whistles.

Cindy smiles. “You look like a million bucks, Liz.”

“Thanks, Mom. Are you sure you know what to do?”

“Liz. I had five daughters. I think I know what to do. Quit worrying. Go out with your husband and have some fun. Just because you’re parents doesn’t mean you stop being a couple.”

“I know, but…”

“But nothing. Libby and I will be fine. Now go.”

Elizabeth sees the knitting bag on the table. “What are you making now?”

“Oh, just another sweater for Libby.”

“But you already made her two.”

“Well, I decided she needed another one. This one’s a pretty green. Oh, and I’m also knitting
her some hats. Found a pattern with this cute flower in the front that I think she’ll look adorable in.”

Elizabeth smiles and kisses Libby then her mom. “Thanks, Mom. You’re the best.”

She takes a couple of steps then turns around. “Mom, is there a hair coming out of this mole beside my mouth?”

Elizabeth sticks out her head and tilts her chin so her mom can examine the mole.

“I don’t see any hair. Who said you had a hair? Did you see a hair?”

Tom laughs and Cindy looks at him. “Don’t tell my daughter she has a hair coming out of her mole because we will never hear the end of it. Now go and have some fun.”

“Which one do you like better?” Grandma asked me. “The pink or the purple?”

A baby me sat in the seat of the blue plastic shopping cart, looking at the two bolts of fabric in Grandma’s hands.

“Ma. Ma. Ma.”

“That’s right. Grandma’s right here. Would you like Grandma to make you a pink dress or a purple dress?”

“May I help you?” a saleswoman asked Grandma.

“Yes, please. I’ll take this pink and purple, oh, and why not, that yellow.”

Grandma pointed to the pale yellow fabric behind her. “I can’t decide so I’ll make her all three.”

The saleswoman smiled at me. “She’s an absolute doll. Is her hair naturally curly?”

“Yes, just like her mother’s.”

“You’re a lucky little girl,” the saleswoman said to me. “I wish I had someone to make me dresses.”

The saleswoman got the fabric for Grandma and we headed for checkout.

“Next on our list, Sarah, is to get you a coat.”

“Ma. Ma. Ma.”

Grandma picked me up and put me in her dented Chevy sedan and we pulled out of the discount department store parking lot and headed for the Goodwill store.

Chapter 4

“That’s it, Libby. Pull yourself up. Good girl. Now come to Daddy.”

I watch as Tom coaxes Olivia, who’s holding onto the edge of the cherry coffee table, to let go and walk toward him. Olivia smiles and giggles and lifts her pudgy, dimpled hands. She takes one step toward Tom before falling backward on her diaper-clad bottom.

She pulls herself up again and falls backward again. After a few more tries, Olivia takes two steps toward Tom before he catches her and keeps her from falling.

Tom continues to work with Olivia, moving farther and farther from her. She takes high marching steps, lifting her knees, then jabbing the floor with her tiny feet. Eventually, she toddles to Tom and falls into his open arms. She seems surprised that she was able to walk that far without falling. She giggles some more.

“Good girl, Libby. Good girl.” He hugs her and kisses her freshly bathed head. “Wait until Mommy sees what we’ve been working on. She’s going to be so proud of you.”

Just yesterday, Olivia had pulled herself up and walked around the coffee table while holding onto it for the first time. Today, she finally gets the nerve to let go.

Tom scoops her up and sits on the couch and reads her a book before tucking her into bed.

I don’t think Matt ever did anything with me. If he had loved me an eighth of what Tom loves Olivia, maybe things would have been different. But you can’t make someone love you. Believe me, I tried. I tried to be good all of the time. Do everything I was told. But Matt was always so angry. Even when I learned to walk and Grandma was so proud of me the only thing on Matt’s mind was how my newfound freedom made me even more of a pain in the ass.

“Can’t you keep her in one room?” Matt asked Grandma one day.

“Matt, she’s not an animal that you can cage. It’s natural for her to want to explore.”

“Well, I don’t need her exploring and getting into my stuff.”

“Then close your bedroom door. Besides, maybe she just wants to be near you.”

“Well, I don’t want to be near her. Keep her out of my room, out of my stuff.”

“Why don’t you just move out if you’re that miserable?” Grandma said.

“Don’t worry, when I can afford to I will.”