The Monster Hunter's Manual (2 page)

“My brother won't come down.”

“He will come down.” Aunt Perrine's voice was pleasant.

I looked down at the tablecloth. It was covered in pictures of fluffy kittens playing with balls of string. I nodded and ate the pastry. It was good, a creamy mixture of chocolate and almond that melted in my mouth before I had chewed the first bite. When I ate it, I felt warm, from the tips of my toes up to my nose. The warmth spread over me, I took another bite and I felt strangely happy. By the time I was done with the cake, I felt peaceful and ready for bed. Aunt Perrine washed the chocolate off my face as if I was a baby, and I smiled dumbly up at her.

“Now you sleep,” she said.

I went upstairs to my bedroom and crawled into bed. I meant to sleep. I wanted to listen to her. She was a sweet, old lady. But the floors moaned and the wind blew and the castle hid shadows and secrets. Bastet sat at the foot of my bed purring so loudly it sounded like a lawnmower in the silence of the night.

I got out of bed and sat up at the window looking out at the courtyard. The castle looked haunting in the
moonlight. Nothing moved except the cats that crept in and out of the shadows.

I watched the darkness, imagining how the castle might have been years ago, and my eyes grew heavy until sleep almost took me, but then a small light cut through the darkness. I sat up and squinted. I could see Aunt Perrine walking toward the old keep in the dark. She was wearing her horrible, knitted bathrobe and cap, and she had a book in her hand.

She walked across the courtyard and into the keep and shut the door behind her. A light appeared in the window of the old keep. I could almost see her, but I couldn't imagine what she was doing. I opened my window and tried to listen. I leaned out. I thought I heard singing. I waited, but Aunt Perrine stayed in the keep and I gave in to my exhaustion and climbed back into bed.

The sun hadn't risen when Alex came running into my room and jumped into bed with me. He crammed himself into my tiny bed and pushed his cold feet up against me.

“Get out!” I complained. “Your feet are cold.”

“There's a ghost upstairs.”

“I'm not falling for it a second time.”

“You gotta believe me. There's something upstairs!”

“Get out!” I yelled and pushed him onto the ground.

Alex stood back up. He didn't try to get back in bed with me, but stood beside the bed shivering. I could see his face in the moonlight and he was white as a sheet. I could tell he was really afraid so I sat up and looked around. From my window I could see the courtyard and the crumbling keep. The wind was blowing and the trees bent in the wind. There was a full moon.

“OK,” I said. “So, let's check it out.”

I rifled around in my suitcase until I found a flashlight and turned it on. I pulled my robe on and opened the door to my room. Alex hugged my side. There was a large thud from the room above us and I dropped my flashlight. Alex grabbed my arm.

“It's probably a mouse or something,” I decided.

I bent over to pick up my flashlight and there was another thud, a bang and a large clanging noise. My hand shook making the light dance on the ground in front of me. I shone the light into the empty hall. Everything was still and quiet. Moonlight shone in from the open window and spilled out onto the floor. There was another bang, but this time it was louder.

“It's a big rat,” I whispered.

The banging stopped and then there were voices – whispering in tones that didn't seem human. The voices were speaking in French, and even if it had been English, we wouldn't have understood them. The male voices were getting louder, as if they were fighting.

“They are big, talking rats,” I said stupidly.

Something screamed and there was another bang. Alex ran and I froze. I stood with my feet planted on the floor clutching my flashlight like a sword. There was another bang and a wail. I dropped the flashlight again, but this time it broke as it hit the floor. The batteries scattered across the old wood and darkness swallowed the room. Alex ran towards my bed and pulled the covers up over his head. I stood rooted to the ground, unable to move.

The thuds stopped and I closed my eyes trying to think of some explanation for the noise. Bang! The crash was so loud that the light fixture above me shook. I ran to the door, closed it, and twisted the lock. I leaned against the thick wooden door, holding it shut. There was another thud and I jumped in bed next to my brother. I pulled the covers over my head and lay perfectly still staring at him.

“I told you. There are ghosts up there,” Alex said.

I could still hear Aunt Perrine saying it was a very haunted attic. “I don't believe in ghosts.”

Alex kept his voice low. “Then why are you shaking?”

“Because they might be burglars.”

“Right. They climbed the castle walls to break into an attic? Or did they break down the drawbridge?”

“Maybe.” I frowned.

“You are so stupid,” Alex hissed.

“At least I don't believe in ghosts like a baby.”

There was another thud and then a strange cracking noise, Alex and I both looked up. Alex grabbed my hand
and despite ourselves, we huddled up under the covers together to wait for dawn.

The light peeked in the window of my room dispelling the fear of the long night. Alex and I had fallen asleep but we hadn't slept long. We both sat up and pulled the covers down. There were birds singing in the distance. In the bright light of morning, our fear seemed a little silly.

We could hear Aunt Perrine singing down stairs so we followed the sound of her voice down into the kitchen. Aunt Perrine was already dressed for the day and sitting at the table with a tiny glass of coffee and a croissant. She smiled broadly, as always.

“There's ghosts in the attic!” Alex yelled.

“Bien sur,” she said. “Of course. I say to you, zis attic is very 'aunted, no?”

“It may have been burglars,” I added.

Aunt Perrine laughed. “Zis castle stood against ze armies of ze English when zey come. It stand against ze Vikings. You zink burglars can come in? No. N'est pas possible!”

“So they were ghosts!” Alex exclaimed.

“Yes, I say so,” Aunt Perrine said.

Alex shook fearfully. “What can we do?”

“Nozing. You do nozing. Zey won't 'urt you.”

“But…”

“No buts,” she said. “Would you like a croissant?”

We both sat down and she gave us each a croissant and hot chocolate. Aunt Perrine hummed as she made it, slowly boiling the milk and pouring it over the chocolate. She smiled at us as she set the cups down. The windows were open and the sunshine poured in through the lace curtains and onto the floor. Despite everything that happened, both Alex and I were filled with a sudden urge to explore. It was a beautiful day and we were in a fascinating place.
Everything else could be easily forgotten.

We both shoved the croissant into our mouths and slurped our hot chocolate down as fast as we could.

“Can we go outside?” I asked with a mouth full of croissant.

Aunt Perrine laughed again. “You come to zee store wiz me and zen you go. I don't know what boyz eat.”

Alex's little smile faded and he sat back down. We both shuffled back upstairs and put on our clothes. Alex took his time and hung out of his bedroom window watching the people running to and fro in the medieval village below us. It was a busy village and people were sitting outside in a café drinking coffee. Other people ran down the street with baguettes in their hands. Alex scowled as he watched the pretty scene.

“I don't wanna go to the store,” Alex whined.

“Me either,” I said.

There was another thump from upstairs and Alex jumped up angrily. He deliberately stomped across the floor and back to the winding staircase. “I don't care about ghosts either,” he yelled. “You hear me ghosts! I'm coming up!” He ran up the stairs and I followed him. We burst into the loft and switched on the lights.

The lamps flickered and then a pale glow spread over the loft. It was dirty and dusty, but quiet. Alex grabbed my hand and pulled me in with him. He was shaking a little. The loft looked like someone's bedroom. There were was an old bed on one side of the room and a couple of chests. There were books spread out over the floor.

I picked one up and read the title, “A Skeleton's Guide to Broken Bones.”

I dropped the book and shrugged. There were several bottles in the corner and Alex picked one up and read the label,
“Diet Blood.”

“Diet Blood?” I asked.

“It's
Sans Sucre,”
Alex read the rest of the label. “Whatever that means.” He dropped the bottle on the floor and it made an ominous clanking noise. He kicked the bottle as it hit the floor and it rolled under the bed.

Alex opened the chest while I studied the bookshelf. It was stacked high with old books. I picked one up and looked at the pictures. It showed an army of skeletons fighting a horrible monster. I couldn't read the text. It was all in French. I turned the page. There was another picture that showed some kind of sorceress or witch casting a spell on the monster. I slid the book in pocket of my bathrobe and looked at the rest of the things on the shelf.

There were lots of games. Checkers, Life, and Sorry, were all stacked up haphazardly on the shelf. There was a piece of old chewing gum stuck to the bottom of one shelf.

Alex continued rifling through the chest and pulled out a stack of old clothes. He threw them on the floor and stared at them.

“They're all kid's clothes,” he said. “Do you think Aunt Perrine had kids?”

I shrugged.

There were posters on the walls with pictures from old monster movies. “Maybe it's a joke,” I said.

“Let's see what's in the attic.” Alex pushed open the door to the attic. A wave of hot air came out. There were no lights but we looked in. There were boxes and a coffin. “There's a coffin!”

“Maybe a vampire lives up here,” I said sarcastically.

“Yeah, right,” Alex answered. “Maybe Aunt Perrine keeps her dead husband up here.”

“She's not
that
crazy.”

Alex smiled and made a funny face and did a hand motion around his head to indicate that she was crazy.
“She's crazy.” He did a little dance.

I laughed.

“I save it for when I die,” Aunt Perrine said. Alex and I jumped. Aunt Perrine had appeared out of nowhere. Alex screamed like a little girl and I fell backwards.

“I save it for when I die,” she said again.

“What?” I asked.

“Zee coffin. I buy it on sale.”

“Oh,” I said.

“I like to shop zee sales.”

“Oh,” I said again.

“Come on. Time to go to zee store.”

Aunt Perrine scuffled down the stairs in her strange slippers leaving Alex and me staring after her with our mouths slightly agape. I closed the door to the attic and Alex looked at me. “She's crazy. Isn't she?”

I didn't know what to say, so I shrugged and followed her down the stairs. Alex caught up with me and tugged at my shoulder. “You don't think she's crazy?” he demanded.

“I don't know. I wish I did. I know we are stuck here, so we might as well make the best of it instead of sulking around and complaining.”

Alex pushed me. “I'm not doing that.”

“Yes, you are.” I pushed him back.

“Yeah. Well maybe you should complain too. It's like Mom and Dad didn't even die. You don't even care that they're dead.”

“Shut your stupid mouth,” I said and punched him in the shoulder.

Alex kicked me in the shin and ran down the stairs after Aunt Perrine. My face flushed with anger. What did Alex know? Just because I didn't mope around and cry like a baby didn't mean I didn't care. He ran around the kitchen table and out the front door into the fortress courtyard.

I followed. In the sunlight, it was pretty. Wild roses crept up the walls and soft grass covered the ground. Cats sat lazily basking in the sunshine. Aunt Perrine was raising the castle gate and Alex was running towards her.

I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking I wouldn't hit him in front of her, but he was stupid. I tackled Alex and sat on top of him hitting him.

“You take it back!” I wailed.

Aunt Perrine lifted me off. She was strong for an old lady. I fell back into the dirt. The tears burned in my eyes.

Aunt Perrine sat down in the dirt next to us and put her hand on each of ours. “Boyz,” she said softly. “It will be all right. You will see. You 'ave strong 'earts. You are fighters and zee world needs fighters.”

Aunt Perrine embraced us both, and we leaned into her. “Bad zings 'appen,” she said. “Terrible zings, but there is always light at the end. You vill see.”

Alex and I nodded.

“Now you be nice.”

We both nodded again.

“So now we go to zee store.”

She got up and we both followed her into her tiny car. She sang all the way to the store. The castle was located in a tiny village, called Chateau Larcher, just like the castle. There was no grocery store in the village, so we had to drive all the way back into the city. It was a long ride.

The grocery store, or supermarche, was big and crowded. At first, it almost looked like a store at home, until you looked at the labels. Alex hung behind Aunt Perrine with a scowl and the occasional look of disgust when he saw something weird.

Everything was different, even the soda – Orangina? The snacks were different too – Mininizza's? I picked up the package. They were small pizza like crackers. They
looked good. I put them down and chased after Aunt Perrine. I caught up with her at the meat aisle. It was just disgusting. There were whole birds with their heads and feet still attached. Every organ that could be taken out of an animal was neatly packaged and labeled.

Alex snickered when we passed an entire section of brains. He pointed and called out to me.

“Brains!” he yelled. “They have brains!”

Aunt Perrine turned the cart around and smiled. “Oh zanks you, Alex,” she said. “I almost forget.”

She pulled the cart up alongside the brain section and filled it up. Cow brains. Sheep brains. Goose brains. She took every brain there was and smiled while she did it. And then she looked at us. “So, now what do you boyz want?”

We picked out the most familiar foods we could find, breakfast cereal, fruit and chips. They had something that looked like hotdogs. The peanut butter had some kind of oil floating on top, so we avoided that. We got what we could, and when Aunt Perrine went to pay, Alex looked at me with genuine concern.

“She isn't going to feed us brains every night, is she?”

I shrugged.

“I'm not eating brains,” Alex said.

I shrugged again.

“You aren't going to eat brains, are you?”

“I don't know,” I answered. “Dad said they were good. Dad used to eat them when we visited Nannan.”

“You are just as crazy as Aunt Perrine.”

I shrugged again. I didn't care. I just couldn't wait to get back to the castle and explore.