The Monster of Fame (The Price of Fame Series) (14 page)

“I think you’d better hold on, sweetheart,” he said with a wink, and Anna obeyed, gripping his shoulders for dear life while he drove into her with a mindless passion, knocking all of her senses into overdrive and pushing her to dizzying heights of pleasure.

This wasn’t gentle or loving, it was rushed and desperate, but that’s what she wanted right now. Just knowing he was as crazy hot for her as she was for him was more than enough to push her toward a truly devastating orgasm that vibrated to the heart of her and reached deep into her soul.

* * * *

If he were to die at this moment, he’d die the happiest and most exhausted man alive.

Miles was okay with that.

“Mmm,” Annabelle mumbled, curling into his side.

He hugged her closer, drowning in her sweet floral scent.

It was crazy that only a few weeks ago he feared not being able to perform. Since he met her she made him see it was all in his head. Annabelle was real and soft and warm and all those things he thought he’d never have again. Since he met her, he felt lighter somehow, the thick fog of depression and self-hatred had thinned ever so slightly and now he could see beyond it.

And it was all because of this beautiful, enchanting woman who’d trusted him enough to give him her virginity.

He felt his brows pull together as he remembered her words that first night. She said she didn’t think telling him would matter, but he wished it had mattered. It mattered a hell of a lot to him. A wave of possessiveness crashed through him and his arms tightened around her curvaceous body.

“That was amazing.” Annabelle’s voice was thick and sleepy.

He chuckled silently, stroking the silky skin of her back.

“I agree.” And he did.

Annabelle didn’t just make love to him, she was wild and innocent and completely driven by her instincts. He’d never met anyone quite like her. When they made love, it took everything he had to hold back and not explode before she did.

“I never knew sex could be that amazing.”

Nor did he, but the moment he thought it, the guilt was back tenfold. He stiffened as the familiar sick feeling swirled in his gut and his arms began to tremble.

“Miles, what’s wrong?” She hitched herself up on her elbow and looked down at him.

He felt oddly reassured because she was with him, but how could he tell her what was wrong without hurting her feelings?

“Hey,” she crooned, cupping his jaw with her hand. “It’s okay, you didn’t do anything wrong.” The conviction in her voice made his throat feel thick.

“I was thinking about—” The pain flashing in her eyes made him cut off mid-sentence.

Shit.

Nobody wanted to hear that you were thinking about someone else while you were in bed with them. No wonder she looked like she was about to burst into tears. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

Her finger pressed to his lips, silencing him. “No. Don’t be. I understand, or at least I’m trying to. Do you feel guilty for sleeping with me?”

Her face was smoothed out now, but the tell-tale signs of hurt still clouded her ice blue eyes. He reached out and tucked a loose curl behind her ear, then trailed his fingers down the soft skin of her throat.

“Not exactly.” Miles closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. How to explain without making an arse of it? “Annabelle, I’ve never enjoyed sex as much as I enjoy it with you, but that makes me feel even guiltier about Cassie’s death. I don’t deserve happiness, I don’t deserve you.” Admitting this to her was his biggest fear and he dreaded opening his eyes to see the hurt he’d caused.

But he wasn’t a coward, never had been, so he opened them and met her calm gaze head on.

She leaned over and pressed her lips to his forehead. “Yes, you do. Miles, Cassie’s death wasn’t your fault. I know you believe it was, but you couldn’t have done any more than you did to try to save her. Trust me. I know how well people can hide their addictions.”

“What do you mean?” How could she know about addiction? Was she taking drugs already? A familiar anxiety knocked his heart rate out of sync and he looked up at her, trying to see changes in her demeanor which would suggest drug use.

“My dad gambled. None of us knew until he jumped on a plane to Thailand with his new wife and the bank called saying we were three months behind with the mortgage payments.”

His fears dissipated at her explanation, but anger speared through him, knowing it was her dad who had put all that pressure on Annabelle. No wonder she was desperate to stay in this competition. How could someone leave their family with so much debt? It was incomprehensible to him.

If Miles was ever lucky enough to have the chance to have a family, he’d make sure they never wanted for anything, emotionally or materially.

“It will all work out, Annabelle. I promise.”

As soon as her debt was bought, he’d sign the rights over to her and she could do as she pleased with it. Although, knowing what he did about her, he knew she’d rip up the papers instead of making her mother pay her back.

Perhaps she’d even insist that she pay him back—though he’d never allow that. He had so much money he often wondered how he’d ever manage to spend it all. Doing this one thing for her was his way of thanking her for making him feel like he was worth something again.

“You can’t know that, but thank you for trying to make me feel better. It’s working.” Her lips curved as she snuggled closer into his side.

Another kind of guilt lay heavy in his chest. He should tell her what he was doing, but even if she didn’t shriek at him for going behind her back, even if she was grateful that he was willing to clear her family’s debt, it wasn’t a done deal yet. Best to wait until James had the paperwork in hand.

“Anyway, you should relax. It really isn’t your fault, Miles. You deserve a life and you deserve to be happy. Cassie would want that for you.” Annabelle’s voice sounded dreamlike and far away.

Miles brushed his lips across her forehead before resting his against her hair. Was Annabelle right? Did he really do all that he could to help Cassie? No, he didn’t.

“It was my fault. I’m the one who shot her career sky high. I never noticed she wasn’t strong enough, not until it was too late. I can’t let the same thing happen to you, Annabelle. It would kill me.”

She pulled back to look at him, understanding softening her features. “Miles, I’m not Cassie. I
am
strong enough to handle this. Please, stop worrying about me.”

Miles frowned as he noted the determination in her eyes. She was stronger than she had been when they first met, he couldn’t argue with that any more, but strong enough to handle her life being hashed out for the whole world to see? No, he didn’t think she was there yet.

“No. You’re not Cassie,” Miles said, his voice too hard. The blue in her eyes dimmed and he felt like an arse, but he had to say it. He had to try. “You’re not strong enough either, Annabelle. Not as strong as you’ll need to be. Why not walk away now?”

She pulled back from him, her expression shuttered as she studied him intently. “I am strong and I’ll prove it by winning.” Her eyes turned into icy shards. Now he’d pissed her off.

Great, Miles, you’ve made a royal mess of this!

He almost opened his mouth to apologize, to take back the words and tell her he believed in her. But he had to start convincing her to walk now or he never would. So instead he said, “You may win, but like I asked you before, what then? The papers will follow you everywhere. Everything you’re ashamed of will be used and twisted to make a juicy story. Some will slam you, others praise, but no one ever remembers the good things said about them. The bad tends to outweigh it all.”

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before releasing her breath in a sigh. “Okay. I get that you’re worried, I do. But seriously, stop asking me to walk. I’m never going to.” Annabelle glared at him until he nodded reluctantly. Her expression softened after a moment. “I know you loved your wife and feel guilty about what happened. But Miles, it really wasn’t your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself.”

Looking up at the ceiling, he said, “I can’t. I helped to destroy the woman I love with all my heart. How can I forgive myself for that?”

Annabelle didn’t speak again, instead she lay down at the furthest end of his bed. He didn’t look at her, couldn’t bear to see the accusation—or worse—pain, in her eyes. Instead, he lay awake, listening to her breathing grow deeper, feeling like the space between them was growing to canyon-sized proportions.

Once he bought her family’s debt, he’d sign it over to her so she could go home. A pang ripped through his heart at the thought, but he ignored it. He’d be damned if he let the fame monster win again.

* * * *

“I can’t believe you pulled your first night in London! That has to be some sort of record, even for you.” Anna grinned at Jess across the coffee table with more enthusiasm than she felt.

Jess laughed. “You don’t mind, do you? Sorry I bailed, but these kind of opportunities don’t come along very often.”

Anna sipped her espresso before answering. “No, I don’t mind,” she assured Jess and forced another grin onto her face. The start of her night had been pretty spectacular, she’d almost forgotten about Jess completely. The end of the night, however, was a different story.

She knew Miles was asking her to leave again because he was worried, but it was really getting on her nerves. She
was
strong and would get stronger still. There was no way she’d let her feelings for him get in the way of her chance to save her family or her dream, but she understood why he was trying to convince her to leave.

He still held onto his guilt over his wife’s death, and Anna was pretty sure he cared enough for her that he didn’t want her ending up the same way.

What bothered her the most was whether or not he could return her love if he still loved Cassie so much.
With all his heart.
Anna had no idea how these things worked and thought now would be the time to confess her woes, if not to Miles, then Jess.

“Can I tell you something in confidence?” she asked.

Jess’s eyebrows shot up almost to her hairline and Anna saw that she’d offended her friend. Immediately, Anna regretted the words. Jess could keep a secret. She’d kept her mouth shut about Anna’s crappy home life all through the competition. It was unfair to say that.

“Okay, I know you won’t spill the beans on this. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Anna. What’s up?”

“I think I’m in love with Miles.” Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She did love Miles, way too much to be healthy if she was honest.

Thank goodness they were alone in the hotel suite Jess had booked because she shrieked “Oh my God, Anna. That’s huge.”

As if she didn’t know that already. But that’s not why she brought it up. “I know. Only problem is, I don’t think he’ll be able to love me or whether he’ll even want to. He still loves his wife, Cassie, and I’m pretty sure he feels guilty about being with me.” She didn’t want to mention the fact that he couldn’t perform at first or the way the light had died in his emerald eyes after he confessed that making love to Anna was the best he’d ever had. That was private, even from her best friend.

Of course she didn’t have to explain who Cassie was. It was common knowledge. The press still occasionally brought it up when the show aired.

“Anna, that’s rubbish. Whether he still loves her or not is irrelevant. You can love more than one person. I saw the way he looked at you last night and that place was teaming with gorgeous model types. He looks at you like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. It was really cute.”

“Really?”

Jess nodded and Anna’s heart soared briefly before it crashed back to earth with a thud. What if he was looking at her like that because she was the first person he’d been able to sleep with since Cassie died? After all, he’d made it perfectly clear he still loved Cassie, not to mention the fact he was starting to push for Anna to leave again. Well, to hell with that. She was in it to win it. She refused to let his fears quash her dreams.

* * * *

“I can’t believe I did it.”

“I can. You’re amazing, Annabelle. In every single way.” Miles couldn’t hold the words back. He’d been bursting with pride all evening since he’d heard her sing and saw her elation as Mhairi had announced she’d made it through to the finals.

A limo pulled up on the curb outside his flat and she turned to him, her face glowing with excitement.

He held the door of the limousine open for her and she climbed in. Once he was seated on the cream leather seats, he poured two glasses of champagne from the mini-bar. He held one out to her, unable to keep his lips stretching from ear to ear. She looked magnificent in a bottle green silk wrap dress. He’d bought it for her yesterday—partly because of the guilt he felt after last night—so she could wear it for tonight’s performance.

Annabelle had been so over the moon with the gesture, she locked the door to her dressing room and they made heady, passionate love on the dresser. He was growing hard remembering exactly how heady it had been.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“It’s a surprise.” Miles touched his champagne flute to hers. “Tonight’s for you, Annabelle. Relax and enjoy the ride.”

Annabelle snuggled her head into the nook of his shoulder and sipped champagne while the limo drove them around London. He pointed out Westminster Abbey and as they neared it, the London Eye which was lit up with spotlights.

It was a risk taking her out in public, the scandal of being seen together could mess up her chances in the competition. But since he was taking precautions and was planning to convince her to leave as soon as the paperwork came through, Miles didn’t feel half as worried about it as he should.

“Wow, it’s beautiful. Are we going on it?” she asked, staring at the London Eye hopefully.

“Not tonight.” But Miles made a note to take her on it before she left. “We’re going there.” He pointed across the road to Altitude 360. It was the only venue in London with a tremendous jet liner view of all the main attractions. Annabelle’s eyes grew huge and he couldn’t resist pressing his lips to her forehead.