The More I See (8 page)

"They're not a dark blue. My sister Kim has dark blue eyes that remind me of sapphires."

His hands stilled, cupping her cheeks. "I'm not asking about your sister. I want to know you."

She really didn't want to pull out the list of flaws she'd cataloged over the past few years.

"Lighter, not really like the sky, but—"

"Slate, smoky?"

"I guess. Yes. But they're kind of wide-set."

A smile stretched his lips. He brushed the pad of his thumb over her eyelashes, forcing her to close her eyes.

"Your cheekbones are very prominent. And you like to laugh. I can feel the laugh lines."

With his hands still cupping her cheeks, his fingers gently caressed her earlobes. A crease puckered between his eyebrows. "No earrings?"

"I never got them pierced."

"I find that strange."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Girls like jewelry and all those dainty things."

Lyssa didn't want to mention the dainty things he missed seeing earlier. Her one and only true vice was fine underwear. The best. It had always been that way. She loved to feel it beneath her clothes. If she had money in her pocket to buy either a dress or some lingerie, she chose the latter, which was maybe why most of her wardrobe consisted of blue jeans and cotton shirts. It wasn't very alluring to the opposite sex, she knew, but it made her feel good.

Wearing casual clothes made it easier to work with the dogs. She didn't have to worry about ruining her clothes, even though her mother always complained it made her look too boyish.

That may be true, but it was the sleek silk underneath her denim blues that made Lyssa feel feminine. However, that particular detail wasn't likely to come up in conversation between her and Cody any time soon.

"I don't wear any jewelry when I'm working with dogs. Which is pretty much all the time."

"You're not working with any dogs right now," he challenged her with a grin.

"It's become a habit. I don't even think about it most of the time, unless someone brings it up."

She closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing as the pad of his thumbs made a slow pass over her lips. Then another.

"And I'm guessing no lipstick either."

"That's right."

His lips tilted into a grin. "Generous mouth."

She laughed at that. "Some would say a little too generous. In size and opinion."

Lyssa sat there with Cody on the grass beneath the shady tree. He forced her eyes closed with his fingers. All of her senses seemed to explode to life. In the distance, she heard the sound of grazing cattle, the rustle of leaves blowing over bony roots protruding from the ground. If she was quiet enough she could swear she could hear the hammer of own heart beating with Cody's.

He said her name so softly Lyssa wasn't sure she had actually heard it at all. But then his fingers cupped her cheeks again and she opened her eyes.

Cody sat there, his lips just inches from hers. His eyes were closed, his mouth slightly parted, his lips moist. He was going to kiss her. That realization sparked a flame so deep and hot inside her it stole her breath away. She had been so caught up in how she felt that she hadn't been paying attention at all to Cody's reaction. And the fact that touching her this way had affected him too only made her senses burn brighter.

She shouldn't be so shocked, but she was. It wasn't as if she hadn't imagined what it would be like to kiss Cody. In truth, she had. The past three nights had seemed very long, leaving her anxious and wondering about the kind of man Cody really was. Not just now,

but before the accident, before his life had been derailed so drastically.

She had seen many people bounce back from similar tragedies, although it was never easy. It took a certain amount of inner strength that made a person put one foot in front of the other. Those whose situations made it seem near certain they wouldn't succeed were usually the ones who surprised her the most. That inner strength of character drove them beyond what was believed possible.

Cody had that inner strength. Lyssa knew it. There was something so strong about him, so determined, and yet he somehow had succumbed to the idea that his life was over.

And now here he was clearly wanting something that she herself had dreamed of these past three nights. She wanted to kiss him, wanted to feel what it was like to press her lips against his and discover the mystery, feel the engine that burned inside him roar to life.

For her this time.

He said her name again, this time louder, and it was clear to Lyssa that he was waiting, waiting for her to lean in and except his invitation.

She ran her tongue over her lips, feeling the cool breeze brush over them as the wind blew.

His hands lingered on her cheeks, touching her softly in silence. He held her face in his hands with such care it made her dizzy. Then he abruptly dropped them to his lap.

"You're a very beautiful woman, Alyssandra." His voice was so low and deep that she could barely hear it over the neighs of the horses, the distant moos of cattle, and the rustling of leaves in the trees.

Tears immediately sprang to Lyssa's eyes. Not because she didn't believe Cody. In his mind, maybe he had taken the simple, plain woman she was in reality and turned her into something beautiful in his mind. And for that moment, she did feel as beautiful as he seemed to believe.

At first, he didn't move away, and didn't say another word. He just sat there, oh, so close, opposite her on the grass. All Lyssa could think of was the way he'd held her face in his hands as if she were a fragile piece of glass.

And then he did move away, leaning back with his arms behind him, as if he was actually gazing out at the pasture beyond them.

Already she missed the feel of his hands and was disappointed the brief link they'd shared was now broken. Regret washed over her and she only hoped Cody couldn't hear it in her voice.

"Thank you," he murmured.

"For what?"

"For letting me see you. For making me feel alive for the first time in eight months."

She smiled, feeling a heat swell in her chest and creep up her neck. "You're welcome."

"Tell me what you see. The pasture, I mean."

She looked out at the field. "It's breathtaking. But you know that already."

"Yes, I do know. But I want to hear it from you. I want to see it through your eyes. It's different to sit here like I have my whole life and look at these pastures.

"People tend to take things for granted when they know all they have to do is reach out and grab something and it's theirs. It loses meaning. It's different looking at something for the first time. Don't you think?"

"I suppose you're right."

Lyssa gazed out at the rippling fields of sunlit gold and green. The hills rolled all the way across the pasture until they reached a wooded area.

"The branches of this tree stretch out and form a sort of shaded cave. A few cattle are huddled underneath a similar tree on the rise of one of the hills, but most of the herd is huddled together out in the field."

"But where are we?"

"There is a dirt road that cuts through the far right-hand side of the pasture and heads into the wooded area that goes to the hills. Patches of beautiful wildflowers are all blooming on one side of it."

"And on the other side of the road is a flat grassy spot?"

She smiled. "Yes."

"Take me there."

She glanced at him then, saw the bittersweet smile playing at the corners of his lips. It almost seemed as if he was at war with it.

She didn't relish the idea of getting back on that horse, although she had to admit that old Diesel was as gentle as a kitten, despite his size. But this time she didn't have a stool to stand on to help her hoist herself into the saddle. Which meant only one thing. Cody had to help her. And without his vision she wondered how what seemed comical earlier could be frustrating now.

There was only one way to find out.

* * *

Cody needed a distraction. He hadn't been kidding when he said this was the first time in eight months he truly felt alive. It had taken every bit of willpower he had to hold himself back and not kiss Lyssa. Sure, there was a lot of steam and sass in Lyssa, but something told him this wasn't a woman who knew the rules of the game. There was a definite innocence floating just beneath the surface of her that Cody found hard to ignore. That he found enticing.

He extended his hand, and she easily slipped hers into it. It didn't feel as if she was leading him when she didn't readily release his grip. And he liked that about her. He didn't feel this crippling sense of need. At least, not the kind of need that ate at his soul.

With their hands entwined, he couldn't help but think of the feel of his hands on Lyssa's face, feeling her soft, warm breath against his palm. How it nearly did him in.

As if she was oblivious to the war raging inside him, Lyssa just walked, and he followed until the sounds of hooves dropping to the dirt and jaws chomping grew louder.

A light breeze cooled his cheeks and brought Lyssa's scent with it. She was standing right beside him. Above the more familiar smell of animals and baking grass was a faintly sweet smell that he'd come to associate with Lyssa.

Before she could move out of his way, his hands were around her waist. And for a

second, he'd forgotten why they were standing there in the field. He wanted to kiss her, feel his mouth cover hers and feel her explode beneath his touch.

"I'll lift you up," he said, not giving her the chance to protest.

"Okay. But then you'll need to find your horse."

"That's not a problem."

It hadn't taken a whole lot of effort to lift her. Having been in the saddle once already she knew the drill. He took the extra moment to stroke Diesel E's neck while waiting for her prompt.

"Sassy's just a few yards to your left. I'll guide you there."

He wanted to tell her that all he had to do was whistle and Sassy would be by his side.

But that hadn't been a cue between the two of them in many months. Cody couldn't be sure that Sassy would remember the way it used to be with them.

Regret ran strong through his veins, soaking him hard from head to foot. He'd stayed away too long. Animals were forgiving. But he'd let go of something precious that he loved, not trusting it would be there for him when he needed it the most. He hadn't been fair to either one of them.

So Diesel E led the way and before he knew it, Sassy was standing beside him, waiting patiently for him to mount. His sunglasses hid the unbidden tears that sprung to his eyes. Thank God some things were as sure as the sunrise. Too bad his faith hadn't been.

Within the next minute they were riding and he remembered how he loved sitting in the saddle.

"Where are we now?"

"Just at the edge of the road, on the flat grassy area we came in on."

"Good."

His lips stretched into a wide grin before he could help himself. The regret he'd felt just moments ago was replaced by something more potent. Reaching up, he pulled down his hat extra tight on his head.

"How much distance do you figure we have until we hit the trees?"

"Oh, a good quarter of a mile at least, I'd guess. Maybe more."

"Enough. Perfect," he said, mostly under his breath, anticipation racing through him.

"Stay here, Lyssa. I'll be right back."

All it took was one quick kick of the stirrups against his horse's ribs, and like lightning striking quick and hot, Sassy took off. Cody and Sassy had run this stretch at least a hundred times. Many times with Cody's eyes closed. He didn't need to see where he was going now.

Didn't need to gauge the distance from the house to the pool to the corral and then back again by counting steps. Here he could just fly, and he knew Sassy would take him exactly where he wanted to go.

For the first time in eight months, with nothing to cage him, Cody flew.

# # #

Cody didn't need to hide behind his sunglasses here. He didn't have to pretend. He could simply close his eyes as he had hundreds of times and see the blur of trees and wildflowers race by him while he took in their fragrant scent. The heat tore into his cotton shirt as the wind ruffling his sleeves cooled it down.

Cody wasn't blind here on this little patch of earth. He was alive. And for the first time in a long time, he actually felt whole again. He didn't need a hand to hold, didn't need a worried eye, steady and sure, on his back to make sure he didn't wander into dangerous territory. It was just him and Sweet Sassy's Smile chasing the wind.

Sassy slowed down as they reached the edge of the clearing. Cody knew immediately that they had come to the end of their run. Disappointment consumed him, but he immediately squashed it down. As if driving home the fact that he couldn't look back to see the distance he had just come, the sun beat down unmercifully hard on him, burning the newly cooled skin beneath his shirt.

It would do no good to sink back into the depths of depression. Truth was, it felt too damn good to ride again. All the stubbornness in the world didn't make up for how good he had felt just a few seconds ago. Cody wasn't willing to give that up. Not just yet. He might have to accept his lot in life, but he could take the gift that God had given him and enjoy it for all it was worth.

Finally he understood exactly what Lyssa had been trying to tell him for the past few days. It was still a bitter pill to swallow, and Cody wasn't quite sure his throat was big enough to handle it, but he was sure going to try. If he didn't, there'd never be moments like he'd just experienced. Both with Lyssa and riding Sweet Sassy's Smile. The thought of missing those moments was somehow too hard to accept.

A cluster of honeybees and dragonflies were buzzing among the wildflowers, talking among each other in their way, singing against the backdrop of grazing cattle. He could hear this clearly as if they were right against his ear. In between the clip-clopping of horse hooves against the dry earth he heard another set of hooves charging across the field, coming closer with every second.