The Mourning Woods - 03 (18 page)

“Weren’t you supposed to ask Boston about these things?”

“How the hell would I even know to ask? The only apes I’ve ever seen are in the Bronx Zoo. Last time I was there, they didn’t talk back.”

“
NOW!
” the ugly face before us demanded again. This time it brought one cantaloupe sized fist down onto the hood of the car. The entire vehicle shook from the impact.

I looked each of my companions in the eye and said, “I think he wants us to get out.” Never let it be said I didn’t have a grasp of the obvious.

* * *

“Uh, Ed, what do you think you’re doing?”

“Not being stupid,” he replied, stepping out of the car, shotgun in hand.

“Your funeral,” I commented, likewise getting out.

Once we were all standing again, we got a true sense of scale for the creature standing before us. At over eight feet in height, it dwarfed my roommates and me. Sally was just barely over five-feet in heels, so I could only imagine that she felt like a Munchkin, assuming they have strip clubs in Oz.

The thing - Sasquatch, I guess - looked us all over. Upon seeing the gun in Ed’s hands, it threw back its head and let loose what I think was a laugh. It was hard to say. Imagine trying to chortle while gargling rocks and you’d get an idea of what it sounded like.

While it did that, I felt Sally give my shoulder a nudge. “What?” I asked.

“Introduce us,”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re the star and we’re just your entourage.”

Some days I really hate being the vampire “chosen one.” OK, if I’m going to do this, I might as well try and act tough. Sure, the thing in front of me looked like the Hulk wearing a fur coat, but if so, I was Captain Marvel...yeah right! Even the most deluded sections of my subconscious weren’t buying that one. I took a deep breath. I could handle this. I was a gamer, dammit. Ogres were bigger than this pile of shit (literally, now that we were out in the air, the smell of this thing was hitting us. I don’t think there’s enough Febreze in the world to fix this guy’s odor), and I had faced down dozens of them over the years. Sure, it was only on paper and with a twenty-sider, but same general principle...right?

I stepped past my friends and looked up into the face of the brute before me. I smiled, fangs extended for a little bit of extra menace. “I am Bill, Freewill of the vampire nation. I believe you’ve been expecting me.” (Damn, should have gone with “Dr. Death”...way more menacing sounding.)

The creature stopped laughing and looked down upon me. I had a distinct feeling that the next words to come out of its mouth would be, “BIGFOOT SMASH!” followed by a pummeling that would make me look back longingly at my encounter with the moose. For some reason, this thought struck me as funny. I don’t know why. A painful demise isn’t something I normally consider to be chuckle-worthy. Either the surrealness of the whole situation was getting to me or I was losing my mind. Either way, I felt the corners of my mouth curling up into a smirk.

Oh, well, in for a penny, I thought. I locked eyes with the creature (which I seem to recall learning from National Geographic isn’t a particularly smart thing to do with gorillas) and continued speaking. “These are my companions. We’re here to meet with your leaders.”

“
And why should Grulg take you?
”

Grulg? What the hell is a grulg? Oh, fuck this! While I try to avoid getting beaten to a pulp as much as possible, I am also of the mindset that if I have an ass-kicking coming, then I might as well deserve it. “Listen, Kong, I don’t have time for your shit. I have business to discuss with your
betters
.” At that, I heard multiple gasps of breath from behind. Gotta love everyone’s confidence in me. Of course, how would I even know that this guy wasn’t the one in charge? Oh, boy.

There was a tense moment of silence, during which my sensitive vampire ears heard Ed slide the safety off his gun. Maybe we’d all get lucky and he’d just blow my head off rather than let me stick my foot any further into my mouth. Finally, though, the smelly-ass Sasquatch in front of me simply nodded his head.

“
You follow Grulg.
”

“Uh...”

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” Sally spat. “
He’s
Grulg, you fucking idiot.”

“
Your concubine speaks with much fire,
” Grulg said in a tone that sort of sounded bemused, although maybe it was just me.

“Concu...”

“Yes, Grulg,” I interrupted before Sally’s temper could undo what I had gotten lucky with. “That’s how I like her...
sassy
.”

If Sally could have killed me with her mind, I’m sure she would have. However, Grulg just gave what I took to be a shrug. “
Follow.
”

“What about our stuff, Grulg?”

“
Leave here. We bring Freewill’s belongings later.
”

I exchanged glances with the members of my party that didn’t want to kill me.

“Valet parking, Bigfoot style,” Tom commented.

That made about as much sense as anything at the moment, so I just turned back to Grulg and said, “Lead the way.”

* * *

Had I known I was signing up for a wilderness trek, I would’ve invested in a pair of hiking boots. Grulg led us onward for what felt like at least a mile. I think we went straight, but the truth was I had absolutely no idea. He could’ve just been walking us in circles for all I knew.

Finally, he stopped next to a tree. It was large and old, and pretty much looked like every other tree we had passed, with the exception that it was covered in an intricate series of scratches about seven feet above the ground.

Before I could question what he was doing, Grulg lifted his head and let out a piercing howl. I have to admit, it was kind of freaky. I had seen enough movies to wonder if he was now giving the signal for an ambush. Any second now, a bunch of his hairy buddies would come rushing out to tear us apart...not that Grulg looked like he needed the help.

However, no attack came. A few moments passed and then answering howls rang out in the night, but they sounded far away.

Once silence had again descended, I let my curiosity get the better of me. “Grulg, what was that for?”

“
Respect.
”

“For?”

“
For the dead. We enter Woods of Mourning now.
”

I heard a quiet titter behind me. “Excuse me for a moment, Grulg,” I said and then turned. Unsurprisingly, Tom was standing there, a guilty look on his face. “Read my lips,
shut...the...fuck...up
,” I said as softly as I could and still be heard.

Tom continued grinning, but made a lip zipping motion. I sighed and turned back to our hairy escort. “Sorry, please go on.”

Grulg gave me what looked to be a dubious glance, but continued. “
Many ancestors buried here. Mighty warriors. Their spirits rejoin the land. They all around us, listening.
”

“Mighty warriors?”

“
Yes. Many laid low by the Tlunta,
” he spat that last word. I had a sneaking suspicion what he meant by it, but I asked anyway.

“
Undead,
” he answered with a snarl before once more turning to lead the way. Oh, yeah, this was gonna go well.

Gradually we began to see signs of life again. It started slowly, a shadow here and there, usually off in the distance; however, soon we started seeing more of Grulg’s kind. Some paid us no heed. Others bared their teeth at us as we passed. Yeah, there was definitely no love lost with these guys. It was a pretty safe bet that the
Twilight
movies weren’t a favorite at whatever passed for the local cinema around here.

Finally, we came to what I guess would be considered a village of sorts. I could see a series of huts spread out amongst the trees. Though crude, they were obviously built for the size of the normal inhabitants. They looked practically cavernous compared to my freshman dorm room. Unfortunately, they looked about as neat too. They were mainly covered in leaves and moss, held together by what I really hoped was mud. In short, they were shitholes. Guess I should’ve expected that we wouldn’t exactly be staying at a Marriott.

As we entered the encampment, a voice called from off to our right. “I will take them from here, Grulg. They are under my protection now.” It sounded familiar. I glanced over in that direction and my eyes immediately went wide.

“Oh, shit,” I muttered. Looking back toward the rest of my group, I saw that Sally had the same surprised expression. No wonder, in her case. The vampire who strode toward us was the very same who had casually lopped off her hand with a silver blade just a few months back. Judging by how he looked, he was every bit as well armed now as he had been back then.

“Nergui?” I asked disbelievingly as he came up to us.

He ignored me, instead walking up to the monster that had been our guide and locking eyes with it. A tense moment passed. Eventually Grulg bared his lips in a snarl and broke the gaze. He turned back to us.

“
You with own now. We begin tomorrow,
” he said, then turned to wander off, leaving me to wonder if I had a tomorrow. The guy he was leaving me with had every reason, and ability too I might add, to make sure I didn’t live to see another nightfall.

As Nergui turned to us, I could almost feel Sally tensing behind me. Sure, we bickered like five-year-olds most of the time, but when push came to shove, I knew she would be there to back me up.

However, Nergui surprised me by bowing. “Greetings once more, Freewill,” he said upon straightening. “It is an honor to serve you.”

“Really?” I asked, completely taken off guard.

“Why would it not be?”

“Well for starters,” Sally said, stepping up next to me, “you did kind of try to kill us both not too long ago.”

“Yes. As I explained at the time to the Freewill, it was a misunderstanding.”

“A misunder...”

I interrupted Sally before she could blow her top. “Yes, an unfortunate misunderstanding for
all
of us. Still, considering what happened afterwards...”

He nodded at this, a brief flash of emotion shone in his eyes before his normal stoic demeanor took hold again. “Yes, the loss of my master is regrettable. If I could, I would gladly have given my life to save his.”

“From what I’ve heard, it wouldn’t have done any good.”

“Yes, so too has the Wanderer told me. Perhaps, perhaps not. I cannot change what has occurred. I can only serve my new mistress with as much honor as my worthless self can manage.”