The Murmurings (17 page)

“And let me guess,” Evan continues, apparently one step ahead of me. “What he wants is to find Susan.”

Adam frowns so deeply his chin threatens to disappear underneath his bottom lip. “He’s convinced that if he can coax out the Taker, he can somehow communicate with her again. He won’t accept that she’s gone. What’s left isn’t her at all. It’s just some mindless
creature
. The Taker won’t ever be his Susan again.”

“So you’re telling us there aren’t a bunch of Takers floating around Oakside, trying to get to the other Seers? It’s just this one that was created after his girlfriend died?” I ask.

“That’s the one he’s attracted, yes. But there are other Takers out there, trust me.”

And here Adam stops, like he’s lost his train of thought. Nell used to get that same look. I find myself wondering just
how many Takers tried to burrow themselves into my sister’s body before she didn’t have the strength to fight one off any longer.

“But this is the one he’s been trying to coax out of hiding through the Seers he’s accepted into the facility,” Adam finishes once his eyes clear of their shadow. “Susan’s Taker probably found Dr. Keller, then after realizing he wasn’t a Seer, latched on to the nearest one.”

My throat caves in on itself. I cough to clear a passage, but it only makes my eyes well with tears. “That’s the Taker that killed Nell?”

Adam crosses the room and kneels beside me, his head level with mine. I should feel swallowed by his stare, but somehow I feel comforted.

“I thought coming here and getting away from him would help.” Adam shakes his head slowly, his eyes never letting go of mine. “We were wrong.”

Tears spill from my eyes like water overflowing a glass.

“You’ve got to stay away from Oakside,” Adam says. “Nell knew you saw the Taker that night in your bathroom mirror. When she broke it, she wasn’t trying to hurt herself, Sophie. She was trying to make it stop. She was trying to hurt
it
, trying to protect you.”

I lean toward Evan for support, setting my anger aside,
and his hands squeeze my shoulders, drawing me to him.

“She knew? She knew that I . . . ?”

“You can’t go near Oakside. Dr. Keller knows too much. He can open the window to let the Taker in. He can get to you. He can send
it
for you. Do you understand?”

But I’m not listening to Adam anymore. My mind is swimming through the events of the past year. “It was you watching me that day I came to Jerome. The week after they found her, you left the journal in my car.”

But I don’t need him to answer. I already know.

“I thought after reading her journal, you’d be satisfied. Nell wanted nothing more than to keep you safe. She talked about it all the time. You have to promise that you’ll never step foot in Oakside, that you won’t let Dr. Keller near you.”

I don’t promise him a thing. Instead, I say, “You wanted me to find you. The journal, the blog. You even stayed in Jerome. Why would you do all that just to tell me to stay away?”

Adam’s jaw stiffens, but he doesn’t answer.

“Here’s what I think,” I continue, finally putting some of the pieces together. “It’s impossible to escape a Taker once it’s found you. No place is safe if you’re a Seer. You’ve proven that.” I lean in. “What you don’t want to admit is that with Nell gone, Susan’s Taker is after me. Nell told Dr. Keller that I saw what she saw that night in the bathroom. Which means
Dr. Keller knows I’m the next closest conduit to the Taker.”

Evan tenses beside me. I put my hand on his knee and continue.

“And that means I can stop Dr. Keller.”

Adam says nothing, but he has no reason to. I’ve said it all for him.

Evan and I leave in silence. We head back to the car feeling no more satisfied than we did when we arrived at the mine so full of strife that they named it accordingly.

T
HE DRIVE TO
J
EROME FELT
like it took days, but the ride back feels like it takes minutes. That’s especially surprising considering it’s been almost completely silent. Neither Evan nor I even thought to put on music, and now that we’re nearly home, there’s no point.

“Thanks for letting me drive,” Evan finally says, and I’m startled to hear his voice.

“No biggie.” Frankly, I couldn’t care less who’s driving my mom’s beat-up Buick.

“It helped me sort some things out,” he says.

I’m back to being pissed at him for how he reacted at Adam’s place.

“Yeah? How’s that going?”

“Not so great,” he scowls.

After I’ve grown used to the quiet again, he pipes up. “How could you not tell me?”

“Are you kidding me?” I ask in full defense mode. “Exactly what would you have wanted me to say? ‘Hey Evan, I know we only just started hanging out and don’t even know each other’s birthdays or favorite movies or what we want to be when we get older, but here’s a fun little fact: I hear people whispering when no one’s there, which probably means I’m going crazy. Still want to hang out?’ Jesus, Evan. I was afraid you’d—”

“What, think you’re a freak?” He grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles begin to pale. “You’re forgetting one important detail.
I
shared something with you, something I’ve never told anyone. I told you about Deb. About what happened to her.”

“Yeah, and you also told me that you thought she was crazy just like your aunt and uncle did,” I spit back.

“I was a kid!” Evan yells. “What did you expect me to think? By the time they sent her away, I was finally old enough to understand how badly they’d treated her, but I still couldn’t do shit about it. I’ve been trying to figure out what happened to Deb ever since, which by the way is looking totally hopeless now that I know how crazy Dr. Keller is and how there
are basically no Seers left at Oakside. Do you honestly think I would have shown you those websites if I didn’t think that you would understand?”

For the life of me, I can’t think of a thing to say in response.

“After our picnic, I thought we had an understanding. I thought you
got
me.”

He pauses before delivering his final blow on my already throbbing heart: “I guess I was wrong.”

We pull up to my house.

“You weren’t wrong.”

Evan doesn’t answer me. He stares at the steering wheel, the engine still rumbling.

“I should have told you that I was like Nell. Like Deb. Because I felt a connection too, that day by the picnic benches. You have to understand, I saw what happened when people found out about Nell. They treated her like she had some sort of contagious disease. I just couldn’t stand the thought of you thinking of me like that.”

He turns to me. “So now do you trust me?”

I think for a second. “I have for a while. I just never told you.”

The sun is beginning to make its way down toward the mountaintops. He reaches out for my hand, rubbing the top of it with his thumb. I would give anything to keep feeling
this newness. We’ve had our first big argument, but mutual forgiveness stretches between us. Which is why it kills me to say what I have to say next.

“I’m going back to Oakside.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

“No,” I say indignantly, though he may be right.

Evan’s so flustered his voice actually cracks. “Why the hell would you risk—after everything Adam just told us—do you have any idea—?”

“You heard what Adam said,” I try to explain. “There are still two Seers there, and I already know one of them, this guy Kenny. He wants to help me or he wouldn’t have given me that poem from Nell’s journal. Nell wanted him to have it, maybe so he’d know there was hope outside of Oakside. Or maybe because she knew that somehow it would find its way back to me. The other Seer has to be MM. And if Kenny wanted to help put an end to Dr. Keller’s experiments, I’m sure MM will want to too.”

“And what, you’re going to waltz in there after what happened last time and politely ask to speak with Nell’s other friend? You don’t have to play the hero!”

“But what if this is the only way to make the Taker leave me alone?”

“Sophie—”

“Evan, I wasn’t asking for your approval!” That shuts him up in a hurry.

He puts his hands to the sides of his head and squeezes, like he’s trying to find some restraint between his palms. I cross my arms over my chest.

Finally, we both put our hands in our respective laps.

“Look, all-star camp for football starts tomorrow,” he says, frowning.

I completely forgot. Winter break begins Monday. I have officially lost all track of time.

“I’m going to be up at Camp Verde until Thursday, and I’m not going to have my phone. Coach Tarza has this no cell phone policy.” Evan rolls his eyes more than he usually does when he talks about his coach’s rules.

But then his face turns serious. “Please, promise me you won’t do anything until I get back.”

“Evan, I—” I start to argue, but he interrupts me, this time taking both of my hands into his giant callused palms.

“
Please
, Sophie. I’m asking you not to. I know it’s a lot to ask, but . . . ”

“But what?”

“I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”

This is probably the only thing he could have said to keep me from driving to Oakside the minute he left tonight.

So I just nod in response.

“I want to hear you say it,” he pushes.

Sighing, I say, “I won’t go to Oakside. Not until you get back.”

His brow crinkles. He doesn’t believe me.

“I promise, okay? Just hurry home.” I say grudgingly.

This conjures a tiny smile. “Trust me, I’m going to want to get back in a hurry. But not to go to Oakside.”

And with that, he leans across the console, my hands still in his, and finds my lips with surprising efficiency. He kisses me hard. It’s as if he’s taking out the rest of his anger on my mouth. And while I know this should make me mad, and it sort of does, I find myself pushing back against him, like we’re fighting without saying a word. A low groan comes from his throat, and I return it with a gasp, my breath buried under the weight of his mouth. I can’t pull away. Then, he moves his mouth toward my neck, his lips soft and pliable under my earlobe. He whispers, “I don’t know how I’m going to concentrate on football.”

I pull away for the second time today, but this time it’s even more difficult than the first. “Just focus on coming home quick.”

He unlatches his seat belt and slides from the door, pausing for a second to rest his head on the window, his eyes closed in what almost looks like pain.

“Be good, Sophie D.,” he says, sliding into the driver’s seat of his car.

I’ve just turned around to go inside when he says, “Wait.”

Leaning into the backseat, he reemerges from his car and trots over to me, a balled-up football jersey in his hands.

I crinkle my nose.

“It’s clean,” he chuckles. “I don’t need this one. Just keep it. To help you remember your promise.”

I roll my eyes and take the jersey from him. My lips are still burning from our kiss as I watch him pull away and round the corner.

The house is empty when I walk in.

There’re no liquor bottles on the counter, no melted ring of condensation telling me where there used to be a glass. I make my way to Mom’s room and find the bed not only empty, but made.

“Mom?” I ask the house, the walls, the furniture, the stale smell that comes from staying in a home without really living in it. “Mom, I’m home!”

When I don’t get an answer, I drag my phone from my bag and search for missed calls, but find none.

I go to the fridge and try to find something to eat. I’m not hungry but know my body actually does need food. I forage through the fridge with zero enthusiasm, my mind engrossed in our conversation with Adam. The way he looked at us with
his black eyes. The abandoned shack where he’d tried to keep Nell safe when my mom and I couldn’t. Adam’s words roll back on me like a wave licking the sand, depositing little shells each time it returns.

There’s always a tiny piece of evidence left behind.

He won’t accept that she’s gone. What’s left isn’t her at all.

Everything she said was the truth. You know it and I know it. The question is, what are you going to do about it?

My appetite is even more dampened than it was a second ago, but I emerge from the fridge with a block of cheese and an apple. That’s when I see the note on the fridge.

Going to AA with AB. Should be food in the fridge for dinner.

Love, M

I blink at the note for a few seconds before returning the cheese and apple to the shelf where I found them.

“Well, what do you know?” I ask the refrigerator with enough sarcasm to quell any excitement. I know the disappointment that’s bound to follow. This is no different from all of the other times Mom’s promised to quit. Sure, she’s never actually gone so far as to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but that was probably the only way to get Aunt Becca off her back. And when Mom’s spooning a bottle of gin in her bed two days from now and apologizing to the air, she’ll be the only one who’s surprised.

I go to change my bandage and decide to let it get some air so it’ll scab over. Then I change into Evan’s practice jersey, which reminds me of the way his bedroom smells, and a pair of old cotton shorts and lie down on my bed. Adam’s voice tunnels through my brain.

“Enough,” I tell it. “Enough for tonight. I can’t think anymore.”

Besides, if I keep thinking about everything Adam told us today, I’m more likely to break my promise to Evan and go to Oakside before he gets back.

I leave my room and crack the door to Nell’s. I still enter her room with the same hesitation as when she was alive. I peer around the door and wait for an approval that will never come. But it still feels right to make the gesture.

I slide Nell’s journal from its home between her mattress and the box spring, and crack open the composition book to where I left off: the entry after the poem Kenny slipped me right before he gave me a concussion.

We went outside today, MM and I. They took LM to the room, so it was just the two of us. We couldn’t stand waiting around for him to get back.