The Myron Bolitar Series 7-Book Bundle (159 page)

“Esperanza wouldn’t kill anyone,” he said.

He waited for Big Cyndi to agree or at least nod her head. But she didn’t. She hunched the shoulders back up and disappeared within herself.

Myron slid back into the car. Win followed, handing Myron a towel. The driver started up.

“Hester Crimstein is her attorney,” Myron said.

“Ms. Court TV?”

“The same.”

“Ah,” Win said. “And what’s the name of her show again?”

“Crimstein on Crime,”
Myron said.

Win frowned. “Cute.”

“She had a book with the same title.” Myron shook his head. “This is weird. Hester Crimstein doesn’t take many cases anymore. So how did Esperanza land her?”

Win tapped his chin with his forefinger. “I’m not positive,” he said, “but I believe Esperanza had a fling with her a couple of months back.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Well, yes, I am such a mirthful fellow. And wasn’t that just the funniest line?”

Wiseass. But it made sense. Esperanza was as perfect a bisexual as you could find—perfect because everyone, no matter what his or her sex or preference, found her immensely attractive. If you’re going to go all ways, might as well have universal appeal, right?

Myron mulled this over a few moments. “Do you know where Hester Crimstein lives?” he asked.

“Two buildings up from me on Central Park West.”

“So let’s pay her a visit.”

Win frowned. “Why?”

“Maybe she can fill us in.”

“She won’t talk to us.”

“Maybe she will.”

“What makes you say that?”

“For one thing,” Myron said, “I’m feeling particularly charming.”

“By God.” Win leaned forward. “Driver, step on the gas.”

Win lived at the Dakota, one of Manhattan’s swankiest buildings. Hester Crimstein lived two blocks north at the San Remo, an equally swanky building. Occupants included Diane Keaton and Dustin Hoffman, but the San Remo was perhaps best known as the building that had rejected Madonna’s application for residence.

There were two entranceways, both with doormen dressed like Brezhnev strolling Red Square. Brezhnev One announced in a clipped tone that Ms. Crimstein was “not present.” He actually used the word
present
too; people don’t often do that in real life. He smiled for Win and looked down his nose at Myron. This was no easy task—Myron was at least six inches taller—and required Brezhnev to tilt his head way back so that his nostrils looked like the westbound entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel. Why, Myron wondered, do servants of the rich and famous act snootier than their masters? Was it simple resentment? Was it because they were looked down upon all day and thus needed on occasion to be the one doing the looking down? Or—more simply—were people attracted to such jobs insecure asswipes?

Life’s little mysteries.

“Are you expecting Ms. Crimstein back tonight?” Win asked.

Brezhnev opened his mouth, stopped, cast a wary eye as if he feared Myron might defecate on the Persian rug. Win read his face and led him to the side, away from the lowly member of the unwashed.

“She should be back soon, Mr. Lockwood.” Ah, so Brezhnev had recognized Win. No wonder. “Ms. Crimstein’s aerobics class concludes at eleven.”

Exercising at eleven o’clock at night. Welcome to the nineties, where leisure time is sucked away like something undergoing liposuction.

There were no waiting or sitting areas at the San Remo—most of your finer buildings did not encourage even approved guests to loiter—so they moved outside to the street. Central Park was across the roadway. Myron could see, well, trees and a stone wall, and that was about it. Lots of taxis sped north. Win’s stretch limousine had been dismissed—they both figured they could walk the two blocks to Win’s place—but there were four other stretch limousines sitting in a no parking zone. A fifth pulled up. A silver stretch Mercedes. Brezhnev rushed to the car door like he really had to pee and there was a bathroom inside.

An old man, bald except for a white crown of hair, stumbled out, his mouth twisted poststroke. A woman resembling a prune followed. Both were expensively dressed and maybe a hundred years old. Something about them troubled Myron. They looked wizened, yes. Old, certainly. But there was more to it, Myron sensed. People talk about sweet little old people, but these two were so blatantly the opposite, their eyes beady, their movements shifty and angry and fearful. Life had sapped them, sucked out all the goodness and hope of youth, leaving them with
a vitality based on something ugly and hateful. Bitterness was the only thing left. Whether the bitterness was directed at God or at their fellowman, Myron could not say.

Win nudged him. He looked to his right and saw a figure he recognized from TV as Hester Crimstein coming toward them. She was on the husky side, at least by today’s warped Kate Mossian standards, and her face was fleshy and cherubic. She wore Reebok white sneakers, white socks, green stretch pants that would probably make Kate snicker, a sweatshirt, a knit hat with frosted blond hair sticking out the back. The old man stopped when he saw the attorney, grabbed the prune lady’s hand, hurried inside.

“Bitch!” the old man managed through the good side of his face.

“Up yours too, Lou,” Hester called out after him.

The old man stopped, looked like he wanted to say something more, limped off.

Myron and Win exchanged a glance and approached.

“Old adversary,” she said in way of explanation. “You ever hear the old adage that only the good die young?”

“Uh, sure.”

Hester Crimstein gestured with both hands at the old couple like Carol Merrill showing off a brand-new car. “There’s your proof. Couple years back I helped his children sue the son of a bitch. You never saw anything like it.” She tilted her head. “Ever notice how some people are like jackals?”

“Pardon?”

“They eat their young. That’s Lou. And don’t even get me started on that shriveled-up witch he lives with. Five-dollar whore who hit the jackpot. Hard to believe looking at her now.”

“I see,” Myron said, though he didn’t. He tried to push ahead. “Ms. Crimstein, my name is—”

“Myron Bolitar,” she interrupted. “By the way, that’s a horrid name. Myron. What were your parents thinking?”

A very good question. “If you know who I am, then you know why I’m here.”

“Yes and no,” Hester said.

“Yes and no?”

“Well, I know who you are because I’m a sports nut. I used to watch you play. That NCAA championship game against Indiana was a frigging classic. I know the Celtics drafted you in the first round, what, eleven, twelve years ago?”

“Something like that.”

“But frankly—and I mean no offense here—I’m not sure you had the speed to be a great pro, Myron. The shot, sure. You could always shoot. You could be physical. But what are you, six-five?”

“About that.”

“You would have had a tough time in the NBA. One woman’s opinion. But of course the fates took care of that by blowing out your knee. Only an alternate universe knows the truth.” She smiled. “Nice chatting with you.” She looked over at Win. “You too, gabby boy. Good night.”

“Wait a second,” Myron said. “I’m here about Esperanza Diaz.”

She faked a gasp of surprise. “Really? And here I thought you just wanted to reminisce about your athletic career.”

He looked at Win. “The charm,” Win whispered.

Myron turned back toward Hester. “Esperanza is my friend,” he said.

“So?”

“So I want to help.”

“Great. I’ll start sending you the bills. This case is going to cost a bundle. I’m very expensive, you know. You can’t believe the upkeep of this building. And now the doormen want new uniforms. Something in mauve, I think.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh?”

“I’d like to know what’s going on with the case.”

She scrunched up her face. “Where have you been the last few weeks?”

“Away.”

“Where away?”

“The Caribbean.”

She nodded. “Nice tan.”

“Thanks.”

“But you could have gotten it at a tanning booth. You look like the kind of guy who hangs out at tanning booths.”

Myron looked at Win again. “The charm, Luke,” Win whispered, doing his best Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan Kenobi. “Remember the charm.”

“Ms. Crimstein—”

“Anyone who can verify your whereabouts in the Caribbean, Myron?”

“Pardon me?”

“Hearing problems? I asked if anyone can verify your whereabouts at the time of the alleged murder.”

Alleged murder. The guy is shot three times in his home, but the murder is only “alleged.” Lawyers. “Why do you want to know that?”

Hester Crimstein shrugged. “The alleged murder weapon was allegedly found at the offices of one MB SportsReps. That’s your company, is it not?”

“It is.”

“And you use the company car where the alleged blood and alleged fibers were allegedly found.”

Win said, “The key word here is
alleged.”

Hester Crimstein looked at Win. “It speaks.”

Win smiled.

Myron said, “You think I’m a suspect?”

“Sure, why not? It’s called reasonable doubt, sweet buns. I’m a defense attorney. We’re big on reasonable doubt.”

“Much as I’d like to help, there was a witness to my whereabouts.”

“Who?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Another shrug. “You’re the one who said you wanted to help. Good night.” She looked at Win. “By the way, you’re the perfect man—good-looking and nearly mute.”

“Careful,” Win said to her.

“Why?”

Win pointed at Myron with his thumb. “Any minute now he’s going to turn on the charm and reduce your willpower to rubble.”

She looked at Myron and burst out laughing.

Myron tried again. “So what happened?” he asked.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m her friend.”

“Yeah, I think you already said that.”

“I’m her best friend. I care about her.”

“Fine. Tomorrow I’ll pass her a note during study hall, find out if she likes you too. Then you can meet at Pop’s and share a soda.”

“That’s not what I—” Myron stopped, gave her the slow, slightly put-out-but-here-to-help smile. Smile 18: the Michael Landon model, except he couldn’t crinkle the
eyebrow. “I’d just like to know what happened. You can appreciate that.”

Her face softened, and she nodded. “You went to law school, right?”

“Yes.”

“At Harvard no less.”

“Yes.”

“So maybe you were absent the day they went over a little something we call attorney-client privilege. I can recommend some wonderful books on the subject, if you’d like. Or maybe you can watch any episode of
Law & Order.
They usually talk about it right before the old DA grouses to Sam Waterston that he’s got no case and should cut a deal.”

So much for charm. “You’re just covering your ass,” Myron said.

She looked behind her and down. Then she frowned. “No easy task, I assure you.”

“I thought you were supposed to be a hotshot attorney.”

She sighed, crossed her arms. “Okay, Myron, let’s hear it. Why am I covering my ass? Why am I not the hotshot attorney you thought I was?”

“Because they didn’t let Esperanza surrender. Because they dragged her in in cuffs. Because they’re holding her overnight instead of getting her through the system in the same day. Why?”

She dropped her hands to her sides. “Good question, Myron. Why do you think?”

“Because someone there doesn’t like her high-profile attorney. Someone in the DA’s office probably has a hard-on for you and is taking it out on your client.”

She nodded. “Good possibility. But I have another one.”

“What?”

“Maybe they don’t like her employer.”

“Me?”

She started for the door. “Do us all a favor, Myron. Stay out of this. Just keep away. And maybe get yourself a lawyer.”

Hester Crimstein spun around and disappeared inside then. Myron turned toward Win. Win was bent at the waist, squinting at Myron’s crotch. “What the hell are you doing?”

Still squinting. “I wanted to see if she left you with even a sliver of a testicle.”

“Very funny. What do you think she meant about them not liking her employer?”

“Not a clue,” Win said. Then: “You mustn’t blame yourself.”

“What?”

“For your charm’s seemingly lackluster performance. You forgot a crucial component in all this.”

“That being?”

“Ms. Crimstein had an affair with Esperanza.”

Myron saw where he was going with this. “Of course. She must be a lesbian.”

“Precisely. It’s the only rational explanation for her ability to resist you.”

“That, or a really bizarre paranormal event.”

Win nodded. They started walking down Central Park West.

“This is also further proof of a very frightening adage,” Win said.

“What’s that?”

“Most women you encounter are lesbians.”

Myron nodded. “Almost every one.”

They walked the two blocks to Win’s place, watched a little television, went to bed. Myron lay in the dark exhausted, but sleep remained elusive. He thought about Jessica. Then he tried to think about Brenda, but the automatic defense mechanism deflected that one. Still too raw. And he thought about Terese. She was alone on that island tonight for the first time. During the day the island’s solitude was peaceful and quiet and welcome; at night the solitude felt more like dark isolation, the island’s black walls closing in, silent and cloying as a buried coffin. He and Terese had always slept wrapped in each other’s arms. Now he pictured her lying in that deep blackness alone. And he worried about her. He woke up the next morning at seven. Win was already gone, but he’d scribbled a note that he’d meet up with Myron at the courthouse at nine. Myron grabbed a bowl of Cap’n Crunch, discerned with a digging left hand that Win had already extracted the free toy inside, showered, dressed, checked his watch. Eight o’clock. Plenty of time to reach the courthouse in time.

He took the elevator down and crossed the famed Dakota
courtyard. He had just reached the corner of Seventy-second Street and Central Park West when he spotted the three familiar figures. Myron felt his pulse quicken. FJ, short for Frank Junior, was bookended by two huge guys. The two huge guys looked like lab experiments gone very wrong, as if someone had potently mixed genetic glandular excess with anabolic steroids. They wore tank tops and those drawstring weightlifting pants that looked suspiciously like ugly pajama bottoms.