The Naked Truth: The Real Story Behind the Real Housewife of New Jersey--In Her Own Words (22 page)

I learned that before you can reconstruct, you have to tear
down the structure first. What I am referring to is breaking down all of the walls that are not built correctly and starting fresh so that your life has a solid foundation. The first step is to do a purging of your spirit. Once you get your spirit healthy and uncluttered, all else will fall into place, including love. But you can’t do it all at once. You have to build with baby steps. You don’t just start running, and believe me, I wanted to! I had to give up complete control of my life. Turn your life over to a higher being. In my case, I turned it over to God. Remember, faith walks in when all doubt walks out the door. Send doubt packing, and negativity will follow. Allow only the positive in.

The Climb

Until recently, when my daughter Jillian wrote me two original songs, my favorite song was “The Climb” sung by Miley Cyrus. When I heard the lyrics, they really hit home with me: “Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb.” Miley is right. It
is
all about the climb.

I’m as guilty as the next person of pushing and striving to get to that next level of success in my life as fast as I possibly can. But when we become so focused on reaching our personal goals and career destinations, we forget about the journey it took to get us there. Getting to the top can be more enjoyable and even more memorable than the success itself.

For me, the climb represents the journey as well as the little details and special moments that mean so much along the way. When you reach the success you aspire to and look back on your life, I think it’s important to pause and ask yourself, How did I get here? Who helped me along the way? What did I have to sacrifice? What was the meaning of it all? I have learned in life to slow down and take one step at a time. Once you have completed the necessary measures, you can move on to the next step.

There will probably be many obstacles and speed bumps along the way as you make your climb. I think that’s inevitable. But I think you should try not to sell the bad times short because you can learn from those experiences and grow from them as a person. Don’t forget the sleepless nights of worrying. They are a part of your climb that helps build character, which can last a lifetime. You’re sure to learn from your bad decisions as well as your good ones.

We all have a set of goals and dreams that we hope to conquer, both professionally and personally. But we can never forget the road we take that gets us there. It’s important to enjoy the journey just as much as the final destination.

Like Attracts Like

At times in my life I wasted my time asking, “Why me?” as opposed to addressing the real issue. I also wasted a lot of time
blaming others for negative things that were happening to me. In time, I realized that one of the reasons these things were happening was
me
—it wasn’t just fate. For many years I was in a negative place and was attracting negative people and experiences into my life. Since then I’ve discovered that whatever a person puts out into the universe—whether it be negative or positive—will come right back to him or her. It’s called manifestation, and my energist, Sarai Salinas, taught me all about it. She is my personal trainer for my spirit.

She told me that energy is just like a boomerang—what you put out into the universe will come right back to you—and light attracts light, while darkness attracts darkness. By extension, love attracts love, and hate attracts hate.

I believe that our thoughts are much more powerful than you may think, and that you
will
what you want into your life. Therefore, if you think of really good things, guess what happens? Really good things come to you. The flip side is just as true. If you believe that you will be poor, loveless, and unhappy, there is a good chance you will be. It is that simple.

I find that it takes a lot less energy to be happy and positive than it does to be sad and negative. By talking to positive people who are making things happen, I think you will accomplish much more in your life. If you catch yourself thinking negatively, it’s time to switch gears immediately. If you’re in a positive place and someone starts talking negatively about someone or something, don’t feed into it. Change the conversation or change your location. I’ve found that when I stay positive,
everyone else usually follows. Here is another mantra of mine that I encourage you to repeat:

If it feels good

Draw it near

If it does not

Steer clear

Surrender Without Giving Up

I came to the point in my life where it was essential to surrender to everything except positive thoughts. And I am going to tell you right now that you can’t begin to imagine how difficult it was. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever done. When I entered on a spiritual path, I had to stop forty-seven years of thinking negative thoughts. I also had to get rid of the “victim” mentality.

When you surrender in this way, you’re
not
giving up. You are just not giving in to all of the negative things that come across your path and into your mind. Choose to stay in the light because the darkness will bite you in the ass! When someone does something negative to you, don’t retaliate (darkness). Instead, surrender (light). Surrendering shows that you have faith. Understand that others who do negative things will get what they have coming to them. Don’t get in the way of karma
taking its natural course. Karma is a force and it’s coming. As I often say, karma is a bigger bitch than I am!

For many, it’s much easier to be negative and to attack others instead of looking within oneself and fixing what makes you so unhappy. People who are truly happy do not attack one another. It’s all a facadé. Once you raise your awareness, you’ll realize what a vicious cycle negativity is and steer clear of it. You might not see any end in sight now, but you have to surrender and let things take their course. Once you do, you will build up the strength to manifest what is rightfully yours, which are all of your hopes and dreams.

Go Through the Darkness to Get to the Light

I know a lot about the darkness. It’s a force that can consume you. I was there and I never plan on returning. But if I hadn’t gone through my past I couldn’t be where I am today—and let me tell you, that was one of the hardest journeys that I ever had to make. I compare getting it out of your life to the last push of childbirth. It’s going to be painful, but as soon as you make it through that final push, you get the most glorious gift of your life.

It took age and perspective for me to realize that I had to go through the darkness from my childhood to become who I am today. I have no regrets. When I look at my daughters
I realize now it was all worth it. And when we look into one another’s hearts no words are necessary. I know I have their absolute trust. Here’s the thing—I
had
to experience what I did in order for my children not to. So I can tell them point blank, “I’ve been there. I’ve done that. And we’re not going down that path again.”

When I see people being negative around me, I sense darkness consuming them and it’s almost as if they’ve opened a bottle of toxins. You don’t breathe in toxins. You keep a cap on it. Once you open the bottle and the negativity/toxins escape, it gets ugly. Part of the reason I feel that I can classify myself as a great mom is that my children tell me so, and the other part is that I work very hard at keeping the toxins and negativity tucked away. Do I slip up every once in a while? Of course, I’m human. I’m still learning daily how to steer clear of negativity. But the moment I see the darkness coming I push it away and put the cap back on the bottle.

You can only recognize the darkness when you step out of it. Life experience has taught me that it’s much better to move forward than back. So let them keep each other in the darkness while we live in love and light.

I want to deeply thank you for reading my book and taking this journey alongside me. I know that it has been a long adventure, filled with many ups and downs, and one that has perhaps been difficult for some of you to read. I assure you that it was difficult for me to put it down on paper.

As I was writing this book, I had to go back to some dark places in my past, which were at times overwhelming to revisit. Some days during the writing were far more painful than I ever imagined they would be. I recalled times when I felt shame and moments when I experienced fear. I had to relive disturbing and disappointing episodes that I’d tucked away and hoped not to speak about ever again, let alone share with the public. However, knowing that you were willing to go there with me really helped.

When I sat down to write, I decided that I was no longer going to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I wanted to stop being everything to everyone and take a moment to write this book and heal myself. I was determined to finally come out of the darkness that had imprisoned me for such a long time. For too long, I doubted that this could ever be done. I was afraid that facing these things would destroy me. However, what I have discovered is quite the contrary.

When I first began to talk about my past on national television, I was astonished at the number of people who approached me and thanked me for finding the strength to talk about my experiences. They told me that I was a voice for them, and that is what motivated me to write this book. They gave me the strength to keep moving forward when it was difficult to do so, and I wanted to show others that they, too, could reach within themselves the way I had and achieve growth through healing. I wanted to step out of the darkness, reveal some of the problems that they might have gone through, and encourage them to become who they are meant to be. If I can accomplish this for even one other person through this book, then revisiting my painful past has been worth it. It means a victory not only for myself but for the people who are misunderstood and have been suffering.

This isn’t the end of my story by any means. This is the beginning and I will continue my journey in the positive. I have never been known to be the silent type. Being on a reality
television show helped me to avoid being quiet and pushed me to face the painful truth that has been with me all of these years. Sharing my life with others has empowered me. I realized that you have to go through darkness to get to the light.

I often say, “It takes a village.” These are the people I hold the nearest and dearest to my heart. Every blessing.

Christine and Jillian, my daughters, you have sacrificed so much and never wavered from your love, support, and kindness toward me. Words can only begin to express how grateful and proud I am to be your mom. You are both truly the biggest blessings in my life.

Paradise, Fendi, and Sasha, my adorable Chihuahuas, who are always happy to see me and love me no matter what.

Ruth Merrill, a beloved mother and grandmother. I hope you are resting peacefully with my brothers. Thank you for being my angel in heaven. I love you and miss you.

Steven Priggé, thank you for going on this journey with me. Living my life was difficult, but writing it down for all to read was even tougher. I could not have imagined writing my
memoir with anyone other than you. You are a gifted writer and have become a dear friend.