The Nanny's Little Matchmakers (Love Inspired Historical) (16 page)

Ma’s voice quivered, and Polly hated herself for even bringing it up. She’d been avoiding this topic precisely for that reason. She hadn’t wanted to hurt her mother.

“As your father dealt with his problems, and as he let the Lord work in his heart, he repented of his sins. And we repaired our marriage. Caitlin was the result.”

She smiled softly as she looked at Polly. “Didn’t it ever occur to you as being odd that she was born so late in our marriage? So long after Angus? Things were better, and Caitlin came along.”

Polly tried to look back and see the happiness that her mother alluded to, but there were still pieces of the story that didn’t make sense. “He still came home reeking of perfume and drink. Why, he’s even been fired for being drunk since Caitlin’s birth.”

She hated to call her mother a liar, but she also couldn’t understand why her mother would cling to this fantasy.

“True, true,” her mother said, sighing. “Your father has always fought his biggest battles against the bottle. But he’s stayed sober the past couple of years, and for that I’m grateful.”

Then her mother smiled. “As for the perfume, your father would go to places of ill repute, not for the sake of partaking in the services, but because he, along with Frank, was trying to help the women find a way out. And, I think, to help the men see that there was a better way.”

She gave a shrug, but concern still filled her face. “I wish you’d just talked to me about all of this. Your father would be terribly hurt to know you thought so little of him. He’s made his mistakes, true, but he’s also doing everything he can to help other men avoid them.”

Polly found she couldn’t even process her mother’s words. She’d been wrong, all this time?

“How could I have not known?” she said slowly.

“You were young. Having fun with Annabelle. And then Catherine died, and things weren’t the same. You were so caught up in your own world that you didn’t notice all the other things happening around you.”

Then her mother sighed again. “And to be honest, I was so busy taking care of things, and I didn’t realize that’s what you thought. I just assumed...”

Green eyes stared at Polly. “I suppose we both assumed a lot of things, and that we knew each other’s minds and what was going on, when we should have talked about it. I’m sorry. But I hope, now that we’ve cleared things up, that you will rethink some of the vows you’ve made based on faulty information.”

She hated the way it felt like her mother could see into her. Could tell how deeply Polly struggled with the knowledge that everything she’d believed to be true wasn’t. Worse, she hated that the deeper kinship she felt with the Taylor children was all based on the same thing. They’d tried so desperately to protect a loved one but had only ended up hurting them instead.

“I’m sorry, too,” Polly said quietly. “I truly never meant to hurt anyone.”

“It seems you’ve mostly just hurt yourself.” Ma paused, looking deep in thought for a few moments.

“But I think it would do you some good to spend some time getting to know your pa. He’s a good man, and you’ve vilified him long enough in your own mind that I don’t think you see it. He’s not perfect, but then, none of us are. Still, despite all the bad times, all the sorrows, I’m glad that I married him.”

Ma’s words tore Polly’s heart in two. She’d seen how the Taylor children had suffered, and she’d been able to relate. And yet, the situation was so different. Because now that Polly had found the courage to discuss the issues that had been bothering her, she’d found that she’d been wrong about her father all along. She’d fought for the Taylor children to have a strong relationship with their father because she’d wished she could have had a father she could have a relationship with.

The trouble was, it was Polly’s own fault that it hadn’t happened.

Chapter Thirteen

P
olly’s day off dawned the way the previous day had: realizing, with a start, that she’d slept later than she’d intended. Only today, there was no rush to tend the children. Which felt strangely empty.

Odd, since she’d spent a good portion of the night crying, praying and reading her Bible. Her mother’s revelations had shaken Polly’s entire foundation, and yet, when she read her Bible, she found it shaken even more. All this time, she’d been trusting herself and her instincts to guide her in life, and she hadn’t bothered to trust in the Lord. Oh, she trusted Him in all sorts of other things, but in following the direction of her life, and in finding her life’s calling, she’d boldly gone forward, figuring she knew best.

Only she hadn’t known at all.

The bedroom door opened, and the sound of giggles greeted her before she saw their smiling faces.

“Good morning, Polly,” Clara chimed, as the children walked in.

Louisa carried a tray with breakfast on it, and Isabella and the boys each held flowers.

“We wanted to do something special for you on your day off, so you knew how much we appreciated you,” Louisa said.

“Papa suggested we bring you breakfast.” Rory grinned as he handed her the flowers.

Thomas gave a gap-toothed smile as he handed her another bouquet. “He didn’t come up because he said it wouldn’t be ’propriate.”

“Thomas! You’ve lost a tooth!” Polly ruffled his hair as she accepted his gift.

“Rory helped me pull it out.”

Polly couldn’t help but smile as she imagined how that would have happened.

Isabella climbed onto the bed and snuggled against her, still holding tight to her flowers.

“Isabella,” Clara said. “You’re supposed to give those to Polly.”

Isabella gave Clara a cross look.

“It’s all right,” Polly said, squeezing Isabella to her. “I have plenty. Let Isabella enjoy these.”

Louisa set the tray in front of her. Simple fare, eggs, toast and a cup of tea, but it looked delicious.

“Thank you so much, everyone. And please thank your father for the lovely idea.”

“Oh, but there’s more,” Clara said, pointing to an envelope on the tray. “You have a note.”

Polly picked up the note and read it.
Join me for a picnic this afternoon. Maddie will watch the children.

She closed her eyes. Mitch. A picnic. Alone. It was easy to tell herself that Mitch only wanted to discuss the children. But the hopeful looks in their eyes told her that it wasn’t going to be so simple.

And how could it be simple? Yesterday she’d had good reasons for not giving in to the feelings she felt for Mitch. She’d told herself that happiness wouldn’t last, and that men ultimately showed their true colors, and...

Grief filled her chest once more.

How could she possibly begin to make up for all that she’d lost? All she’d missed out on?

Was she even ready to give in to her feelings, knowing how they’d already led her so far astray?

“Please say you’re going,” Clara said, earnest eyes staring brightly at her.

Lord, please help me.
Of all the things Polly had learned over the past day, she was finished with relying on herself and trying to do it on her own.

What was the right thing to do in this situation?

“Papa will be terribly disappointed if you don’t,” Louisa said. She looked so poised and so much more than her twelve years would have indicated. Polly looked at her, wondering how her twelve-year-old self would have handled the situation.

If her pa had died, leaving her ma alone, would Polly have pushed her mother toward a more honorable man?

The difference was that Louisa’s mother was everything Louisa had thought her to be, and more. Polly’s father?

Polly sighed. At twelve, she’d thought it terribly unfair that her father would be gone for days on end, come home smelling of women and drink, and they’d been stuck in that tiny cabin with a fussy Caitlin.

And she’d been wrong, horribly wrong.

As she searched Louisa’s face, Polly couldn’t help but wonder what Louisa was thinking in all of this. How much was based in the maturity of life and how much in her own imagination?

“Please, Polly!” Now the boys had taken to begging.

The children wanted so desperately for her to become their new mother, but they barely knew her. And, it seemed, she barely knew herself.

Four pairs of earnest eyes stared at her, and if Polly looked down, she’d find a fifth.

It was just a picnic, she reminded herself.

Picnics didn’t lead to marriage.

Nor did she have to decide her entire life based on one outing.

“Of course I’ll go,” she said slowly, hoping it was the right decision. Why couldn’t God have written the answer in the note for her?

“Wonderful!” Louisa said, walking over to Polly’s closet. “We must find you something beautiful to wear. Papa loves yellow, but I think it would be a dreadful color on you, but pink suits you. Where is that dress you wore to church on Sunday? I’m sure it will be suitable.”

Clara and Louisa rifled through Polly’s closet. The boys had already gotten bored and wandered off. It seemed all they’d needed for reassurance was Polly’s agreement in the matter.

“Girls,” Polly said slowly. “Your father and I aren’t courting. It’s lovely for you to think that I would make a good mother, but he and I haven’t even discussed it. There’s nothing romantic between us.”

“But there could be,” Louisa told her firmly as she held out Polly’s new Sunday dress. “Wear this. If I learned anything from my mother, it’s how to be irresistible to a man.”

Polly shook her head. “I don’t want to be irresistible to your father. He’s a nice man, but he’s also my employer. I’m sure this picnic is nothing more than him wanting to catch me up on things without little ears to hear.”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. We used to go to the theater with our mother for her to show us off, and men would fall all over themselves to be near my mother. That’s how Papa looks at you.”

Clara made an exasperated noise. “No he doesn’t. He looks at her like she’s chocolate cake. And everyone knows how much Papa loves chocolate cake.”

Polly knew she probably shouldn’t, but she giggled. Maddie had given them all chocolate cake one night as a treat for dessert, and Mitch had acted like a schoolboy on Christmas morning for all the joy it seemed to bring him. She’d made a mental note to be sure Maddie baked it for his birthday.

But now...to be compared to that same cake...her stomach fluttered. “I’m sure you misunderstood.”

The two girls groaned, and Louisa shook the dress. “You should still wear this.”

Isabella tugged at Polly’s nightdress. “Pwetty,” she said, pointing to the dress Louisa held up.

“Now,” Clara said, sounding like a much older girl. “Finish your breakfast so we can get you ready for your big day.”

Polly sighed. Even though she felt the children’s previous nannies were too easily intimidated by them, she couldn’t deny that the children knew how to make things happen—their way.

She managed to eat her breakfast and get dressed according to the children’s plan, all the while trying to determine what God’s plan was in all of this.

And even though she’d had time to read her Bible before heading out on her expedition, Polly still wasn’t any closer to answers when she arrived at the livery to meet Mitch to go to the picnic spot. Mitch hadn’t arrived yet, which should have given her time to collect herself, only it served to make the butterflies dance in her stomach even more.

What if Mitch didn’t come?

What if this was one of the children’s famous pranks? They’d only done minor things to Polly, and that was only in the first days. Once she’d earned their trust, they hadn’t tried anything else. They’d even told her about their tricks to drive former nannies away.

Setting the nanny up romantically with their father? Now that was something the children hadn’t done. And surely they wouldn’t do such a thing, not in malice anyway.

But out of the misguided notion that they needed a new mother?

The trouble with sorting out her own heart in the matter was that it wasn’t just about her and Mitch, but five other delicate hearts that had already been broken.

What was she to do?

Mitch strode into the livery, looking puzzled for a moment, but his face brightened when he saw Polly.

“What’s this about a picnic? I thought today was your day off.”

Polly stared at him. “I thought you invited me.”

Then they looked at each other and laughed. “The children.”

“Well, that settles that,” Polly said, brushing her skirts. “I should have asked more questions about the mysterious note, but I’d taken it in good faith that they wouldn’t...”

She sighed. “Well, all right. I had my suspicions. But it’s so hard to know the right thing to do and not disappoint them.”

Mitch grinned. “They are masters at the game. If I weren’t trying to raise them to do the right thing in life, they would make excellent traveling salesmen, peddling wares of questionable origin.”

“Mitch!”

“It’s true, I’m afraid. They get that from their mother. She could sell a bear a new fur coat without even trying. Their persuasiveness can be a good thing, as long as they learn the difference between persuasion and manipulation.”

He took off his hat and held it in his hands as he looked at her solemnly. “And in your case, I’m so sorry that they’ve manipulated you. I suppose none of us are impervious to their charms.”

“It’s not your fault. I should have just come to you when I started getting the notes. I just didn’t want to embarrass anyone.”

Or herself, but Polly didn’t want to say that. Obviously, she’d been a fool for thinking that there was anything between her and Mitch. Or that Mitch could feel anything for her.

His cheeks colored slightly. “I guess we’re both guilty, then, because I’d been getting notes as well. I didn’t want to make things awkward by talking to you about them, so I just tossed them in the fire.”

At least the mystery was solved. But Polly wanted to kick herself for letting the thought of those notes occupy so much of her time.

Mitch held up the picnic basket. “So what should we do with this, then?”

“I’m surprised you even brought it.”

He shrugged. “I wasn’t going to, but then I thought that perhaps you only wanted to meet so that we could talk about the children alone and the picnic was just an excuse.”

Something warm shone in his eyes, and he gave her a small smile. “Plus, I would have felt bad leaving you all alone. I’d been rehearsing a speech all the way here to let you down gently. I may not want to marry you, but I definitely value having you in my life.”

Small comfort, she supposed, since she wasn’t sure she wanted to marry him. Except she hadn’t expected it to sting so much when he said he didn’t want to marry her.

“The feeling is mutual.” She gave a smile as if to show they were both on the same page, but it didn’t feel right. It felt fake, forced and completely unlike what Polly felt inside.

Which was ridiculous, considering she hardly knew her own mind on matters these days, let alone what the Lord wanted for her. Clearly, based on Mitch’s speech, a relationship with Mitch was not it.

Mitch lifted the end of the cloth covering the top of the basket. “It does smell good, though. It couldn’t hurt to go on a picnic, could it? We could discuss how we’re going to handle the situation with the children.”

Then he paused, looking dejected. “I’m sorry, it’s your day off. I shouldn’t impose on your time. I’ll go home and let the children know that their trick didn’t work and that they need to get this ridiculous notion out of their minds.”

And now it was Polly’s turn to feel bad about the whole situation.

“No. I don’t mind. I understand there are some of Maddie’s tarts in that basket, and it would be a shame to let them go to waste. Besides,” Polly said, smiling at him, “I didn’t have any plans for the day beyond stopping by the mission and saying hello to everyone.”

She had to remind herself that it meant nothing when Mitch’s eyes lit up. Merely an employer being grateful that his children’s antics hadn’t spoiled everything, and that there were no hard feelings.

“Let me take that, and you can see to our buggy,” Polly said, reaching for the basket.

Their hands met and for a moment, Polly caught a spark that traveled all the way up her arm and when she looked into Mitch’s eyes, she could tell that he felt it too.

Or was that her mind playing tricks on her again?

* * *

Mitch tried telling himself that the spark he’d felt when he’d handed the basket off to Polly meant nothing. And as he took the reins of the horses, he forced himself to banish the image of the sparkle in her eyes from his mind.

At least he knew now that the notes hadn’t been from her. More of the children’s trickery, which he would deal with severely when he got home. He’d make sure they understood in no uncertain terms that people’s hearts were not things to be trifled with.

Polly met him at the front of the livery, basket in her arms and a smile on her face. Truly, if he had been looking for a wife, he couldn’t go wrong with Polly MacDonald. Except, of course, that she didn’t want to be a wife, and that’s where nothing romantic could ever happen between them.

She wore a pretty pink dress, with the lace edging the women in his store had gone mad to have, and unlike many of the women he saw sporting the fashion, he found it suited her. There was something very lovely about how the delicate lace trimming her collar framed her face. No one would suspect that underneath the exterior of the tiny woman with such gentle features, lay such an indomitable spirit.

Admiring Polly’s outer beauty was no chore for the eyes, but he found that the more he saw into her heart, the more difficult it was to keep his own heart from becoming entangled. The cliché of the things inside a person being what counted had never proven itself to be more true than with Polly.

How could he fault her for wanting to protect his feelings? For wanting to do right by his children. Everything about her oozed love, and her compassion made him want to...