The Normal Heart and The Destiny of Me: Two Plays (17 page)

TONY:
You begged me you were ready to try anything.

NED:
I asked you when you were going to strike gold with
something.
You’ve spent two billion dollars.

TONY:
No, sir! You asked me if I had anything I would take if I were you.

NED:
No, sir! You said to me, “I’ve got it.” And I said, “The cure!” And you said, “If you quote me I’ll deny it.” You slippery bastard.

TONY:
You’re the slippery bastard!

HANNIMAN:
Yep, he sure is on our side.

NED:
(
Reading from a newspaper clipping.
) “Dr. Della Vida has discovered a method to suppress the growth of the virus in mice by 80-90% . . .” The
New York Times.

TONY:
For over a decade you have mercilessly condemned that newspaper’s coverage of this illness. Suddenly they’re your experts?

NED:
(
Another clipping.
) “. . . reconstituted genes will he introduced in transfusions of the patient’s own blood . . . cells given new genetic instructions, to self-destruct if they are infected.”
The Lancet. (A third clipping.
) “Conclusion: The success of this theory in
in vitro
experiments, followed by the successful inoculation of three West African sooty mangabey monkeys, leads one to hope that human experimentation can commence without further delay.” The
New England Journal of Monkeys.
I’ll be your monkey.

HANNIMAN:
Don’t say that. We have to guarantee each chimp a thirty-thousand-dollar retirement endowment. Their activists are better than your activists.

TONY:
How have you been feeling? (
Starts examining
NED.)

NED:
Okay physically. Emotionally shitty. We’ve lost.

TONY:
You
are
depressed. That’s too bad. You’ve been very useful.

HANNIMAN:
Useful?

TONY:
All your anger has kept us on our toes.

HANNIMAN:
They have yelled at, screamed at, threatened, insulted, castigated, crucified every person on our staff. In every publication. On every network. From every street corner. Useful?

NED:
Who is she? I’ve been infected for so long, and I still don’t get sick. What’s that all about? Everyone thinks I
am
sick. Everyone around me
is
sick. I keep waiting
to
get sick. I don’t know why I’m
not
sick. All my friends are dead. I think I’m guilty I’m still alive.

TONY:
Not everybody dies in any disease. You know that. Your numbers could even go back up on their own. Why is my hospital surrounded by your army of activists? Am I going to he burned at the stake if I can’t restore your immune system?

NED:
I’m not so active these days.

TONY:
You?

NED:
(
Softly.
) They don’t know I’m here.

HANNIMAN:
Why don’t I believe that?

NED:
What have we achieved? I’m here begging.

(
NED
suddenly reaches out and touches
TONY’
s face,
HANNIMAN’
s back is turned.
)

This new treatment—you can’t even stick it into me legally. Can you?

TONY:
Ned—I do think I’m on to something. You’ve really got to keep your mouth shut. You’ve got to promise me. And then you’ve got to keep that promise.

NED:
The world can’t be saved with our mouths shut.

TONY:
Give me lessons later.

NED:
How long can you keep me alive? I’ve got work to finish. Two years. Can you do that?

TONY:
You know there aren’t any promises. Two years, the way you look now, doesn’t seem impossible.

NED:
How about three? It’s a very long novel. Why are you willing to do this for me?

HANNIMAN:
Because if it works, you’ll scream bloody murder if anyone stands in his way. Because if it doesn’t work, you’ll scream bloody murder for him to find something else. That’s
his
reasoning. Now
I
would just as soon you weren’t here. Period.

TONY:
(
To
HANNIMAN.
) Give him the double d.d.b.m. (
Leaves.
)

NED:
What’s a double d.d.b.m.?

(
From the cart,
HANNIMAN
wields an enormous needle.
ALEXANDER
,
a young boy, is seen dimly on the side. He’s wet from a shower, and wrapped in towels. He comes closer to see what’s going on.
)

HANNIMAN:
Mice and chimps were easy. You’re our first one who can talk back. Drop your drawers and bend over.

ALEXANDER:
What’s she doing?

NED:
I want my mommy.

ALEXANDER:
Mommy’s not home yet.

HANNIMAN:
You even wrote in
The Advocate
you’d heard I was a lesbian.

NED:
You’re Mrs. Dr. Della Vida?

(
She rams the hypodermic into his ass.
)

(
Screams.
) We consider that a compliment!

ALEXANDER:
Why are you here? (
No answer.
) Please tell me what’s happening!

HANNIMAN:
(
Still injecting him.
) I think it takes great courage for you to set foot anywhere near here. My husband works twenty hours a day and usually sleeps the other four in one of these rooms. I’m pregnant and I don’t know how. Or why. With the number of patients we’re seeing, I’m bearing an orphan. (
Extracts the hypodermic and takes a larger one.
)

NED:
That wasn’t it?

(
She laughs. She administers the second needle even deeper. He screams again, louder.
)

ALEXANDER:
Tell me what’s going on!

NED:
I’m starring in this wonderful play about euthanasia.

(
HANNIMAN
finishes and leaves.
)

ALEXANDER:
Where’s Benjamin? Where’s
anyone?
Don’t you have any friends? At a time like this? Something awful’s happening. Isn’t it? (
No answer.
) Will you give me a hug?

NED:
Get lost, Lemon.

ALEXANDER:
Just remember—I was here. (
Leaves.
)

NED:
(
Changing from his street clothes.
) What do you do when you’re dying from a disease you need not be dying from? What do you do when the only system set up to save you is a pile of shit run by idiots and quacks? What do you do when your own people won’t unite and fight together to save their own lives? What do you do when you’ve tried every tactic you can think of to fight back and none of them has worked and you are now not only completely destitute of new ideas but suddenly more frightened than you’ve been before that your days are finally and at last more numbered and finite and that an obit in the
New York Times
is shortly to be yours? Why, you talk yourself into believing the quack is a genius (
Massages his sore ass.
) and his latest vat of voodoo is a major scientific breakthrough. And you check yourself in. So, here I am. At the National Institutes of Quacks.

They still don’t know how this virus works inside our bodies. They still don’t know how this disease progresses and what really triggers this progression. They still don’t know if the virus could be hiding someplace else—its major home might not even be in the blood at all. Finally, in total desperation, my kids out there prepared a whole long list of what they still don’t know; we even identified the best scientists anywhere in the world to find the answers.

When we were on the outside, fighting to get in, it was easier to call everyone names. But they were smart. They invited us inside. And we saw they looked human. And that makes hate harder.

It’s funny how everyone’s afraid of me. And my mouth. And
my temper. They should only know I can’t get angry now to save my soul. Eight years of screaming at one idiot to wake up and four more years of trying to get another idiot to even say the word can do that. They knew we couldn’t keep up the fight and that eventually they’d be able to kill off all the faggots and spics and niggers. When I started yelling, there were forty-one cases of a mysterious disease. Now a doctor at Harvard is predicting a billion by the new century. And it’s still mysterious. And the mystery isn’t why they don’t know anything, it’s why they don’t
want
to know anything.

So what does all this say about the usefulness of. . . anything?

Yes, the war is lost.

And I’d give anything to get angry again.

ALEXANDER:
(
Reappearing, still wrapped in towel.
) You are not going to die!

NED:
Go away.

ALEXANDER:
If you die I die!

NED:
Please go away.

ALEXANDER:
I kept you alive for quite some time, thank you very much!

NED:
Lemon—get the fuck out of here.

ALEXANDER:
I was here first! Are you rich and successful and famous? Two of them? One? Did you fall in love? (
No answers.
) Every single second of my entire life I’ve wanted there to be somebody! I gave you great stuff to work with. How did you fuck it up? Excuse me for saying so, but I think you’re a mess.

(
He goes to his Eden Heights bedroom. The walls are plastered with theatrical posters from hit shows
—South Pacific, Mister Roberts, A Streetcar Named Desire, The Glass Menagerie.)

(
To
NED
and the audience.
) Alexander the Great ruled the entire known world, from east to west and north to south! He conquered it, with his faithful companions. He was very handsome. He was very fearless. Everybody knew who he was and everybody loved him and worshiped him and cherished him. He was king of everything! (
Singing.
) “Give me some men who are stouthearted men who will fight for the right they adore!” Good evening, Mr. Murrow. Thank you for coming into my home. This is where I wrote my Pulitzer Prize play and this, of course, is where I practiced my Academy Award-winning performance. An Alexander can be anything he wants to be! Dressed up for battle in shining armor and a helmet and plumes, or a gorgeous purple royal cloak. (
Singing.
) “Who cares if my boat goes upstream, Or if the gale bids me go with the river’s flow? I drift along with my fancy, Sometimes I thank my lucky stars my heart is free—And other times I wonder where’s the mate for me?” (
Speaking dialogue.
) “Hello .”

NED:
“How do you do? Are you an actress?”

ALEXANDER:
“Oh, no. But I’d give anything if I could be.”

NED:
“Why?”

ALEXANDER:
“Because you can make believe so many wonderful things that never happen in real life.” (
Singing.
) “The game of just supposing is the sweetest game I know, Our dreams are more romantic, Than the world we see.”

NED:
(
Singing.
) “And if the things we dream about, Don’t happen to be so . . .”

ALEXANDER:
“That’s just an unimportant tech-ni-cality.”
Show Boat
was the first show I saw on Broadway. (
Singing.
) “Only make believe I love you . . .”

NED:
“Only make believe that you love me . . .” Oh, get dressed. Before Pop catches you.

ALEXANDER:
I can be Henry Fonda in
Mister Roberts
or Cornelia Otis Skinner in
Lady Windermere’s Fan.
The second balcony of the National Theater is only ninety cents and I go every other week when they change the show. I can be Ezio Pinza or Mary Martin in
South Pacific.
“One dream in my heart. One love to be living for . . .” And I am performing on the biggest stage and everyone is applauding me like crazy. (
Bowing.
) Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, Ned! Nobody I know is interested in what I’m interested in. And I’m not interested in what they’re interested in.

NED:
And you’re never going to be able to accept or understand that.

ALEXANDER:
Do you get in trouble when you try to find out things?

NED:
Only if you’re nosey.

ALEXANDER:
I’m nosey.

NED:
The best people are nosey.

ALEXANDER:
Thank you. I ran away once. To New York. I used all my baby-sitting money. I’d see a Broadway show every day for the rest of my life. Mom traced me to Aunt Fran’s just as I was leaving to see Judith Anderson in
Medea.
Ma said under
no circumstances was I allowed to see a play about a mother who murders both her children.

NED:
I said, Why not?

ALEXANDER
and
NED:
Pop wants to murder me all the time.

ALEXANDER:
(
Making a turban from a towel and singing.
) “I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair, And send him on his way.”

(
Sounds of
RICHARD WEEKS
coming home.
)

My God, Pop’s home! (
Furiously getting dressed,
NED
helping him.
) I always say Hope for the Best and Expect the Worst. Ned, Alexander means Helper and Defender of All Mankind. Why’d you change my name?

NED:
Alexander the Great died very young.

(
RICHARD WEEKS
enters. He is almost the same age
NED
is now, but he looks much older. He is impeccably dressed. He puts down his newspaper and takes off his jacket and tie and cufflinks and rolls up his shirtsleeves. He keeps on his vest with its gold chain that holds his Phi Beta Kappa and Yale Law Journal keys. He comes across some of