The Normal Heart and The Destiny of Me: Two Plays (8 page)

BRUCE:
But we can’t tell people how to live their lives! We can’t do that. And besides, the entire gay political platform is fucking. We’d get it from all sides.

NED:
You make it sound like that’s all that being gay means.

BRUCE:
That’s all it does mean!

MICKEY:
It’s the only thing that makes us different.

NED:
I don’t want to be considered different.

BRUCE:
Neither do I, actually.

MICKEY:
Well, I do.

BRUCE:
Well, you are!

NED:
Why is it we can only talk about our sexuality, and so relentlessly? You know, Mickey, all we’ve created is generations of guys who can’t deal with each other as anything but
erections. We can’t even get a meeting with the mayor’s gay assistant!

TOMMY:
I’m very interested in setting up some sort of services for the patients. We’ve got to start thinking about them.

BRUCE:
(
Whispering to
NED
.) Who’s he?

TOMMY:
He heard about you and he found you and here he is. My name is Tommy Boatwright. . . (
To
NED
.) Why don’t you write that down? Tommy Boatwright. In real life, I’m a hospital administrator. And I’m a Southern bitch.

NED:
Welcome to gay politics.

BRUCE:
Ned, I won’t have anything to do with any organization that tells people how to live their lives.

NED:
It’s not telling them. It’s a recommendation.

MICKEY:
With a shotgun to their heads.

BRUCE:
It’s interfering with their civil rights.

MICKEY:
Fucking as a civil right? Don’t we just wish.

TOMMY:
What if we put it in the form of a recommendation from gay doctors? So that way we’re just the conduit.

NED:
I can’t get any gay doctor to go on record and say publicly what Emma wants.

BRUCE:
The fortunes they’ve made off our being sick, you’d think they could have warned us. (
Suddenly noticing an envelope.
) What the fuck is this?

MICKEY:
Unh, oh!

BRUCE:
Look at this! Was this your idea?

NED:
I’m looking. I’m not seeing. What don’t I see?

MICKEY:
What we put for our return address.

NED:
You mean the word “gay” is on the envelope?

BRUCE:
You’re damn right. Instead of just the initials. Who did it?

NED:
Well, maybe it was Pierre who designed it. Maybe it was a mistake at the printers. But it is the name we chose for this organization . . .

BRUCE:
You chose. I didn’t want “gay” in it.

MICKEY:
No, we all voted. That was one of those meetings when somebody actually showed up.

NED:
Bruce, I think it’s interesting that nobody noticed until now. You’ve been stuffing them all week at your apartment.

BRUCE:
We can’t send them out.

NED:
We have to if we want anybody to come to the dance. They were late from the printers as it is.

BRUCE:
We can go through and scratch out the word with a Magic Marker.

NED:
Ten thousand times? Look, I feel sympathy for young guys still living at home on Long Island with their parents, but most men getting these . . . Look at you, in your case what difference does it make? You live alone, you own your own apartment, your mother lives in another state . . .

BRUCE:
What about my mailman?

(
MICKEY
lets out a little laughing yelp, then clears his throat.
)

NED:
You don’t expect me to take that seriously?

BRUCE:
Yes, I do!

NED:
What about your doorman?

BRUCE:
What about him?

NED:
Why don’t you worry about him? All those cute little Calvin Klein numbers you parade under his nose, he thinks you’re playing poker with the boys?

BRUCE:
You don’t have any respect for anyone who doesn’t think like you do, do you?

NED:
Bruce, I don’t agree with you about this. I think it’s imperative that we all grow up now and come out of the closet.

MICKEY:
Ladies, behave! Ned, you don’t think much of our sexual revolution. You say it all the time.

NED:
No, I say I don’t think much of promiscuity. And what’s that got to do with gay envelopes?

MICKEY:
But you’ve certainly done your share.

NED:
That doesn’t mean I approve of it or like myself for doing it.

MICKEY:
But not all of us feel that way. And we don’t like to hear the word “promiscuous” used pejoratively.

BRUCE:
Or so publicly.

NED:
Where the world can hear it, Bruce?

MICKEY:
Sex is liberating. It’s always guys like you who’ve never had one who are always screaming about relationships, and monogamy and fidelity and holy matrimony. What are you, a closet straight?

NED:
Mickey, more sex isn’t more liberating. And having so much sex makes finding love impossible.

MICKEY:
Neddie, dahling, do not put your failure to find somebody on the morality of all the rest of us.

NED:
Mickey, dahling, I’m just saying what I think! It’s taken me twenty years of assorted forms of therapy in various major world capitals to be able to do so without guilt, fear, or giving a fuck if anybody likes it or not.

TOMMY:
I’ll buy that!

NED:
Thank you.

BRUCE:
But not everyone’s so free to say what they think!

MICKEY:
Or able to afford so much therapy. Although God knows I need it. (
Looking at his watch.
) Look, it’s late, and we haven’t elected our president. Ned, I think it should be. . . Bruce. Everybody knows him and likes him and . . . I mean, everybody expects you to—

NED:
You mean he’s popular and everybody’s afraid of me.

MICKEY:
Yes.

TOMMY:
No.

MICKEY:
No.

TOMMY:
No, what it means is that you have a certain kind of energy that’s definitely needed, but Bruce has a. . . presence that might bring people together in a way you can’t.

NED:
What’s that mean?

TOMMY:
It means he’s gorgeous—and all the kids on Christopher Street and Fire Island will feel a bit more comfortable following him.

NED:
Just like high school.

TOMMY
and
MICKEY:
Yes!

NED:
Follow him where?

TOMMY:
(
Putting his arm around him.
) Well, honey, why don’t we have a little dinner and I’ll tell you all about it—and more.

NED:
Unh, thanks, I’m busy.

TOMMY:
Forever? Well, that’s too bad. I wanted to try my hand at smoothing out your rough edges.

MICKEY:
Good luck.

NED:
(
To
BRUCE.
) Well, it looks like you’re the president.

BRUCE:
I don’t think I want this.

NED:
Oh, come on, you’re gorgeous—and we’re all going to follow you.

BRUCE:
Fuck you. I accept.

NED:
Well, fuck you, congratulations.

TOMMY:
There are going to be a lot of scared people out there needing
someplace to call for information. I’d be interested in starting some sort of telephone hot line.

BRUCE:
(
His first decision in office.
) Unh . . . sure. Just prepare a detailed budget and let me see it before you make any commitments.

MICKEY:
(
To
NED.
) Don’t you feel in safe hands already?

TOMMY:
(
To
BRUCE.
) What is it you do for a living, if I may ask?

BRUCE:
I’m a vice-president of Citibank.

TOMMY:
That’s nothing to be shy about, sugar. You invented the Cash Machine. (
Picking up an envelope.
) So, are we mailing these out or what?

BRUCE:
What do you think?

TOMMY:
I’ll bet nobody even notices.

BRUCE:
Oh, there will be some who notice. Okay.

TOMMY:
Okay? Okay! Our first adult compromise. Thank y’all for your cooperation.

(
FELIX
,
carrying a shopping bag, lets himself in with his own key.
NED
goes to greet him.
)

NED:
Everybody, this is Felix. Bruce, Tommy, Mickey. Bruce just got elected president.

FELIX:
My condolences. Don’t let me interrupt. Anybody want any Balducci gourmet ice cream—it’s eighteen bucks a pint?

(
NED
and
FELIX
go into the kitchen.
)

MICKEY:
It looks like Neddie’s found a boyfriend.

BRUCE:
Thank God, now maybe he’ll leave me alone.

TOMMY:
Shit, he’s got his own key. It looks like I signed on too late.

BRUCE:
I worry about Ned. I mean, I like him a lot, but his style is so . . . confrontational. We could get into a lot of trouble with him.

TOMMY:
Honey, he looks like a pretty good catch to me. We could get into a lot of trouble without him.

(
NED
and
FELIX
come back.
FELIX
cleans up after the guys.
)

MICKEY:
I’m going home. My Gregory, he burns dinner every night, and when I’m late, he blames me.

BRUCE:
(
To
NED.
) My boss doesn’t know and he hates gays. He keeps telling me fag jokes and I keep laughing at them.

NED:
Citibank won’t fire you for being gay. And if they did, we could make such a stink that every gay customer in New York would leave them. Come on, Bruce—you used to be a fucking Green Beret!

TOMMY:
Goodness!

BRUCE:
But I love my job. I supervise a couple thousand people all over the country and the investments I look after are up to twenty million now.

MICKEY:
I’m leaving. (
He hefts a carton and starts out.
)

BRUCE:
Wait, I’m coming. (
To
NED.
) I just think we have to stay out of anything political.

(
FELIX
goes hack into the kitchen.
)

NED:
And I think it’s going to be impossible to pass along
any
information or recommendation that isn’t going to be considered political by somebody.

TOMMY:
And I think this is not an argument you two boys are going to settle tonight.

(
BRUCE
starts out and as he passes
NED, NED
stops him and kisses him good-bye on the mouth.
BRUCE
picks up a big carton and heads out.
)

TOMMY:
(
Who has waited impatiently for Bruce to leave so he can be alone with Ned.
) I just wanted to tell you I really admire your writing . . . and your passion . . . (
As
FELIX
reenters from the kitchen,
TOMMY
drops his flirtatious tone.). . .
and what you’ve been saying and doing, and it’s because of you I’m here. (
To
FELIX.
) Take care this good man doesn’t burn out. Good night. (
He leaves.
)

NED:
We just elected a president who’s in the closet. I lost every argument. And I’m the only screamer among them. Oh, I forgot to tell them—I’m getting us something on the local news.

FELIX:
Which channel?

NED:
It’s not TV, it’s radio . . . It’s a start.

FELIX:
Ned, I think you should have been president.

NED:
I didn’t really want it. I’ve never been any good playing on a team. I like stirring things up on my own. Bruce will be a good president. I’ll shape him up. Where’s the ice cream? Do you think I’m crazy?

FELIX:
I certainly do. That’s why I’m here.

NED:
I’m so glad.

FELIX:
That I’m here?

NED:
That you think I’m crazy. (
They kiss.
)

BEN’
s. office. In a corner is a large model of the new house under a cloth cover.

BEN:
You got your free legal work from my firm; now I’m not going to be on your board of directors, too.

NED:
I got our free legal work from your firm by going to Norman and he said, “Of course, no problem.” I asked him, “Don’t you have to put it before your committee?” And he said, “Nah, I’ll just tell them we’re going to do it.”

BEN:
Well. . . you got it.

NED:
All I’m asking for is the use of your name. You don’t have to do a thing. This is an honorary board. For the stationery.

BEN:
Ned, come on—it’s your cause, not mine.