The Officer's Promise (Brothers in Blue Book 1) (13 page)

I could still feel his hands on my body, and looking down at my bare legs, I caught a glimpse of the pink patches of skin between my thighs, my flesh tingling with the erotic thoughts. Ryker was an incredibly passionate man. Tender and loving but also very intense.

Possessive.

A sense of contentment swept over me as I sipped from my own cup, trying to hide my smile. Her lips were pressed together, jaw tight. She looked angry, but I could tell she was more hurt than anything.

“Why do my brothers treat me like I’m a baby?”

“They care about you.”

“I don’t doubt that. But why is it okay for them to sleep with whomever they want but I can’t?”

“Is that why Ryker is so upset?”

“Yeah, because he doesn’t think I should be ‘sleeping around.’ What the fuck does that even mean anyway? Just because I like to have fun doesn’t make me a whore.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way. He’s just worried about you.”

She shrugged. “I can take care of myself.”

“I’m sure you can, but we all need someone we can depend on, someone we can come to when we are weak or need help.”

“I’m not weak. I like my independence. I like not having to answer to anyone. Six brothers and an overbearing father, the last thing I want right now is a man in my life breathing down my neck.”

My eyes fall to the table because I know deep down she’s referring to me.

“Listen, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“No, it’s fine. I get it. I do. I was that weak girl for a long time. Too afraid to live my own life and make my own choices. But even now that I can do those things, that I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, I still need help. I need your brother. Without his love, understanding, and patience I’m not sure where I would be.”

I try not to think about it, because I know exactly where I would be.

“Sometimes, we have no choice but to depend on someone else. It’s the only way we can survive.”

Tears skated along the edges of her wide eyes. “Is that why you stayed? To survive?”

“Yes. The very first time he hit me, I saw it in his eyes. They were so cold. Empty. They say the eyes are windows to the soul. Trent didn’t have a soul, and once he revealed that fact to me, I lived in constant fear, and a fear that great overrides every other emotion, including common sense.”

“I admire you so much, MaryAnn. You have no idea.”

I laughed. “Me? How?”

“Just look at how far you have come. All you have been through, and you still have faith in love.”

“You don’t have faith in love?”

“Yes, but I’m amazed you still do. It’s a testament of your soul and who you are as a human being, and that is why I admire you so much.”

My throat was so tight I could hardly swallow as the tears poured from my eyes. Reese set her mug down, scooting her chair around to pull me in for a hug. “I don’t know what I would do without you,” I told her, sobbing on her shoulder.

“We never have to wonder that ever again, you hear me? We have each other now and nothing is going to change that.”

I nodded, grateful for her and everyone else in my life. I pulled back, swiping a hand across my hot face. A niggling of nausea coiled in my belly as I let her go and reached for a napkin on the table. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just so damn emotional lately. I cry at the drop of a hat.”

“Well, you’ve been through a lot. I think you’re entitled to cry if you want to.”

The thought crept in slowly, like a killer in the night, stabbing the back of my mind and slicing open my mended heart.

No.

I couldn’t be.

I did the math quickly in my head, then thought about the last time Trent and I had sex.

Nausea, exhaustion, tender breasts.

Oh my God.

My head spun, nausea rolling in my stomach rapidly.

“Jesus, MaryAnn, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Licking my dry lips, I tried to speak around the dread invading my chest. “Is there any way you could run to the drug store for me?”

Her eyes scanned my face, searching for an explanation but it wasn’t necessary. She could see it in my eyes.

“Oh shit. No fucking way. Are you sure?”

My hand moved to my throat in an effort to stanch the emotion building there. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

“Christ almighty.” She stood from the chair. “Will you be okay until I get back?”

“I’ll be fine, I think I’m going to lie down until you get back.”

I couldn’t believe this was happening.

What was I going to do?

Twenty minutes later, Reese returned with several pregnancy tests, all different brands, and two pints of ice cream.

It didn’t even take a full three minutes before the results were revealed.

Reese insisted I take the other three just to be sure, but they were all positive. She held me while I cried, stroked my back, promised me it would be okay, but I knew it wouldn’t be.

Especially when Trent found out.

I couldn’t have a baby with him. Not now. I’m not sure how I ever thought having a child with him would be okay. I would never be able to protect them. Not from him. What kind of mother would I be if I couldn’t protect my child? And now that we were apart, and I was thinking more clearly, there was no way I could have this baby. There was no way I would ever allow him to be alone with my child.

Never.

“He never has to know.”

“What do you mean? He’ll find out eventually.”

“You could always run away. Move somewhere he’d never find you or the baby.”

While the idea sounded appealing, running would only make it worse. “I’ll figure it out.”

“I’m here for you, no matter what. We’re family. You’re never getting rid of me again, got it?”

Her words gave me a tiny shred of comfort but it was overshadowed by fear. How would Ryker react to this? How would he feel? He wouldn’t want me after this.

I don’t remember falling asleep. All I know is that I cried until I did. And when I woke up, Ryker was there, sitting on the edge of the bed, his fingers brushing the hair from my face. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

I looked at the empty space next to me then back at him. “Where’s Reese?”

“She wasn’t here when I got home, but she texted me and said you were asleep and safe and that you needed me.”

I nodded, pushing off the bed to sit up a little, unable to find the right words as tears began to blur my eyes.

“What is it, baby, what’s wrong?”

A sob broke from my lips, piercing the heavy silence. “I’m pregnant.”

Pulling at the loose string of the comforter, I avoided his gaze, afraid if I looked into his disappointed eyes, I wouldn’t be able to say what I needed to.

“I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Having a child to love unconditionally, who would love me back unconditionally. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’ve been pregnant before. He knew how badly I wanted a baby. We’d tried for months before I was finally able to conceive, but two weeks after we found out, I lost the baby. He said it was all my fault, which was true. I blamed myself. I worried constantly. I was so afraid of screwing up, so stressed about him hitting me, I was never able to relax. Then the second time…the second time was the hardest. I’d made it almost five months. I’d heard her tiny little heartbeat. Felt her move inside of me. I went into labor at twenty-two weeks. My sweet angel didn’t survive. I wanted her so bad, Ryker. I just knew she would make everything okay. That she would somehow change him. What a fool I’d been. God, how could I have been so stupid? Now what am I going to do?” I cried uncontrollably, fear slamming into me.

“Hey, listen to me.” He wiped the tears from my cheeks, and I finally found the courage to look into his eyes, his compassionate gaze boring into mine. “I will be with you every step of the way.”

“I can’t believe this is happening. I’ve wanted this for so long, and now I feel awful because I wish…I wish it wasn’t happening. I don’t want this baby to be his, Ryker. Why does it have to be his?”

He pressed a kiss to my forehead, tender and sweet, before he lowered his mouth to hover in front of mine. “It doesn’t have to be.”

The breath froze in my throat, his blue eyes shining with sincerity. “What do you mean?”

“This baby can be ours.”

I began shaking my head. “No, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking me. I’m telling you it’s what I want. If this baby is a part of you, I want everything to do with it. I’ll help you raise him. He’ll be ours. I promise to love and protect him just like I promise to love and protect you.”

His hand slid to the back of my neck as he claimed my mouth. He shifted, positioning himself next to me, taking me in his arms. “You are everything to me. I don’t know how it happened. And I won’t question why. All I know is that you’re here, and I’m never letting you go.”

Anyone else would have been long gone by now. He’d taken care of me when I was at my weakest. Seen me at my worst. Now I was carrying another man’s child. It took one hell of a man to put up with all of that.

A very special man.

I pressed my lips to his and he welcomed me with a tender kiss, but his mouth grew hungrier within seconds. “I’ve figured out why you taste so sweet,” he murmured, his breath hot on my skin as he moved to the crook of my neck.

I kept my voice low. “Why?”

“Because this is what love tastes like. Feels like. It’s me and you. Together. Just like this. Nothing between us.” He lifted his head, holding my gaze. “Except love.”

“What if I can’t be what you need? I come with a lot of baggage, Ryker, I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

Despite his sincere words and heartfelt promises, I still had doubts. I mean…we were talking about raising a baby together.

While the thought filled me with immense happiness, I was also plagued with guilt.

Placing his hand over my heart, his lips grazed mine. “There’s not a doubt in my mind you are going to be an incredible mother. You’re perfectly capable of raising this child on your own. Know that. But the truth is, I’m bound to you. From the moment I saw you. Hell, since we were kids, I’ve felt this deep connection. The best part of me has his arms around you, and I’m never letting go of that. So, all I need from you is a yes. Yes, we’re together on this. Yes, both of you are mine. Yes, you’re with me.”

My heart pounded in my chest as I slowly lifted my hand to his face. “I’m with you.”

I barely drew in a breath before his mouth covered mine, kissing me as if it were his single purpose in life.

“I love you,” he whispered, but the emotion behind the three words made his deep voice shake.

The words washed over me, slow and sweet, carrying away every last remaining doubt.

“I love you, too,” I returned, and the freedom that came with those three words was indescribable.

After Trent, I never thought I could love again. Not like this anyway. But Ryker had found his way in. And even though falling in love was probably the last place I needed to be, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

With each deliberate swipe of his tongue, he devoured my profession, my heart racing faster as he slowed the kisses.

“Please,” I begged, but I wasn’t sure what I needed more of.

His kiss.

His touch.

His love.

He was everywhere, yet I couldn’t get enough. Ryker must have read my mind because he slowly peeled off my shirt and removed my bra.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” His hands drifted over my skin, caressing the planes of my body appreciatively, stopping at my lower belly before dropping his head to lay a kiss there.

“Mine.”

The sigh fled from my lips with heat. The single word, potent and rich with possession, embedded itself deep inside my heart.

“Yours,” I replied, once his lips found their way back to my mouth. He moved on top of me, slipping inside with perfect ease. He rocked back and forth, loving me in the only way he knew how.

With everything he had.

His mouth hovered next to my ear, his voice a gravelly whisper. “Forever, my love.”

I soared.

Like a phoenix rising up from the smoldering ash, I flew into the warm rays of love, bathing in its everlasting glow.

I
watched her sleep long into the night as moonlight crawled across the floor. I held her close, one arm draped possessively around my stomach, one leg tangled between both of mine. Her smell surrounded me, pure and sweet, drowning me in her addictive scent.

When I thought about the baby growing inside of her, I didn’t think about it belonging to him. That baby wasn’t a mistake.

He was.

But they were both mine now and the bastard would never get near either one of them again.

The next morning, after my workout, I came back up and found Reese in the kitchen, sipping coffee and working on her laptop. “MaryAnn still asleep?” I asked, opening the fridge to grab another bottle of water.

She nodded, not looking up from her laptop.

“Good. We need to talk.”

“Not now, Ry. I’m busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Ignoring you.”

A heavy silence descended.