The One Awakened: Book 1 in The One Trilogy (8 page)

At the time, that was what had annoyed me the most; the fact that I’d made my own batter from scratch; for him! Not a frigging frozen Aunt Bessie pudding in sight. Isn’t it strange the things that go through your mind when your world, as you know it, suddenly stops and does a complete hundred and eighty degree rotation, leaving everything altered. Tilted. Shattered.
I had spent the next twenty-four hours in shock. After talking as rationally as I could manage, Niall agreed to visit the GP to see if it was depression, as I couldn’t understand why he had suddenly decided that our partnership was over, even though looking back on it there were definite and huge holes in our relationship. Returning, he’d stated in no uncertain terms, “It is
not
depression, it is
you
.
You’re
the problem.”
 

Not the best thing to hear from your partner but little did I know that he was actually doing me a favour with those eleven life-changing words. They made me strong during an impossibly turbulent time and whilst he returned to work that day, I quickly withdrew into my protective armour, and packed his things into a case, one of the hideous old ‘hearing aid beige’ Antler numbers we’d inherited from my parents – I wasn’t going to send the selfish prick off looking stylish! I’d spent the best part of ten years trying to turn him into a fashion icon and now that he looked passable, it was going to go to use on some other woman - pah!
The crime to luggage fashion was sitting heavily pregnant with its stuffing, at the foot of the stairs, awaiting his return that night, along with a pile of
man’s crap
I’d been itching to throw out for years and had never dared. A post it note completed the rather blunt ‘
Fuck Off
!’

For a while, I was still under the impression he was struggling with life in general and that it was all just getting on top of him. So I’d tried to be supportive and do the
right thing
, whatever that was, for Finn’s sake more than mine.
The reality came at me, months later, like a car crash. No. Sorry - that’s belittling it somewhat. It could be more likened to a motorway pile up - complete with decapitation.
 

He was a lying, cheating, fucking asshole!
 

He’d had his faults but I’d
never
though he was a cheat. Apparently, he’d been having it away with some account manager at work for six months and she was more carefree than me and didn’t have kids, so it was a win-win!
With hindsight - the glorious, unobtainable object that it is when you need it, I would have reviewed our situation differently -
well
before Niall had flipped out. Whilst we had been happy at definitive times throughout our on/off ten-year relationship, there had always been something missing; something lacking that was difficult to pinpoint. If I’m honest, I had always wondered if we’d ever make it to five-years, let alone ten. But coming from a family, where my parents had been happily married for thirty-five years, I felt that I owed it to Finn to
make do
and hoped that one day, the
much-coveted link
would be served up to me on a platter. The reality was that the aforesaid
missing link
had been there all along, under my nose, in the form of Niall Wilson - cruel but so true.

Niall, as a fellow college student, had seemed pretty cool at the time; he was fun, unique, sensitive and arty and I suppose this made him appear moody and unobtainable. These attributes had appealed to me at 19, but had I just listened to my inner voice and ignored the
romantic in me
that thought I could
fix him
, I would have realised that he was in fact immature, temperamental and unavailable emotionally. I thought back to that night in the student bar, when circumstances had thrown us together and we’d kind of clicked. But he should never have been the one I’d gone home with that night.

His own parents’ had divorced when he was nine, and although Niall had been raised by a wonderful stepmother and loving Dad, he found it hard to love unconditionally. It soon became apparent during the early days of our relationship that he was not the hopeless romantic I had originally hoped for, but was in fact just hopeless at romance. You’d think that after receiving an incessant bundle of hand made paper objects, recycled goods and mis-matched cotton underwear sets from Gap, for Birthdays and Christmas for the umpteenth time, I should have given up then and there. I was not and never would be a
hippy-chick,
or the type of girl to wear men’s underwear - he liked that look - some women could carry it off.
Personally I preferred to look like a
female
.
 

I’m all for caring for the environment, but occasionally, a girl wanted to receive a beautifully wrapped glitzy gift, full of tissue paper, bows and scented beads. Niall bought for
himself
- not for
me -
and inevitably
got it wrong
on every occasion.
 

There had been good times and when I fell pregnant with Finn, it seemed that the bad parts of
us
were worth putting up with, as the reward was so precious and worth waiting for. Unfortunately, Niall became even more introverted, with the arrival of his
competition
, as he complained, rather bitterly, about our son. It soon became apparent that he felt like he was constantly vying for my attention and he treated Finn as though he was the third person in our relationship, not an extension of it.
 

He started to become volatile, drink more and punish me both mentally and emotionally, to get a rise out of me. He hated the fact that I was still close-friends with Seb, so he made it his mission to separate us and become his ally instead. This happened for a while, as Sebastian, Niall and Gino, my sister’s husband got together for boy’s-nights-out. But I always knew that the reality was, I couldn’t have it every-way. I couldn’t have Seb as my best friend and Niall as my partner. It wasn’t fair to him. So I distanced myself from Sebastian to help my relationship. It was an unspoken acknowledgement from Sebastian that this was occurring and he understandingly went with the flow.
 

Niall’s behaviour towards me, however, worsened, and the belittling and nasty comments continued. Looking back I don’t know how I stayed so long but I was deeply hurt that despite putting up with his crap for years for Finn’s sake, he could make such a fool out of me.
Sebastian visited me, during the period after I’d thrown Niall out; it wasn’t one of my shining moments. I’d looked ghastly; my eyes were so red from crying that I looked like I had a bad case of eczema, my hair hadn’t been washed in days and I was visibly shattered; definitely not the Lulu he knew and respected. But that didn’t seem to matter to him; he was the epitome of calmness and rationalism. He was just what I needed in my darkest hour.
 

He didn’t come in and shout, like my Dad had.
 

He didn’t order me to
frame myself
, like my Sister had and he didn’t say
I told you so
like my Mum did - although I’m sure he was desperate to do all three, at the same time. He just quietly listened to me, made copious amounts of tea, played with Finn - so I could shower and sleep - and then eventually he sat me down with my bills, helped me figure out a plan, and wrote me a considerable cheque to cover things for a while.
“That should get you through the next few months Chick. It’ll help - at least so that you can focus on my Godson and getting yourself a job.”
 

He really had been my hero, I thought, bringing myself back to the present to focus upon fixing the streaks that were annoyingly appearing on my legs. After pulling on an old faithful nightie I used purely for tanning purposes; I crawl into bed. The exhaustion of the week, and tonight’s events, hit me like a freight train. Amazing how the ball of anger still fires up in my belly when I think about Niall and the way he treated me, and most importantly his own son. Sebastian’s visit had brought everything back to the fore. I was finding it hard not to compare the two men and Sebastian was winning hands down. At least Niall was attempting to make a go of being a Dad to Finn - finally. Let’s hope it continued, because despite all his faults, I firmly believed that Finn needed to have Niall in his life; every child needs their father, no matter how flakey they were. Its the only reason I maintain any form of contact with him.

As I climb into bed continuing my trail of thoughts, the sudden and vivid image of Sebastian in that bed next to me, gives me an ache low down in the pit of my belly, reminiscent of a night years ago in the Cave bar. I certainly hadn’t thought about that night in a long time - the night that changed everything. Hell - I haven’t thought about
anyone
like this in a long time - and certainly not my latest interest, Leo.
 

I am certain though that the direction in which my thoughts are heading has nothing to do with friendship and
everything
to do with pure unadulterated lust. I had just seen Sebastian in a totally different light and could still feel the tingles from the way he’d looked at me before leaving.

“Everything happens for a reason Hun,” I tell myself quietly, looking up at the ceiling above, as I bite my lip and ponder on the idea forming in my naughty mind.
 

What if I asked Sebastian to be ‘The One’ - the one to break me in, so to speak, and spend the night with me?
 

It would be one night of amazing passion, with someone I trust. I know he wouldn’t want more - he never did. His sexual reputation was well-known by most so I could be guaranteed a fabulous night - something I’m
so
overdue. No, I’d definitely not have any fear of him wanting a relationship afterwards - he didn’t do relationships and that suited me fine - I only had room for one little man in my life!
 

Maybe then, I could get on with work and being a mother without feeling so bloody horny all the time. I don’t need a man! I just need a man for the night. I needed a rebound fuck.
 

Could I do it? Really? Put myself out there like that?
 

I’d rather the first time since my break-up be with someone who cares about me enough to take it slow. The more I think about it, the more I wonder why I hadn’t considered this before. He was the perfect choice for one night of desperately required, unadulterated passion. Could I really proposition the one true male friend in my life; would he say yes?
 

What if he didn’t want me?

I twist my hair loosely around my finger, considering all scenarios’ and begin to elaborate upon my initial concept. The more I think about it, the more I think
to
hell with it
- and just put it out there - the worst thing that could happen would be he said no.
 

You’ll never find out unless you pose the question to him.