The One Left Behind (The One Series) (7 page)

“I would hardly call it relaxing, Cole. I’m just trying to make the best of the shitty hand I was dealt.”

“Can I ask you a question though?” She has a pinched look on her face like she might not want to say what she’s going to say.

“Shoot.”

“Have you ever thought of what happens if your memory doesn’t come back? I mean I know there’s no time frame on this and you can’t rush them, but what if they are lost for good?” She gives me a sympathetic look as I take in her question.

“I never really thought about that. I’m just going to have to take it one day at a time.”

And with that said, I push that unpleasant thought aside. Honestly, the thought that I might not ever remember scares me. I might be putting on a brave face right now with Colby saying I’m taking a day at a time, but deep down I’m terrified. I’ll hurt people that are important to me if that happens and it’s the last thing I want. Not to mention I’ll always wonder if I’m missing a piece of myself in the process. But, if I don’t have any faith that my memories will come back, why would they want to?

IT’S BEEN A few days since I saw Addison at her condo. I’m trying to keep my mind off of the depression that ensues whenever I think of losing her, so I’m sitting at Docs with Jeremy having a couple beers. If anyone can distract me and get me out of this bad mood, it’s him.

This bar was almost like a second home for me in college. If I wasn’t working, then I was hanging out with friends drinking the night away. Docs is your typical college town bar. It’s dark with neon lit beer signs lining the walls. The bar is up against the back wall where every beer you can think of is on tap. Spread throughout the floor are high-top tables with bar stools pulled up to them, and along the walls are standard booths. Everything is made of wood so it has that rustic, pub-type feel to it. I kind of love this place. However, as I smile thinking about all the good times I’ve had here, my memories become bitter sweet. This is where I met Addison. And with that, my bad mood is back.

Jeremy brings me out of my thoughts by saying, “Hello, Earth to Colin. I think I lost you there for a second, bud.” I blink my eyes a few times to bring myself back into the present.

“Sorry, man. I was just thinking. I saw Addison the day she came home from the hospital. Let’s just say things didn’t go so great.” I’m staring at my half-full mug of beer, rubbing my thumb up and down the side, wiping off the condensation from the glass.

“You didn’t tell me you were going to go by there. So, what happened?”

I tell him everything. How awkward it was to stand there in front of her and not touch her. How there was not a speck of recognition in her eyes. And even worse, the resolution I saw on her face as she said she needed space from me. “Shit, man,” I say, still looking at my mug, “What am I going to do?”

Jeremy puts his hand on my shoulder and pats it. “It’s going to be okay, Colin,” he says. “You just need to be patient. It’ll all work out.” I want desperately to believe his words.

I need to get my mind off of the mess that is my life. That was the whole reason for coming out tonight, so I change the subject.

“Well, enough about my problems. How are you? How’s life?” I ask.

Jeremy and I have been friends ever since I can remember. He seems to turn the heads of the ladies wherever we go. He always was the ladies’ man, actually. But, behind his charm are secrets he keeps from everyone. Everyone but me. The only reason I know is because my family and I were the ones to help him out. Jeremy comes from a very broken home which resulted in him living with us until we graduated high school. We’re more like brothers than friends.

“I’m doing good,” Jeremy said. “I have good news, too. I finally got a call back from that ad agency. I got the job!” I can tell he’s excited, and I’m happy for him. He deserves it.

“That’s great, man. Congrats! Looks like the next round is on me,” I respond with a slight smile. “Anything else new? Any new ladies you haven’t told me about? And what happened to Vivianne? I haven’t heard you talk about her for a while.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes, “I ended things with Vivianne a long time ago. She was so clingy. I swear she was expecting a proposal after the first week. I even hated the way she talked. It was so whiney and overly bubbly. Why do girls think that’s attractive? No, we don’t like you to sound like airheads. The only time I find that appealing is when I’m looking to get an easy lay.”

I have to laugh at Jeremy. “That’s a shame, man. I thought she was
the
one,” I say this with a slight chuckle. Jeremy gives me the evil eye and it just makes me laugh more. “So, no new love interest then?”

Jeremy shakes his head no. “But you know who else is starting to annoy the piss out of me? Morgan.” I’m a little surprised by this so I motion my hand for him to continue. “She is always making me late for things. She insists that it’s dumb to drive separately to the same function since we live in the same building. But she is always taking her sweet ass time getting ready. So I have to drive at the speed of light to make it anywhere on time with her.” I just nod and smile, so he takes that as his cue to keep bitching. “Then, check this out. She makes me lists of things to do for her at her apartment. Like I’m her damn handy man or something. I was almost late getting here because she made me mount her new TV. The worst part is I’m not even getting any ‘benefits’ from helping her either. I feel like her bitch,” Jeremy finishes with his eyebrows drawn down in a frown.

I can’t hold in my laughter anymore. As I catch my breath I say, “That’s because you are her bitch and never tell her no.”

This is why I love Jeremy. A few minutes with him and I have momentarily forgotten my problems, relaxed, and even had a few laughs. It gives me hope that things might be okay after all.

AFTER MY “GIRLS NIGHT” with Colby I have been meaning to call Colin and ask him to lunch. I have been so busy trying to get myself ready to go back to work and finally have a free minute. Looking at the clock, I can see it’s already nine thirty at night. I hope it’s not too late to call him and that he doesn’t have plans for tomorrow. I would really like to make things right with him before I go back to work. I go through my cell and take a minute to look at the picture that is assigned to Colin’s contact. Once again, there is a picture of Colin and me. I was holding my phone out while smiling at the camera, Colin was smiling looking at me. I stare at the picture for a minute begging my head to remember something, anything, but as usual come up with nothing. Deciding I stalled long enough, I hit his name and anxiously wait for him to answer.

“Hello? Addison?”

“Hey, Colin, I’m sorry to call so late. I hope I haven’t woken you up.”

“No, I’m still at work actually. I’ve been a little behind since the accident. Is everything okay?” I hear the anticipation in his voice like he’s hoping I’ve called to tell him my memory has come back.

“Yes, well, no. Look, I was wondering if you were free for lunch tomorrow. I know it’s short notice and I understand if you don’t want to see me after our last visit.” I hold my breath waiting for his reply.

There is a pause on the other line and I squeeze my eyes shut while my heart slams against my chest hoping that I haven’t destroyed his life. Just as I’m fearing the worst, Colin speaks up. “I would love to see you. Where and when?”

“Well, I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage since you probably know all about me and I can’t even remember what you like to eat.” I grimace and instantly regret saying my last statement since it sounds insensitive. “Oh, god I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… What I meant was…”

“Addison, you’re starting to ramble. It’s okay. Why don’t we meet at the restaurant that sits on the corner of the docks at noon? Do you know which one I’m talking about?” I’m glad Colin interrupted my stuttering and saved me from further embarrassment.

“I do. And Colin, thank you. I will see you tomorrow.”

Well, the hard part is over. Who am I kidding? I still need to meet him tomorrow and pray that he forgives me for being so selfish. The more time I had to reflect on my response and my mother’s suggestion, I realize how cold I was toward him. My mom is right in that he doesn't deserve that. He’s done nothing wrong. On top of that, I feel like I’m going to add to his heart break with the decision I had to make. I make sure I have everything I need for tomorrow so I don’t forget anything and head to bed.

I wake up feeling refreshed. It’s been a while since I got a good night’s rest. I throw on some clothes, grab my keys, and make my way to the restaurant.

As I am walking toward the restaurant door, it opens from the inside and Colin is holding it open waiting for me. He looks very handsome in the suit he is wearing and I’m assuming he’s coming here from work. He looks kind of nervous and let’s be honest, who can blame him? The last time I saw him I was so rude and he probably doesn’t know what I’ll do next. Hopefully, after today we can get past the awkwardness and start to build a friendship. I thank him for holding the door for me and look up at him. There’s that awkward moment where neither of us knows what to do. Should I hug him? Luckily, Colin bails me out and puts his hand on the small of my back and gestures for me to go ahead of him to the hostess stand. We are seated right away and soon place our orders with the waiter before he retreats to the back of the kitchen. Colin is the first one to speak other than the initial greetings we exchanged at the door. It’s a relief because I don’t know where to start.

“Addison, about the other day, I’m sorry. I was just so excited you were out of the hospital and wanted to see you I didn’t even take into consideration that you might not want company.” He’s having a hard time meeting my eyes and I can see the lingering hurt on his face.

“It’s okay. In fact, I actually asked you to meet me here today because I feel horrible with how things were left off. I was so overwhelmed with everything going on I didn’t even take a minute to consider your feelings. The way I expressed my feelings to you was rude, and for that I’m sorry.” Colin’s shoulders relax a little as some of the tension leaves his body.

“It’s okay. I understand. I can only imagine what it feels like to have no memory. Can we just start over, please?”

“I would love to start over and was hoping we could be friends. I know it’s taking a couple steps back for you, but I would really like the opportunity to try and build a friendship with you. You must have been important to me if we were engaged and I want to keep you in my life while my mind is taking its time sorting everything out. I will totally understand if you don’t want to be just friends, but honestly that is all I can handle right now.” I take a sip of my water to relieve the dryness in my throat caused by the nerves coursing through my body.

“I would like that a lot. I don’t want you to feel pressured, so how about no more talk about past memories unless you ask, and we only make new ones. Deal?” He has the cutest smile on his face that make me notice his adorable dimples. I can tell that he is happy with my proposal, I just hope what is about to come next doesn’t ruin the lunch date we are having. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, preparing myself to deliver more news that I know won’t be taken lightly.

“Deal. Colin, there is one more thing.” Hearing the hesitation in my voice makes me realize this is going to be harder than I thought, but I have to do it. Colin has a guarded look on his face like he is bracing for what I am about to tell him. I grab my purse and reach in with a shaky hand looking for the item I placed in it last night before I went to bed. I find what I’m looking for and clutch it in my palm as I try to find the strength to do this. “I haven’t handled our situation very well and I’m trying to fix that. I want you to have this.” I hold out my closed fist waiting for him to reach out to me. He hesitates for a moment as if whatever is in my hand may bite him at any given moment. He holds out his hand reluctantly and I place the engagement ring he gave me into it, keeping my hand on top of his. I can tell he knows exactly what it is by the crestfallen expression on his face. I feel horrible once again but I have to do this for me. With my hand still on top of his and the ring between us I continue, “I feel horrible giving this back to you, but I would feel even worse having it in my possession and not wearing it. I want you to keep this safe until my memories return and we can pick up where we left off. Please know I am not trying to hurt you. That’s the last thing I want to do, but I also know this is the right thing to do for me. I need to take this slow and regain some normalcy because right now I feel like my life is spiraling out of control and this is the only way to get some semblance of it back.”