The Panty Whisperer: The Complete Series (27 page)

"It's okay. I'm not going to go. If he wanted me there, he'd ask me." I pace back and forth in front of the coffee machine.

"Are you sure?"

The goddamn coffee pot is not filling fast enough, and I just want it to be done so I can get away from this conversation. I need to put everything into my work. The bitch brigade is standing over in the corner, no doubt trying to hear what Megan and I are discussing. I want to rip that fucking mole off Madeline's face right about now. Why can't life be simple?

"Yeah. I'm sure." I can smell the coffee, and it's drawing me toward it. People are racing down the halls, and I try to think of everything I have on my plate for the day to rid Joel from my mind. It's not working. Not one bit.

"Quinn?"

Megan and I look up at Sylvia. She has on black pumps and a skin-tight black dress that makes her blonde hair more blonde. She's gorgeous, if I'm being honest with myself, but all I can think about is Joel wanting to fuck her too, and I clench my fists. I reserve my anger because she's the secretary to my boss.

Her bright-blue eyes are narrowed, and she appears in a hurry as always. "Jason wants to see you. Do you have time?"

Her voice is calm, despite her appearance, and I know it's an order and not an actual request. I exhale a long breath, relieved to have a chance to focus on something other than how bad my heart hurts at the moment.

"Sure. Be right there." I turn to Megan. "Gotta go."

"If I hear anything new, I'll text you. Okay?" She stands up from the table and tries to hide the glow on her face. Tommy must be doing something right. Good for him.

"Thank you."

Her heels clack on the tile as she walks back to the building where the computer nerds reside.

I head over to the coffee and sit in front of the machine, letting the aroma swirl around me.

Focus, bitch. Knock things out at the office. Forget about him.

Easier said than done, as he's the first and only thing on my mind every day.

I fill up my coffee cup and head down the hall to Jason's corner office. Sylvia sits at her desk and nods, letting me know it's okay to go back. I walk through the door and look around to the windows that cover half the room and overlook the city. The coffee burns my tongue and I don't care, because I want the caffeine. Jason peeks up from around his computer. Pictures of his family line the walls. They're perfectly spaced apart, and a tall white bookshelf runs to the ceiling behind him. It's full of marketing and advertising books I haven't read.

"Quinn, have a seat." He motions to one of the three chairs that sit in front of his desk. I'm usually only in his office for quarterly reviews, and my collar grows tighter against my neck. I look over at a large plant against the wall and wonder if it's fake or not.

"It's real." He smiles as he looks up at me. His hair is dark brown along with his eyes, and they meet mine. He's always sizing everything (or everyone) up. His managerial style is very hands off. He lets people run with ideas. My hand trembles as I set my cup of coffee on his desk and watch the steam rise from it.

My elbow drops and I quickly recover from the awkwardness as I lean my arm toward a non-existent armrest.

Damn it.

It's like he ordered these chairs for the sole purpose of making me uncomfortable. His hair is lined with a few silver streaks, but he appears much younger than someone in their mid-forties. I spot a few trophies on a little table to my right up against the window. They're advertising awards our company has won. They have their own table so he's definitely proud of them.

"Don't be nervous. You're not in trouble."

Thank god.

The coffee cup warms my hand as I grab it and take a sip. "What's going on?"

He looks me up and down again. Everyone knows he's very religious so I'm not too worried that he's checking me out, or wants to fuck me on his desk.

"I need someone to travel a little. Do some speaking for the company. Would you be interested in something like that?"

My heart leaps through my chest. It's a great opportunity, and the timing couldn't be more perfect. I have to stop myself from jumping up and hugging him.

Play it cool.

"What type of speaking?" First rule in negotiations, never show your hand. Always ask questions and know the terms.

"Just presenting a few companies with our services. Telling them what we're all about. Also, giving presentations at corporate headquarters. I think you'd be good at that. You're likeable."

"Thank you, Sir. I mean, it sounds like a great opportunity. I'm definitely interested."

"Perfect. I'll get the wheels in motion then."

I get up and start to leave.

"Quinn?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"Everything okay? With work? Life?"

I lose my breath for a brief moment. I'm not sure what to say. He's always so distant and rarely leaves the office unless there's a problem or he's meeting with clients.

"Yeah. Everything is great." It's a lie, and I know he can practically sense my troubles.

"Sorry. I'm just. I like to let people do their thing. Let their creativity shine. But I've been working on relating to people in a personal way. I apologize if that was awkward for you."

I smile to set him at ease. "No, it's fine. I love working here, Sir. Thank you for the opportunity."

"Great. I'll have Sylvia get with you on the details then."

"Sounds good."

I want to start dancing, but I maintain my composure. I can't wait to tell Megan. This is perfect. It's a way to take my mind off of things. A way to take my mind off of
him
.

JOEL

P
AIN
RIPS
THROUGH
me as I stare at Mom. Tommy's arm wraps around me. The chapel is silent as I kiss her on the forehead and say goodbye. I honestly thought it'd be more difficult. I'm numb to everything when I stare at her. My brain refuses to process she's gone, forever.

I look to Tommy and nod. Tears stream down his cheeks onto his suit. I'm regretting not having Quinn there. I loosen my tie, and my hands ball into fists, heat rushes into my face. I see Megan's hand on Tommy's back, and I lose it. I look to Mom one last time and put my hand on hers. When I touch her, I realize it isn't really her. It's just an empty shell of what was once the most vibrant thing in my life.

I turn and storm down the aisle and into the lobby. I want to be anywhere but here. I'm not religious, but I curse god just in case his sorry ass is real. All the stupid, horrible motherfuckers in the world, and he takes the gem out of the cesspool that surrounds me. I hate him. I hate everything. I have to take my mind off things.

Tommy walks out and wraps his arms around me. He's shaking, as am I. "I'm sorry, man."

I can barely make out his voice muffled against my shoulder, and I slap him on the back a couple of times, harder than I normally would.

He looks up at me, and I nod, wiping the tears from my face. We walk out to the car, and Megan follows. She insists on driving us. I don't mind one bit. I want to bury my mother and put it all behind me.

Megan gets in to drive us to the cemetery. Tommy climbs in the front with her. In the backseat, I break out a bottle of scotch and take a huge swig. It should burn going down, but it doesn't. A train could smack into me, and I wouldn't feel a goddamn thing. I hand the bottle to Tommy, and he reluctantly takes a pull off of it.

"You should take it easy man."

I glare at him, and he knows to back off. I'd do anything to take my mind off Mom right now. Tommy shifts around in the front seat. Megan does too. I don't normally get angry, ever really.

"Are you going to be okay with everyone coming over after?" I catch Megan's eyes staring at me in the rear-view mirror. Tommy looks at her like she's insane for asking me questions. Her gaze cuts right through the hate in my heart and tears blur my vision.

"I don't know." I break down and lose my shit right there. Tears rush into my eyes, and I begin to weep, so hard that I struggle to breathe. I hear Megan open the driver's side door, and she comes around to my side, rips the door open, and crushes me with a hug.

"It gets easier. I promise." I try to look at her but everything looks like a funhouse mirror.

"How do you know?"

She sighs. "I lost my parents too. A long time ago."

I wipe my eyes and see Tommy holding back tears. Megan is focused on me, Tommy on her. Apparently, this is news to him.

"You never said anything."

"Yeah. I didn't know that either." Tommy stares at her, and she glances to him and looks back to me.

She grips me by the shoulders. "It is and always will be hard to talk about. Okay? But you learn to manage it. It just takes time. I promise. That dagger in your stomach gets less painful every day. You start to remember the good times and you focus less on the end."

"Okay." I nod.

"Okay." She runs her hand up Tommy's cheek and wipes a tear from his eye. "Your mom isn't in that body anymore, but she's watching you. It breaks her heart when she sees you two in pain. The same as if she was still here and you were hurting. Just think of one of the thousands of good moments you had with her while you say goodbye. It will still hurt worse than anything you've ever felt. But it will help."

She reaches down and takes the bottle from my hand and sets it in the front seat. "That won't give you peace. I tried. It doesn't work."

"Okay." I nod at her again.

"Good."

She shuts the door and walks back around to the driver's side. Tommy leans over the seat and stares at me. His hand squeezes my forearm. His eyes tell me everything he wants to say. When Megan gets in the car, he turns his face to her. "I love you." He looks back to me. "Both of you."

"I love you too," says Megan.

"I love you too, baby girl." I grin at him through the tears.

"Come here you." He leans over the back seat and gives me a big bear hug. "We'll get through this." His words are a whisper in my ear.

I nod once more. "Okay."

People are everywhere in Mom's house—staring at pictures, telling old stories about her. It still hurts, but Megan's words resonate and give me some hope of comfort. I wish Quinn was here. I'm such a goddamn idiot sometimes.

Tommy walks up and hands me a beer. Mom would never approve, but it's our last act of rebellion in her house. I can practically hear her voice in my head. "Herbert and Thomas, I will pepper your asses if you take one more sip of that devil juice in my house."

Tommy must be having a similar thought, because I see a wry smile spread across his face. He looks down to his beer. "She would fuck us up good for this."

I clank my bottle into his. "Yeah, she certainly would. Wouldn't she?"

Megan keeps looking over at us. I don't think she's too excited about us drinking, but at least it's not whiskey.

"Mom sure made an impact on a lot of people, didn't she?" I stare around at the sea of people crammed in the tiny house.

"How could she not, man? She was larger than life. That lady was a fucking saint. I'm going to miss her so much."

The waterworks are about to start up again. I can see his eyes misting. Fuck. It's so goddamn hard. I down my beer and head for another. My face tingles, and I feel a buzz coming on. I'm certain it's the whiskey I pounded in the car.

I walk to the fridge and lean over to pull another beer from it. A pair of tan legs pass in front of my face in a black skirt. I don't recognize them and I never forget a pair of legs that reach for the sky like these.

I lift my head to see the rest of what she's working with, and I'm not disappointed at all. I just hope she isn't a family member. A pair of nice-sized tits wrapped up tight in black fabric meet my gaze. She has curled, blonde hair that drapes down her shoulder line.

"Hi." Her blue eyes lock onto me.

The cold beer is numbing my hand as I stand up to properly introduce myself. "Hi. Don't think we've met."

We shake hands.