The Perfect Life (26 page)
It wasn't long, a month at most, before the remodeling was finished and a low-interest loan secured. Soon after, we took Charlie and Mary out for dinner to celebrate. They were just as wonderful as Brad said and so deserving of their cute one bedroom cottage.
I frowned at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. When was the last time Brad and I took a recipient family out to dinner? Several years at least. Maybe as many as five or six. But celebrations still took place. Brad made sure of that. Many of the In Step employees attended the dinners and luncheons. Contractors and bankers went at times. Occasionally donors were there, too.
Only somewhere along the way, Brad had stopped asking me to be there.
I went into the bedroom and sank onto the foot of the bed.
In those early years, I met all the families who obtained homes through the efforts of In Step. I knew their storiesâthe unwed mom who wanted a safe home for her child, the divorced woman piecing her life back together after beating an addiction to drugs, the mentally challenged Birches.
When had I stopped learning their stories? Had Brad stopped telling them to meâor had I stopped listening?
“
DAD?”
EMMA APPEARED IN THE FAMILY ROOM DOORWAY.
“Mike's here.” She glanced over her shoulder as the pastor stepped into view.
“Hey, Mike.” Brad motioned his friend forward. “Didn't expect you to come by again this week.”
“I thought maybe you could use some company.” Mike sat in the easy chair.
“If you two will excuse me,” Emma said,“I've got some things to do in the other room.”
Brad wasn't fooled. His daughter was making herself scarce so the two men could have a private conversation. He was grateful.
He looked at Mike again. “I guess you know Katherine went away for a few days.”
“Yeah. Annabeth told me.”
“Do you know where she went?”
Mike gave a slight shrug at the same time he nodded.
“If it weren't for my ribs and that blasted cast, I'd be out looking for her.”
“I know you would.”
“And I take it you're glad I can't.”
“From what little Annabeth told me,Katherine needed some time alone to work things through.”
Brad released a deep sigh. “Yeah, she did. We both did.” He lowered his gaze. “I've been thinking about how things got to be like this between us.”
From the corner of his eye, he saw Mike lean forward in the chair, forearms braced on his thighs, ready to listen.
“Somewhere along the way,we stopped sharing certain parts of our lives. I don't think either of us realized it until now. At least I didn't.”
“Why do you suppose that is?”
“I haven't figured that out yet. It's not like we weren't happy. It's not like we didn't love each other. But I must have failed her in some way or else she would have trusted me more when trouble hit. Don't you think?”
Somehow, he meant to earn back that trust.
I CARRIED A LAWN CHAIR DOWN TO THE LAKE AND
perched it near the end of the dock. It was warm enough for me to wear a sleeveless top and shorts, although every so often, the breeze off the water caused goose bumps to rise on my bare arms and legs.
I'd brought my Bible and a notebook with me, just in case, but I'd ceased trying to control the direction of my thoughts. I let them go where they willed. I seemed to be on some sort of mental and emotional treasure hunt, scrounging for clues that would lead me to my final destination.
I'd learned something about myself while sorting through old memories, and it wasn't very flattering. I was more concerned with appearances than I should be. I was more concerned that I
look
spiritual than that I truly
be
spiritual. How could I change that? I'd been a Christian all of my life. I'd thought I was a good one.Why hadn't I wanted to know Him more? Why had I settled for less than He wanted to give?
“Come with me, Kat.”
The words floated into my mind like a piece of driftwood carried on the currents. They caught my attention and wouldn't let go.
“Come with me, Kat.”
At first, it was Brad's voice I heard. He wanted me to come with him to look at the repossessed houses In Step might buy. He wanted me to come with him to see the homes as they were remodeled and restored. He wanted me to come with him when he handed the keys to the new owners.
Come with me, Beloved.
This time, the words came not from the past but from the present, from a deep, secret place inside my heart. My breath caught in my chest. I felt a warm breeze circle me, enfold me. And I
knew
. Somehow I knew. It was the Lord, touching me with those words.
Come with Me, Beloved. Trust Me
.
I imagined myself standing on the edge of the dock, arms stretched out at my sides, eyes closed. I pictured myself falling backward and knowing I would be caught before I hit the water.
When was the last time I'd trusted anyone so completely? Had I ever?
“I'll trust You, Lord, if You'll help me. Starting today, I'll trust You.”
It was the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, and the forest was alive with the sounds of families ready to celebrate the unofficial beginning of summer. They began arriving in the early afternoon and continued throughout the evening. Car doors slammed. Parents called to children. Children shouted to their dogs. Dogs barked as they chased after squirrels and chipmunks.
Wrapped in a comforter, I sat on the deck until after nightfall. Through the trees, I saw lights come on as my newly arrived next-door neighbors settled in. I imagined the wife dusting, sweeping, and wiping down countertops, much as I'd done the night before. But she wasn't alone. Her husband was with her. Maybe her children too.
I missed them, my familyâHayley and Emma and Brad. Hayley, too much like me, concerned with appearances, careful to keep her emotions in check. Emma, full of compassion, passionate for God, and prone to wearing her heart on her sleeve. And Brad . . .
“Oh, God, I want our marriage to be what You want a marriage to be. Will You teach me to trust?”
I lifted my gaze, up past the tall, swaying pine trees to the star-studded heavens beyond. So vast. So surprising. What had I read? That there was a star out there in the universe that was larger than earth's orbit around the sun. Something like a hundred million miles in diameter. A star we would never explore but could only look at from afar. A star among countless other stars, more than all the sand on all the beaches in the world.
All that, God had breathed into existence.
And yet He thought of me. He thought of me and saw me and cared for me and was with me. I'd prided myself on living for Him, but I never let Him in. Not really. I'd wanted Jesus as Savior but never let Him be moreâMaker,Master, Father, Friend.
“Thank You, Lord, for catching me when I fall. Come in and change me.”
I WAS WASHING THE BREAKFAST DISHES THE FOLLOWING
morning when Brad called, his distinctive ring on my cell phone causing me to stop and stare at the device, which I'd put on the kitchen table earlier.
Should I answer it or not? At first I thought that whatever he had to say, it could wait a few more hours. There was so much we needed to talk about. Too much to say over the phone. And yet . . .
I dried my hands on a dish towel as I stepped closer to the table. The phone stopped ringing. I lifted it, flipped it open, closed it again.
In the distance came the sound of hammering. Someone getting an early start on repairs to their summer home. It was impossible to judge how far away they might be. Sounds carried a long distance in the forest.
The phone rang a second time. Still Brad.
This time I didn't hesitate. “Hello.”
“Hi, Kat.”
The sound of his voice made me smile.
“Sorry to call you. I know you wanted time away from me so you could think.”
Not time away from you. Not really. Oh, Brad, there were so
many reasons for me to get away, but escaping you wasn't one of
them. I know that now.
“I need to ask for your permission for something I want to do.”
“My permission?”
“I want to have Emma drive me over to Nicole's. There's something I need to say to her.”
My stomach dropped. I sat on the nearby chair.
“Kat, it's complicated, but will you trust me? There are things I need to say to her. Something I have to ask her.”
Trust. Wasn't that what God had called me to do? Trust Him. And if I trusted Him, then couldn't I also trust Brad?
“I promise that I have good reasons,Kat. But I won't go if you say no.”
I drew a deep breath, held it, released it. “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes, I'll trust you.” I didn't know where the strength came from to say those words.
“Thanks,” he said softly. “When you get back, we'll talk about this.”
“Yes.”
“I hope you'll be home soon, Kat.”
“I will be. Soon.”
Both of us were silent for several seconds. Then he said, “I love you.”
I know.
“Take care of yourself.”
“I will.”
Again the protracted silence. I lowered the phone from my ear and closed it, breaking the connection.
