The Perfect Mistress (23 page)

She finally broke free, stood up, and walked away to give herself some distance. “Matthew, I thought we were just chilling.”

He looked at her in confusion. “I'm too old to chill.”

Images of her father's infidelity flashed through her mind.
No, she wasn't about to be anybody's wife. And that's where serious relationships ended up.

“Okay,” she said, pacing across the kitchen. “I think I might have given you the wrong impression.”

“What?”

She spun to face him. “I've enjoyed reconnecting with you. But exclusively? That's not what I'm looking for.”

He continued to be mystified. “So what are you looking for? What are we doing?”

“We're kickin' it.” She tried to force a smile.

He stared at her like he had to process whether he'd heard her correctly. “I don't need to
kick
it,” he said. “I'm too old to kick it.”

Lauren kept her smile, hoping it would diffuse the impending negative reaction.

“Matthew, I don't want a relationship,” she said. This was so hard because she really liked him.

He stood up and walked around the open area, thinking. “Wow. I thought we had really reconnected and this was going somewhere.”

“I care about you a lot. I love being with you,” Lauren said.

“Then what's the problem?”

“I'm just not getting involved like that. With anyone.”

His face took on a guarded look. “Okay. Message received loud and clear. Obviously, I read you wrong.” He headed toward the living room. “Sorry for dropping by unexpectedly. I'm going to let you get back to what you were doing.”

“Come on, Matthew,” she said, following after him. “Don't be like that. We can just chill and watch a movie or something.”

He grabbed his keys off the coffee table. “Nah, I'm good. It's like you said, this is not what you want and I don't want to waste your time or mine.”

She huffed as her hands went to her hips. “Really, Matthew?”

He stopped right before he reached the door. “Yes, really.” His shoulders drooped as he turned to face her. “I'm falling back in love with you, Lauren. Hard. Truthfully, I never stopped. I begged you to love me once. I swore I'd never do that again.”

He was right about that. In college, he used to joke that he'd never worked so hard for something in his life. He'd pleaded with her to take a chance on loving him. The problem was, she had done so and had only ended up heartbroken.

“I did love you, and you left me,” she said.

That put his back up right away. “I left to get an education,” he clarified. “So I could build us a better life. And you did what you do best—you ran. First chance you got, you ran.”

“I . . . I just, I called and that girl answered.”

“And I told you she was a friend. That's it. We were studying and nothing more.” He released a frustrated sigh. “For whatever reason, you think all of us will be like your father.”

Lauren's mouth dropped open in shock. “I can't believe you went there.”

“It's the truth. It was the truth then and it's the truth now.” He pulled the front door open. “Lauren, I'm looking for a wife. I have been single a whole lot longer than I wanted to. I could never really connect with anyone. When you came back into my life, I was sure it was because God had been saving me for you. But I get that that's not what you want.
And since I do know that, it would be crazy for me to stick around.”

Lauren still was mad that he would take her issues with her father—something that she'd told him in confidence—and throw it in her face. He must've known that he'd pissed her off because he said, “I'm sorry about what I said about your dad, but the truth is the truth, and until you face it, you're never going to be happy.”

She wanted to go off, tell him that she
was
happy—but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out. And he simply shook his head and walked out the door—and as it felt, out of her life.

“Men weren't meant to be monogamous.”

As her father's words rang in her head, Lauren pushed away all desire to go after Matthew. She told herself it was for the best.

A
ll of her life Lauren had been a loner. She had a few male friends throughout high school, but the guys usually only wanted to date her and the girls despised her. Nor did she make much effort to get close to anyone. That's why she was surprised at how quickly she and Vivian had bonded.

“Here you go,” Vivian said, handing her a glass of Moscato.

“Just what I need,” Lauren said, taking the oversize wineglass.

“Now, give me the whole scoop,” Vivian said, sitting down next to her.

Lauren had come over directly after Matthew stormed out. For the first time in her life, she wanted to cry over a guy, and that wasn't cool. That's why she had to leave and come hang out with Vivian. Of course, Vivian wanted all the details.

“So, what happened?”

Lauren let out a long sigh, then told her about their argument.

“Wow,” Vivian said when she was done. “Matthew really went there.”

“I know, right. I mean, usually it's the guy who doesn't want to get serious.” Lauren sipped her wine. “He just got
really upset and said he didn't want to waste his time. He wants more than I'm ready to give. He said he's ready for marriage.”

Vivian shook her head. “And let me guess, you're not?”

Lauren shrugged. The pain she felt inside was exactly why she didn't want to be in love.

“Lauren, you're thirty-four years old. At what point will you be ready for marriage?”

“I just see too many marriages falling apart.”

Vivian tsked. “That's because outside forces are always trying to make these men think there is something better out there.”

Lauren didn't know if that was a dig at her or what. She knew Vivian didn't approve of her seeing married men, but outside of a few snide remarks, her friend had never stood in real judgment of her.

“Whatever. Did you know only fifty percent of marriages make it?” Lauren said. She'd heard that statistic wasn't exactly true, but it's the one that had been stuck in her mind for years. “That's pretty sad.”

“That's because people don't know what ‘for better or for worse' means. You're supposed to work through the bad stuff.” Vivian's voice turned nostalgic, as if she were remembering her own failed marriage.

“I'm just saying. Marriage isn't for me.”

“Are you going to spend the rest of your life alone?” Vivian asked.

Lauren downed the rest of her wine, then said, “I'm alone, but not lonely.”

Vivian took issue with that idea right away. “Whether you
want to admit it or not, you're lonely. You go from man to man and get all this stuff, but what you're really craving is real love.”

“Okay, Dr. Phil Vanzant.” Lauren rolled her eyes. If anything, Vivian and her failed marriage should make her understand why Lauren didn't want to go down that road.

“Call me what you want. It can't be fulfilling to know that you're second in someone's heart.”

So much for being nonjudgmental. “Wow! Way to make me feel good, Vivian. Remind me to come over here every time I need cheering up,” Lauren said, her voice full of sarcasm.

“I'm just keeping it real with you,” Vivian said. “And one day you're going to run up on the wrong woman and you're not going to be able to talk your way out of a situation. You need to give Matthew a chance.”

Lauren ran her finger over the rim of her glass. Her friend was right. Her lifestyle was getting old. And that maternal bug, which she never dreamed that she would have, seemed to be sneaking up on her. Lauren was about to say something when suddenly they were interrupted by a banging on Vivian's front door.

“What the . . . ?” Vivian said, jumping up.

“Girl, who is that?” Lauren sat on the edge of her seat. The way the person was banging, Lauren thought it might be the police.

Vivian went to the door and peeked out the peephole. “Oh my God,” Vivian said. “It's my ex.”

Lauren relaxed a bit. “Okay, and? You never said he was dangerous. Why are you acting like that?”

Vivian was nervously shaking her hands like she was trying to calm herself down.

“I'm not in the mood to deal with him now,” Vivian said.

“So, you're just going to leave him out there?”

“Vivian, what's going on?” he shouted. “Open the door. I see your eyeball.”

Lauren stood. “I can leave if you need to see him.”

“No!” she said a little too quickly.

This was definitely strange, because while Vivian couldn't stand her husband, she'd never acted fearful of him.

“Do you want me to answer and tell him that you're not here? I can play it off,” Lauren asked.

“No,” she said, still looking agonized.

“Vivian, what's going on?” Lauren frowned because the whole scenario wasn't making sense. “Are you scared of him?”

Vivian ignored her and shouted toward the door. “Go away. I have company.”

“And?” he replied. “I don't care. I need to talk to you. I need these papers signed now.”

She walked over and eased the door open, then stepped outside. Their voices were muffled, but it sounded like they were arguing.

After a few minutes, Vivian walked back inside, a troubled look across her face. Lauren asked, “What was that about?”

“Long story,” she said. “My ex is moving and has to have my permission to move my son and I won't give it to him. But he's gotten a judge to order me to sign.”

“Wow.” Lauren wanted to note how that exchange just proved her point about marriage, but she didn't want Vivian to get any more upset.

“I just can't let him take my son away.” She slumped down on the sofa. “I hate him. I swear to God, I hate him.”

“How did your relationship with him get so bad?” Lauren asked after they'd sat in silence for a few minutes.

Vivian sighed as she picked up the bottle of pinot grigio and refilled her glass to the top. She drank the entire glass nonstop. When she was done, she closed her eyes. “Maybe one day I'll tell you all about it.” She refilled her glass again. “But today isn't that day.”

S
taring out the window at the old oak tree just outside her room had become a daily ritual. And Joyce was getting tired of it. That's why when she saw Pearl in her doorway, tapping on the door, Joyce motioned for her to come in.

“Hey, Pearl,” Joyce said.

She seemed surprised at Joyce's pleasant attitude. “Good morning. Just wanted to tell you you have a visitor. And it's not your daughter.”

Joyce's heart jumped. Had Julian come to see her?

“Who is it?” Joyce asked in anticipation.

“Don't know. Some older woman,” Pearl said.

Now she was confused. She didn't have a lot of friends. Her two closest had died several years ago.

“Do you mind telling her I'm on my way?”

Pearl nodded and walked out.

Joyce checked her appearance and made her way up to the front lobby. She stopped in her tracks at the sight of her sister-in-law, Velma.

“Surprise!” Velma said.

She was right about that. Joyce hadn't seen Velma in almost a year, though she'd talked to her on the phone. Velma
claimed that her diabetes prevented her from getting out much. It didn't prevent her from going up to Atlantic City for the casinos, but Joyce didn't bother pointing that out. Truthfully, they hadn't been as close since Vernon died. Velma had adored her baby brother, and Joyce believed that she reminded her sister-in-law of him too much.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Joyce asked, hugging her.

“I just wanted to check on my sister-in-law.”

“I'm still alive, so I guess that's something.”

“I'm sorry I haven't been by here to see you before.”