The Perfect Stroke (60 page)

God, what does it say about me that I miss him even now?

My emotions are all over the place and I can’t seem to get them in order. My mind keeps going back to the hostility between Paul and Roman. There’s more there than I know, much more than Paul will ever tell me. The man he makes Roman out to be, the man in the file the DEA has is not the man I’ve come to love—sorry, to
care
about.

Roman has always treated me like I mattered. Then again, how well do I know him? I jumped in head first, led by a quest to learn more about my brother—and by hormones.
Definitely by hormones
. I need to see Allen. If I can see him, then maybe things will seem clearer.

It takes me a few minutes to get dressed, brush my teeth, and look like I haven’t lain awake all night crying. I’m not sure I fully succeed. By the time I’ve finished, Roman still hasn’t shown. For all I know, he could still be gone. The thought of him spending the night somewhere else hurts me. Not because I think he went to another woman, it’s just… I want him with me.
Even now
. God, I am messed up. 

I walk through to the main room. Roman is sitting on the sofa, his clothes wrinkled, his hair a mess, and there’s an afghan thrown over the sofa as if he slept there. It’s stupid, but thinking that he has, somehow makes me feel better.

He looks up at me when I stop by the sofa. There’s a look in his dark eyes… a heated look, and I fight against its pull.

“Have you decided, Ana?”

“I want to see Allen.”

“I can arrange that, after I have your word that you’ll stay.”

“This is crazy. Do you realize you’re blackmailing me into—”

“Call it what you want. Your word.  I want your word.”

“Fine. I’ll stay,” I tell him, my stomach churning. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I do know I have to stay either way… for now.

“I’ll have my lawyer draw up the contract.”

“Contract?” I ask, confused.

“You don’t think I’m going to take you at your word, do you, Ana?”

“Roman, I don’t have a law degree, but I’m pretty sure contracts built on blackmail are useless.”

“You’d be surprised what money can do.”

“Money and the right crook for an attorney,” I tell him, unable to believe he’s serious about any of this.

“Whatever, it won’t be an issue, because you will stay.”

“Roman, I think maybe…”

I stop when he gets up and comes to stand in front of me. His hand goes to my neck and he pulls my face up to him.

“You gave yourself to me, Ana. I told you I claimed you. Maybe you don’t understand exactly what that means, but you should.” His fingers trail down my neck, pulling my shirt loose and smiling. I know he sees the dark bruise that he left there when he bit me last night. Just remembering it makes a shudder of need vibrate through me. I know Roman doesn’t miss it when his lips graze my ear. “You can fight it, pet, but your body knows who it belongs to. It craves me even now.”

I fight against the lure of him. It would be so easy to give in, to lose myself in him. I can’t. I need to keep my head straight. I should have been doing that a long time ago. I try to pull away, but Roman tightens his hold on me. “Roman, I want…”

“I bet if I touched you right now your pussy would be soaked for me.”

“Roman…”

“Am I right, Ana?”

He is. I can’t tell him that. I refuse to tell him that.

“I want to see Allen now,” I tell him, my voice monotone, and it takes everything I have to hold my body rigid and sound like I’m unaffected. I know he can tell it’s a lie, but it makes me feel marginally better. His eyes lock with mine and I see disappointment on his face as clear as day for just a split second and then it’s gone.

“Fine. Grab your coat. It’s chilly outside.”

I take a breath and step away from him. I wasn’t sure he would give in this easily. Now, if I can just make Allen listen to me without blowing my cover.

I follow Roman down the stairs to where he’s holding Allen. Each step I take, the nerves of the unknown increases. Roman and I haven’t said a word to each other since we left the apartment. I’m not sure why he’s not talking, but I have nothing to say. I’m feeling so lost. In such a short time, Roman has become this rock on which I lean. I’ve never had that in my life, not really, and Roman filled a void I didn’t know I had.

We make it down a hall to a large cemented area. Even the walls are concrete. The doors are made of steel just like the ones you would find in prison. Roman has the guard unlock the padlock so we can go inside. A part of me wants to run and hide, but instead, I force my feet to move forward. I see Allen. He’s lying on the bed, his right hand chained to a cable that runs across the room, allowing him to go from the bed to a small bath area. My stomach churns because it’s basically a large dog-run, except the cable is longer and more extensive.

“How did I know it wouldn’t be long before you showed up, sister dearest?” he says, and the guilt hits me again. Allen is three years younger than me. I was a kid myself, but he didn’t fare as well as I did with mom’s boyfriends. He blames me. I didn’t protect him enough. I didn’t take care of him. I tried, but I obviously failed and that has done nothing but make him hate me.

“I’m sorry, Allen. I didn’t know,” I whisper lamely.

“Yeah. You seem to not know a lot of shit when you should. Kind of like your boyfriend. Right, sister dear? Imagine my surprise when Roman didn’t know that you were a…”

“Allen,” I yell, trying to stop him before he can reveal to Roman that I’m a cop.

“What a selfish bitch you are.”

“That’s enough, Stevens. I told you to show respect when you talk about your sister. That goes double for when you’re talking
to
her. She’s the only reason you’re still breathing,” Roman says from behind me, causing me to jump.

I look over my shoulder at him. He’s standing completely still looking at Allen with hate and anger. He’s doing it again, taking up for me when no one ever has before. That funny feeling in the pit of my stomach I get when Roman is around picks up. How can I not be drawn to this man? I touch his arm gently, turning into him. “Can I talk to him alone, Roman? Please?”

The one simple gesture catches Roman by surprise. I read it in his eyes. Seeing the state that Allen is in is jarring at first, until I realize one thing:
Allen’s not high.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen him where his eyes weren’t glazed over and he didn’t have that crazed look he gets when he’s coming down off his last high. I don’t know what exactly Roman’s endgame is, but I do know right now that he’s helping Allen. Call me stupid a million times—but that’s what I see here, and I think Roman’s doing it for me. Maybe Roman senses the way I’m softening, because he bends down and kisses my forehead.

“I’ll be right outside, pet.”

“Thank you.”

“Pet. Isn’t that precious,” Allen sneers after Roman leaves the room. “Boy, if he only knew the real you, right sis?”

“What’s going on with Roman and I is none of your concern.”

“Wait? Are you really slumming it with the biggest criminal in Miami? Gee, I bet your boss loves that. I’ve already gathered Anthes doesn’t know what you do for a living. I take it your boss doesn’t know about your dating activities either.”

My heart speeds up like crazy. What if Roman can hear what is said in the room? I try to change the subject. “You’re looking better.”

“I’m looking sober. That’s what you really mean, right Ana?”

“Okay, fine. You look like you haven’t been high in a while.”

“I’ve told you a hundred times, that’s
my
fucking business.”

“Allen, you’re throwing away your life.”

“You don’t live with the memories I have, or the scars, Ana. When you do, you can talk to me about staying sober. Until then, just shut the fuck up.”

“If you could stay sober, there are things we could do to help you cope, Allen. If you let me in, just a little bit, I’ll make sure you have help. I promise.”

“There you go, my goody-two-shoes big sister trying to save me. You don’t seem to get it that I don’t want to be saved. I never asked for your help and I sure as hell don’t want it. You better tend to your own life because trust me, when Anthes finds out that you’re double-crossing him, there will be hell to pay.”

“Allen, he might be…”

“Listening? Do you think I give a fuck? The only reason I haven’t ratted you out yet is because I enjoy watching you squirm. You’ve been too fucking high and mighty for too long. It’s nice to poke at you. If you’re wondering, I do plan to tell him soon. So you might want to find a rock to hide under.”

I wait for Roman to come in, demanding to know what we’re talking about. When nothing happens, I breathe a little easier. “Are you not even going to listen to me?”

“Nope.”

That’s when I give up all hope of ever reaching my brother. I knew it was a longshot, but I had hoped … Hell, I’m not even sure what I hoped. For something more than this, that much is clear. “Will you… will you at least keep my cover until I can manage to get you out of here?”

“Are you working on that?”

“Paul is.”

“Great. The DEA. So I’ll be trading this cage in for a new one. No fucking thanks.”

“Allen, they have you for dealing meth and coke. You have to know there’s not much I can do. My hands are tied. But I’ll be here for you, and by taking this assignment, they’ve told me they’ll make sure you get treatment. You can still live a good life, Allen. We both can. You just need to hold on and help me stay under the radar for a little longer.”

“Tell you what, sis. I’m feeling generous. You have forty-eight hours. After that, I’m singing like the caged canary I am.”

“Allen, I only want to help you. If you’ll just let me try and…”

“You should leave before I decide I’m being too agreeable.”

“I love you, Allen.” He doesn’t answer, but then I didn’t expect him to.

This seems so useless now. Why did I think this might be Allen’s rock-bottom? Why did I think he would accept my help now? Maybe I am as stupid as he keeps telling me I am. This is just one more thing to add to everything that’s been going on. I feel like a small fish being surrounded by sharks and completely out of my depth. I give up and leave because that’s all I can do. There’s more I want to say, but there’s truly no point. Too bad I didn’t realize that before I begged Paul to let me go undercover.