The Plan (50 page)

As soon as Claire and Gia arrived at the hospital, Claire was rushed up to the O.R. Gia had called Callum and he'd reassured both of them he'd be there shortly and wouldn't miss a thing. Nonetheless, when the nurses asked Gia if she wanted to put on a pair of scrubs, just in case the father didn't arrive on time, she did so to ensure Claire wouldn't be alone during the delivery.

She stayed with Claire until Callum rolled into the O.R. Gia was sure
she'd never before been so happy to see anyone as she was to see Callum at that moment.

“Okay,” Dr. Lindberg said, from his place behind the curtain dividing Claire's neck and head from the lower half of her body. “You shouldn't feel any pain, but you will feel some pushing and then some tugging when I go to get her out.”

Claire nodded. “Okay.”

“Take a deep breath. It won't be long until she's here,” the doctor said.

“Do you want to look?” Claire asked Callum.

“No thanks, love. I'm not so good with blood and all that. I'll just keep my eyes on you. We can see Maggie together.”

Claire nodded again, as Callum squeezed her hand.

“Listen, Claire,” Dr. Lindberg said, his voice suddenly very grave. “Once she's out, things are going to move very quickly. I'm going to cut her cord and hand her to the nurse and then I'll need to do some repair in here.”

“What kind of repair?” Callum asked. The fear in his voice did nothing to calm the panic rising in Claire's chest.

“It's what we thought might happen. The placenta has grown outside the uterus.”

The doctor stopped speaking as he continued to work on Claire. The room was very still. No one spoke, not Claire or Callum or any of the members of the medical team.

Claire held her breath. She'd been here before. In an operating room that looked just like this. With a sheet in front of her face. With a husband holding her hand. Only, this was a different O.R. in a different state with a different doctor—not the one who'd delivered her first three babies—and a different husband. But one who was as loving as Jack, and just as anxious and excited to become a dad as Jack had been.

Everything was the same, yet everything was also so different. She'd never before been so scared to give birth as she was now.

What if something happened to her baby? She couldn't bear it. She wouldn't be able to live if she lost another child. She hadn't told Callum this, but it would be the end of her if they lost Maggie.

Just then, a baby's scream broke through Claire's fear. Claire hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath until that moment, when she released it. The cry was pure and clear and the most beautiful sound Claire had ever heard.

“You have a daughter!” Dr. Lindberg announced. “And what a set of lungs on her!”

Claire couldn't see anything, but could sense the medical staff moving quickly from behind the curtain.

“Can I see her?” Claire asked.

Dr. Lindberg didn't say another word and Claire assumed he was busy “fixing” whatever it was he needed to fix. She wasn't too worried. The baby seemed to be fine and Claire had full confidence in her doctor. Now that Maggie was safe, she knew Dr. Lindberg would make sure she was, too.

“Sure, sweetie,” a nurse said, reminding Claire of Gia and the term of endearment Gia often used when speaking to Claire. “Let us clean her up and weigh her and then we'll bring her to you.”

“Seven pounds, four ounces,” a nurse announced from one side of the room.

“I can kind of see her,” Callum said, squeezing Claire's hand tighter. “She's really here.”

A moment later, the nurse walked over to Callum and Claire, their baby girl in her arms.

“I can't hand her to you just yet,” she said. “But you can see her. Look at how beautiful she is.”

She held the baby close to Callum and Claire so they could gaze at their daughter's face.

“She has all her arms and legs, right?” Callum asked nervously. The thought she might not be born with all of her limbs had actually never
occurred to Claire. For a moment, she felt ashamed. Of course it would have been something Callum would fear the entire pregnancy, no matter what the ultrasounds seemed to reveal. She couldn't believe he'd never mentioned his worries to her. But, of course, they'd both been worrying about so much already.

“Two arms, two legs, ten fingers, ten toes.”

Their baby had all her parts.

•  •  •

“She's beautiful,” Callum said, his voice full of relief. He couldn't take his eyes off his daughter.
His daughter.
He couldn't believe it. He and Claire had made a child, together. She was here and healthy. Claire was right. He'd worried all those months for nothing.

“Look at her eyes, Claire. She's looking at us like she already knows who we are. Isn't she just gorgeous, love?”

When Claire didn't respond, Callum turned toward his wife.

“Claire?” Callum's voice cracked. “Claire!”

Claire's eyes were closed and her face suddenly had a sickly gray pallor Callum had never seen before.

In less than a half a second, everything in the room began to spin and move at lightning speed.

“Mr. Fitzgerald, we need you to leave.”

“But Claire…” He held tightly to her hand.

“Mr. Fitzgerald,” a nurse said firmly. “I need you to move your chair and get out of the way. Please go wait outside the door.”

“I can't leave her. Claire, love,” Callum said, looking back at Claire's ashen face. “Wake up. Come on, love. Wake up.”

“You need to go and let the doctor do his job.” The nurse's voice was decisive and absolute.

Callum nodded and mechanically reached down for the knob on the arm of this chair. He put it in reverse and then forward again as he rolled out the door and into the hallway where Gia was waiting for him.

He wasn't sure how much she'd heard, but when Callum saw the fear in Gia's eyes, he knew she'd heard enough.

Gia was terrified.

He wanted to reassure her. He wanted to tell Gia about their beautiful daughter, Maggie, who was as lovely as Claire and as healthy as they could ever pray she'd be. He wanted to tell her how great Claire had done during the delivery.

But he could say none of those things. All he could think about was how the color had left Claire's face. How she'd been there with him one second and then the next, it was if she was gone.

Gia grabbed Callum's hand. Her palm was clammy with fear.

“Pray, Gia,” he said. “Pray. Pray harder than you have ever prayed before.”

And then he bowed his head and did just that.

“Mornin', love,” Callum said, as he stroked Claire's hair. She struggled to open her eyes and, once she did, had difficulty focusing on Callum.

“The baby?” Panic rose in Claire's voice.

“Beautiful. Just perfect. Has all her bits and pieces, just like her mam,” Callum replied proudly.

“Good,” Claire said as she remembered, a sigh of relief relaxing her chest. She closed her eyes again. “I'm so tired.”

“I know. You've lost a lot of blood. You began to hemorrhage on the operating table. They said you broke the record for the number of units of blood used during one operation.”

Callum smiled, but that definitely wasn't a reason to smile. He'd been terrified. Petrified. They'd almost lost her and they certainly weren't out of the woods yet.

The doctors had worked on Claire for close to two hours. Later, Dr. Lindberg told Callum it had been nearly impossible to stop the bleeding. Every time they thought they had it under control, the bleeding would begin again.

“We've done everything we can,” the doctor had told Callum when Claire was in recovery. “All we can do now is hope and pray. She's lost an enormous amount of blood. And there's a chance she'll begin to hemorrhage again. We'll have to wait and see.”

That hadn't been the response Callum wanted to hear when he'd asked Dr. Lindberg for an update. He'd wanted the doctor to say she was fine—she'd
be
fine.

No one truly knew if she would be fine
,
but Claire was here, now. And that's what mattered to Callum.

Claire slowly opened her eyes again and looked directly at Callum.

“I need to tell you some things.”

“Nothing that can't wait, love,” Callum said, stroking her face.

“It can't.”

“Claire, you need to rest…” Callum said, trying to hush her.

“I love you.”

“I know you do,” he replied. “You don't have to waste your strength telling me that. I love you, too.”

“You need to promise me you'll take good care of Maggie.”

“We
will take good care of Maggie—together, love,” Callum said softly.

“I know you don't think you can do this alone, but you can. You're going to be the best dad. Just don't give into her every whim.” Claire smiled weakly at him. “You're not tough enough.”

Tears filled Callum's eyes. He'd cried copious amounts of tears while she'd been in surgery and had promised himself he wouldn't cry in front of Claire, but he was failing miserably.

“I'm plenty tough!” he said, forcing a smile.

“You're a big softy,” Claire countered, her voice so tiny that Callum had to lean in to hear it.

“Then
you
have to stick around to play bad cop, love!” Callum joked nervously.

If Claire heard Callum, she gave no indication of it.

“It's okay if you need to ask for help,” she said. “It's hard to be a parent. I know. Gia will help you. I'm sure Alison and the team will, too. Maybe your parents can come stay for a while.”

“You're talking nonsense,” Callum said, desperately, continuing to stroke her hair, her face, her arms. “You'll be home in no time and
you
can take care of Maggie with me.”

“Make sure you tell her every day how much I loved and wanted her,” Claire said, with more strength than she'd had all day.

“You tell her,” Callum replied, no longer holding back his tears.

“Promise you'll tell her,” Claire said, her eyes steady on his.

Callum sighed. “I promise. I'll tell her.”

“She's a part of you and me…the best part,” Claire said. And then, in the strongest whisper he'd ever heard, as if she were conveying the most important revelation of her life, the only thing she ever wanted him to hear, she said, “She was
the plan.”

“What do you mean, love?” Callum leaned closer, not willing or able to absorb the meaning of what she was saying.

“You always tell people how God has a plan for their life.
Maggie
was the plan for ours.” The soft gleam in Claire's eyes was unmistakable.

“We
were the plan, Claire. You and me.
That
was God's plan.” Callum no longer tried to hide the desperation in his voice.

“Now He has a new plan.”

“Don't say that, love. In a few days, we'll all be going home together—you, me, our little girl.” He reached for her hand and held it in his.

“Callum, do you know how amazing you are?” Claire asked. “I wish that, for one moment, you could see yourself the way I see you. Strong and beautiful.”

“Claire…”

“You remember that,” Claire said, every word demanding more of an effort for her. “When you're sad and lonely…when you feel overwhelmed…when you miss me… remember I knew every inch of you… of your heart…of your body…and I found them perfect.”

Callum had to choke back a sob. The tears cascaded down his face and onto Claire's arm and chest.

“Claire, please don't say things like that. You're going to be fine. You're going to stay with me.”

“Kiss me,” Claire said, so quietly Callum had to lean in to hear her.

He bent down and kissed Claire on the lips. He stroked her face. She smiled with her eyes closed.

Callum sat up and, hearing a deep gasp from Claire, scanned her entire body. Bright red was slowly easing its way across the bleached-white sheet down near her legs—rolling along like water spilled across a kitchen counter.

Before Callum could register what was happening, he heard Claire gasp again.

“I see my kids. I see my babies!”

Callum screamed out for someone to come, for someone to help him. Her. Them.

He barely heard the commotion that began in the hallway behind him.

His sobs were loud and, for once, he didn't care if Claire heard them.

“Claire…I need you. Don't go. Please, don't go,” he begged. He pleaded.

“I love you,” Claire said, casting her eyes on him, but already they were missing their shine. “I'll be waiting for you.”

And then she closed them one last time.

“Claire!” Callum screamed, grabbing tight to her hand, willing her to stay. “Claire!”

Callum would later remember nothing from that moment, as if it were just a blur, and yet somehow every single detail would be burned into his subconscious. The long dull sound of the heart monitor, screeching loudly in his ears. The doctors and nurses who rushed to Claire and pushed him out of the way. The way the screams echoed in his ears, knowing they were his and yet, causing him to wonder where they were coming from. The noise and the yelling and the commotion, all simultaneously in slow-motion and muffled. The way Gia was suddenly there and the two of them held on to each other more tightly than they'd ever held on to anyone before.

The movement of Claire being rushed to the operating room again. The silence that followed in the hallway, as they cried, and begged and prayed.

The way it was over so quickly. Much too quickly.

The noise. The praying. The begging.

Claire. Their life together.