Authors: John Shannon
“Oh, Jack,” she started, and ran down. She sat heavily.
“Let's get you some coffee. You look thwacked.” He held his cup overhead, and a different waitress brought a pot for Faye.
“Give us a couple minutes,” he said.
“Sure thing.”
“Oh, Jack,” she tried again after the waitress left. “I couldn't just mark time in there. I had to pretend to take it all seriously so they'd take me seriously. They really know how to work on you and your disappointments.” One tear made its way down her cheek and she flicked it free with the tip of a finger. “Man, they know how.”
“It's their stock-in-trade.”
He handed her his napkin and she dabbed at her eye. “Whew. Wasn't there something in
1984
about authoritarians using your one real terror against you?”
“They called it Room 101, I think. Whatever it was you really hated and feared, they kept it waiting for you in Room 101.”
“Well, these creeps took me to 101. But not my fears. My big
disappointments
in myself. When I came in reception, I could see a girl with long blond braids weeping. They led her out of one of the cubicles, where they took me. I should have left right then.”
She sipped at the coffee pensively.
“Did you find out anything useful?”
“In due course,” she snapped. She looked at him, as if seeing him for the first time. “You're an impatient man by nature, aren't you?”
“Sure.”
“Well, keep your shirt on. Are my eyes red?”
“Nothing that would get you thrown out of an AA meeting.”
An old couple nearby had fallen silent and were trying to listen in. The woman tapped her husband on the arm and nodded in their direction, her chin fixed in a kind of righteous indignation. He wondered what they thought they were overhearing.
“They set you down and a guy asks you a lot of questions about your life and doesn't respond at all when you answer. He just takes notes. Then about forty-five minutes into it, he says he has to enter the information into their supercomputer, and he leaves for all of about a minute and a half. Then he comes back with a new clipboard and says there's a good chance your soul's a worthy one, ready for the climb, and it's worth doing a few more tests.” The waitress was heading back and he waved her off.
“Then two of them, a new man and a woman, come and take you into another room, where they strap you into a kind of lie detector. There's this accordion hose around your chest and blood pressure cuffs on your arms. They say it's a way of focusing on the soul's truth, not just the mind's truth. Before they start in, they have you breathe deeply for a minute or two, and I got a bit woozy. Then the questions. They start slow but before long they're going at you good. âTell us your greatest moment of shame.' âWas there a time you thought you betrayed someone you loved?' ”
The old woman nearby swiveled a full head of gray whipped-cream curls to meet his eyes. She seemed disapproving, and he wondered if she was a Theodelphian acolyte, but that was just too paranoid.
“Then they start tearing you down. Just a few suggestions, some reminders of little things you've revealed to them. All the friendliness is gone from their voices and it really hurts. This goes on for a while until you're a bit weepy and then they skedaddle. They just leave you alone to think about it. That was the strangest thing, Jack. I knew what they were doing to me, or at least I knew they were messing with my head, but when they left me alone ⦔ She shook her head, as if to clear it. “It was the worst sense of abandonment I've ever felt. I would have done almost anything to get those two creeps back in there to talk to me and be friendly again.”
“The heavy breathing is probably the key,” Jack Liffey said. “About half the religions in the world use hyperventilation to change your mental state. They make you dance, or whirl around, or chant, or belt out psalms. That gets you suggestible and then they offer you a revelation or a vision or a demand for money. These guys weren't the first to figure out what extra oxygen in the blood does to you.”
“It damn well works.” She handed him a small card that said
The Rising Course of Human Evolution Study Center, Ojai.
“I'm sublime,
okay.
I'm the cat's pajamas. I
graduated
or whatever it was. That's where I'm supposed to go one day. Something about a ladder.”
“Good work.” He chuckled. “But
I
had the ladder. By the way, what was in Room 101?”
“I don't know you well enough.”
The old couple got their check and the woman glared at him as they walked past.
“It was just child pornography,” Jack Liffey said to her.
6
THE PASSIONATE LIFE
N
ORMALLY HE WOULD HAVE SLEPT RIGHT THROUGH THE
phone, but Loco took the ringing as an excuse to hurl his muscular body against the bedroom door, and Jack Liffey woke up quickâa perfectly ordinary dream about not being able to find his parked car in a confusing city suddenly invaded by men with big guns and red marine haircuts. As long as he'd jangled himself awake, he went out to the living room and picked up the phone just as the machine kicked in.
“Jack Liffey can't come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number ⦔
“Shit. Hold it.” Loco got between his legs, trying to trip him up, as he fumbled the plug out of the wall. One day he'd make a fortune designing an answering machine that did what people wanted it to do.
“Okay.”
“Jack, this is Faye.” She sounded distraught and he glanced at the digital clock on his VCR. It said 3:25. It was a moment before those numbers made sense to him:
A.M.
“Milo's in the hospital. Some sort of industrial accident while he was doing his rounds at the plant. I'm sorry to ask, but could you come out here?”
Why me? he thought. But she was his only paying client. “Where's here?”
“I'll be at St. Agnes. He's on a respirator in the ER.”
He left dry food for Loco and grabbed some coffee at a twenty-four-hour gas station. It was still warm and breezy. He couldn't remember another time he'd been on the road at four
A.M.
and it was astonishing how many cars there were, going to work, or going home, or just going, one cheerless moon face per vehicle.
On the way to the freeway he saw a big square bed of ivy in front of a mini-mall where a group of bleary-looking kids were bump-grinding Hula Hoops frantically to a couple of boom boxes. It looked like a scene from
Laugh-in.
When he got closer a skinny girl looked up with a smirk, as if inviting him to share in the joke. He grinned back and gave them a little Groucho multiple elevation of the eyebrows and toasted them with the Styrofoam coffee cup before driving off. It was a city that didn't always offer a reason, and that was okay if you weren't feeling pressured.
The freeway was very fast and polite, full of people who were used to the hour and to one another like a secret fraternity, the Lodge of Night Drivers. He felt a peculiar kind of woozy ease settle onto him as he drove over the pass, as if he'd been out of sync with things for a long time and now he was dropping into the groove. It was a dope kind of feeling, probably something to do with dream deprivation.
The main hospital building was tall and modern and nondescript and could have been anything. A lit red sign pointed toward the emergency driveway, where two heavyset women in white coats were hauling a folding gurney out of an ambulance.
A signboard by the main door nearby announced a lecture series by Raju Iyer:
IDENTITY TODAY: ELEVEN WAYS OF BEING YOURSELF.
Jack Liffey smiled as he walked past: he'd always figured the one was enough.
Faye was sitting on a long bench in a hallway outside the ER. She'd been crying, but there was something else in her manner that he couldn't quite work out. Her eyes were puffy and he found being a little out of kilter suited her. She tried so hard to be tough and solid most of the time that she didn't leave you much to get hold of.
“Thanks for coming, Jack.”
“How's Milo?”
“He'll make it but he won't be smoking his pipe for a while. He won't be talking, either. They've got him intubated. I had it once and it really messes up your throat.”
He sat beside her and she relaxed visibly and set aside the old
People
she hadn't been reading.
“I'm glad you came.” She seemed about to say something but ran down.
“Do you know what happened?”
She blanched when a piercing scream skirled out of the ER and banged around in the hallway a bit. A man in sweats burst out through the double door and then stood with his face to the wall. Beside him was a poster for Allergy Awareness with a big shaky-looking cartoon man sneezing.
“He was temporarily on graveyard shift up at Green-World Chemicals. There's two guards, but only a skeleton crew of workers on grave. Apparently some chemical processes have to go on twenty-four hours a day and they can't shut the whole place down. The guards take turns with one roving and one staying at the gate. Milo was roving, inspecting one of the areas that was as good as shut down for the night and he didn't come back on time. The other guard found him unconscious between two buildings, where there was a terrible smell in the air. He said it was like old gym socks, but he's not a chemist. There's a hazmat team from the fire department out there now trying to find out what it was.”
A woman leaned out the double doors and called to the man in sweats, “Elden, don't you dare!”
“It's just the same old hustle.”
“I know, baby.”
He turned around wearily and went back inside, chugging a little with his fists like a man warming up to dance.
“Something else is bugging you,” Jack Liffey said.
“Does it show?”
“Only when you laugh.”
She handed him a folded sheet of paper she'd been keeping in the
People.
Childish capitals were scrawled across the paper:
SEE WHAT HAPPENS!
“If I worked out the time right, this was stuck under our front door about a half hour after the accident. It takes about fifteen minutes to drive to our place from GreenWorld.”
He looked close, turned it over, sniffed the paper, held it up to the light to look for watermarks and secret ink, and in the end didn't know any more than when he first glanced at it. The writer made his capital
E
s like backward “3s,” and the
W
was a “3” on its back. The way things were going, he thought, with witchcraft and Theodelphians and God-knows-what in the air, he could start looking for a crazed numerologist.
“It scares me,” she said.
“Um-hmm.” He handed it back. He just couldn't tie it to the balding guru in the office full of pillows. It was overkill, even if Hedrick/Baba Ambu was still pissed off. It was way overboard for somebody trying to locate one new acolyte.
She turned the threat over in her palm a few times. “I'd like to give this back in spades,” she said angrily. “To wherever it emanates from.”
“It doesn't emanate, Faye. It was delivered very pointedly. Whatever they're up to, you can count on them being meaner than you and me. Give it to the police.”
“Maybe. I feel so heavy and stupid. Milo's sedated in there and I just can't sit in this horrible corridor the rest of the night, but I'm scared to go home. Can I stay at your place, Jack?”
He thought of his apartment. There was probably a good strong aroma of Marlena on the bed and the sofa, too, after the last time they'd thrashed their way about the place in heat. And the condo was a real mess anyway. “It's too small really.”
“Would you stay at my place, then? Just till the sun comes up.”
“I've got to pick up my daughter in the morning. But I'll watch over you until you can get a friend in.”
H
ER
home was a whole lot tidier than when he'd last seen it, as if she'd set out to normalize things. The tape was off the rug and all the items set around as markers were gone. There was a gold Navaho rug that he hadn't been able to see before and a giant coffee-table book about the ballet and a coffee table for it to sit on. A magazine rack held
Harper's,
the
Atlantic Monthly,
and
The New York Review of Books,
as if somebody were in practice to be a junior-college English instructor.
She got herself a stiff drink and he refused the same. He leaned back on the sofa and closed his eyes. Three hours' sleep. It was not going to be a very pleasant father's day with Maeve.
She put on Judy Collins softly, which was a little too soothing, and he jolted once, one of those little presleep spasms of nervous energy, like the top of you dropping through to the bottom.
“Sure you won't have a drink?” He felt the sofa give and eventually opened his eyes to see her at the far end clutching a big brown photo album.
“I don't drink.”
“You have trouble with it?”
“Not the way you mean. My life's going through an abstemious phase.”
“Does that mean temperate?”
“Uh-huh. Do you have any idea who'd be threatening you or your husband?”
“I'm president of the Friends of the Library. Maybe somebody got mad at a big overdue fine.”
The joke seemed so out of character, or out of the moment, that he rolled his neck to look at her taking a big swig. “Sorry,” she said. “This kind of thing is so far outside my experience, I can't even guess. You said the Theodelphians can be vicious.”
“Can you see them sneaking up on your husband and loosing poison gas on him? I can't.”
“That religious freak in Japan set off nerve gas in the subway, didn't he?”
“I guess anything is possible. But we ought to start with the plausible. Do you know what your husband's really up to? I can't believe an aerospace engineer is adrift in French critical theory.”