The Pregnancy Plan (12 page)

He plumped the pillow and settled back, apparently unconcerned by her revelation.

“Not just willing but eager,” he admitted.

“I would have had sex with anyone. You were just convenient.”

She’d thought he would be angry, insulted. Maybe she wanted him to be angry and insulted, to push his far-too-sexy body out of her bed, yank on his clothes and storm out of her bedroom and her life forever.

Instead his lips curved, and when he spoke, his words were tinged with amusement. “Do you think so?”

She frowned at him. “Why aren’t you furious with me?”

“Maybe because I know you better than you know yourself.”

“You don’t know me at all anymore,” she insisted.

“So tell me,” he said, folding his hands behind his head in a casual pose that matched his tone, “why a woman who is desperate to get pregnant would suddenly, at the point of no return, thrust a condom into her partner’s hand?”

She didn’t know how to respond to that. She wasn’t entirely certain she knew what had motivated her actions, whether it was deeply ingrained caution with respect to unprotected sex or an attack of conscience. She only knew that when it came right down to it, she couldn’t deliberately deceive him like that.

“Okay, I’ll tell you,” he said, when she remained silent. “It was because you’re
not
a rotten person. Because you’re neither deceitful nor manipulative. Because you would never use someone else so callously.”

“I almost did,” she insisted. “The only reason you’re here is because I wanted to trick you into getting me pregnant.”

“And if you’d gone through with it but not ended up pregnant? How many times do you think you could trick me? How long do you think you could have continued the charade?”

“As long as I had to.”

He caught her hand, tugging her back toward the bed. She let herself be drawn back down onto the edge of the mattress
but held herself away from him. “Honey, you couldn’t keep up the charade for one night.”

“But I want a baby.” Her voice hitched and her eyes filled with moisture. “I really do. I even had an appointment at the clinic, but the doctor there insisted that I wait six months.”

He shifted slightly so that he was sitting with his arms around her, and his lips brushed away the lone tear that spilled onto her cheek. He didn’t say anything for a minute, for several minutes, in fact, but he continued to hold her.

She let herself take comfort from his embrace, because she was sure that once he had a chance to fully absorb what she’d tried to do, he would hate her. And she wouldn’t blame him if he did. What she’d almost done was unconscionable and unforgivable.

“It seems to me,” he finally said, “that there’s a relatively simple way to ensure you get what you want.”

It wasn’t so much the words as the tone that made her heart skip a beat. She swallowed, hardly daring to let herself hope but needing to ask. “What—” she licked her suddenly dry lips “—what are you suggesting?”

“That maybe we should replay that last scene—but forget about birth control this time.”

A
shley stared at him as if she couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. Cam could hardly believe it himself. But it seemed to him the obvious solution to give both Ashley and him what they most wanted. She wanted a baby and he wanted her.

Of course, he knew it really wasn’t that simple. Ashley wasn’t looking for any kind of long-term commitment. The fact that she’d gone so far as to make an appointment at the reproductive clinic proved that she only wanted one thing from any relationship between them—a baby. He, on the other hand, wanted her in his life. Not just for one night, but forever.

So maybe their wants seemed to be at opposite ends of the same spectrum, but Cam believed they would find common ground with a baby.

Yeah, because that worked so well with your ex-wife.

Cam ignored the mocking voice of his conscience because
he knew the two situations were completely different. He hadn’t known Danica nearly as long or as well as he knew Ashley, and he was confident that a pregnancy would bring him and Ashley even closer and help break down the barriers that she’d been working so hard to maintain.

“Why?” she finally asked, her voice tinged with both hope and wariness.

“Because that’s the only way we’ll make a baby.”

She swallowed. “I mean, why are you willing to do this?”

“Because I can’t imagine anyone who would be a better mother than you,” he said. He’d spent enough time with her and Madeline to believe that if there was a woman who was meant to be a mother, it was Ashley. She had a natural warmth that children gravitated toward, and an innate gentleness that encouraged trust and confidence.

“But…what would
you
get out of this arrangement?”

He smiled. “I thought that would be obvious.”

“Sex?” she asked skeptically.

“The value of which cannot be overestimated,” he assured her. “But more than that, I get to spend time with you.”

“I’m not looking for a relationship,” she said, confirming his suspicions. “I’m not looking for a husband or even a father for my child.”

“Just a not-so-anonymous sperm donor.” He unfastened the knot at the front of her robe.

She nodded, though he thought he detected the slightest hesitation first.

Or maybe he was only hoping she hesitated. Just as he was hoping this little experiment of his didn’t completely backfire. Because he wanted a lot more than sex from Ashley—he wanted her back in his life. But he knew that she wasn’t ready to hear that, so he would play the game according to her rules for now.

He pushed the silky fabric off her shoulders. “And making love with me once or twice or even a dozen times isn’t going to change that,” he continued, wanting her to know that he understood the boundaries she was determined to set.

“
Having sex
with you a
hundred
times isn’t going to change that.”

“I got that,” he said, and lowered his head to take one rosy nipple in his mouth, suckling hard.

Ashley moaned. “I mean it, Cam.”

His tongue circled the moist, turgid peak. “I know you do.”

“I just want to be sure there are no misunderstandings.”

“None at all.” He turned his attention to her other breast, confident that he understood her better than she understood herself. Because he didn’t believe that Ashley could share her body without opening her heart, and he was counting on physical intimacy leading to emotional intimacy, and betting with his whole heart.

“Well, then.” She sighed, arched. “What are you waiting for?”

He lifted his head to look into those stunning violet eyes.

“You,” he said. “It seems as if I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.”

Her brow furrowed. “Cam—”

He captured her mouth, swallowing whatever protest she might have made to the words he’d never intended to say aloud, no matter that they came straight from his heart.

Her lips softened beneath his, and she sank back onto the mattress, pulling him down with her.

His hands moved over her, skimming over the satiny smoothness of her skin, tracing the softness of her curves. His fingertips brushed the damp curls at the apex of her thighs, and she quivered.

“Cam.” Not a protest but a plea this time.

He stroked her cleft, sliding two fingers deep into her silky wetness, and slowly withdrawing again. Her breath was coming in short, shallow gasps now, her hips instinctively pumping to match the rhythm of his strokes.

“Let go.” He whispered the words against her lips, but she shook her head.

“I want you…inside of me.”

It was a request he couldn’t refuse.

He straddled her hips and, in one long, deep thrust, buried himself in her slick heat.

She gasped, as spasms immediately began to rock her body; he groaned, and held on while her muscles clenched him like a slippery fist.

They plunged into the abyss together.

Cam awoke the next morning to find Ashley’s head tucked into his shoulder and her arm draped across his chest. She’d assured him that having sex wouldn’t change anything, but he knew that it already had. Because she hadn’t let herself cuddle up to him before she’d fallen asleep, but sometime during the night, her body had instinctively turned to his. He took that as a very good sign.

But for now, he reluctantly eased himself away from her and gathered his scattered clothing to dress. He considered using Ashley’s shower but worried that the sound of the water might wake her. And though he wouldn’t mind if she woke and decided to join him under the spray, the repercussions of that would definitely put him behind schedule.

But he took the time to put on a pot of coffee, because he desperately needed a hit of caffeine and because he wanted to show Ashley that he could be useful outside of the bedroom, too. When the pot was full, he poured a cup for himself and took a second into the bedroom. He set the cup on the table
beside the bed where Ashley was still sleeping, and bent to brush his mouth against hers.

Her eyelids flickered, her lips curved.

“Hey, sleeping beauty.”

“What are you doing up so early?” she asked him.

“I’m meeting my parents and Maddie at church,” he told her. “It’s become something of a Sunday morning tradition since we moved back.”

“Oh,” she said, but he was sure there was a tinge of disappointment in her tone.

“You could come with me,” he suggested, but without much hope.

Her eyes widened. “To church? With your family?”

“Sure,” he said, deliberately casual.

She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

“You have something against going to church?”

“I’m not opposed to attending church in general,” she said. “But with you—yes.”

“Because?” he prompted, though he was pretty sure he already knew her answer.

“Because it would give your daughter and your parents and everyone else at Holy Trinity the idea that we’re…involved,” she told him, confirming his suspicions.

“Because we’re not,” he said.

“Right,” she agreed.

“We’re just having sex.”

“Right,” she said again.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he promised, and kissed her again.

He left the house with a coffee cup in his hand, a smile on his face and the conviction that Ashley Roarke was the one who didn’t have a clue what was really going on between them. And he figured it was probably a good idea to keep it that way, at least for now.

Every Wednesday afternoon, Cam left the clinic early so that he could pick Madeline up from school. On those days, he frequently popped in to the classroom to chat for a minute or two with Ashley, and she’d been impressed by the interest he took in his daughter’s daily activities. He asked questions not just about her school projects, but about her classroom habits and interactions with other students.

On the Wednesday following the Saturday night he’d spent in her bed, Ashley didn’t expect to see Cam because Madeline had happily announced to her that she was going to Victoria’s house for a playdate after school. But when she exited the building, she found him waiting for her. Her pulse jolted, then raced, proving she was far more affected by his presence than she wanted to be.

“This is a surprise,” she said.

He fell into step beside her. “Since Maddie was having a playdate at Victoria’s house, I thought I’d invite you for a playdate at mine.”

The invitation had desire churning low in her belly, but she shook her head. “I have some prep to do for the new science unit we’re starting tomorrow.”

“Do you have to do it now?”

She hesitated.

“Because if you’re serious about wanting to have a baby, you should take advantage of opportunities like this.”

Of course, she was still serious about wanting a baby, but she was also having serious doubts about the wisdom of enlisting Cam’s assistance with her plan. “I’m having second thoughts,” she admitted.

“About?” he prompted.

“Using you for my own purposes.”

“It’s demoralizing, but I think I can stand the humiliation.”

The dry tone made her smile. “Or maybe you’re just horny.”

“That could be a factor,” he agreed. “Although it’s certainly one that works in your favor.”

“I’m just worried that we jumped into this too fast, without clearly thinking it through.”

“What’s to think about? I want to have sex with you, you want to get pregnant, and having sex is a pretty good way to do it.”

Her gaze narrowed. “It sounds perfectly logical and reasonable when you say it like that.”

“So what’s the problem? Because I thought the sex between us was pretty darn spectacular.”

Her cheeks flushed. “Can we not talk about that here and now—where there are impressionable young children walking home from school?”

“None of those impressionable young children are close enough to hear anything we’re saying,” he assured her. “But if you prefer, we can finish the conversation at my place.”

“I’m pretty sure if we went to your place, we wouldn’t finish this conversation.”

“Your choice,” he told her, his tone serious now. “But I have a few hours free and I’d like to spend them with you.”

“
That’s
the problem,” she told him.

He lifted his brows. “Wanting to spend time with you is a problem?”

“Yes,” she said, all too aware that her response made her look as foolish as she felt. But she wanted boundaries—she
needed
boundaries. “Because you say things like that and it makes me want to spend time with you, and this—” she gestured between them “—isn’t supposed to be about anything but sex.”

“My initial offer was for sex,” he reminded her.

She huffed out a breath. “Except that it’s not that black and white.”

“And the gray areas scare you,” he guessed, the teasing glint gone from his eyes.

She nodded, though it was his insights that scared her even more and compelled her to remind him, “I’m not looking for a relationship. Not with you. Not with anyone.”

“Because you’re still getting over a broken heart—”

“Trevor didn’t break my heart,” she interjected. “He broke my trust.”

“And that takes longer to heal,” Cam acknowledged.

“But even if I didn’t have questions or doubts because of what happened with Trevor, I still wouldn’t want a relationship with you,” Ashley told him. “Because you
did
break my heart.”

“I was young and foolish,” he said, and sounded genuinely remorseful.

“We were both young and foolish,” she admitted.

“So why can’t you forgive me?”

She sighed. “I have forgiven you; I just won’t set myself up for the same heartbreak again.”

“But we’re not the same people we were then,” he reminded her.

“No,” she agreed. “And that’s why you have even more reasons to be wary than I do.”

“You’re talking about Maddie.”

“Of course I’m talking about Maddie. She made the mental leap from a picnic in the park to a potential wedding in less than forty-eight hours. Imagine what she would think if she knew we were actually involved.”

“Maybe it’s not Maddie’s expectations that you’re worried about,” he said, stopping in front of his house. “Maybe it’s your own.”

He was right, of course, but that didn’t alleviate her concerns. “Maybe it is,” she allowed. “And maybe—”

“Maybe we should both stop worrying about what might
or might not happen and just let it happen,” he suggested, and touched his mouth to hers.

Even as Ashley responded to his kiss, she knew that was exactly what she was afraid of. That if she just let things happen, she would end up falling for Cam all over again. But she wasn’t yet ready to admit that to him, so when he finally eased his lips from hers, she only said, “This ‘it’ that I should just let happen…are you talking about sex again?”

“It’s humiliating how easily you see right through me,” he said.

They hadn’t resolved anything, and she knew that the situation wasn’t going to be easily resolved. But despite her concerns, she wasn’t ready to give him up just yet.

“Well, it would be a shame to waste the next few hours,” she said, and let him lead her into the house.

Ashley was on her way to Megan’s for a scheduled Friday night get-together with her sister and her cousin when Paige called to let her know that she was stuck at the office and wouldn’t be able to make it. Ashley didn’t question what had kept her late because she understood that Paige’s commitment to her clients was one of the qualities that made her such an effective advocate for them, but she couldn’t deny that she was disappointed.

She’d been hoping to talk to both Megan and Paige, to get an objective assessment of the situation with Cam, because after only three weeks, she was afraid that she’d already lost all objectivity where he was concerned. Still, she was optimistic that Megan might be able to shed some light on things, if she could find a delicate way to broach the subject.

But when Megan asked her what was new, she responded by blurting out, “I’m sleeping with Cam.”

Her sister’s eyes popped wide, then her lips curved. “Oh,
Paige is going to be
so
annoyed that she didn’t come tonight.” She helped herself to another slice of pizza. “Since when?”