The Presence of Grace (Love and Loss #2) (4 page)

Chapter
Five

Grace

I was used to walking through the school building with only the evening lights. I wasn’t always the last person to leave, but I’d spent more late nights at school than I cared to admit. It was easy to get lost in lesson planning and grading when there was nothing to go home to. I wasn’t afraid to walk to my car alone, but I was more than happy to accept the phone call from my best friend just as I left my classroom.

“Do you know what it reminds me of when you call me just as I’m about to walk through a dark parking lot by myself?” I use as my greeting, knowing Shelby was on the other end of my call. She responds with a laugh. “It reminds me of all the times in college I stupidly walked home from a party by myself and would call you to keep me company.”

“Right.” Shelby laughed again. “As if being on the phone with someone would stop a murderer from attacking. We were pretty dumb.”

“Hey, speak for yourself. I made it through college just fine.”

“Why are you walking through a dark parking lot alone? Late night?”

“Yeah. This time it wasn’t all my fault though.”

“Oh, no?”

“No. A student in my TAG program was stranded here, so I stayed with him until his father came to pick him up.”

“You have more patience than me. Hanging out with rug rats isn’t my bag.”

“That’s why your job is so perfect for you. You sit people in chairs and tell them to close their mouths and their eyes while you do their makeup. Then you just get to talk at them while you make them beautiful.”

She laughed again, just like I knew she would. Shelby had been my best friend since eighth grade. At eighteen we went to different colleges, but we stayed close even with the distance between us. She’d been there for me through everything and I wasn’t sure what I’d ever do without her.

“So, got any plans for the weekend? Isn’t it spring break for you now?”

“Yes, spring break officially starts now.”

“Gonna go take advantage of all those beautiful beaches?”

“Ugh,” I groaned, pushing the doors to the building open and walking out into the air that had cooled slightly since Devon and Jax left. “Spring break is the worst time to go to the beaches in Florida.” Then it occurred to me where I was headed tomorrow. “Oh, gosh.” I sighed, hitching my purse higher up on my shoulder while still holding the phone to my ear.

“What?” Shelby asked, concerned.

“I got invited to go to Disney World tomorrow. If there’s one place worse than the beaches during a school break, it’s Disney.”

“Who invited you to Disney? That’s kind of a weird place to invite a grown-ass woman.”

“A man with children.”

“A man? With children?” Her interest in my spring break activities was suddenly heightened. “Are you going on a date?”

“No, it’s not a date,” I insisted. “We’re meeting there. I’m buying my own ticket.”

“I’m confused. You’re going to Disney World with a man and his children, but it’s
not
a date?”

“Hold on a sec,” I said in a hushed voice. I was just steps from my car, and even though I was sure there was no one around, I still wanted to be careful. Opening the door, I gently tossed my purse on the passenger seat and then folded myself in the car. “The student I stayed late with, he invited me to go along with him and his dad and sister.”

“So?”

“So? What do you mean ‘so’?”

“I mean, a
student
invites you to Disney World and you politely decline. You pacify him by saying something nice like, ‘Oh, maybe next time,’ and then he forgets about it. You don’t
agree
to go. So, there has to be something else going on here. Is his dad hot?”

Yes.

“That’s a ridiculous question,” I said sharply, shoving the key in the ignition and cranking the engine.

“So, that’s a yes then.” I could hear her smiling.

“Okay,” I said, pressing the speakerphone button and tossing my phone in the console. “His dad isn’t bad looking. And he’s a nice guy. But it isn’t a date. It’s more of a friend thing. Some of his friends are going and I think he wanted to even the numbers a little.”

“Another couple? So you’re going on a double date to Disney World with a student’s parent? You’ve officially crossed the line from prudish grade school teacher to sexy schoolmarm.”

I wanted to explain to Shelby. Wanted to tell her all about how I’d found Devon broken three years ago, how we’d crossed paths in the strangest of coincidences. How, even though I knew he was trying to move on from something completely heartbreaking, there was a not-so-small part of me that felt I could help him through it. It wasn’t necessarily attraction I felt toward him, but it wasn’t just strictly friendly either. He was the only other person in the world I’d encountered who I felt might feel just as lost as I did. There was some strange sense of solidarity there. I’d felt broken for so long, and I’d begun to think I was alone in my state of fracture. So even though I knew he should have been off-limits, that I should cut ties and just do my job, I couldn’t bring myself to snip those tethers I felt holding us together. If nothing else, he could be a friend.

“There’s nothing sexy about it, Shelby. He’s just a guy with some really great kids and I’m just meeting them at Disney World.”

“We’ll see,” she sang into the phone.

The next morning, I stood in the sunshine outside the gates to Disney World. I was nervous. There was no denying it. Spending the day with people I didn’t know very well, if at all, was making me anxious. A little bit of apprehension melted away when I heard Jax’s voice.

“Miss Richards,” he yelled as he ran toward me and threw his arms around my waist. “You came,” he said, looking up at me with his eyes so blue and lashes any grown woman would maim for.

“I’m here. Couldn’t resist a day at Disney.”

“Glad you could make it,” came Devon’s voice, just as deep as it’d been the day before. “Ruby,” he said, turning to his daughter, standing just behind him. “You know Miss Richards.”

“Hey,” Ruby mumbled, obviously not too excited to see me.

“Hey, Ruby, it’s nice to see you.”

She didn’t respond, just turned back to her father. “When is Aunt Evie supposed to be here?”

“Any minute,” Devon responded. He then mouthed “Sorry,” and shrugged. All I could do was smile in return.

“Aunt Evie,” Jax yelled with the same enthusiasm he’d used to greet me. The same hug, in fact, as he ran to a blonde woman walking toward us.

“Jaxy,” she said as she dropped to her knees to hug him back. I watched as her eyes closed and arms wound around him. She hugged him for a long time, saying things into his ear that I couldn’t hear, but could see were said with love and affection. When he finally pulled away she rose, but only to wrap Ruby in a similar embrace. There was no denying that those kids loved her and she loved them right back.

“Nate,” Jax said as the dark-haired man next to Evie picked him up and gave him a much rougher, more masculine hug.

“How’s it going, kid? I’ve practiced my Minecraft skills since last time and I’m ready to kick your butt.”

“Never,” Jax replied with a smile.

I watched as Evie approached Devon with a shy smile and gave him a much shorter embrace, Nate shaking his hand, smiling broadly. I also noticed how Ruby seemed glued to Evie’s side.

“Evie, Nate, this is Grace,” Devon said, motioning toward me. He smiled, a brilliant smile that almost made me stumble, then pressed his hand lightly at the small of my back. It was the gentlest of touches, but the heat from his hand radiated throughout me. “I invited her to come along.”

“Nice to meet you both.” I reached out for Evie’s hand first, noticing the friendly smile she gave me, which matched Nate’s as he shook my hand as well.

“She’s my teacher,” Jax offered.

“Any friend of Devon’s is a friend of ours,” Evie said.

“Good to meet you,” Nate said. His handshake was friendly and short, accompanied by a smile. He dropped his hand from mine and I watched as he wrapped it around Evie’s waist, the move natural and smooth. I noticed she leaned into him without even thinking about it, her body molding to his without a second thought.

“Come on,” Jax said excitedly. “I want to ride the merry-go-round first. Then the roller coaster around the mountain. Then Dumbo.”

“Woah, buddy,” Devon said, laughing. “We’ll start at the beginning and work our way around, all right?”

I walked along with the group, trying hard not to feel out of place. It was strange being in such a public and busy place with a group of people I really didn’t know. Well, besides Jax. I was right, however, about it being crowded. There were people everywhere and a group of six was hard to keep together. When a cluster of teenagers pushed through our little huddle, separating me from the rest, I immediately began to regret my decision to go. It must have been a group from a school because the cluster of students soon turned into a crowd. I tried to make my way through them, but I’d lost track of Devon and the rest of the group.

Suddenly, a warm hand wrapped around mine and I was being pulled forward. Devon’s face finally appeared and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

“Stay close,” he said gently, his face just inches from mine.

“Okay,” I said quietly. He let my hand go, of course. We couldn’t walk through Disney World holding hands, but it didn’t change the fact that as soon as my hand was free from his, it felt cold and empty. I wiped my palm on my thigh to try and erase the fact that he’d been there, but it didn’t work. I silently followed the group, more confused than ever.

The lines were stupid long, as I’d expected, but it turned out that Devon, the kids, and Evie and Nate had a FASTPASS that got them to the front of the lines. Lots of other people had them as well, so we didn’t automatically get on, but the lines were drastically shorter. I didn’t have the pass, but that was all right with me, as I didn’t plan on riding anything.

“You go ahead,” I said to Devon as they started toward the merry-go-round. “I’ll watch.”

“You’re not going to ride it?”

I shook my head. “I get motion sickness. I don’t like rides.”

He blinked at me and a confused expression crossed his face. “You don’t like rides, but you came to Disney World? What for?”

I shrugged. “I like Disney. There’s plenty to do aside from the rides.” That was true. I did want to go to Disney. Even if I spent the day watching Jax and Ruby have the time of their lives. But the other reason I came—the reason that scared me and wouldn’t hide under the proverbial rug I kept trying to sweep it under—was simply because he’d asked. Because it meant spending a day with him. Because I feared I’d never be able to tell him no.

He looked back to where the others were moving forward in the line, then back to me.

“Go,” I said with a laugh. “I don’t mind. Promise. I’ll watch. Take some photos even.” He stared at me for just one more moment, but then Ruby called out to him, and he turned back to his children and joined them in line. I sighed and walked back to where I could watch the ride go round and round. A few minutes later the ride slowed and a new batch of riders loaded on. I smiled as Jax sped through the ride, weaving through the horses until he apparently found the perfect one. Ruby casually strolled behind him, picked a horse that seemed to do, and climbed aboard like she was doing it a favor by riding it. Devon chose the horse right beside Jax, which was a few behind Ruby. Nate and Evie picked a bench and cozily cuddled up to each other like no one else existed and the ride was built just for them. A smile pulled at my face, liking the way the two of them seemed to love each other so deeply.

The ride started and Jax bounced up and down on his horse. His eyes looked out to the crowd. I assumed he was searching for me, so when his gaze roamed in my direction I waved. His eyes locked on mine and he gave me an enthusiastic wave. I pulled out my phone and took pictures as everyone sailed past me. After two rotations my decision not to ride was reinforced as I started to feel ill, so I turned away and watched the people walking past me.

Chapter
Six

Devon

Catching sight of Grace each time the ride went past her was like a shovel digging something up inside me. Why in the world would she come here just to stand by and watch us? I felt like shit for pressuring her to come now.
Damn.
I even made her buy her own ticket. I’d wanted her to say yes so badly, but I didn’t think she’d come if it seemed even close to a date, so refusing to buy her ticket was more of a ploy to get her to say yes. Now I just felt like an idiot.

The ride slowed and I looked over at Jaxy again, who was all smiles. I loved seeing my kids smile. Ruby’s smile, when it came around, was sweet and sincere. Someday—in the very far away future—Ruby would smile at a boy and he’d move the world to see her smile again. Jaxy’s smile, however, was just pure joy and exuberance. He was all cheeks and teeth and
happiness
.

We stepped out of the gate and walked around to find Grace leaning against the fence surrounding the ride. She was looking down at her phone and I used the moment to take her in. My eyes started at the bottom and worked their way up. Her shapely legs were toned and mostly visible, as she’d worn white shorts. They weren’t indecently short, but they definitely weren’t made to be modest. She wore a dark blue shirt made of some material I imagined was as soft as it was billowy. It was sheer and through it I could see a white tank top with tiny straps. Her dark, shoulder-length hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She had on sunglasses, but before she’d put them on I’d noticed she wasn’t wearing much makeup. Maybe just mascara. She looked fresh and clean.

The whole package was sexy as hell.

She didn’t notice us until we were right in front of her. She gave me another smile and then held her phone up. On the screen was a photo of Jax and me smiling at each other, his horse up higher than mine, him looking down at me. We both looked happy. It occurred to me in that moment that since Olivia passed, there hadn’t been many pictures taken of me with my kids. There was no one around to take them.

“Do you think you could text that to me?” I wanted a copy. I didn’t know what I’d do with it, but I wanted it nevertheless.

“Um, sure,” she said, seeming nervous for some reason, then turned the phone back around to look at the screen. I watched her thumbs moving quickly, then she handed it to me. “Just put your phone number in there.”

Ah-ha
. I tried not to smile as I punched in my phone number. “There you go.”

She hit Send and I knew in a few moments I’d feel my phone buzz in my pocket. “Thanks.”

“Dad, look!” I glanced down at Jaxy, who was pointing further into the park. “Pluto!” Sure enough, Pluto was traipsing through the park, only making it a few feet before stopping to hug children and take pictures with tourists. “Can we go meet him? Please?”

“Of course.” I laughed. “That’s why we’re here.” He grabbed my hand and practically dragged me through crowds of people until Pluto was standing right in front of us.

“Pluto!” Jaxy cried as he gave the tall dog one of his running hugs.

I smiled and then noticed Ruby standing next to me, indecision painted across her face. I gave her a nudge. “Go on.” She looked up at me, rolled her eyes, and then slowly walked to join her brother, pretending to be irritated the whole time. When she approached Pluto he took his time with her, used his giant pronounced snout to sniff her out, pressing his nose into the side of her neck, making her laugh, then he pulled her into a hug. I let out a breath when she eagerly wrapped her arms around him in return.

“She’s what? Eleven? You’ve got your work cut out for you,” Grace said to me, taking in the scene with Ruby and Pluto.

“Don’t I know it,” I said with a chuckle. “I think she knows she got the short end of the stick, and she makes sure everyone else knows her life is hard.” I let out a sigh. “I’m hoping it’s a phase. If I’m lucky, by the time she gets to high school she’ll realize that the hardships in life make us stronger, which means we can tackle more, not less.” I looked down at Grace and was struck by her warm eyes. She’d pushed her sunglasses up to rest on top of her head, and her blue eyes were strikingly emotive.

“That’s a really powerful stance to take. Is it how you really feel?” she asked, as quietly as she could and still be heard in Disney World. Her words were soft and hopeful, as if my answer were important to her.

“It has to be,” I said, shrugging one shoulder. “After everything we’ve been through, nothing could be that hard again. It should make everything easier, right?” I watched as she considered my words, took them in, pondered them.

“I hope so,” she said with a faint smile, bringing her sunglasses back down to her eyes.

It occurred to me as I watched her try to push back whatever was running through her mind, that perhaps I wasn’t the only one who’d lived through something terrible.

The next few hours were spent following the children through the park. Ruby decided she didn’t hate it there and actually started having a good time. She so rarely let her guard down that it was incredible to watch her laugh and smile unreservedly. My heart lurched at one point when I saw Ruby and Evie holding hands as they walked in front of us. Evelyn had always looked so similar to Olivia, especially from behind. But I was immediately drawn away from the image when Jaxy tugged me toward a food stand.

“I’m hungry, Daddy.”

My watch indicated it was well past lunchtime, so I ruffled his hair and agreed it was time to eat. I called out to Ruby, Evie, and Nate, and we decided to find a table and then divide and conquer the food stands.

Nate offered to hold the table we eventually found and Jax wanted to stay with him. Ruby wanted to go with Evie, so that left Grace and me to bring back lunch for us and Jax.

“You have to let me buy you lunch. It’s bad enough I made you buy your own ticket when you weren’t even going to ride anything,” I said, looking over at Grace, only to see her smiling.

“It’s not a big deal. I’m having a good time.”

“Still…,” I said, unsure of how else to convince her. “Jax wants a hot dog. If you’d like something else, just speak up and we’ll find another place to grab you some lunch.”

“Hot dogs are great,” she said, still a little too compliant.

“Are you always this agreeable?”

She shrugged and then looked down at her feet. When she looked back up at me, her cheeks were pink. “I can be disagreeable.” She flattened her lips, forcing the smile from them. I assumed she was trying to look menacing, but it just didn’t work. Not with the sunlight creating a halo around her dark hair and the blue of her eyes sparkling up at me.

“Sure. I’ll believe it when I see it.” We both chuckled and then an uncomfortable silence settled between us.

“So, Evie and Nate seem great. Jax and Ruby really seem to love them. How do you know each other?”

I should have thought about this question coming up, should have formulated some sort of answer to have ready, since it was sort of an obvious one. But I hadn’t thought that far ahead. And I had no idea what to tell her. A big part of me wanted to tell her everything, but things between us were awkward enough; unloading on her in the middle of Disney World probably wasn’t best. But I wanted to tell her the truth. The need to be transparent with her was overwhelming, and I didn’t want to stop and think about what that meant.

“Evie was my wife’s best friend.” There. That was the truth. Well, part of it. The easiest part.

“Oh,” she replied, with obvious surprise. “Oh,” she said again, this time with a somber tone. The line moved forward and so did we.

“Yeah. She was really close with the kids before we moved here. This is only the second time they’ve seen her since then. She splits her time between LA and Fairbanks, where Nate lives. Well, he splits his time too. Anyway… she wanted to come see the kids.”

“That’s great that she still gets to see them, and that they still have that part of their mother,” she said softly. For some reason, it baffled me that she’d spoken the words I’d thought almost every time Evelyn had called or Skyped with them. In the long run, the good she did for the kids far outweighed any awkwardness between us. And the awkwardness seemed to have faded and dissipated.

“I agree. I’m very grateful for Evelyn. She was one of the only reasons we made it through after Olivia passed. She did a lot for us.” I hoped and prayed Grace didn’t have mind reading capabilities, or that my thoughts weren’t written all over my face. A lot of things had happened after my wife died, and I wasn’t proud of all of them, but my past was my past.

With four hot dogs between the two of us—because I knew Jaxy would want more than one—we made our way back to the table. Evie and Ruby had beaten us back, and Ruby turned to me with a wide smile.

“Dad,” she said excitedly, “Aunt Evie says she and Uncle Nate will take us over to Space Mountain next. It’s supposed to be the coolest roller coaster ever. It’s all in the dark.”

I took my spot next to Jaxy, spreading our food out while he bit into his lunch without a second’s hesitation. “Are you guys sure Space Mountain is the best ride to go on right after lunch?”

“Oh,” Nate said, sucking in a breath so it hissed through his teeth. “He’s got a point, babe. I know you’re used to being around little kids, but I’m a sympathetic barfer and if one goes, I’m definitely going too.”

“Wow,” Evie said, laughing. “Just when I thought there wasn’t anything else to learn about you.”

“I promise I won’t throw up,” Jaxy swore, making everyone laugh. “No, really, last year I went to the spring break carnival with Grandma and Grandpa. I had three slices of pizza, cotton candy,
and
a milkshake, then went on the Gravitron, like, seven times. Didn’t barf once.”

“Jax,” I said with a groan, “stop talking about throwing up. We’re all trying to eat.” Jaxy shrugged and then took a giant bite of his hot dog.

“I’ll brave the roller coaster,” Evie said with a smile. “We’ll just make them sit behind us.”