The Price of Butcher's Meat (14 page)

2 more excitements—then Im done. I dont want to risk overstimulat-ing you!

After we left the Terrace—driving back through the town—we saw Franny Roote hauling himself into his car. The ease with which he did it—reaching out to fold up his wheelchair & swing it into the back—suggested long

practice—& my heart ached for him. OK—I know what youd say—all that stuff about handicapped people finding expressions of sympathy & offers of assistance patronizing—but I cant help it. Hes a young guy—& hes missing out on so much young guy stuff it breaks me up—so there!

Tom pulled alongside—& called—hello there Franny!—hows things—

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—great—he said—giving me a big smile—& how are you—Charlotte?

—fine—I said—nice wheels.

Idiot thing to say—as it was a small boxy MPV—chosen—I guess—because the sliding doors made things easier.

—yes—he

said—I dithered between this & the Porsche for a long time—

But he gave me a big grin—to show I hadnt really offended him.

Tom said—you wont forget the planning committee meeting at the Avalon on Friday—

—such excitements—said Fran—the committee on Friday—Lady Ds hog roast on Sunday—then less than a week to recover before the festival—be still my foolish heart!—

Tom—who doesnt do irony—said with concern—Fran—is there a problem?—

—no no—grinned Franny—of course Ill be there—Charlotte—will you be staying on for the Bank Holiday weekend & the great Festival of Health?—

—no—Im heading home this Saturday—I said.

Tom looked devastated—tho Id made it clear this was my plan—& Franny winked at me & said—then why not let Tom bring you along on Friday—not to the meeting—wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy—but Lester will be laying on some booze & snacks afterward. Its the festival action committee—so all us therapists will be there—great chance to pick their brains for your thesis—& Ill be first in the queue!—

Tom thought this was an excellent idea—& I was rather fl attered by Frans keenness to see me again. (OK—I know—Im anybodys for a kind word!) Also I wouldnt mind seeing the inside of the Avalon—so I said—why not?—giving Franny my best smile.

—great—he said—look forward to seeing you then—

—me too—I said—meaning it.

Dont know whats happening to me! Maybe Sandytowns one of those magic places—like Brigadoon or Oz—that you stray into—then get taken over by.

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Yes—thats it—definitely a magic place. But what color magic Im not yet sure!

Write soon before I forget the real world out there!

Lots of love

Charley xxxx

13

How do, Mildred!

Don’t recall when I’ve slept for so long if you don’t count being in a
coma! Must have needed it ’cos when I woke up this morning I felt more
like my old self than any time since I’ve been here. Went for my physio
session with Tony. Said he were pleased and suggested I finish with a massage. I said no thanks, thinking it were one thing doing knee bends with
Tony on hand to steady me if I keeled over, quite another to be lying on
my face with my bum in the air while he took a running jump at me!

Then this strapping blonde appeared, lovely smile, said her name
was Stiggi and she was sure she could help me, wouldn’t I change my
mind? So I did.

It were grand, nice and relaxing. Too relaxing. Suddenly, lying there
facedown with her straddling me back, I realized I were close to embarrassing myself, so when she tried to turn me over, I let on I’d dozed off.

She wandered off to do something and I scrambled into my jimjams and
dressing gown. Hadn’t got dressed so fast since that time thirty-odd years
back when I were banging Sergeant Pocklington’s missus and I heard his
size fifteens coming up the stairs! All I need now is a bit more red meat
on my plate and I’ll soon be ready to make Cap eat her
Hang about. I’m coming . . . oh, its you.

Hi there, Mr. Dalziel! How’re you doing? Hearing good things about
you so I thought I’d drop by to check you out for myself . . .

Oh aye? Well, take a look, lad. What you see is what you get, isn’t
that what them ET anoraks say?

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IT I think you mean. Yes, they do, but it doesn’t really apply in my
line of business any more than I expect it does in yours. We both
know there’s no art to read the mind’s construction in the face,
right?

If you’re trying to say you need to be a trick cyclist to be a good cop,
you’ve come to the wrong shop. I’m not saying it never comes in useful, but I’ve got clever buggers working under me to do the fancy
stuff. Me, its collars I’m interested in fingering, not souls.

Souls? Interesting choice of word, Mr. Dalziel.

Sorry. Limited vocabulary. Don’t have the Latin so I’ve got to make
what I do have go a long way.

I believe it. And it’s a journey I’d like to make with you if you let me.

To lay it on the line, Mr. Dalziel, physically you seem to be back on
track after your little glitch. You’re looking good . . .

I’d look a lot better if they stopped feeding me like a prize grey-hound.

I’ll talk to them. But as I was saying, how fast you’re recovering from
the mental trauma of your experience only you can say. I hope pretty
soon you’ll trust me enough to feel able to say it, but that’s entirely up
to you. How’re you doing with the audio diary, by the way?

Eh? Oh that recorder thing. Sorry, went right out of my mind. Can’t
even recollect where I put the bloody thing.

That’s okay. I’m sure it will turn up. So, before I go, anything I can do
for you other than seeing you get more red meat on your plate?

One thing, there’s a guy lives locally, name of Parker. Says he comes
up here sometimes.

Tom Parker? Oh yes, I know Tom well. Important man around here.

He’s got big plans for Sandytown, he and his partner, Lady Denham.

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Her in the pub? You’re not saying he’s shacked up with her? Nay, I
met his missus, at least I assumed she were his missus . . .

No, sorry, I was using partner in its old prepermissive sense. Their
union has much to do with Mammon and nothing at all with Hymen.

No need to talk dirty. Any road, I owe him twenty quid. Mebbe if
I gave it to you, you could pass it on?

Happily. But better still, I’m having a little get-together tomorrow at
lunchtime. Tom Parker has persuaded me that the Avalon ought to
play a major role in this Festival of Health he’s organiz ing to launch
the hotel. We’re meeting, some of my staff and his alternative therapists, to make sure we all understand our roles. Afterward there’ll be
drinks and snacks and there’ll be a few other people there to help
things along. I’d be delighted if you could join us, and if you did, then
you could repay your own debt, couldn’t you? I’m a great believer in a
man repaying his own debts; that, in some ways, is what my work is
all about. So, won’t you come?

I’ll think about it.

Excellent. Nice to talk with you, Mr. Dalziel. About one o’clock.

Petula will show you the way.

Handy little gadget this. Didn’t realize I’d left it running when I shoved
it in my pocket after Festerwhanger tapped at the door. It’s picked up
every word him and me said.

Dead sensitive, like me!

Not that hiding it fooled old weasel eyes. I reckon he’d been listening at the door for a couple of minutes afore he knocked. Played it
back to be sure and there it was, red meat on my plate. Coincidence?

Mebbe. But I’ll take more care from now on. Simplest would be to
toss the bloody thing into the sea. But, fair do’s, it could be the bugger’s on to something with this talking to myself thing. Admit it,
Dalziel, your bollocks might be back to twitch mode, but you’re still
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not right in your head, not while you keep having these funny dreams
about talking to God!

Mebbe its that postmenstrual traumatic sin thing they go on about
these days. Likely there’s a lot of it about in a place like this, so no wonder if I’ve caught a dose.

Any road, if yakking about it helps, nowt wrong with yakking. But
I’m definitely not going to spill my guts to yon Yankee wanker!

Jesus, there it goes again. Knock knock knock. Who’s there, in the
name of Beelzebub? All right, I’m coming. There’d be less traffic living
on Scotch Corner roundabout.

Oh, hello, matron.

Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Dalziel, but Dr. Feldenhammer said you
were having some problem with your diet.

Only problem is seeing it, luv. I’m a growing lad. I need fettling.

I won’t argue with you there. Can I be frank with you, Mr. Dalziel?

Long as it don’t involve dressing up in leather.

You have a large frame, and I can understand your desire to fill it
again. But this might be a good time to take stock and ask yourself if
you really want to put back on all the weight you lost during your recent unfortunate experience.

How do you know how much I weighed before?

We have your medical records. No one comes to the Avalon without
a complete legend.

So I’m a legend, am I? I’ll tell you what, luv. You fatten me up till I
reach what you think is my legendary shape, then we’ll see how we
get on from there, okay?

That sounds reasonable. Now I gather I’m to escort you to Dr. Feldenhammer’s lunch meeting tomorrow.

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If you’re Petula, that’s right, matron.

Yes, that is my name. My title, incidentally, isn’t matron. I am Head
of Nursing Care and usually I’m addressed as Mrs. Sheldon.

But I bet you’re undressed as Pet, right? Nay, don’t look offended, not
when you’ve got such a bonny smile. That’s better. Let’s start again. If
we’re going out together, I’m going to call you Pet. And if you’re going
to get me back to my proper shape, you can call me Adonis. But Andy
will do if you’re worried about folk talking.

Andy it is. Will you be up to walking to the clinic, Andy? Or shall I
bring a chair for you?

Ee, I do love a cheeky woman. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I fancy a
shower. Don’t suppose you’d like to come in with me? I’ve got these
muscle pains when I try to scrub my back.

I’m sorry to hear that, Andy, but it would be more than my job’s
worth.

Oh, I think I could guarantee that, Pet.

Who’s a big mouth then? One little twitch when the beautiful Stiggi’s
straddling your bum and you’re making like Don Juan! And it were only a
few days back you were thinking that lass would have made a good concentration camp warder! Funny how feeling better changes your view of
folk. Reminds me of summat Pete Pascoe once said when I wanted to haul
someone into the Factory for questioning. Let’s start him off at home, he
said. Once you feel like a prisoner, everyone looks like a guard.

Clever clogs were right, as per usual! I don’t feel like a prisoner anymore and I can see yon Pet’s not a bad-looking woman, specially now
I’ve got her to crack her face.

Time for that shower. What’s that, Mildred? Better make it a cold one?

Just for that you’re going back in the cistern!

Over and out!

14

FROM:

[email protected]

TO:

[email protected]

SUBJECT: the hunk & his handle!

Hi!

Really pleased to hear from you—was getting worried—but not as worried as I would have been if Id known! No—nothing on the news here—small African hospital under mortar fire—no one dead—doesnt hit the headlines. Just as well maybe—for mum & dads sake I mean—saves a lot of brick walls from being banged!

Anyway—I feel real guilty—lounging around here—in what must be the safest healthiest place in the world—boring you with my rustic rollickings!

But you say it helps keep you on an even keel knowing theres still places like sleepy little Sandytown in the world—so heres the next exciting episode!

Or rather the next several episodes—each centered on a man—just so you dont get the impression youve got exclusive rights!

First Teddy—the hunk with the handle—literally!—as I have seen—& you will hear!

Weather was so warm today—I thought Id head for the beach—see if it had improved since the famous trip!

Tom was too busy to join me—thank

heaven—I wanted to swim not

talk—or rather listen! He said this was the day hed fixed for Mr Godley—the healer—to drive over & take a look at the setup in Sandytown—& he hoped Id be back in time to meet him—as he knew how it would help with my study—which Im finally making a bit of progress with. Remembering how Godly Gordon took against me first time we met—I dont anticipate much encouragement there—but of course I said I hoped so too.

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Tom also said—rather awkwardly—re the meeting at the Avalon—Charlotte—as it is mainly—nay

solely—concerned with the alternative

therapists—we—that is Lester Feldenhammer & myself—deemed it unnecessary to invite Lady Denham—so—should you chance into her company—it might be diplomatic not to say anything about it!—