The Price of Honor (5 page)

“I've chased the dream of being on top of the leaderboard for ten years. I'm tired and need a break. I miss my cousin.
I want to help Hannah plan her wedding. And now that my uncle has moved away from Sutherland Farm, there's no reason for me to avoid the place. I'm leaving the European Circuit for good, Xavier. I won't come back. Not for you or your horses. Not if you're married to
her.
”

The minute she said the words she knew they were true. She couldn't go back if he married that woman. Megan couldn't bear to see Xavier and his wife in the stands or at the pre-and post-show parties. They'd bump into each other constantly. And knowing Xavier's have-his-cake-and-eat-it-too attitude, he'd probably expect her to keep riding his horses even after he said his vows.

The life she'd built in Europe was over and the friends she'd made relegated to the past. The realization hit hard, and even though she'd left a month ago a part of her had hoped to return. But that wasn't looking likely. Her emotions, which had been close to the surface lately, threatened to mutiny. Her eyes and throat burned and her chest tightened.

She would not cry. Especially not in front of Xavier. Gritting her teeth and fighting for composure, she turned on her heel and stalked away. She kept her eyes focused on the truck and escape.

“Why are you trying to change the rules of our affair?” he called after her.

Amazed that such a brilliant man could be so obtuse, she stopped and pivoted. “For the past six months we have spent nearly every hour together when we're not working. I thought the rules had already changed.”

“Non.”

“Do you love me, Xavier?”

Rejection stamped his face. “Love was never part of our agreement.”

“Our agreement? You make our relationship sound like a business deal sealed with a handshake.”

“Are you claiming you love me?” He didn't sound as though the idea appealed, and the fact that he avoided answering her question was answer enough.

Disillusionment settled heavily on her shoulders. “I believed I did. But I guess I was mistaken. You aren't the man I thought you were, because that man would never subject his wife and his children or his lover to the humiliation of the gossip we both know runs rampant on the circuit.

“You may not care about the whispers that will go on behind your future wife's back or mine, but I do, Xavier, and I won't embarrass her or cheapen myself. I'm going to say it one last time. Maybe this time you'll hear me. Go home. As long as you're planning to marry her, there's nothing for you here.”

M
egan stared at the fuzzy white image on the screen, too choked up to speak. That beating heart, those little hands and feet, tiny fingers and toes, eyes and mouth belonged to her baby. Hers and Xavier's.

As if sensing the emotion damming Megan's throat, Hannah squeezed her hand.

The obstetrician pushed a button on the ultrasound machine and the printer started humming. She wiped the gel from Megan's stomach and helped her sit up. “Megan, everything looks exactly as it should for twelve weeks gestation. I'd guestimate your due date is the first week of January. You should have a new baby to start the New Year.”

A new year. A new life. Alone with her baby. She'd better get used to doing things without Xavier.

“Can you tell if it's a girl or boy yet?” Hannah asked the doctor, making Megan glad she'd brought her cousin
along for moral support since her brain refused to produce the appropriate questions.

“Not yet. But since we're unclear on the date of your last period we'll repeat the ultrasound in eight weeks just to confirm our dates. We might get a better picture then. Any more questions?”

When Megan shook her head, the doctor handed her the printed picture, wished her well and left the small room. Megan stared at the image, a tangle of emotions weaving through her. Excitement. Happiness. Sadness. Fear. She would be responsible for this little person, for his or her health and happiness and well-being. Her and her alone. What if she messed up?

“You okay?” Hannah asked.

Megan slid off the table and straightened her clothes. “Xavier should have been here for this.”

“It's his loss, Megs.”

What if one parent wasn't enough? What if something happened to her? Who would care for her baby? “Maybe I should tell him.”

“Do you think telling him would make him dump her and marry you?”

“That's the million-dollar question—one I've asked myself a zillion times. I don't know. On one hand, once Xavier sets a course he never deviates. On the other, what's his is his. He doesn't give up easily.”

“If you told him and he dumped her and married you would you always wonder if he'd done so just because of the baby?”

Leave it to Hannah to get to the heart of the matter. “Yes. I want him to wake up and realize that what we have—what I thought we had—is too special to throw away.”

“Then postpone telling him a little longer. If he hangs
around you'll have no choice. But for now wait and see if he comes to his senses.”

“Right. For now I'll carry on.” Alone. The way she always had since her parents' and brother's deaths.

 

After his confrontation with Megan three days ago, Xavier had been ready to say to hell with her, fly himself and his horses back to France and let her suffer for her foolishness. Replacing her would be easy enough.

But he didn't want any other woman.

He craved Megan. She was in his blood like a narcotic. He had to make her understand that what they had—combustible sex, mutual respect and similar interests—had nothing to do with his marriage. That alliance was business, whereas they shared pure pleasure. And he wanted to drink in as much of that pleasure as he could. After his marriage he would have to suffice with duty, honor and obligation. Not that Cecille was unattractive. But she was not Megan.

If he could not get what he wanted from Megan directly, he would have to use alternative means. Targeting Wyatt Jacobs, the CEO of Triple Crown Distillery and co-owner of Sutherland Farm where Megan resided, was the only strategy Xavier could think of for getting closer to Megan. He needed to know whether her abrupt departure was simply jealousy or something more. He was beginning to suspect the latter.

She had always been strong, determined and logical. He admired that about her. But she had an inflexibility to her attitude now, and her decision to abandon the career she loved was most definitely illogical and therefore out of character.

He shook Wyatt Jacobs's hand. “Thank you for helping me find the farm and agreeing to see me.”

“Your offer to give me the inside track on corporate sponsorship of Grand Prix events is hard to refuse. It's something I've been considering for a while but other priorities have prevented me from doing the required research.”

“My sources told me that your company was preparing to launch a high-end whiskey. I have never seen your brand connected with equestrian events. It is a missed opportunity—especially given your new ties to Sutherland Farm.”

“True. The advertising information you sent me is timely.” Jacobs led Xavier through the foyer and into his study and gestured toward a leather visitor chair. He settled behind his desk. “Now that I've begun watching Grand Prix events on TV with my fiancée, I appreciate Parfums Alexandre's visible presence.”

“As you can see from the numbers, we have had a good return on our investments. Our ads reach a target market that can afford our product. You could do the same.”

“I see your point. Grand Prix attendees are the right demographic. I also want to surprise Hannah by helping her horse rescue operation. The best way to do that is through public awareness—an area in which you have expertise. I won't mention this to her until it's a done deal, so please keep that information to yourself.”

“Certainly.” Xavier was glad he had educated himself on Hannah Sutherland's horse rescue operation and therapeutic riding program. “Find Your Center is a worthy cause. The equestrian audience should be both sympathetic and generous.”

Jacobs sat back in his chair, his eyes shrewd and assessing. “What do you want in return for sharing your knowledge?”

Xavier appreciated a man who was smart enough to
know nothing came freely and one who got to the point. “I have relocated three of my horses to the Haithcock farm. I need expert riders to exercise and show them, but I have few connections in the States.”

“That would be Hannah's area of expertise, but since I doubt she's going to volunteer information, I'll introduce you to the stable's office staff and instruct them to assist you.”

“I would prefer to have Megan back.”

“Ah. The real reason for your visit. Megan doesn't work for me. I can't order her to ride for you. You'll have to convince her.”

He bit back his frustration. “I understand.”

While he listened to his host, Xavier kept an ear open for signs of Megan's presence—her voice, her step, her laughter—since one of the barn staff had told him she was with her cousin. But he had yet to see or hear her in the house. He heard steps in the hall and straightened.

“If you're listening for Megan she's not here. That's why I agreed to meet you today. She and Hannah have gone into town to run some errands—probably a good thing since you're not on either lady's list of favorite people at the moment. I'll probably catch hell for helping you. But their feelings are personal and our discussion is business.”

The weight settling on Xavier's chest was not disappointment. He was not mooning after Megan like a schoolboy. “I agree. Megan and I—”

Wyatt held up a hand. “What's between you and Megan is none of my concern as long as it's not illegal.”

“No. It is not.”

Jacobs rose and crossed to a bar. “Would you care to sample Triple Crown's new product? My stepfather started the process for this single malt before his Alzheimer's
became an issue. Launching it successfully while he's still aware of the process is the least I can do for him.”

If sharing a drink would ensure Jacobs's cooperation, Xavier would willingly swill pond scum. “Certainly.”

His host splashed mahogany liquid into two tumblers.

Xavier accepted one.
“Salut.”

He sipped, letting the aged whiskey roll around on his tongue. Nice. Definitely not pond scum. “Very smooth with hints of smoke, caramel and chocolate.”

“You have an experienced palate and a good head for business. But let me warn you, Mr. Alexandre. Hurting Megan hurts Hannah. And I won't tolerate anyone hurting my fiancée.”

Xavier accepted the warning with a nod. “Understood.”

He had an ally—albeit a cautious one.

 

Megan's heart balked when she spotted the tall silhouette against the white rails. She'd recognize those broad shoulders anywhere. “Stop the car.”

Hannah braked without hesitation. “Why?”

“Xavier's here.” Megan nodded toward the man by the riding ring.

“I'll call security and have him thrown off the property.”

A horse and rider came into view, sailing over the hog's-back jump she'd set up for this afternoon's advanced student. “Wait. That's Apollo. With Tim in the saddle.”

“The stallion you used to ride for Xavier?”

“Yes. What is Xavier up to now?”

“Trying to get your attention would be my guess.”

“Well, tough. I'm not up for another confrontation. Could you drop me off at the cottage?”

“I'll do that after we find out who gave that jerk permission to be here. Somebody must have. My guess is
Wyatt. I knew not telling him about your pregnancy was a mistake.” Hannah put the car into motion and did a U-turn.

“The fewer people who know, the better my chances are of keeping Xavier from finding out before he loses interest in the chase and returns to France.”

“If he stays he'll find out anyway.”

“I know, but I'm willing to bet he'll leave as soon as I convince him I'm not going to follow him home like a lost puppy.”

They parked by the big house. Megan climbed from the car and trailed Hannah to the study where Wyatt sat behind his big desk. It felt so different to come here now when she didn't have to tippy-toe to avoid yet another reprimand from Hannah's father.

Wyatt rose immediately and crossed the room to greet Hannah with a hug and a kiss. Megan averted her face to the tender moment. After this morning's realization that she'd better get used to doing things on her own, their obvious love for each other was more than she could handle.

“Did you know Xavier Alexandre is at the stables?” Hannah asked.

“Yes. I've given him permission to interview our riders.”

Dread filled Megan. She couldn't risk bumping into Xavier at every turn.

“You've what?” Hannah practically screeched, extracting herself from her fiancé's embrace.

“Xavier is giving me inside information on advertising on the Grand Prix circuit for the new product launch. In return I'm granting him access to our riders so he can select one or more to exhibit his horses. He said Megan refused.”

“Of course she did.”

“Hannah, baby, this is business. Your feud is personal.”

“But how can you let him on this property after the way he's treated Megan?”

Megan winced. She didn't want to be the cause of contention between the lovebirds. “Hey, guys, no need to fight.”

“Relationships end.” Wyatt's brown eyes turned to Megan. “Can't you and he handle this situation like adults?”

Megan's mouth opened, closed. Her tongue felt as dry as an old sock. “It's a little more complicated than that.”

“Did he ever hurt you? By that I mean physically abuse you or threaten to do so?”

“No.”

“Is he threatening you now?”

She exhaled slowly, resignation settling like a lead weight on her shoulders. Apparently the men were going to side together. “No.”

“Wyatt, that's not the point. She's pregnant and he can't find out.”

“Hannah!” Megan squeaked in dismay.

Her cousin grimaced. “I'm sorry, Megan, but Wyatt needs to understand why you've refused to ride Xavier's horses and why we can't allow him on our property.”

Again Wyatt's gaze drilled Megan's, making her yearn for the solitude of her cottage. “The baby's his?”

“Yes.”

“You haven't told him?”

“No. Given the fact that he's engaged to someone else, I didn't want to risk a custody battle—one I can't afford and might lose.”

Wyatt's face softened only slightly. “Megan, the man has a right to know he's going to be a father. I'd want to know.”

Hannah made a disgusted sound. “Leave it to a man to take the two-timer's side.”

“I'm not condoning his actions, but he has financial obligations to Megan and their child.”

“No.” The word burst from Megan. She grappled for a way to make him understand. “Wyatt, I know you mean well, but you have no idea how it feels to be raised by someone out of duty, to always know you are an unwanted burden. I do. Xavier has made it clear that he doesn't want children with me. And I don't want my baby to ever feel unwanted or in the way. I will manage without Xavier's help—financial or otherwise.”

Wyatt searched her face and then Hannah's. Something he saw in her cousin's expression made his lips flatten, but the resolution in his eyes didn't bode well for Megan. “He needs to be told.”

Not what she wanted to hear. “You don't understand. Xavier never loses.”

“Would you rather live your life in fear of him discovering you've kept his child from him? You'll always be looking over your shoulder and waiting to get caught—especially if you stay in the horse business. You can't run from this, Megan. It's a fight you're going to have to face, and it's best to do so on your terms. I'll help you find the best international custody lawyer available.”

Hannah grimaced and threw an arm around Megan's shoulders. “Unfortunately Wyatt's right.”

“That's not what you said an hour ago,” Megan protested.

“An hour ago, I hadn't considered it from this perspective. If you go back on the circuit, someone is going to see your baby and put the pieces together. Even if you don't go back to riding, Sutherland Farm has a global client list. By then, Xavier might be married and have more children with his wife. It's best to tell him the truth now and get this dealt with before he finds out on his own.”