The Promise of Forgiveness (13 page)

“You're a smarter person than I am,” he said. “One day you'll find a man you can trust.”

The simple statement hit Ruby square between the eyes. She admitted she'd never be able to commit to a man unless she trusted him, but how would he earn her trust if she never gave him the opportunity?

“What if I never do?” she asked.

“Then you've got me and Mia. We aren't going anywhere.”

He made it sound so simple, but what if her problem wasn't trusting men—it was trusting herself not to panic when the relationship hit a bump in the road. All this self-analyzing was giving her a headache. “Do you think Cora knew you put me up for adoption?”

“I'd like to believe she cared enough to find out what happened to you.”

So would Ruby. As a parent she struggled to understand how Hank could still love a woman who'd turned her back on their child.

“W
here were you?” Mia asked when Ruby crawled beneath the sheets late Thursday night.

“Cleaning the bathroom.”

“That was nice of you.”

Yes, it was. After Ruby and Hank had finished painting, Hank had gone outside to be with Mia and the horses and Ruby had embarked on a cleaning binge. She'd done a lot of thinking while scrubbing the toilet—mostly about her relationship with Mia. Ruby had come to the conclusion that she'd been naive to believe pulling up stakes and leaving Pineville was all she and Mia needed to get back on track with each other. She was relieved that Mia was talking to her again, but Ruby had made a lot of concessions to get to this point and she worried about the unforeseen consequences of delaying their departure from the ranch.

“How come you guys painted the bedroom upstairs?”

“Hank did it for you.”

Mia turned onto her side, her gaze cutting through the dark, burning Ruby's face. “Why?”

“He wants you to have your own room when you visit.”

“I won't need to visit if I live here.”

If?
Ruby took comfort in the two-letter word—at some point in the future Mia might entertain the idea of leaving the Devil's Wind. Ruby tried to view the ranch through her daughter's eyes but saw only blowing wind, dust, and an emptiness that stretched to the horizon. It was the vast nothingness she couldn't stop thinking about. There was something comforting in the lonely landscape—maybe because the bleak geography couldn't be choosy about whom it welcomed.

“I'm glad you helped Hank paint the room,” Mia said.

“I am, too.” Ruby's chat with Hank had brought her fears out into the open. For years she'd used anger and resentment to hide from the truth. Her distrust of men had begun with Glen Baxter, then had been reinforced with Dylan, and finally solidified by Hank—all three men had left her behind emotionally or physically. She'd shoved the hurt and fear so far down inside her that she'd almost forgotten it existed.

“Mom?”

“What?”

“I asked Hank why he never named the horses or Friend.”

“What did he say?”

“That he was gonna die before the animals did and then someone else would give them a different name, like Grandpa and Grandma Baxter did with you.”

If Hank hadn't liked the idea that her name had been changed, maybe that meant he'd bonded with her before he'd decided to give her up for adoption.

“I don't like it when Hank talks about dying,” Mia said.

“How often has he mentioned it?”

“Every day. He says stuff like ‘After I die, water the rosebushes if it hasn't rained in two weeks.' And ‘After I'm dead, I don't want you to give the piano away.'”

Hank wanted someone to take his place and wait for Cora to come home.

“I think he's afraid if you leave, he'll never see you again,” Mia said.

You
 . . . not
we
. Although Mia was no longer ignoring Ruby, her feet remained firmly planted in Hank's camp.

All the people closest to Hank had left him—his father, his mother, and then Cora. No one would blame him if he closed off his heart to others—but he hadn't. He and Mia were growing closer by the day, and that afternoon he'd opened up to Ruby. If Hank was willing to put his heart on the line, then she should be able to find the courage to do the same with hers.

“You're not gonna leave Hank, are you?”

Mia might act like she didn't need Ruby because she had Hank, but the tiny tremble in her voice said otherwise.

“Not anytime soon.” Ruby grasped a strand of Mia's hair and rubbed it between her fingers. “I'm surprised you enjoy hanging out with an old person.”

“Hank likes me the way I am.”

Meaning Ruby didn't?

“And he never gets mad, even if I hurt his feelings.”

“Did you hurt his feelings?” Ruby asked.

“Maybe.”

“What did you say?”

“That it wasn't nice of him to give you away.”

“Really?” This was the closest Mia had come to acknowledging Ruby's right to feel hurt.

“Hank said his mom had a lot of boyfriends, too.”

Ruby opened her mouth, then snapped it closed. There was nothing she could say in her defense, but she didn't appreciate Hank comparing her to his mother.

“I'm going to look for a job in Unforgiven.”

“Doing what?”

“I'll ask Jimmy if I can take orders at the diner. Or maybe Big Dan could use help in the mercantile.” She doubted the miniature entrepreneur would hire her when few customers shopped in the store. “I could waitress at the bar.”

“What about finding a job in Guymon?”

Why did Mia care where Ruby worked? “I'll try Guymon if I strike out in town.”

Just when Ruby thought her bed partner had fallen asleep, Mia whispered, “Joe was really quiet today. Is he mad at me because I rode off on Pretty Boy?”

“I don't know.”

Mia poked Ruby's thigh. “He likes you and not just as a friend.”

“Don't be silly.” The tiny quiver that spread through Ruby's heart mocked her denial.

“I'm serious, Mom. He watches you all the time when you come outside.”

The decision to stay at the ranch didn't just affect Ruby's relationship with Hank and Mia. It left the door wide-open for her and Joe.

“Sean used to look at you the same way.”

“Mia?”

“What?”

“I liked Sean. A lot.”

“Then why did you make him leave?”

“I got scared.”

“About what?”

“That he'd get tired of being with me.” She didn't want to go into too much detail because she already looked weak in front of her daughter. But a little truth might go a long way with Mia.

“Your father had said he loved me, but when I became pregnant, he changed his mind. I loved Dylan and I gave him a lot of chances.” Ruby had even looked the other way when he'd slept with girls behind her back.

“I'm glad my dad isn't part of my life.”

“People can change, honey.” She sure in hell was trying to. “One day you might want to get to know your father.”

“Maybe,” Mia said. “Did Grandma and Grandpa Baxter get along?”

“Most of the time.” Until Ruby's sophomore year of high school. Then things had become strained between them. She'd assumed it had a lot to do with her rebellious behavior and the bad crowd she was running with at the time. And now she wondered if her parents had regretted adopting her. Maybe they'd blamed her wild ways on her birth parents.

The answer might be in the diary
.

Ruby wasn't ready to learn the truth.

“Mom?”

“What?”

“Are you positive it's too late for you and Sean to get back together?”

“Yes.”

After only a few minutes, the sound of chirping crickets and Mia's even breathing echoed in the bedroom.

Ruby clasped her necklace between her fingers and closed her eyes. Maybe her decision to give Hank a chance and Mia's decision to give Ruby a chance would gift her with her first good night's sleep since she'd arrived at the ranch.

•   •   •

“
Where'd you get the paper?” Hank asked Friday morning.

“Joe brought it back from town earlier.” Ruby nodded to the coffeemaker. “If you need caffeine, I made a fresh pot five minutes ago.” The importance of coffee in Hank's daily routine hadn't escaped her. She equated the dark beans to a Native American peace pipe. Instead of smoking, she and Hank practiced the ritual of drinking the hot brew together. They shared a love of the drink, which brought them together at all different times of the day.

He poured himself a cup and joined her at the table. “What are you reading?”

“The job ads.” But she'd gotten sidetracked when she'd run across postings for livestock sales. She pointed to the type she'd circled in blue ink, then pushed the page toward Hank. “Check out this ad from the Humane Society.”

He held the paper inches from his eyes.

Need foster families willing to care for confiscated horses in county animal cruelty case. Old horses suffer from malnutrition and need extra TLC. Humane Society will pay vet and food bill for first month. Minimum six-month commitment.

He handed the paper back, then blew across the top of his mug.

“Didn't think you were interested in horses.”

“I'm not, but I thought Mia might like to pick one of her own to rescue.”

“You fall and hit your head this morning?”

Her mouth twitched. “Maybe.” She stared out the window. Mia was in the corral, trying to coax Lonesome to join Sugar and Pretty Boy at the grain feeder.

“Once Mia brings the horse home, she's not going to let you take it back,” Hank said.

“I know.”

“That's a long-term responsibility.”

“Not if you encourage her to pick the oldest nag.”

Hank chuckled, and then his wrinkles settled back into place. “What happens when you move?”

“We'd take the horse with us.” They'd have to rent a trailer in the country where they could keep the animal, or she'd have to pay to have it boarded. She hated asking him for anything, but she'd do it for Mia. “I might need help with the expenses.”

“I'll pay for its keep.”

Hank hadn't made her beg. That he was offering his financial help even if she and Mia left the ranch put another chink in the armor around her heart.

“I want to show Mia that I accept and respect the bond she has with the horses and that I admire her for wanting to take care of them.”

“You're doing a good thing, Ruby.”

She hadn't asked his opinion, but she appreciated his approval. “Will you come with us to the Humane Society? Mia trusts your judgment, and you'll make sure she picks the right one.”

“When do you want to do this?”

“How about tomorrow morning?”

Hank nodded. “As long as we're back before my date.”

“What date?”

“A date with my bed.”

“I won't let you miss naptime.” Ruby carried her empty mug to the sink. “Do me a favor and don't say anything to Mia. I'd like to be the one to tell her.”

Hank made the motion of zipping his mouth, then handed his empty cup to her and went out to the corral.

•   •   •

B
y the time Ruby entered the Jailhouse Diner, the breakfast crowd had already cleared out. “Hey, Jimmy.”

“Be right with you.” He disappeared with an armload of dirty dishes.

She smiled at the two men sitting in the booth next to the air conditioner. They nodded, then resumed their conversation—beef cattle. Ruby slid onto a stool at the counter. Jimmy reappeared, carrying plates piled high with eggs, bacon, and hash browns. He delivered the food to the ranchers, then stopped at her side. “What can I get you?”

She eyed his outfit. He must own several pairs of white T-shirts and black jeans. “I need a job.”

“Thought you were heading to Kansas.”

“Change of plans. Mia and I will be staying at the Devil's Wind the rest of the summer. Could you use a waitress or a dishwasher?”

“Sorry. I don't make enough money to put anyone on the payroll but me.”

“Mind if I ask how you”—she waved her hand—“became a restaurant owner?”

“When the oil companies started drilling on the reservation, my great-grandfather invested his royalty checks. Others used their money to buy new cars and houses. My mother said if I went to college and earned a degree, she'd let me cash in my inheritance early.”

“You majored in business?”

“Earned a bachelor of science in dietetics and nutrition.”

“I guess that fits.”

“I'd help you out if I could, but I'm barely making ends meet.”

“I have a lot of waitressing experience. If things change, let me know.” Ruby had landed her first job at sixteen, taking orders at a pizza parlor. The following year she'd worked at a chain restaurant. After Mia was born, she'd changed jobs and waitressed at Carmen's Chicken Fry, working her way into a hostess position. And when she could get a babysitter, she'd served drinks on weekends at a dive bar, where she made as much in tips in one night as she did all week at Carmen's.

“You might stop by Petro Oil and see if they need an office assistant.”

“Thanks.” She hiked across the street, but the door to the oil company was locked. She eyed the mercantile. Big Dan was odd but interesting.

She went into the store, ignoring the stuffed animal heads leering at her, and walked back to the cash register. “Big Dan?”

“Hello, Ruby.”

Her pulse jumped when he appeared behind her. “I'm looking for part-time work. Any chance you need help watching the store or stocking shelves?”