The Promise of Forgiveness (21 page)

“W
here are Hank and Mia off to?” Joe hovered in the kitchen doorway Sunday afternoon.

“A movie in Guymon.” Ruby had been invited along, but she'd declined, wanting to spend a few hours alone with Joe. Lately it felt like they were under a microscope, Mia and Hank monitoring their every move and gauging their progress.

Ruby shut the fridge door. “Can you take a break from chores?” she asked.

“I'd planned to replace the gearbox on the windmill.” His gaze darted to the porch.

She wasn't opposed to an afternoon quickie, but if she wanted more from Joe than she'd experienced with other men, she couldn't let her fear win. She was ready to take a leap of faith and get to know Joe on a deeper level.

“Can the windmill wait?” She gestured to the supplies on the table. “I packed a picnic lunch.”

“You must think I'm an idiot,” he said.

She walked up to him and brushed her mouth against his. “I don't think you're an idiot. I think you're good-looking. Kind. And sexy. But it's too soon. Rather than mess up the sheets, I thought we could spread a blanket beneath the cottonwood.”

“I'd like that.” He carried the picnic supplies out to the backyard. The afternoon temperature hovered near ninety degrees, but the tree's thick branches provided plenty of shade. He spread the quilt across the ground, then propped his back against the trunk. Ruby sat next to him and held out a sandwich and a bottle of water.

“Someone wants to join us.” Joe got to his feet and opened the back door for Friend. The mutt trotted over to the blanket, then whined until Ruby tossed him a piece of lunch meat.

“This is good.” Joe had finished half his sandwich in two bites.

“I added dill seasoning to the mayo.”

He grasped her necklace between his fingers. “Is this a gift from one of your past boyfriends?”

“My parents gave it to me.”

“Is it real?” Joe asked.

“Yes.”

He rubbed the gemstone, his calloused knuckles bumping her throat. “I bought Melanie a diamond pendant after Aaron was born, but she lost it.”

“Did the clasp break?”

He released her necklace. “She never said. One day I asked why she didn't wear it anymore and she claimed she couldn't remember how she'd lost it.”

“I only take my necklace off to clean it.” The ruby had been a reminder of happier times with her parents, and she refused to allow the memories to become tainted just because the necklace had belonged to Cora.

“Were you close to your mother?” he asked.

“Not real close. I ran with a wild crowd and tested her patience.”

He grinned. “You look like the rebel type.”

She landed a playful punch against his arm. “Go ahead and mock me. I bet you were the perfect son.”

“Not a chance. I got pulled over for drunk driving in high school. The cop didn't write me up because he knew my father. I left the clunker on the side of the road and got a ride home in the backseat of a patrol car.”

“Did your father have political connections in your town?”

Joe laughed. “Heavenly connections. He was a preacher.”

She would never have guessed Joe had been raised in a religious family.

“You ran with a wild crowd and I drank to rebel,” he said.

“Every kid tests their parents.” Mia knew all of Ruby's hot buttons.

“My folks were good people,” Joe said. “They didn't deserve the negative attention my partying brought them.”

“But you straightened out.”

“Only because of Melanie.”

“How do you mean?”

“She was the daughter of one of my father's minister friends. They set us up on a date, and we hit it off. I quit drinking and focused on my studies. We married a year after we graduated from high school. I was a freshman in college at the time, so we moved into an apartment and Melanie became active in the local church, directing the children's choir. Once I earned a degree and landed my first job, we bought a small house and then Melanie got pregnant with Aaron.”

“I wanted to go to college once.” Her junior year of high school she'd taken the SATs and had gotten an acceptable score. “But then I got pregnant with Mia and . . .”

“Your parents were killed.”

“After that I was just trying to keep it together. Work every day so I could pay the bills and buy formula and diapers for Mia.”

“If you'd been able to go to college, what would you have studied?” he asked.

“I hadn't thought that far ahead. I figured after I took a few classes I'd find my niche.”

“What's stopping you from going back to school now?”

“Seriously?”

“You could enroll in online classes.”

“College costs money,” she said.

“Apply for financial aid. I received grants and scholarships because of my father's occupation. You're a single mother and”—he raised his hands in the air—“no offense meant, but I'm guessing you don't make a lot of money.”

“What gave it away? Arriving in town on a Greyhound bus or”—she tugged the hem of her plain tank top—“my stylish wardrobe?”

Joe's gaze skimmed over her, his eyes warming. “The peach dress and cowboy boots you wore when you first arrived in town looked good on you.”

“You liked that outfit, huh?”

He smiled.

Ruby changed the subject. “Do you keep in touch with Melanie?”

“We communicated off and on to finalize our divorce, but I haven't seen her since Aaron's funeral.” He guzzled his water. “If our son hadn't died, I'd like to believe we'd still be together.”

Ruby couldn't say that about any of her past boyfriends—not even Sean.

“But now . . .” He shook his head. “Melanie and I aren't the same people. We'd feel like strangers if we ever met up again.”

Life changed people—for better and for worse. The changing part was an ongoing process. When Ruby thought of the storms she'd weathered in her short life, she'd emerged a different Ruby from each one.

“I had it all.” He snapped his fingers. “And it was gone in the blink of an eye.”

“Joe?”

“What?”

“I wish Aaron hadn't died. And I wish you could still be with Melanie. Still have your family.” And she meant it.

He threaded his fingers through hers and rested her hand on his thigh. “What went through your mind when you found out you were adopted?”

“After it sank in, I was finally able to make sense out of some things in the past.” She tossed the remainder of her sandwich to Friend. “All these years I'd believed me and my mother had been at odds because of my rowdy behavior, but that wasn't the reason at all.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I was twelve, I found my father's stash of
Hustler
magazines. I snuck them into my bedroom to look at the photos. I was fascinated by all the boobs and remembered thinking I never wanted mine to be that big.”

Joe quirked a brow at Ruby's ample bosom.

“They're not quite
that
big.” She laughed. “I bet you wondered how big your . . .” She flicked her wrist toward his crotch.

“My what, Ruby?”

She blushed. “Never mind. When my mother found me looking at the magazines, she muttered something about my bad genes. At the time I thought she was talking about the ripped blue jeans I always wore. Now I know she was referring to my biological mother.”

“What about your birth mother?”

“Cora worked in a brothel.” Because Hank had left Ruby's adoption open, Cheryl Baxter had dug into Cora's past and had probably been horrified by what she'd discovered. Ruby didn't blame her mother for worrying that her daughter might follow in Cora's footsteps because her worry had been grounded in love. But it was too bad her mother's fear had prevented them from enjoying a close relationship.

“We're quite a pair, aren't we . . . ? The son of a minister father and the daughter of a prostitute mother.”

No kidding
. “I almost didn't answer Hank's letter.”

Joe's eyes shone with sympathy. “Why not?”

“I was angry and I wanted to hurt him.”

“What were you afraid of?”

Of course Joe would guess that Ruby had used anger to mask her fear. “I was worried that Hank wouldn't like me.” Memories of Glen Baxter ignoring her, then Dylan blowing her and Mia off, followed by a history of broken relationships, had made Ruby hypersuspicious. By the time she'd read
Sincerely Yours
at the bottom of the lawyer's letter, she'd decided to reject Hank before she gave him the opportunity to break her heart.

Joe held her chin between his fingers, forcing her to look him in the eye. “For both our sakes, I'm glad you're here.”

•   •   •

“
How was the movie?” Ruby asked when Hank and Mia returned to the ranch an hour after Joe left to fix the windmill.

“Good, but Grandpa slept through it.” Mia patted her leg. “Come on, Friend. Let's check on Poke.” The old dog got to his feet and followed Mia outside.

Hank took a mug from the cupboard and helped himself to the half inch of brew remaining in the coffeepot from earlier in the morning. “I didn't sleep through the whole movie.” He carried his mug to the table.

“How much, then?”

“Two-thirds.”

Ruby sat across from him. “I wanted to discuss the possibility of you signing up for Internet service.”

“I don't need it.”

“I know you don't, but Mia will need it for school this fall.”

He sat up straighter. “Are you and Mia staying here?”

“Haven't decided yet. But even if we live in Guymon, Mia will want to be here with you and the horses every chance she gets. It'll be easier for her to keep up with homework if I buy a cheap laptop that she can bring with her to the ranch.”

“I'll call the phone company tomorrow and see what my options are.” He slurped his coffee. “You and Joe have a nice day?”

“Nothing happened between us, if that's what you're asking.”

His eyes twinkled. “Mia and I will take in a double feature next time.”

“Wait a minute.” Ruby pointed her finger at him. “It was your idea to go to the movies, not Mia's.”

“Guilty as charged.”

“So you're trying to find a way to convince me to stay at the ranch, too?”

“Whether you stay here or not is your decision. I just don't want you to end up alone like me.”

Ruby didn't want that, either, but she hated feeling pressured. If things fell apart with Joe, it would be awkward between them if he continued working for Hank. “Joe and I are taking things slow.”

“Don't take them too slow. I won't be around forever.”

“You don't need to remind me.”

“A
re you and Joe Dawson an item now?” Stony had waited until the last customer left the bar to strike up a conversation with Ruby. For a Friday night the saloon hadn't been crowded, and the shit-kicker was only half full.

“Why do you care what I do with Joe?”

“I don't. I saw his truck parked outside last night.”

True to her word, Ruby had allowed Joe to drive her to and from the bar each day she worked. “I like Joe. He's a nice man.”

Stony grimaced.

“What?”

“A nice man isn't your type.”

She slid a tray of empty shot glasses into the sink filled with soapy dishwater and tried to ignore Stony.

He whispered over her shoulder, “How long before Mr. Nice Guy becomes Mr. Boring?”

“Joe's not boring.” Ruby grabbed the spray bottle and a clean cloth, then attacked the beer stains on the tabletops. She scrubbed hard until a sharp pain shot through her elbow. Things between her and Joe had been perfect the past few days. Each time he smiled at her or held her hand, she'd grown more convinced that she was ready to give their relationship an honest chance.

“I bet Joe doesn't have any tattoos.” Stony's gaze darkened. “I'm tattooed in places you've never seen ink on a man before.”

She snorted. “Don't get your hopes up, pal.” Stony was an insensitive, selfish, ignorant jerk. There wasn't one thing she liked about the man, except that he hadn't been afraid to give her a job.

“It won't last with Joe.”

“Oh, yeah?” Her trigger finger itched to spray him with disinfectant, then wipe the smirk off his face.

“You've got your mother's blood running through your veins, Ruby. Like her, you'll never settle for one man.”

Damn Stony for opening his big mouth and reminding Ruby of her biological connection to Cora. It hadn't escaped her that maybe more than a necklace connected mother and daughter. What if the reason she couldn't commit to a man was a combination of fear
and
biology?

If Ruby had inherited the tramp gene, it wouldn't matter if she overcame her fear of commitment because she'd never be more than a woman who slept with too many men. If she opened her heart to Joe, genetics would eventually win out and she'd punt him down the road. Ruby didn't want to hurt Joe—not when he was the first man she'd ever envisioned going the distance with.

Numbness settled in her bones as she studied her reflection in the mirror behind the bar. Her vacant stare sent a chill through her. Then something moved in the background.
Joe
. He was here to take her home. She emptied her tips into her purse.

“Have a nice evening, Ruby.”

Ignoring Stony, she followed Joe outside to his pickup.

He opened the passenger-side door for her. “What's the matter?”

“Everything.” Tears filled her eyes.

“Rough night at work?” He caressed her cheek with his knuckles.

If he knew what she was thinking, he wouldn't be so considerate. They drove in silence, Ruby staring out the window, searching the dark for answers that weren't there.

“Did Stony say something to upset you?” Joe glanced across the seat at her, but she didn't have the courage to look him in the eye.

She bit her lip, focusing on the pain and not the trash clogging her head. “I made a mistake.”

“What kind of mistake?”

Maybe she should give herself time to calm down. Stony had been his typical asshole self tonight, undermining her confidence because it made him feel powerful. Then again, time wouldn't change the truth. No matter how fearless Ruby believed herself to be, she was still Cora's daughter.

“I made a mistake thinking I could be with you.”

He gripped the steering wheel with both hands, drew in a deep breath, then exhaled heavily. “Is it because I screwed up and Mia took off on Pretty Boy that afternoon?”

“No. Not at all.”

His choke hold on the wheel loosened. “Then what did I do wrong?”

Nothing
.
You did nothing wrong
. “It's not you, Joe. It's me.”

“I can help if you explain what's going on.”

No one could help her. Even if she could find the words, the lump in her throat blocked them from escaping.

“Ruby?”

“I don't want to talk about it.” She went back to staring at the darkness outside her window.

The remainder of the drive to the ranch took forever. Joe stopped in front of the house but kept the engine running. Ruby owed him an explanation—then again, what did it matter? Eventually he'd realize she'd done him a favor. She got out and slammed her door, then sat on the porch steps and cried angry tears. She damned the ugly, desolate ranch for playing tricks on her, for making her believe she was stronger than she was.

When no more water leaked from her eyes, she wiped her nose with the hem of her blouse and went into the house. Before she'd even shut the front door, her daughter's voice rang out.

“Mom?” Mia stood on the landing.

“What?”

“Have you been crying?”

“It's nothing.” She set her purse on the staircase.

“Did you have a fight with Joe?” Mia tapped her foot against the loose board on the landing. The squeaky sound grated on Ruby's nerves.

“We didn't have a fight.”

“Your mother home?” Hank joined Mia in the hallway. His murky gaze zeroed in on Ruby's swollen eyes and blotchy face. “What happened?”

“Your choice in women stinks, Hank.” She should walk away before she said something she'd regret.

“I asked Mom if she had a fight with Joe.”

She and Mia had come too far for Ruby to start lying now. “It's not going to work out between us.”

Mia stamped her foot. “You ruin everything!” She fled to her room.

“You want to talk about it?” Hank asked.

Suddenly the men on the ranch had turned into therapists. “You can't fix this, Hank. You picked Cora and now I'm stuck with being her daughter and everything that entails.”

Hank dropped his gaze, then shuffled back to his bedroom, the quiet click of his door sounding like a bomb detonating inside the house. Ruby went to her bedroom, gathered her pj's, then went up to the bathroom. She stood beneath the showerhead, the hot water erasing the tears that streamed from her eyes.

She hated herself. Hated that she'd let Mia down.
Again
. Hated the censure in Hank's eyes—hated even more how it mattered to her that she'd disappointed him. But most of all she hated herself for hurting Joe.

•   •   •

T
he morning after Ruby dumped Joe, she wanted nothing more than to escape Mia's accusing glare. She borrowed Hank's pickup and drove into town to speak with the sheriff about the oil lease. When she entered the jail, Randall was sitting at his desk filling out paperwork.

“Hello, Ruby.”

She skipped the pleasantries. “Is the sheriff in?”

“He and Leona went to Ponca City for the day.”

She waited for him to follow up with a snide remark and send her on her way, but his next words surprised her.

“Thank you for the generous donation at the ball park. We collected enough money to buy new equipment for the minor league division.”

“You really like Little League baseball, don't you?”

“Kids who can't afford to play deserve a chance to experience being on a team.”

“What made you decide to go into law enforcement?”

He blew out a loud breath, the air rustling the papers on the desk. “I wanted to help people.” His eyes skittered to the door, then back to the pile of paperwork.

“Well, that's good, because I need your help with Hank's oil lease.”

“What's the matter with it?”

“The copy Steward Kline made for Hank shows the lease expiring this September, and it should be in 2050.”

“Sounds like a simple mistake.”

“Maybe Steward changed the date before he made the copy.”

“Are you accusing him of falsifying the document?”

“Is that so unreasonable, considering all the trouble at the Devil's Wind?” Ruby placed her hands on the edge of the deputy's desk and leaned forward. “Someone wants Hank's ranch, and they're trying to scare him into selling.”

“Kline doesn't want the property.”

“Maybe not, but he might be helping out the person who does.”

“And who would that be, Ruby?”

“I don't know. It's your job to find out.”

“I'll talk to Kline. More likely than not, it's a typo.” Randall waited until she opened the door, then said, “I'm curious.”

“About what?” Ruby asked.

“Why you're still here. I thought by now you'd be tired of this place.”

“Who says I'm not tired of it?”

“The oil workers leave their families back in the cities because there's nothing out here for women.”

“Hank's a pain in the ass, but he grows on you after a while.” Ruby left the jail, then stood in the hot sun, eyeing the four-way stop at the end of the street. A faint rumble reached her ears right before a Greyhound rode a wave of dust into town. The bus stopped across the street, and the driver opened the door and looked at Ruby. “You boarding?”

What would happen if she left town? Would Mia and Hank miss her? And Joe . . . Would he miss her, or would all three of them be relieved? A gust of wind shoved Ruby from behind, and she stumbled into the street.

If you get on that bus, you'll only ever be Cora's daughter
.

But if she didn't get on the bus, she might still have a fighting chance to be her own person.

Ruby shook her head at the driver. He closed the door and drove off. When the dust cloud settled, she caught Big Dan watching her from the window of the mercantile. Neither of them broke eye contact as she crossed the street.

“You decided to stay,” he said when she entered the store.

“You don't sound surprised.” She followed him as he zigzagged between the clothing racks. He climbed the stool behind the checkout counter. Today the tufts of white growing along the side of his head looked like jagged bolts of lightning. “You need a haircut.”

He ignored her and stuck his fingers inside a tobacco pouch, then slipped a pinch between his gum and cheek.

“At least pluck the fuzz out of your ears. It looks like you're hiding kittens in there.”

He struggled to keep a straight face, then gave up. “Cora used to tease me, too.”

Ruby hated being compared to Cora—they had too much in common as it was. “Did Cora love Hank?” If she'd cared about him—in whatever way she'd been able to—at least Hank would have something to hold on to when he learned her fate.

“She never said.”

“I get that Cora was bored at the ranch, but she could have driven into Guymon to shop or joined a club to meet women her age. Why did she spend her time with you?”

“She didn't have to pretend she was anything other than a hooker with me.” The corner of his mouth curved upward. “I know what it's like to be different. To be looked down upon by society. We're both outcasts.”

“But Hank didn't see Cora that way.”

“Hank's intentions were good, and Cora was always grateful that he cared enough to offer her a normal life.”

Was there such a thing as a normal life?

“After Cora had been at the ranch a while”—Big Dan spit tobacco juice into a Styrofoam cup—“she knew she could never be what Hank wanted her to be.”

“And what was that?”

“Happy. Hank just wanted Cora to be happy. But she couldn't leave her past behind. It was a part of who she was and she felt lost without it.”

“Did she tell you that she was unhappy?”

He nodded. “But she didn't tell me she was going to leave. I didn't know she'd taken off until Hank came into the store and said he was putting you up for adoption.”

“Were you surprised Hank paid you a visit?”

“Not really. I think he hoped Cora had told me where she was going. He'd already contacted the brothel, but none of the women had seen or heard from her.”

“What about the women who attended Hank and Cora's wedding? Wouldn't one of them have kept in touch with her after she left Nevada?”

“Cora didn't marry Hank.” Big Dan's pudgy fingers scratched his cheek. “She knew even before she came that she wouldn't stay.”

Her mother hadn't even tried to give Hank a chance. A lump swelled in Ruby's throat, threatening to block her airway. She felt sad for Hank and sad for herself, because she was nothing if not her mother's daughter. Ruby had given birth to a daughter out of wedlock. She'd never been married. And to be brutally honest: Ruby ended her relationships without giving them a real chance, just like Cora had done with Hank.

Big Dan handed Ruby the envelope of Cora's photos. “She'd want you to have these.”