The Promise of Rainbows (28 page)

It took him a moment to comprehend what she was saying. Then he blinked. “
Oh…
”

“And…I know it makes me weird and old-fashioned in this day and age, but I still believe it’s the best way for me.”

He fought the urge to rock back on his heels. She was a virgin. Holy hell. He hadn’t really thought about it, but he supposed he should have considered it a possibility. She was a church-going preacher’s daughter. He knew what the Good Book said about pre-martial sex even though he didn’t see what all the fuss was about. If two people cared about each other, he didn’t see why they should be judged for having sex. But he respected other people’s opinions. Right now, he especially respected hers.

“I don’t think that makes you weird,” he said, easing closer to her. “It might be a bit counter-cultural, but who the heck cares? Your values are your values. You should always do what you think is right.”

She was biting her lip, gazing at him steadily. “But you understand what this means, right?”

He might have eaten turnips earlier, but he hadn’t fallen off the turnip wagon. “Yes, I understand, and I won’t press you.”

Right now, he didn’t rightly know how far their…intimate interactions could take them, but he figured she would tell him when the time came.

“You don’t need to be concerned about it, honey,” he said, raising her hand so he could kiss the back of it. “I’ll never press you or make you uncomfortable. But you’ll…ah…need to give me some parameters, I expect, from time to time.”

She flushed prettily at that statement and looked away. “Ah…of course.”

He took her into his arms without any pressure so she could relax again. Her shoulders looked as tense as his felt.

“It’ll be fine,” he said, rubbing her back.

“You don’t mind? I mean…I was so afraid to tell you.” She pushed her head against his chest. “I was afraid to disappoint you.”

It was like someone was clutching his very heart. “Have you been worrying about this all afternoon? Susannah, you could
never
let me down. How could you even think it after everything we’ve been through?”

She blew out another deep breath and finally looked at him. “I thought you might want to…have sex tonight.” Then her eyes rested on a place over his shoulder. “After today.”

He let out a sigh and tipped her chin up to look at him. “I was going to let you set the pace. I care about you and how you feel. Your values…they make you who you are. That could never disappoint me, and I’d never want to change you.”

“I’m glad you can understand,” she said, although she still seemed to be struggling to breathe.

He kissed her softly on the lips. “Don’t give it another thought. We’ll figure it out.”

“Good,” she said, giving a shaky laugh. “Because I really like having you hold me and kiss me.”

Yeah, so did he. He’d just have to restrain the urge to want more than that. Moving forward, he’d have to be even more sensitive to her moods and wishes when it came to touching her. There was no way he was going to hurt her or let her down by making her uncomfortable.

“I like that too. Now we should eat before that red Scottish grouse thing needs to be microwaved.”

She nodded, and he let her grab the plates since she all but lunged for them. It was clear she was anxious for something to do with her hands.

And darn it all, he had to admit that part of him liked knowing she hadn’t been with another man. He took a moment to dream that he might be worthy of marrying her one day. That he might be lucky enough to make love to her and be her one and only for the rest of her life.

Setting aside thoughts of the future, he followed her to the table, and they dug into the grouse. Truth be told, it was more like spearing the little guy. There wasn’t much meat on it, but what was there tasted pretty good. There was a trace of game meat, but thankfully no shot. He polished off his sides in an effort to fill his belly, hoping dessert would be more robust.

She was still picking at her meat all delicate-like, and he took a moment to watch her.

“You eat fast,” she commented with a slow smile.

Her nerves seemed to have faded away after their talk in the kitchen, and for that, he was grateful. “I always did. Growing up, it meant more playtime after dinner before dark. And in the Army…” He let the sentence trail off, not wanting to introduce darkness to their night.

“I’ve always been a slow eater,” she said, chewing a piece of meat thoughtfully. Suddenly her eyes widened. Her mouth stopped working, and she quickly turned her back to him, rummaging for her napkin.

“I see you found the shot that ended that bird,” he commented with a chuckle.

“Oh, that is so gross! I’m going to have to wash my mouth out.” She rose and darted out of the room.

He opened her napkin. The hunter had used an eight shot. Jake found himself holding his breath. He hadn’t seen a bullet since his Army days. His mind conjured up images of ammunition shells on a dust-strewn street in Baghdad, so he forced himself to close the napkin. Sitting back in his chair, he breathed deeply and reached for composure. He wasn’t in Baghdad anymore. He was here in Dare River with a beautiful woman.

He was not going to let the past ruin this moment.

But he couldn’t close it out, so he rose and took the napkin into the kitchen and tossed the whole thing in the trash. The woman who’d come over to help him set up had left a few extra napkins on the kitchen counter, so he grabbed Susannah a fresh one.

When she returned, she shook her head. “Sorry about that. I realized as I ran out of here that I was making a fuss.”

He forced a smile. “Make all the fuss you want. It’s no bother to me.”

“Well,” she said, dropping into her seat. “That was a first. Usually, I don’t think about how the animal I’m eating died.”

“And yet that’s what happens. Everything dies.” Then he bit back a curse. “Sorry, that was a horrible thing to say.” And on their first date, no less.

Her gaze flew to his. “No. You’re right. It’s okay to say…whatever comes, Jake. You were more than understanding of me in the kitchen. I want to be the same way for you.”

Somehow those words helped wash away the last of the residue clinging to him.

Noticing her new napkin, she dropped it into her lap. “Thanks for handling that for me.”

“No bother,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m sorry it had to happen.”

“How about we move on to dessert?” she suggested. “I’m assuming a fancy meal comes with dessert.”

“It sure does,” he said, rising and taking their plates this time. “I believe I told the chef that you have a thing for chocolate.”

The delighted squeal behind him burned away any of the lingering ill ease he’d felt after seeing the shot. “You did? Oh, what did he make?”

“I believe he made you a triple chocolate cake with raspberry and espresso filling.”

Another squeal erupted. “He did? If he were here, I’d have to thank him. Profusely. But since he’s not, I guess I’ll have to thank you.”

“No thanks necessary,” he said immediately. “Are you ready to behold the cake?”

He took the pastry box out of the refrigerator and flipped it open.

“
Good heavens!
” she exclaimed. “It looks delicious.”

He had high hopes for this dessert after the grouse. “The chef also left one of those stainless steel makers that whips cream.” Of course, he’d had some fantasies about other possible uses for the device, but he’d put them on the shelf for the moment. Her delight over the cake would have to be enough.

“All righty then,” she said, taking the box from him. “Let’s serve us up some cake.”

After they were seated with their dessert, Jake found himself experiencing a new level of sexual torture. Watching Susannah eat chocolate could tempt a monk, but listening to Susannah eat chocolate…well, she could tempt a saint. He tried to focus on his own cake, but he couldn’t maintain his composure.

No, not when she was uttering those adorable little moans beside him and fluttering her eyelids as she chewed.

“You’re torturing me, you know,” he drawled, glancing over at her.

She immediately stilled and stopped chewing. He’d meant it as a bit of a joke, no more than that, but the delight faded from her face. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think.”

She was so upset, she dropped her fork. It clanged against the plate and fell onto the tablecloth, staining it with chocolate and whipped cream.

“Look what I did,” she declared, dabbing her napkin in her water glass and wiping at the stain.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, hating to see her upset. He should have kept his mouth shut. “It’ll wash.”

“No, I was clumsy.”

He stopped her by putting his hand over hers.
“Susannah.”

The vulnerability in her eyes wrapped around his heart and squeezed.

“It’s okay. Really. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

She frowned. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable either.”

“I know,” he said, rising from the chair. “Let’s finish eating our cake in front of the fire.”

Maybe a change in scenery would help them relax together again. She nodded, and they both took their plates into the other room.

The tealights were still casting a romantic glow in the den, and since Jake had fed more logs into the fire, there was a nice blaze awaiting them. She sat on the couch beside him, but there was a new distance between them. He didn’t like that. No, not one bit.

“Susannah,” he said softly. “Just because we aren’t going to make love doesn’t mean we can’t touch each other. Would you mind scooting over a little closer to me?”

“Sure.” She inched over to him, but her body was as stiff as an old washboard.

Telling her to relax would only make her tighten up more, so he kicked his legs out and ate his cake, watching the fire, hoping she would settle. This time she didn’t share her enjoyment. In fact, she didn’t eat much more of her cake before setting it on the coffee table.

“I didn’t mean to take away your pleasure in the cake,” he said quietly over the crackle of the fire. “I was only…well…flirting with you. I’m sorry it was the wrong move.”

She blew out a breath. “Our Sunday school teacher always said we needed not to be too enticing is all. That it was hard on men not to…have sex before marriage.”

He set his plate aside and turned to face her. The delicacy of the topic was not lost on him. He needed to choose his words carefully. “I expect it can be hard on a woman as well.”

Her eyes widened. “I hadn’t really thought of that before. But…I guess you’re right. When you kiss me…” Her cheeks turned red. “Well, I shouldn’t say.”

He fought a smile; without trying to, she was being as alluring as she’d been with the chocolate. “Yeah, you’d best not say. At least not right now.” Then he shook his head. “No, heck, I’ve changed my mind. I
want
you to tell me. We might not be able to make love, but at least we can be honest with each other. Perhaps we’re approaching this all wrong. We’re both adults. I want to make love to you, but I respect your decision. And I’m going to want you when I kiss you and hold you. There’s nothing I can do about that, and I’m not sorry for it.”

Her eyes darkened when he said those words, and he forced himself not to reach for her.

“That’s how I’m made,” he added. “I don’t want that to make you uncomfortable, but the truth is that I want to kiss you and hold you and touch you as much as you’re willing to let me. I’m not going to lie and say that my body is going to like not making love to you, but I’m not ruled by it.”

“I’m glad you can be honest with me,” she said softly, so softly he had to strain to hear her. “It was hard to tell you…and then things got all awkward. I don’t want it to be that way either, Jake.”

He held out his hand to her, which she took without any hesitation.

“You need to know something,” she said, scooting closer to him. “I meant what I said the other day. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

He fought the words resting on the tip of his tongue. It was only their first date. Sort of. She deserved more romance. And deep down he needed to see how things progressed before he told her how deep his feelings went.

“I’ve had feelings for other women,” he confessed. “But I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for you. I felt it the first time I saw you. Then I held your hand that first time, and…well if I were writing a song, I’d say it was like coming home.” He didn’t mention he hadn’t felt much of home in his life, which is what had made the sensation all the more jarring…and beautiful.

“Would you play a song for me?” she asked. “I…really love your voice.”

“I’d love that,” he said, feeling a smile spread across his face. “Music is a pretty special person in my life. She kind of saved me. Let me grab my guitar.”

When he reached his studio, he selected the first guitar he’d bought after coming to Nashville. That guitar had held all his dreams in the beginning. And then those dreams had come true.

He had new dreams now, ones that involved a life with Susannah. Them raising a family together. Maybe his guitar could help bring those dreams to life as well.