The Promises We Keep (Made for Love Book 1) (13 page)

“
Wow. Okay,
”
I manage, surprised that I never knew this about my dad.
“
But what does this have to do with Addie and me?
”

“
Maybe you could use a break, too.
”

“
Excuse me?
”
I mutter lamely, sure that I
’
ve misunderstood.

“
You and Addie
—
maybe you could take some time apart. It might be easier for you to figure things out without the pressure of your relationship.
”

I cough out a laugh, not because I
’
m amused in the slightest, but because his suggestion is ridiculous.
“
You
’
re kidding, right? Break up?
”

“
I
’
m not kidding, Beck. There
’
s a reason that the idea of getting married makes you anxious and not happy or filled with peace. That
’
s something that needs to be addressed. Believe me when I say, it
’
s easier to focus on
you
when you
’
re not worried about your relationship or about Addison.
”

“
Dad
—
no way! I can
’
t break up with her! Do you know what that would do to her? If I proposed
today
she would say yes, and you
’
re suggesting I break up with her?
”
I laugh again, because it
’
s just too much for me to even conceptualize.

“
Don
’
t you see, son? If you proposed today, as you say, she would say yes. But what if she proposed to you? It sounds like you are not ready to say yes
—
not because you don
’
t love her. Your feelings are not in question. If you
’
re not ready to be married, it would be in the best interest of both of you if you took some time to work on yourself.

“
In the Bible, Paul talks about husbands and wives and how they ought to love each other; he says that husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies
—
he who loves his wife loves himself. If you don
’
t know how to love yourself, or how to take care of yourself, you
’
re not ready to take care of her. It
’
s okay if you need to spend some time figuring that out.
”

For a moment, I
’
m speechless. I
’
m speechless and afraid
—
and what scares me is that the thought of being apart doesn
’
t seem entirely unattractive. In fact, it kind of makes sense in a way that I can
’
t really articulate
…
except for the part that this would break her heart.

“
Dad,
”
I struggle to find my words.
“
I could lose her this way. I can
’
t lose her. I can
’
t.
”

“
You could possibly lose yourself if you don
’
t, in which case, you would lose her, too.
”

Suddenly, it
’
s hard to breathe.
“
Dad
…”
His name comes out barely above a whisper. My voice is lost as a knot clogs my throat and tears fill my eyes. If I didn
’
t feel so small in this moment, I
’
d be mad that I was crying, but there is no room for that anger.
“
I don
’
t know what to do. I don
’
t know that I could do that
—
be apart from her, risk losing her.
”

“
Beckham,
”
he murmurs, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder once more.
“
She loves you. If you express that this is something that you need, she will come to understand. I know this is a drastic suggestion. I would recommend that you spend some time praying about it.
”

“
Yeah,
”
I say with a sniff. For a second, I
’
m relieved by the recommendation. I don
’
t have to make any decisions about this now. Who knows, I could pray about it and not feel at peace about it.

But then I feel it
—
this sense of calm overtaking my fear
—
and I somehow know that God has been a part of this conversation the whole time.

It
’
s around eleven o
’
clock Saturday night when I wonder where the day has gone. Beckham and I are sitting on the floor in his parents sitting room, studying around the coffee table. Kenzie was working on homework with us earlier, but has since gone to bed, along with Dr. and Mrs. Willis. After spending the majority of the day with my parents and Avery, I was able to sneak away for dinner with my second family.

After dinner, Beck and I played with Kenzie for hours on the Wii before we convinced her that we really needed to do some studying. She wasn
’
t too disappointed, since she had homework she could work on along side of us, and mama Willis made us snacks to indulge in while we worked. Up until now, I
’
ve been able to hold onto my focus; but I
’
m starting to get tired, so I
’
m easily distracted. Every time Beck moves, my eyes travel in his direction.

I promised myself that I would be honest with him about the feelings that I
’
ve been struggling with lately, but today has been such a lovely day that I almost don
’
t want to talk about them at all.

I
’
m pulled from my thoughts when his gaze flickers up to meet mine and I
’
m caught staring. A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth and it ignites a warmth in my belly that seems to spread. Suddenly, talking is the last thing on my mind and I imagine a few other things I
’
d rather be doing. I smile when he sets down his pencil and crooks his finger at me, beckoning for me to come closer. I obey and, as I crawl toward him, his hands find my waist and he pulls me into his lap.

“
Hey,
”
he murmurs, his eyes devouring my face.

“
Hey.
”

Silence settles between us and while I want to kiss him, something stops me. His eyes can
’
t seem to get enough of me and I like the way it makes me feel, so I hold back. He reaches a hand up and slips his fingers into my hair as he gently holds the back of my neck. His touching me makes me want to touch him, so I do, reaching up to rest my hand around his cheek. He leans into my palm and my desire to kiss him escalates; again, I stop myself. This tender moment deserves to be savored.

“
I have to tell you something,
”
he says softly, his tone indicating that he recognizes the fragility of this moment.

“
Okay,
”
I whisper.

“
It
’
s a secret.
”

A smile tugs at my lips as I caress his cheek with my thumb.
“
I can keep a secret.
”

“
Jackson is going to ask Claire to marry him.
”
As he speaks the words, he looks me straight in the eye. His statement has me frozen and for a moment I don
’
t know what to think.
“
He was planning on buying a ring this weekend. That
’
s why his mom is in town. He
’
s going to propose next weekend.
”

“
Wow,
”
I manage. I pull my eyes from his as a mini battle rages inside of my head. On the one hand, I
’
m thrilled for them. They make each other happy and it
’
s great that Jack wants to commit himself to Claire forever. On the other hand, I can
’
t help but wonder why Beckham isn
’
t ready to do the same with me.

I shake my head, trying to remind myself that I
’
ve already decided that I trust my man and that it
’
s better if we operate under his timing. I
’
m not going to go back on that, no matter how much I want to, because my mom was right
—
he needs to take the lead on this one and I cannot rush him.

“
She
’
ll say yes,
”
I say, breaking the silence.
“
I know she will.
”

“
Yeah, I think you
’
re right.
”
Another moment of silence passes between us, this one more awkward than the last.
“
Look, babe, I know that I
—”

“
Stop,
”
I insist, placing my fingers over his lips. I know what he
’
s going to say
—
at least, I know what he
’
s going to bring up. I don
’
t want to hear it. I don
’
t
need
to hear it. The fact that he
’
s willing to broach the topic at all confirms that I don
’
t have any reason to doubt him.
“
We don
’
t have to talk about it, love. I
’
m okay. I promise. I trust you and I trust our love and
…
we don
’
t have to talk about it.
”

He doesn
’
t fight me. Instead, I watch the features of his face change. He furrows his brow and he fixes me with a stare and I can
’
t tell if he
’
s confused or trying to hold back what I assure him we don
’
t need to discuss. Either way, I pull my fingers from his lips and run them across his brow as if to smooth away the creases. They don
’
t go away, but they no longer worry me when he tells me that he loves me.

“
I love you
—”

Before I finish speaking, his glasses are off and his lips are pressed against mine. For a second, I forget to breathe. My heart beats faster with excitement. It makes me so happy that he can still surprise me the way that he does and illicit this yearning to be consumed by him.

He pries my mouth open with his tongue and I
’
m lost. He pulls me closer and I hold him tighter. This kiss, his touch, it
’
s dangerously passionate, but I don
’
t want him to stop. And he doesn
’
t. I bask in the electricity that seems to be building between us. As our intimate moment continues, I feel this desire to be even closer to him
—
to feel his skin and to have him feel mine. As if he
’
s inside of my head, my wish is granted and his fingertips find their way under my shirt and his hands splay across my back. His touch is warm and I need to be closer to him still. My own hands find their way under his clothing and my fingers trail their way up his sides. He
’
s so warm
—
and I need to be closer
still.