The Property Manager: You'll never rent again... (33 page)

I wrote this journal for you. It was written with the best intentions and I wanted you to see that I loved you so much that you were in my thoughts every day. I had no other way of expressing myself.

I have nothing to live for now. You are lost to me.

I will take the Babylonian way out and terminate my lease on life. I can’t even smile at the pun.  

Grow old with this man. Give him all the love I wanted from you for myself. I am selfish and broken.  I can see now that you are too good for me.

You must read this journal. That is my only one last wish. It is the only way my life will have had any impact on you. Perhaps you will see yourself for the person you are in its pages. I’m sorry for the bad things I have written. As I have said, it was only ever with the best intentions. I think of my daughter and know that there is so much perversion and sickness in people. Your only crime has been to love another man, passionately and with all your heart.

I must stop. I can feel the tug of the black hole, like a dark magnet pulling me to oblivion.

It is finished. 

I will take this book down to your door. I will give you my laptop as well. It has all the footage saved on it. I’ll put my password in the front cover of the journal.  It’s only proper that I give it to you. I wouldn’t want it falling into the wrong hands. I will knock firmly on the door until you open it. I’ll hand them to you and wish you a good and long life and then I will come back to this car, drive down to the National Park and be done with it all. I will hang myself from the tree closest to where my daughter had her brief life snuffed out. Maybe something better awaits me on the other side but I doubt it. I am pretty firm in my belief that we are all just fertilizer.

If you need to show this book to the police, it will completely exonerate you of my crimes.

I’ve looked into your life, now you can look into mine. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Love James Michael Thorn.

Property Manager