The Pull of Destiny (56 page)

I see she’s been answering
your
texts and phone calls.

“Oh. Good.”

Nate probably wouldn’t have
gotten all bent out of shape if Shazia was at the door alone. Put me into the
equation- different story.

Shazia heaved a sigh. “Here
goes.”

She knocked on the door.
Almost immediately, I heard footsteps from inside the apartment and seconds
later the door opened.

I had to fight to keep my
expression neutral as I scanned CiCi’s face but I couldn’t stop myself from
murmuring, “Fuck,” when I saw her.

Since I was standing to the
side and in the shadows, CiCi hadn’t seen me yet but as soon as I spoke, her
eyes flickered from Shazia, who was hugging her tight, to me.

Her beautiful, bruised face
fell as she backed out of Shazia's arms, ending up with her back against the
door.

“What’s
he
doing
here?” Her swollen bottom lip wobbled as she looked from me to her best friend.
“Shaz, I told you not to tell anyone, especially not Luke!”

Nice. That sure made me feel
wanted.

Shazia bristled. “Who do you
think I am, Robyn? I didn’t tell him anything.” She jerked her head in my
direction. “He followed me here from school!”

Anger made my heart beat
faster as I spread my hands palm up. “I had to since nobody was giving me
straight answers!”

Shit, was I wrong for caring
about CiCi’s wellbeing? This was the thanks I got? I felt frustrated as I
stared at her and I didn’t know why. Well, actually, I did know why. One look
at CiCi’s battered face and I wanted to punch out the punk that did this to
her.

CiCi’s eyes filled with tears
as I stepped closer to her, silently looking down at her face.

Her beautiful face.

She had put a Band-Aid under
her right eye, but that did nothing to hide the violent bruise that spread out
onto her cheek. Her bottom lip was split and swollen and she had another bruise
on her chin. .

I felt sick to my stomach.
What kind of a lowlife does this kind of thing to his own cousin?

“I told Shazia and Robyn not
to tell you,” CiCi explained softly, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand.
“I didn’t want you to- to see me like this. I didn’t want you to come here,
because I knew that you would once you found out.”

Her tears overflowed and I
instinctively hugged her to me, smoothing down her curly hair and whispering,
“How could I stay away?” in her ear.

I knew exactly what she
meant. At school, CiCi was the happy, helpful, optimistic girl who was always
smiling. But when she came home, it was clear to me that she had precious
little to smile about. I’d never seen it that way before and I cringed at my
insensitivity. She was embarrassed that I was here, in her natural habitat.

Down the hallway, a door
slammed shut and we all turned to stare.

“We should
so
do this
inside.” Shazia, the only level-headed one of us all, pushed me forward into
the tiny apartment. She shut the door and quickly led us through the thinly
carpeted narrow hallway to CiCi’s small bedroom.

It was sparsely decorated. A
mirror on the wall, a rickety bed, tattered dresser with a matching stool, a
small bookcase and a slew of pictures tacked to the wall. Shazia sat down on
the stool and started rummaging in her bag while I stood in the middle of the
room, not knowing what to say.

Hugging herself, CiCi
gestured to the bed, not looking at me. “Make yourself at home, Luke,” she
sniffled. “I’m sorry I don’t have any refreshments to offer you. Or a chair to
sit on. I just-.”

She sank down onto her bed,
her head in her hands as she cried.

“Celsi,” Shazia started,
setting her bag down and getting up from the stool to comfort her friend. I got
there first, the bed creaking as I sat down next to CiCi, wrapping my arm
around her shoulders and pulling her trembling body closer to me. She cried
into my t-shirt as Shazia shot me a worried look. I hated when CiCi cried and I
hated that I had something to do with it this time. Self-loathing filled me as
I ran a hand through CiCi’s soft hair. Those bruises on her face- they were
there because of me.

CiCi corroborated my
gut-feeling, but she didn’t put the blame on me.

“He saw you drop me off that
morning,” she said, her voice muffled by my chest. “I don’t know, maybe he was
going out and just happened to see me get out of your car. Maybe he was lying
in wait.” She shrugged. “But he saw and- he said he would teach me a lesson.”

Shazia gave a revolted snort.
“He basically ambushed her right by the elevator on the ground floor. What kind
of pig beats an innocent girl up in full view of whoever might be passing
outside?”

A pig called Nate, that’s
who. Oh, give me five minutes with that jerk. He thought he was hard, beating
up his cousin? He might have a degree in street fighting, but let’s not forget
that I’m a brown belt in karate. I could teach him a thing or two about being
bad.

CiCi wiped her eyes again.
“He claims to do it because he loves me,” she explained, her head feeling good
on my shoulder. “Calls it tough love. He always says he doesn’t want me to end
up like my mother.”

I shook my head before she
even finished talking. That was the most bull shit excuse to beat someone up
that I’d ever heard. And what was the deal with CiCi ending up like her mother
anyway? Didn’t Nate know what kind of girl CiCi was? She was the most sensible,
happiest person I had ever met and was about as likely to morph into a crack
head as I was to take Joanna back. All Nate was doing was sucking the life out
of CiCi.

“But you’re not going to be
like your mom,” I said as I cradled her in my arms. “You’re smart, ambitious
and you have friends who love and care for you.”

Shazia nodded vehemently in
agreement as CiCi raised her tear stained face up to look at me.

“So did my mom,” she whispered.
“And look where she ended up. Unidentified in a morgue somewhere.” She squeezed
her eyes shut, tears trickling down her cheek as Shazia gave a sniff, wiping
her eyes too. “I can’t even say bye to her because I don’t know where she was
buried.”

I shook my hair from my eyes,
my stomach clenching at the desolate look on CiCi’s face. “You don’t know where
she is. She could still be alive,” I said, my words of comfort sounding weak to
my ears.

“If she is alive, even
she
doesn’t want anything to do with me,” CiCi replied, sounding like she had come
to terms with it years ago. I hadn’t come to terms with my mom leaving, even
though I never talked about it. “I know she’s gone. You don’t know what she was
like. I was only 5 and I knew she was killing herself.” She swallowed. “And- I
think she’s better off dead.” She fiddled with her locket. “Sometimes, I think
I am, too.”

Shazia got up from the stool
and knelt in front of CiCi, smoothing her hair away from her face.

“Don’t ever say that,” she
said fiercely, gripping CiCi’s shoulders and shaking her slightly. “You’re not
better off dead. You have so much to live for. You’re going to be rid of Nate
one day.” CiCi blinked back tears as Shazia opened a tube of Neosporin and
dabbed a little on a cotton ball. Carefully, she pulled off the Band-Aid on
CiCi’s cheek, exposing the ugly welt just under her cheek. My stomach turned.
It looked painful. I hated Nate so much it was like a physical pain.

“It won’t heal,” CiCi wept,
as Shazia threw the Band-Aid in the garbage. I rubbed her shoulders through her
thin tank top.

“That’s because you keep
crying, lovie,” Shazia said compassionately. CiCi winced as the Neosporin
covered cotton ball touched the cut on her face. Gently, Shazia cleaned the cut
and put a ‘butterfly’ Band-Aid on it, “to make the cut heal without leaving a
huge scar.”

“I don’t have anything to
smile about,” CiCi replied forlornly.

I bit my lip. “You’re still
alive,” I pointed out, thinking of Shane.

 With a pang, I suddenly
realized how similar Shane and CiCi were. They were both super optimistic no
matter what went on in their lives. Shane had loved his life, despite having a
heroin addicted father who had been in and out of rehab his whole life. He
would have known just what to say to CiCi, I knew it. I couldn’t find the right
thing to say, so I just held her tight, breathing in her scent.

“For how long?” CiCi laughed
humorlessly as her words chilled me to the bone. “You should have seen him that
day, Luke. He wouldn’t listen to me. One day, he’ll snap. He hates me so much!”

She started crying again as
Shazia gave me a helpless look. I realized that she’d never seen her friend
like this before and it scared her. “Celsi...,” she started, her voice trailing
off because she had no idea what to say next.

“It’s true! He’s hit me
before, but never on my face! He doesn’t care anymore. How long can this go
on?” She put her head in her hands again, her thin shoulders shaking. “I can’t
do this.”

“You will,” I said, conscious
of Shazia's eyes on me, pleading with me to say something, anything to stop
CiCi crying. I didn’t know what to say though. “You’re a strong girl.”

“Not strong enough. It keeps
getting worse, Luke.”

Shazia patted her knee, close
to tears herself. “Don’t give up, Celsi,” she said, her voice choked up. “Please.”

“Why?” CiCi raised her head.
“I don’t exactly have any options. I’m never gonna get out of the barrio.
Nobody does. Everyone says I think I’m too good for this hood coz I go to
Dalton. ‘Oh, look at that stuck up puta, she thinks she’s so amazing because of
that school she’s at.’ They live to put me down; knock me down a few notches. I
know I’m not good enough to make it out of here, they won’t let me. People like
me just slip through the cracks.”

I kissed her bruised cheek.
“People like me won’t let that happen,” I whispered in her ear.

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s
all worth it,” CiCi sighed.

“Don’t say that! It’s got to
be worth it, Celsi,” Shazia spoke up.

CiCi nodded. “I just can’t
help it! I appreciate everything I have. I’m lucky to be alive, healthy, go to
a good school and have friends who care.” I squeezed her hand as she continued,
staring down at her bare feet. “But- I don’t wanna do it anymore. I’m so tired
of being Nate’s punching bag. I can’t.”

A thought popped into my head
and I stared at CiCi’s tearstained face. “What about your aunt? Why doesn’t she
do something about this?”

Shazia answered my question.
“She doesn’t know Nate hits her,” she explained, sitting down at CiCi’s feet.

I gave CiCi a look of
disbelief and her cheeks flushed. “What? Seriously, CiCi?”

Shazia shrugged. “Trust me,
I’ve been saying the same thing but at the end of the day- Celsi’s life, her
decisions.”

“Well, I know it’s her life
and her decisions, but-damn! Where does your aunt think the bruises come from?
I mean, she’s
got
to suspect something!”

“I told her I walked into a
door at Robyn’s house in the dark,” CiCi replied defiantly.

“What about the other times?”

I knew this wasn’t the first
time Nate had put his hands on CiCi. And to think I had actually fallen for
the, ‘he just throws stuff. Not at me, though. Just at the walls,’ line she fed
me in Baskin Robbins.

“The other times- he hits me
on my arms, back, my legs...” Her voice trailed off. “I usually cover up so
that nobody can see the bruises. That’s why Aunt Kelly doesn’t know. She knows
that he sometimes throws things at me- so does Mrs. Williams- but that’s it.”

I licked my lips. “You should
tell her,” I said softly.

Immediately, CiCi shook her
head, stark terror on her face. “Nate would kill me! He says as soon as I tell
Aunt Kelly, he’ll kick me out. I don’t have anywhere to go! Our little secret.
That’s what he calls it.”

Our little secret. Wasn’t
that what pedophiles told the kids they molested about what they were doing?
‘This is our little secret, no one has to know.’ So, if Nate was beating up
CiCi, could he possibly...

“CiCi, does he- has Nate
ever-.” I could feel my cheeks getting red as I tried to ask my question,
feeling like a perve for even thinking it, but needing to know regardless.
“He’s never made- sexual advances towards you, has he?”

Shazia's eyes widened to the
size of golf balls as she stared apprehensively at CiCi, waiting for her
response.

“No!” CiCi shook her head so
fast that her hair whipped across my chin. “No, Luke, he hasn’t. I swear.”

That was good enough for me
and I let out a sigh of relief. “I’m so sorry about this, CiCi,” I said
fervently. “I didn’t mean to get you into trouble.”

CiCi heaved a sad sounding
sigh. “It’s okay, Luke. I should’ve listened to you when you wanted to park up
a block.”

“It’s not okay,” I exclaimed.
Maybe CiCi had gotten all her anger out ages ago, but she still deserved to
have someone who could get angry on her behalf. “He hit you. The douche hit you
and you don’t deserve it.”

“Yeah, I do. I broke his
cardinal rule. No boys.” She smiled, a real, genuine smile that made my heart
skip a beat. God, I missed that smile. “He’ll have a field day with this one.
Probably come through saying ‘I smell Irish Spring. That white boy been here’?”

Shazia giggled, covering her
mouth with her hand at CiCi’s realistic Nate voice.

“I love that you’re brave,” I
said, hugging her. She hugged me back.

“To make it through the
night, I have to be.”

Shazia tapped her wristwatch.
“Luke, we should go. Nate’ll be home soon,” she said, sounding scared.

I shrugged carelessly,
feeling reckless. “Why don’t we wait for him to get here? I think I need to
have a man to man talk with him.”

Or at least, my fists do.

“Don’t try to be a hero,
Luke. Nate’s mean.” Shazia stood, looking at me with her head cocked to one
side as I sat on the bed, my arms wrapped around CiCi. An unfathomable
expression flitted across her face as she looked at us. I couldn’t be bothered
to wonder what she was thinking. Shazia was always giving me unreadable looks.

“Okay,” I groaned,
reluctantly letting go off CiCi and standing up. I shrugged as I pointed to
Shazia, who was bending over to pick up her bag. “I would have stayed longer,
but- Shaz seems to be impatient.”

“Thanks for coming, you
guys,” CiCi said gratefully, walking over to hug Shazia, then coming to hug me.
“And I’m sorry I ruined your t-shirt.”

I laughed. “I think it used
to be white,” I joked, placing a hand on CiCi’s shoulder and drawing her
closer. “Are you coming to school tomorrow?”

CiCi shook her head.  “I want
my lip to go down a little more,” she said. “Probably on Wednesday.”

“Meet me at the Empire State
Building tomorrow at around 4,” I said impulsively.

Eyes wide, CiCi asked, “Why?”

I grinned. “Just because. I
don’t know, maybe we can go see a movie after, or just check out the view-
whatever you want.”

Or maybe, just maybe, I’m
asking you out on a date.
Maybe
.

CiCi gave me a tentative, if
slightly watery smile. “Okay. I will.”

Patting her cheek gently, I
whispered, “Take care,” and bent my head to kiss the corner of her mouth
softly. All this did was make Shazia stare at me even more and CiCi flush.

Then the front door opened.

“Oh, no,” CiCi gasped, hands
up to her face. She stood stock still in the middle of her room, shivering. The
fear on her face made my heart thump. What would Nate do to her when he found
me in his cousin’s room?

“Oh my God,” Shazia whispered
as footsteps came down the hall to CiCi’s room. Nowhere to go, no place to
hide. It was time to be a man and defend the girls if I had to.

The door to CiCi’s room
opened as I clenched my fists, not sure what was going to happen. Would Nate
come in swinging or-

“Aunt Kelly?” CiCi’s voice
cracked with relief and she put a hand over her heart, almost sagging as a
pretty lady with a tired face poked her head around the door.

“Hi sweetie, how are you
feeling?” CiCi’s aunt asked, walking in to the room. She didn’t seem to find it
weird that Shazia was fanning herself with one of CiCi’s binders, or that a
stranger was standing almost directly in front of the door in a boxing stance.
Then again, she hadn’t noticed the fact that her niece had bruises all over her
body. I stared at her. She looked so normal. How could she be so blind?