The Ranch (35 page)

“I'm fine,” she smiled at him. “You're in a lot of danger on those crazy broncos. Maybe you ought to think about that instead of my fans,” she said, as he pulled her still closer and she didn't resist him. She didn't want to resist him, she wanted to melt into him, to be part of him, and as he looked at her he could think of nothing but her face, her eyes, the woman he had discovered behind the legend.

“Oh God, Tanny,” he whispered into her hair. “I don't know what I'm doing…” He had been so afraid of her, of being blown away by her, or impressed, but he had never expected this, this avalanche of feelings. And as she put her arms around him, he kissed her as he had kissed no other woman. He was forty-two years old, and in his whole life, he had never felt for a woman what he did for this one. And in less than two weeks now she'd be gone, and he'd wonder if it ever happened. “Tell me I'm not crazy,” he said, looking down at her after he kissed her. “Except that I know I am.” He looked both miserable and ecstatic all at once, victorious and defeated, but she was just as wildly enamored as he was.

“We both are,” she said gently. “I don't know what's happening to me either.” It was like a tidal wave that just wouldn't stop and he kissed her again and again, and all she wanted to do was make love with him and they both knew they shouldn't.

“What are we doing?” He looked down and asked her. And then he wanted to know something he hadn't even thought to ask her. “Are you married? Do you have someone… a boyfriend?” If she did, he was going to stop now, even if it killed him, but she shook her head and kissed him again.

“I'm getting divorced. It's already filed. And there's no one else.” And then she looked at him, it was as though there never had been. And she suspected that if Gordon had been there instead of Bobby Joe, they would still be married.

“That's all I wanted to know. We can figure out the rest later. Maybe there will be no ‘rest.’ But I didn't want to play games if you were married or something.”

“I don't do that,” she said softly. “I've never done this before… I don't care what they say about singers or movie stars… I've never fallen head over heels like this.” In fact, she had married the men she'd cared for. She was actually pretty square. But what she felt now for him was almost too much to handle. And then she thought of him and the possible repercussions. “You have to be very careful so no one knows. I don't want you to get in trouble.” He nodded, not really caring. He had been at the ranch for three years, and he was the head wrangler at the corral, but he would have gladly given it all up for her, if she'd asked him.

“Tanny,” he said, holding her close to him, running his hands through her incredible hair and kissing her again and again. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered, feeling more than a little crazy. Neither of them had any idea what they would do about it, if anything, but for the moment, it was more than a little overwhelming. He didn't even want to think about what he was doing.

“Will you come back to the rodeo on Saturday?”

“Sure.” She smiled at him, wishing she could sit on the bronc pen with him.

“Don't sing again. I don't want you to get hurt,” he whispered.

“I won't,” she whispered back, still leaning against the tree with him.

“I mean it.” He looked genuinely worried about her. She had marched right into his heart three days before, as though she belonged there.

“Then don't ride the broncs,” she teased, but she didn't mean it. She knew he had to, for the moment. Maybe later, he would stop it. If there was a later between them. But how could that happen? They both knew it couldn't.

“I'm going to worry about you now all the time,” he said unhappily.

“Don't. Let's trust fate a little bit. It brought us together. It's a complete fluke I'm even here… why don't we just see what happens. Life is funny like that.”

“You're funny, and I love you.” He smiled and kissed her.

They stood there for a long time and kissed and talked. He had a day off on Sunday and wanted to go exploring with her. She offered to take him in the bus, but he just wanted to take her out in his truck, and show her the places he loved, and she agreed to go with him. She had to figure out what to tell the others. She didn't really want to discuss it with them. There was something so magical about what was happening to them, she wanted to keep it private.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” he whispered finally, but he couldn't imagine not being able to kiss her the next day, or put his arms around her, but they both knew he couldn't. Maybe he could come back the next night, and go for a walk with her, late like this, but she didn't want him to get in trouble. The ranch management frowned on romances between guests and wranglers, although everyone knew it sometimes happened. But he swore it had never happened to him. He had never done anything like it. And ail he could tell himself was that, for a virgin, he had hit the jackpot.

She stood in the doorway and watched him go. He was silent and quick, and he disappeared into the darkness almost the instant he left her. It was after two o'clock by then, and they had been out there for nearly two hours, talking and kissing. And when Tanya went inside, she jumped when she heard a sound. She had thought they were asleep, but it was Zoe putting the kettle on in the kitchen. She looked green and she had a blanket around her. She didn't tell Tanya, but she had raging diarrhea.

“Are you okay?” Tanya asked as soon as she came in, wondering how she would explain what she was doing outside, but she didn't have to. Zoe had guessed, and didn't press her about it. “You look sick.”

“I'm all right,” she said unconvincingly, and Tanya could see that she was shaking from head to foot, and she was really worried.

“Zoe?” Tanya looked at her with wide, worried eyes, and Zoe just shook her head. She didn't want to talk about it. “Go to bed, I'll make your tea for you.” Zoe went back to bed gratefully, and Tanya came in with a cup of mint tea a few minutes later. Zoe was still shaking but she looked a little better. Tanya handed Zoe the mug, and sat down on the edge of the bed. “What's happening?” she asked, looking worried.

“Not much. Just a bug.” But somehow, Tanya didn't believe her.

“Do you want me to call a doctor?”

“Of course not. I am a doctor. I've got everything I need here.” She had her AZT, a host of other medicines, she even had a shot she could give herself if the diarrhea got out of control again. She nearly hadn't made it to the bathroom. That would have been beyond awful, and it would have taken a lot of explaining.

They sat there for a while, just thinking, both of them, as Zoe sipped her tea and then lay back on the pillows. She looked at her old friend and felt she had to say something. “Tanny… be careful… what if he's not what you think… what if he sells his story to someone… or hurts you. You don't really know him.” Tanny wondered how Zoe had known, she was one sharp bird, and she smiled as she listened to her. None of it was impossible, but her instincts told her he was genuine, and she usually only got in trouble when she ignored her instincts.

“I think he's all right, Zoe. I know that sounds crazy, because I hardly know him. But he keeps reminding me of Bobby Joe.”

Zoe smiled at her wanly. “The funny thing is he reminds me of him too. But the fact is he isn't Bobby Joe, He's his own person. And he could do a lot of things to hurt you.” The price the tabloids put on her head was a big one. They would have paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for a story about her. Especially this one. Not to mention pictures,

“I know that,” Tanya said cautiously. “And the truth is it's remarkable that I'm still willing to trust anyone, but I am. I may be crazy, but I trust him.”

“You may be right,” Zoe said fairly. She had always been fair, even when they were young. It was one of the many things Tanya loved about her. “Just don't give your heart away too fast, you only get one, and it's a mess to repair once it gets broken.” The two women exchanged a long, slow smile. Zoe would have liked nothing better than to see Tanya find the right guy and be protected.

“What about your heart?” Tanny asked her, as Zoe set her mug down. And she was looking a little better. “Why have you been alone for so long? Is it broken?”

“No,” she said honestly, “just full of other people's stories. There's never enough time… and now there's my baby. I don't need more than that.”

“I don't believe you,” Tanya said wisely, “we all do.”

“Maybe I'm different,” Zoe said, but she looked sad, and sick and lonely, and Tanya wished she could do more for her. She had always loved her like a sister, and Zoe did so much for so many. She was truly a saint of sorts, and Tanya was worried that she looked so ill and was so exhausted. There was no one to take care of her normally, to nurture her, and do for her what she did for others. But she was looking sleepy now, and Tanya turned off the light and kissed her forehead.

“Get some sleep, and if you don't feel better in the morning, I'm calling a doctor.”

“I'll be fine,” she said, closing her eyes, and she was almost asleep before Tanya left the room. She stood in the doorway for a moment and looked at her. Zoe was already asleep by then, and she was smiling.

And as Tanya walked back to her own room, her thoughts drifted back to Gordon. She knew Zoe was right. He could do terrible things to her and really hurt her. She was the most vulnerable person she knew, and she couldn't afford the same emotional luxuries as other people. He could write an unauthorized biography, or give an interview to the tabloids, he could take photographs of her and blackmail her if she let him, he could do anything from extort money from her to kill her. But how could she live constantly worrying about things like that? And she was always so circumspect and so careful. And now suddenly in three days she had fallen head over heels in love with a cowboy. It was insane, and yet nothing in her life had ever felt more right, or saner. And as she slipped into bed after she brushed her teeth and put her nightgown on, all she could think of was how he looked that night when she told him she'd sung the anthem for him. And all she cared about was to be with him again, in the morning. And as she fell asleep, she could see his face, his eyes, as he rode the bronco… his green-and-silver chaps flying… his hand held high… she was singing for him… and he was smiling.

Chapter 16

The day after the rodeo, when Mary Stuart woke up, she heard noises just outside her bedroom. She put her dressing gown on and walked into the living room, and she found Tanya there, fully dressed and looking worried.

“Is something wrong?” She didn't even tease her about being up at that hour, and already in boots and blue jeans.

“It's Zoe. I think she's been up all night. She won't tell me what's wrong. She thinks it's a flu of some kind, but Stu, she looks really awful.” A thousand horrible possibilities crossed their minds from ulcers to cancer. “I think she should go to the hospital, but she doesn't want to.”

“Let me take a look at her,” Mary Stuart said quietly, but when she saw her, she was momentarily shocked into silence. Zoe's face was so pale, it was a fluorescent green, and she was dozing. She stood there for a minute, and then they walked out of the room together.

“My God,” Mary Stuart said, horrified, “she looks awful. If she doesn't go to the hospital, we should at least have someone come here to see her,” she said with complete conviction, and Tanya was relieved to hear her say it.

Tanya called the manager and asked if there was a doctor nearby who could make a house call. They asked what the problem was and she said only that one of her friends was extremely ill, they didn't know what it was, but it could easily have been appendicitis or something that needed immediate treatment.

Charlotte Collins, the owner, called back instantly, and she said she'd have a doctor to them half an hour later.

“You don't suppose it's something serious, do you?” Tanya asked Mary Stuart as they waited, and Mary Stuart only shook her head, looking worried.

“I just wish I knew. I hope it's not. But she works awfully hard. Hopefully, it'll turn out to be nothing.”

True to her word, Charlotte Collins had Dr. John Kroner there at eight-thirty. He was a young man, with athletic good looks, he looked as though he had played football in college. And it was obvious when he came in that he knew he was coming to see Tanya Thomas. He tried not to look impressed, but he couldn't help it, and she smiled warmly at him, and tried to tell him about Zoe.

“What do you think is wrong with her?” He sat down, looked at her intently, and listened.

“I don't know. She looks pale to me all the time, and she's tired, but she seemed all right actually until yesterday. She said she had the flu, there was something wrong with her stomach. She was absolutely green, and shaking violently last night. She was up until about two o'clock, and this morning, she looks a lot worse and she has a fever.”

“Any pain as far as you know?”

“She didn't say.” But she had looked truly miserable. That had to come from something.

“Vomiting? Diarrhea?”

“I think so.” Tanya felt inordinately stupid, and a moment later, he went in to see Zoe. He closed the door, and they were inside for a long time, and eventually he emerged. It had been an interesting meeting for him. He knew who she was the moment she said her name. He had read everything she'd written. And for him it was even more of an honor to meet her than Tanya.

He had told Zoe he thought she'd feel better in a few days. But she had been honest with him and shared her secret. He suggested she take it extremely easy, stay in bed, drink clear fluids, do everything possible not to get dehydrated, and try to recoup her strength. He was sure she'd be feeling better by Monday. But he felt very strongly that she needed a second week of rest, and he didn't want her going home on Sunday. She looked crestfallen at that, she didn't even know if Sam was free to cover for her for a second week. And she had said darkly that she'd have to call him. She wanted to see her little girl, and go back to work, and she was worried that this was a sign of things to come, but Dr. Kroner told her he hoped it wasn't. She was bound to have isolated incidents like this, but if she was careful to handle them properly, they didn't have to signal a complete collapse of her defenses.