The Rebel Doc Who Stole Her Heart (18 page)

“Ma belle, you know that Schwartz will be back in a week.”

“I heard,” she mumbled as she kissed the ridge of his jaw. Her hand crept lower on his middle. Her lips moved towards his mouth and that was the end of the conversation again. Maybe he’d resist longer next time.

Some time later they were sitting on the couch in Michelle’s living room when she said, “I thought you were going to teach me how to play the guitar.”

“Did I say that?” He hesitated.

She twisted toward him. “Yeah, you did. How about showing me now?”

On some level Ty wished he’d never mentioned it. The last time he’d agreed to teach anyone to play had been when Joey had asked. He’d just learned his first chord when he’d started getting so weak it had been difficult for him to practice. Still, Michelle gave Ty such an imploring look that he couldn’t bring himself to turn her down.

“Get Emily and I’ll show you a few chords,” he said.

She uncrossed her legs. “I don’t know how I feel about fetching another woman for you.”

“Jealous, are you?” Ty quipped with a smile. After he’d chiseled through that thick cover of seriousness Michelle had built around herself, he’d found below a sense of humor waiting to see the light of day.

She gave him a smirk and headed out of the room.

With encouragement, Michelle had been willing to try something new more than once in the last few weeks. They’d gone indoor rock climbing. She’d agreed to go on a short afternoon ride with him on his motorcycle after it had been repaired. Now she was asking him to teach her how to play the guitar. It was as if she was trying to get caught up on all the things she’d missed out on since her father had died.

Michelle returned with his guitar. He stood and took the case from her.

“Have a seat.” He laid the case on the low table in front of the couch and removed the instrument then came to sit beside her. Strumming the strings a couple of times and tuning it, he offered it to Michelle.

“Now, hold it this way.” He placed the guitar across her thigh and showed her where to place her hand along the neck. He moved in close, their thighs touching, and put an arm around her until he could reach the strings. The other hand he placed over hers holding the neck. “Now, place your fingertips here and here, and hold the strings down. With your thumb…” he indicated the one over the base of the guitar “…strum.”

Michelle did as he instructed then put her hand in the air and shook it. “That hurts.”

Ty’s heart constricted, forming a knot of pain in the middle of his chest. Those had been Joey’s exact words and actions the first time he’d run his finger over the taut wires. It had been so long since Ty had let himself think about Joey, really remember the hurt and desperation and bone-deep guilt that had been part of his life for so long. Why was it now festering to the surface with such persistence?

“What’re you thinking?” Michelle asked softly.

“Nothing,” he murmured, making a slight shift away from her.

“I can tell by the look on your face that something is bothering you.”

She always seemed to be able to do that. Every time he drifted into negative memories she was able to read his mood. No other woman had ever done that before. He’d never let anyone close enough that they could. Michelle had slipped past those barriers he’d carefully built and maintained like they never existed. He’d let her see things no one else had been privy to.

He looked at her. Michelle’s eyes had a resolute but uncertain look, as if she feared what he might say. “I was starting to teach Joey to play when he died. He thought it hurt when he strummed too.”

Michelle’s eyes clouded over. “We don’t have to do this.”

“No, I want to. Joey would want me to show you how to play.”

She gave him a reassuring smile. “Then I’ll do my best.”

Ty returned her smile. “Let’s try it one more time.”

The thoughts of teaching Joey had become a bitter-sweet memory. He had Michelle to thank for that.

* * *

The next afternoon the clerk called, “Dr. Ross,” as Michelle went by the OR central desk. “Dr. Marshall left a message that he’d like to speak to you when you have a minute.”

Michelle smiled and said, “Thanks for letting me know, Roger.”

The man’s eyes widened a second before he smiled. “You’re welcome.”

Roger had looked as if he was surprised that she knew his name. Had she really been so aloof? She’d noticed that after they had gone to Buster’s that there had been more camaraderie in the OR among her team. They had been good together before but now they were seamless as they worked. She had to admit that it made for better patient care. Why hadn’t she realized that sooner?

Michelle knocked on Dr. Marshall’s door and heard him call, “Enter.”

She’d not been in his office since she’d gone to complain about Ty the first day he’d been at the hospital. That seemed like a lifetime ago. Now she’d give anything for him to stay. She’d mentioned him leaving and he had too but they’d never really discussed it. Maybe if she ignored it, it wouldn’t happen.

Ty cared about her. She felt it every time he looked at her, touched her or spoke to her. When they made love the feeling was more powerful than any other time. But did he care for her the way she did him? The one thing that she was sure of was that she loved him.

She stepped through the doorway into Marshall’s office.

Dr. Marshall waved her closer. “I just wanted to run something by you before I make a decision.”

Michelle sat in one of the two chairs in front of his desk. “What’s going on?”

Dr. Marshall pulled off his silver rimmed glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Well, to start with, Schwartz isn’t returning. He’s decided to continue working with the foreign aid group. He’s going to take the director’s position. So I’m in the market for another anesthesiologist.”

“Have you thought about asking Ty Smith?”

“He turned me down, even though he’s great by all measures.”

Michelle sucked in a breath and held it. Feeling light-headed, she grasped the arm of the chair until the skin across her fingers turned white. She was bleeding emotionally. Her chest felt as if it was caving in on her.

Breathe. Breathe!

Heat swamped her and her lunch threatened to return. She squeezed her arms around her waist. Ty couldn’t have made it clearer that he didn’t love her. He’d been offered a way to stay with her and he’d refused it. And not even told her about it.

Pain so searing that it burned as hot as lava settled in her chest. She’d hurt when her father had died. She had been worried sick when her mother had been diagnosed with cancer but nothing compared to this torment.

Dr. Marshall continued, “I was wondering if you have any suggestions about who you might like to work with?”

“I’m sorry, I need to go.”

“Michelle, are you feeling okay?” Dr. Marshall asked, his forehead wrinkling.

“I’m fine.” She’d never been further from fine. “I’ll think about it and get back to you.”

Michelle didn’t wait for additional questions. She bolted for the door before she broke out in sobs. Finding the nearest private restroom, she locked herself in and let the tears flow. A quarter of an hour later she stood before the mirror, looking at her puffy eyes.

What a fool she’d been. She’d let herself hope that perhaps she and Ty were building something permanent, special. It had all been one-sided. She’d been Ty’s female distraction while he’d been in town.

That wasn’t true. He’d been up front. He’d not once said that he was going to stay. It had all been her, wishing.

Well, it was all over now.

She stood straighter and pushed her hair into some kind of order. This too she would get through. She’d survived other devastating events in her life and she’d live through this one eventually. Ty not loving her wouldn’t break her. It was time to call it quits between them and move on. She might as well start accepting it.

After dabbing a water-cooled paper towel around her eyes, she opened the door and headed towards her office. Thankfully her day was over. She picked up her purse and made her way out of the hospital.

* * *

Where was Michelle?
Ty had looked in the OR, on the floor and had finally gone to her office. She was nowhere to be found. They didn’t check in with each other but he didn’t usually have this much trouble finding her. He finally punched in her number on his cellphone.

“Hey, where are you?” he asked when she answered.

“I’m at home,” she said in a dead voice.

What was going on? Had she heard? “I thought we had plans to try out that diner over on 60th Street tonight?”

“I’m tired. You go on without me.”

“Why don’t I get us a to-go plate and bring it by?”

“No, thanks. Look, Ty, I just want to be alone tonight.”

What wasn’t she saying? Knowing how stubborn Michelle could be, he wasn’t going to get it out of her over the phone. “Okay. See ya.”

Less than an hour later Ty stood in front of Michelle’s door. He knocked and moments later Michelle opened it. She was dressed in one of his T-shirts, a worn pair of sweat pants and a bulky sweater. Nothing about her appeared like the well put-together professional she’d worked so hard to appear for so many years. Something was wrong, badly wrong.

“What’re you doing here?” she snapped.

“Well, thanks for the warm welcome.” He lifted the two white takeout boxes. “I brought you dinner.”

“I told you that I didn’t want any.”

“And I thought you said that just so you didn’t have to see me and I’d like to know why.” He was making an effort to sound glib while inside he was tied in knots with worry that she knew the truth. He only had a little more time with Michelle and he wanted it to be happy. Her attitude implied that his wish might not be granted.

Michelle put her hands on her hips, her sweater falling open to hang loose. She wasn’t wearing a bra and her nipples pushed against the thin fabric of the T-shirt. As he watched, they pebbled. In her mind she might be mad at him but her body was still responding. She must have noticed his gaze because she pulled the sweater tight around her and crossed her arms over her chest.

Ty followed Michelle’s gaze as she glanced at the older couple walking in their direction on the sidewalk in front of her condo. Their faces showed interest in what was happening between him and Michelle.

She turned back to him and hissed, “Come in. I don’t want to have this conversation in front of my neighbors.”

Stepping back, she allowed him to enter, followed and then closed the door behind her. Ty continued on into the kitchen, setting the boxes down on the closest counter. He turned to find Michelle standing behind him in what could only be described as a warrior’s stance.

“When were you going to tell me?” she demanded, her look boring into his.

“Tell you what?”

“That you were offered a job at the hospital,” she all but shouted at him.

“I didn’t think it mattered. You knew I planned to leave. I’ve tried a number of times to discuss it with you but you didn’t want to talk about it.”

She had the good grace to look away. “So when do you plan to call ahead for a coffee-maker, pack up your boxes and get on your bike?”

“Day after tomorrow.”

She gasped, her face going pale. Her next words came out in a strangled voice. “That soon.”

“Yeah.” The word drifted off as if he hated to say it. His heart constricted in agony. He was hurting her. Just as he’d hoped he wouldn’t do. He hadn’t expected the depth of pain he’d feel knowing he had to leave her. That she wouldn’t be a part of his life but he couldn’t stay. That was for her sake. He was no good for anyone.

She stood back and studied him. “You are more like your parents than you think.” There was a note of censure in her voice.

“I’m nothing like them,” he said sharply.

“Think about it, Ty. You don’t stay in one place. You’re always running. You don’t even really own anything.”

“Don’t you get it? If I stayed I’d end up failing you. I found that out a long time ago. I’d let you down. I did that once and I refuse to let it happen again.”

“How do you know? You’ve never stayed in one place long enough to see what you’re capable of. You won’t know until you try.”

“I know,” he said, with a surety as immovable as the Appalachian Mountains as he backed away from her.

She shook her head sadly. “You carry so much guilt over Joey. You were a kid. You couldn’t have done more for him.”

He made an aggressive step in Michelle’s direction and bared his teeth as he spat the words. “I could have made my parents take him to a doctor. The hospital. I could have taken him myself. I could have asked someone for help.” He bit the ugly words out. “You don’t know anything about me. What makes you think I wouldn’t let the same thing happen to you?” He pointed his finger at her. “I’m not good enough for you.”

Michelle stood her ground proudly through his tirade. For that he had to admire her. A lesser person would have been frightened.

“I would never have taken you for a coward,” she said with a tone of regret. As if she’d had a revelation, she continued in an even voice, “You’re afraid to commit. You’re making excuses not to. You’re not afraid you’ll not be here if I need you. You’re afraid that you might get hurt if you are. You’re running because you
do
care.” She narrowed her eyes and gave him an earnest look. “Don’t you ever get tired of running from the past?” She waved a hand around. “It’ll never stop following you.”

What did she want him to admit? That, yes, it followed him everywhere, never left him? He looked at her for a long moment. “You talk about me being a coward. Have you told your team how sick your mother has been? Have you confided to anyone outside of me in years? Hey, maybe that’s the way you want it. You knew I’d be leaving so it would be easy to tell me. You wouldn’t have to invest yourself in anyone. You are still mourning your father. Still trying to be the perfect little girl. Where has that got you? No friends, no life. No happiness.”

She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “You have some nerve…”

“Hey, you believe you have all the answers? I’m thinking that maybe you need to realize a few things also. Realize that you can’t control everything. Your mother’s cancer. Whether I leave or not. All you can control is you and your life. And you decided to close off people years ago.”