The Regency (117 page)

‘You will come too,' she said desperately.

‘No, Fanny.'

‘I'll make him increase my allowance, to make it enough!’

‘Darling, listen to me,' he said, taking her hands. They
were cold, and he chafed them as he spoke. 'It isn't only the
money, though that's a large part of it. But I don't want to live at Morland Place under your uncle's thumb, any more
than he wants me to. It would be intolerable. Think of it,
love! Your uncle and your father and stepmother, all hating
me and disapproving of me; inspecting my actions, watching
every penny I spend, looking at the clock when I come in or
go out. And I'd have nothing to do all day. It would drive me
mad. I couldn't do it, Fanny.’

She said nothing, staring at him miserably.

‘You see that it's impossible, don't you?'

‘You want to stay here,' she accused.

‘
Yes, I do,' he said frankly. 'There is so much happening —
can't you feel it? The future of Europe is in the balance! And I
am in the process — I didn't tell you this before — of finding
myself something to do.'

‘A diplomatic mission?'

‘Of a kind.'

‘
Like the last time? The one that made you leave London
after we went to Vauxhall Gardens?' she said bitterly.

‘
Oh Fanny, Fanny, you should have forgotten that! No,
this time it's real. I was only half joking about Lady Castlereagh.
I have been growing very friendly with her lately, and
she is willing to drop a word in her husband's ear on my
behalf. I have talents, Fanny, that haven't been used. I want to stretch myself, to take a hand in things! Can't you under
stand that?'

‘
I understand that you don't want to be with me,' she said,
looking down at her fingers. Her eyelashes were wet.

‘
I do want to! Little simpleton, haven't I asked you to stay
with me?' She was silent. 'Don't you want to be proud of your husband, Fan?' he said reproachfully. 'As I am of you? I don't
try to keep you from your business. I'm proud of you, when
you talk of your estate, and wanting to win back your place in
your grandfather's will. If you say you must go home, I won't
try to stop you. But you mustn't try to stop me either.'

‘But Fitz,' she said at last, 'how can I bear to be without you?’

He took her in his arms. 'The time will soon pass, love. And
then we'll be together for ever, until you're sick of me, and
start to take lovers, and throw me out of the house to beg for
my bread.' She made a little struggling movement. 'I was only joking, Fanny!' he protested.

But she thrust herself free from him, and he saw her face
was cheese-white. 'I think I'm going to be sick,' she muttered.
'Oh Fitz —!’

He moved rapidly, grabbing the basin from the washstand, and then holding her hair back for her while she
retched. When it was over, he brought the towel, the end
damped from the ewer, and tenderly wiped her face.

‘
I'm sorry,' she murmured, raising swimming eyes to his. 'I
don't know what's come over me.'

‘
Don't you?' he said with a suppressed smile. 'Fanny, love,
when was your last flux?’

She looked uncomprehending, and then her eyes widened.
'You mean —?'

‘
It seems to me, love, that you haven't had one since we
married,' he said. 'Had you really not noticed?'

‘I didn't think about it,' she said, eyes downcast.

‘
Madam Innocent!' he said, amused. 'And don't you see
how your pretty breasts are rounder than they were?' He bent
his head to kiss her throat, and caress their fullness. 'My little,
pretty wife, it seems to me you are quite obviously —'

‘
Pregnant!' she finished, her lips beginning to curve into a
smile. 'Really? Do you really think so?'

‘I know so.’

She laughed and flung her arms round his neck. 'Oh Fitz!
But — are you happy about it?' she added anxiously.

‘
More happy than I can tell you,' he said, kissing her.
'What man could be other than happy in such a circum
stance? You have a young Hawker in your belly, my love! And
what a handsome child it will be, with my good looks and
your intelligence —'

‘
No, the other way about!' Fanny said, her face rapturous.
'But when?' She began to calculate. 'Fitz, I think I must have
held to my first mating!’

He laughed aloud. 'Your vocabulary, Mrs Hawker! You are
not a horse, my love!'

‘
Well, but you are my stallion,' she said with a sly smile.
'How well we did, to make me pregnant so soon! Oh Fitz, I'm
so happy! Shall we have a boy or a girl, do you think?'

‘
Certainly — one or the other, without a doubt,' he said
genially. 'But, Fanny, this means you must certainly go home,
and the sooner the better. It would not be fitting, or safe, for
you to travel once you are far advanced in your pregnancy.
Nothing must endanger your life, or that of our child.'

‘
Our first child!' Fanny breathed, still enraptured. Then
she looked at him sharply. 'It is your first, isn't it?'

‘
The first I was ever aware of,' he said reassuringly. 'You
had better speak to your aunt today, love. Tell her the good news, and ask her advice about travelling back to England.
You must not go alone, that is certain. If Lady Theakston
does not go, some other sensible, older lady must be found who
is making the journey. It shouldn't be hard to find one — there
is always someone going back and forth. I'll go with you as
far as Calais, of course.’

Her lip trembled again. 'Oh Fitz, I don't want to be parted
from you at such a time —!'

‘
Nor I from you, darling. But it can't be helped. It will be
much better for you to have the baby at home. Think of it:
our child will inherit Morland Place when we are gone.’

The trembling disappeared. 'Yes!' she said, her eyes bright, focused on the future. 'And he must be born in the Butts Bed.
All the heirs are born in that bed, and our son must not be the
exception.' Her focus shortened, and she looked into his eyes.
'Our son, Fitz!' she said softly. 'What wonderful words those are!'

‘
Yes,' he said, and drew her into his arms again. With
Fanny at home, and delivered of a child, an heir, his position
would be strengthened beyond dispute. A larger allowance for
sure! And though he would miss her, two years would soon
pass; and in the meantime, there was all the thrill of political
intrigue, and Vienna, as he had said, was full of handsome
women. He stroked her head tenderly, and thought of the
glowing future before them. He had never thought of himself
as a patriarch before, but now he saw very pretty pictures in
his mind, of a handsome little boy, curly dark hair and his
blue eyes; saw himself setting the boy on his first pony, teaching
him to shoot and to box; saw the little creature running
towards him, arms outstretched, face alight with love. It
would be very agreeable indeed to be a father, he thought.
And Fanny would be a very pretty, careless mother, and he
would adore her even more than he did now.

He kissed Fanny's ear. 'Our son,' he murmured into it with satisfaction.

 
Fanny arrived at Morland Place at the end of January, having
broken her journey by staying a few days in London with
Lucy. London had seemed very flat after Vienna, especially as
most of the families were still in the country; but there were
compensations. It was pleasant to be admitted into the circle
of the grown-ups, to flaunt her new status over the unmarried
girls she met, to discuss babies with other young matrons, and
to go where she liked without chaperonage.

She had brought back presents from Vienna for everyone,
but she went out shopping for more, for the pleasure of visiting
Bond Street and displaying the fur tippet Fitz had bought
her as a going-home present. She bought herself another new hat, and found a very pretty shawl for Héloïse; she went into
Rundell and Bridge's, and chose a stock-pin for her father, and then saw a gold snuff-box with lacquered paintings on five panels featuring erotic passages from the life of Zeus,
which she thought very amusing, and which she had them
wrap up and send to Fitz in Vienna; and finally she fell in love
with a little enamelled gold music-box, the most charming
thing, with a cunning little bird on the lid which opened its
beak and wagged its tail when the music played.

‘
I'll have that, too,' she said, when the manager had
demonstrated it. 'For the baby.'

‘Madam?’

She smiled and nodded, and he blushed, and clicked his
fingers for an assistant to wrap this second purchase.

‘
Shall I have it sent round to Lady Theakston's, madam?'
he enquired, displaying the knowledge for which he scoured
the society columns of the newspapers every morning.

‘
No,
        
take it with me. My carriage is outside,' said Fanny
grandly. 'Thank you.'

‘
Thank
you,
madam. It's always a pleasure to serve you,
madam,' he said effusively. Fanny felt she could never grow tired of hearing that sort of thing.

When she finally reached Morland Place, she was very
tired, and glad to be home. Her father hugged and kissed her,
dropped a few tears on her head, enquired tenderly after her
health, and then repeated the process all over again. Miss
Rosedale beamed with pleasure, the little boys were as excited
as the dogs, and Sophie clasped her hands with glee and
wanted to know what the boat journey had been like.

‘
I so long to go on a boat!' she cried. Was it very rough,
Fanny? Were there huge waves?'

‘
No, of course not,' Fanny said, finding her half-sister's
pleasure in seeing her again rather agreeable. 'We waited
three days at Calais until the weather was calm enough to
cross. The wind was strong, but that was all to the good — it
made the crossing quicker. We did it in under three hours,
which they tell me is very good; and the captain said I was a
splendid sailor.'

‘
But you look tired, poor Fanny,' Héloïse said. 'We mustn't
keep you standing here in the hall. Come in and sit by the
fire, and let me take off your bonnet and gloves.’

It was good to sit down in the big chair by the fire in the
drawing-room. She looked around her appreciatively at all the
familiar objects: the dim old paintings of tong-ago Morlands,
the vast clock Grandpapa had given her parents on their
wedding-day, the beautiful silver candlestick which had been
found when the moat was drained and cleaned, the rose
wood and ebony chess-table, the dainty little spindly-legged
sewing table with the false drawers, the solemn bulk of
the grand piano, on top of which reposed the Chinese bowl
with a blue and scarlet dragon chasing its tail around
the side.