Chapter Ten
“Come, sister. It can’t be much further. I recognize this area.” “It seems to me as if we’re going in the wrong direction entirely. Usually my sense of this is much better. I’m sorry,” Tamara replied. The woods were sparse and less alive than the last time she walked through them, and the air smelled old, like the musty storerooms under the Tower where the roots and vegetables were kept for the winter. The shard lay in the folds of her cape, a constant reminder of how important it was to return to the Tower.
“Don’t apologize. This forest has changed since I was here last too. So much has withered and died,” he observed, confirming her own observations. “I only wish I was more sure of our location.”
“If not for you, I would never have been able to climb out of that pit before to begin with, and we wouldn’t be here now. And if you haven’t noticed, I’m not as lithe as some. I wouldn’t have wanted to travel back to Parth alone.”
Tamara moved quite easily and her step was light. “It may be that at some point you were less agile, sister. But all these weeks on the road must have changed you. You move with grace,” he complimented her. “Were you once more bulky than you are?”
Tamara laughed to herself. “Fat, you mean? Yes, actually I was. And I continue to think of myself as rather stout.” She was among the plumpest of the sisters when she left the Tower and her impression of herself was a buxom one.
“You should have shed that notion with whatever extra weight you may have carried in the past. Your fitness is admirable and your figure is anything but unpleasant…” Conrad blushed and looked as if he regretted what he just said.
Tamara too blushed as she stepped over the rotten log that lay before her, but her back was to him and she was positive he could not see. Her clothing hung loosely from her shoulders, and she had to roll the waist of her skirt a bit more every day but she paid it no mind until this moment. Even her leggings bagged, but she assumed they had simply stretched with wear. Brushing an annoying strand of hair off of her face, she secured it in the thong holding the rest of it and wondered what she looked like these days. She hadn’t gazed into a looking glass a single time on this entire journey.
They left Mintar’s remains behind ten days ago. After emerging from the cavern that once contained the heart of the great Lalas, and bidding farewell to Caroline and Dalloway who left for Odelot with the map in their charge, they walked for six days and six nights straight. It was difficult to conceal their movements, the terrain was so bleak and unproductive, but they encountered very little that was alive and observant. Tired and sore, four days ago they reached the shelter of the woods Conrad recognized by one unusual type of tree he was confident only grew here. Tamara accepted his advice and his surety, though she was normally quite headstrong. His positive attitude, absent of arrogance and conceit, put her at ease.
“I do know where we are!” he exclaimed after surveying the area. “We’ve been correct all along, though I had my doubts about that. I didn’t want to tell you, to worry you. Some things you don’t need to say, right?” It was strange, but he cared about this woman’s feelings. Not since his wife died had he even so much as looked at a person of the opposite sex, except for his daughter of course. Tamara ignited yearnings he thought he would never experience again. “It’s much bleaker than I remember it. The trees are more dense,” he said, looking up at the thick ceiling of foliage.
“I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me you were lost,” Tamara confessed. “You don’t seem like the type to get lost in the woods.”
“Thanks for the support, sister. It’s important that I get you back to Parth as soon as possible. Considering the shard and all…” he replied. He really did admire her. Carrying the shard didn’t trouble her in the slightest, almost as if this kind of responsibility was a common one. “We’re a goodly distance from the hollows,” he said, looking over his shoulder. Though he felt good about that, he also felt vulnerable. “This forest has always been strange, not just because of these odd looking trees,” he said, pointing to a thick leafed cetus on his left. “These though are the most irregular. Look at how the branches seem to rise straight upward and then just cascade down, as if they gave up on the way. The main trunk has corners. Can you see them? And the branches come out of it at right angles and then shoot up at right angles again. Have you ever seen a tree whose stems change direction like this? And the leaves too are almost square.”
“It seems a most indecisive tree,” Tamara agreed, smiling for the first time in a while.
“Yes, and it seems also to defy the space in which it resides. Whenever I look at one of these trees, I get the feeling it’s some other species altogether and not a tree at all.”
“I see what you mean, but it’s rather handsome in its own peculiar manner,” Tamara observed. Just like you, Conrad. “Nature has a way of testing its possibilities. If something survives, then I suppose it has proven itself to be well designed. These are thriving while all else dwindles.”
Conrad stared at a branch of the cetus dipping down low in front of him, and he pulled a handful of leaves from their stem. “As far as I know, this is the only place they grow.”
“Yet it bears leaves nonetheless, and they provide the tree with sustenance and the forest floor with shade,” Tamara said. “Is it that bad to be different?”
“No. Though it’s often dangerous to be in this world,” he replied.
Ages ago a city existed in the very midst of these woods, or so the legends went, but no evidence of it was ever found. It was referenced in the Tomes though once or twice. Some believed it still existed, shut off from the world by the denseness of the forest and inhabited by strange creatures who shunned the sunlight. Tamara took old tales seriously, convinced a bit of truth resided in each one of them.
They walked side by side without saying a word.
“Are you thinking of your daughter again?” she asked out of nowhere. “You have that faraway look in your eyes.”
Such handsome eyes.
“You’ve learned fast to read me, sister. Yes. Whenever my mind is idle I think of her,” he admitted. He’d never been away from her for any length of time, and knowing she was on her way to one of the most dreaded places north of Sedahar unsettled him.
“You love her very much. What a wonderful feeling that must be,” Tamara replied. “I have no children of my own. Sometimes I regret that, but often I wonder how I could survive if I loved someone as much. I could not bear to be separate from…” Stopping in mid sentence, Tamara realized how foolish she was being, exacerbating Conrad’s feelings. “I’m sorry. I often say things without thinking. But I had a brother…” She stopped short and closed her mouth.
“Go on,” he coaxed.
“No, I shouldn’t,” she answered and forced a smile. “It was a long time ago.”
“Please. It would make me feel better to hear about him. That is, if you want to talk about it.
“I haven’t in a while,” she admitted, and she leaned against the tree beside her.
“We should rest for a few minutes anyway. If you wish, if you’re comfortable….”
“Thank you Conrad,” Tamara replied, her voice less tense than a moment before. “I was an orphan, but I had a brother. He was a few years older, dark hair, big black eyes. I thought he was the most handsome boy I’d ever seen…” she recalled. “He took care of me, wouldn’t let anyone say a nasty word about me.” Pangs of recollection pressed upon her like hunger. “I was somewhat fat you see,” she explained. “But he didn’t care. He told me I was beautiful. They said he was simple-minded, but he loved me.” She relaxed more with each word. “When I was recruited for the sisterhood I had to leave him behind. For the first three years we were not permitted any contact with the outside world, part of the initiation, and before that time was up, one of the other sisters, Emmeline… I’ll never forget… came to my chamber and told me he had been killed. I was devastated.” She folded her arms across her chest and shrunk down lower.
“I’m sorry,” Conrad replied. He wanted to comfort her but he was unsure of what to do.
“He was the only family I ever had. He never married. Never had any children. He didn’t live long enough, and then I was terribly alone,” her eyes glistened with tears. “At least I had the sisters.” She dropped her arms and stood up straighter. “Dalloway and Caroline make a good team. They’ll take care of each other,” she changed the subject. She had said enough about herself.
“Yes, they do,” he respected her choice. “I must confess, I’m envious though. Well, I’m worried. But I’m also envious. Does that sound foolish to you?” He stopped walking and stared at her, “She seems very taken with the elf. On the one hand, I’m glad and on the other, I’m concerned.”
His openness was endearing. “Foolish, no, but why would you be envious? And what concerns you so? Two young people falling in love? I sensed it the moment we were free of danger and I had a chance to observe them together. What could be more rejuvenating?”
“I suppose,” Conrad replied, gazing off into the distance. “I miss her though and I’m afraid she’ll drift away from me, that she is already. I never imagined she could have a normal relationship. I should be overjoyed, but instead I’m frightened. Does this make sense to you?” He hadn’t spoken to anyone about his feelings in ages, and yet if felt good to confess to her.
She took a step forward and he walked with her. Tamara was flattered by his confidence. “You’re afraid of losing her. It’s natural, Conrad. She means everything to you,” she said. “I lost Angeline, the dear friend that she was, and it still hurts whenever I think of her. But I know it’s what she wanted and that she chose it of her own free will. Caroline, too, has chosen this boy, and she knows everything there is to know about him. Recall how they met, Conrad. It’s unlikely he could be keeping any terrible secrets from her.”
“You speak wisely, sister. But, I can’t help from feeling odd about it. I have devoted much of my life to her, it’s hard to contemplate doing otherwise.”
“The First willing, all things grow up. Purposes change, dear man. I know a thing or two about that subject,” Tamara said. “We must learn to adapt. Your love for her need not diminish because she loves another.” The wind whistled through the oddly shaped branches. It made her cringe, like a fingernail scraping against a looking glass.
“This happened so unexpectedly. Everything changed in an instant.”
“Life is change. Most changes pass us by unnoticed and are not hard to accept, Conrad. We age, we grow ill, we see life come and we see life go. The inevitable ones that we resist cause us the most harm. What choice have we in the end?” Tamara asked. “Would you want Caroline to live her life without companionship?”
“No, I guess not,” Conrad replied, pursing his lips.
“As each second passes, the world is different than the moment before. It’s just that you haven’t contemplated Caroline’s future, you were busy protecting her present,” Tamara said. “And some situations are better left alone, even though one could alter them.” Talking to a man was unlike talking to one of the sisters. And Conrad was far more sensitive than she ever anticipated he would be.
“How do we know the difference?” he asked. “How do we know we are right when we decide upon a course of action?”
“We can’t always know when it’s best to intervene or best to step aside. Let your heart guide you as often as possible. The mind is no better suited to the task and it gives us so little satisfaction. At least if your heart guides you, you will regret only the things you haven’t yet done, rather than those you did,”
“Good advice, sister. My heart may ache but I know it’s for the best.” Her explanation helped him. “It’s nice to talk to you about this. I’ve not had the opportunity to converse with anyone for a while,” Conrad admitted. The image of his wife sprang into his head, followed immediately by her dying breath. He lurched away from Tamara and thought about Caroline, as if she too was lost.
“I have been known to speak too often and too much. That is one choice I do not knowingly make,” she smiled. “And what of your future? Where will you go after we arrive in Parth?”
“Home, I suppose,” he answered, his head dropping at the mention.
What did I say
, she wondered,
to make him pull away
? “You will go with or without your daughter?”
“What choice have I? Maybe she and Dalloway will return after they accomplish what they set out to do. But he’s a Prince. I wonder how likely that will be? It’ll be hard for Caroline to go home after all of this, after seeing the world and being with him. Time will tell I guess. But I can’t remain in Parth regardless,” he said.
“Would that be such a bad thing?” Tamara asked, looking in his direction.
Would it?
“But there are no men who reside in Parth, are there?” he responded, surprised at her comment. It was the city of the sisters, everyone knew that.
“No. But who’s to say there can’t be? A man like you wouldn’t be unwelcome there. Male guests have always come and gone, though none have yet taken up formal residence.”
Definitely none on my behalf.
“I assumed it wasn’t permitted,” Conrad replied.
“I’ve never heard of rules forbidding men from living in the Tower and I’ve been there since I was a girl. It’s just never happened, as far as I know. We’ve devoted ourselves to the purpose of the Tower, but that purpose has changed since we relinquished control of the map. After we return, we must reevaluate many things,” she said.
I must reevaluate many things
. “None of us can remain unscathed by the events of the world.”
“What’s life like in Parth?” Conrad asked while pulling a wretched looking branch out of the way so Tamara could pass without scratching herself upon it. She stepped by him and her arm brushed his.
“It has been peaceful and fulfilling; actually rather serene,” she replied, nodding her appreciation. “We embrace the responsibilities that face us and never question much. I have the opportunity to cook, which I love to do, and to grow delicious vegetables,” she said with pride. “Most of the others pursue their interests as well. We shelter those who need it, and keep to ourselves for the most part. In a way, we’ve believed that at some point we’ll be tested, though in what manner we are unsure. We look often to the Tomes for guidance and understanding, knowing that the scroll we protected was of paramount importance,” she explained.