The Risk: A Billionaire Romance (Wagered Hearts Series, Book 2) (18 page)

I took a deep steadying breath and began my walk forward, feeling like I was marching towards a firing squad. Chad’s eyes lit up as soon as he spotted me and he stood up from the table. His arms reached out impulsively but then he caught himself and dropped them to his sides.

“Mel, you look beautiful,” he said.

“Thanks,” I replied curtly. I took the seat opposite him and willed my heart to stop racing. Why did I still get this reaction? He was the man who broke my heart. I should hate him, but I found I couldn’t. I didn’t know what I felt exactly.

“How have you been?” he asked, toying with his napkin nervously.

“I’ve been fine. You know, working, keeping busy. You?”

“Oh, the same,” he said.

The conversation stalled and there was an awkward silence between us that seemed to go on forever. We’d never had this problem before and it felt strange to feel so distant from someone who had once been so close to me.

“I heard you were working for your mother now,” Chad said.

“Yeah, for a few months now.”

“How’s that going?”

“It’s all right. You know how my mother can be sometimes,” I said.

Chad laughed lightly and nodded his head. “Oh, I remember,” he said and shivered slightly.

That seemed to break the ice and the conversation flowed from that point. He told me about what he’d been up to for the past few months and how he’d gotten a promotion at his job that saw him back in New York. I told him about Lily’s wedding and about some of the things I was working on at work. It felt almost like old times, but there was always that wall and distance between us that held me back from really opening up.

I didn’t mention Ryan, although there were several times where I’d been tempted to bring him up. I wondered if it was wrong of me to see Chad behind his back. Then again, I didn’t exactly know where I stood with Ryan. We had amazing sexual chemistry, but was that all it was?

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” Chad asked.

“Tomorrow? Why do you ask?”

“Because I want to take you out on a date,” he said.

I paused, alarm and panic gripping me. I wasn’t ready for this. When he had called me earlier and asked me to meet him, the possibility had crossed my mind that he wanted to get back together, but I had written it off. After all, we hadn’t seen each other in months. I needed time to think.

“I don’t know, Chad,” I said.

“Please, Mel. I’ve missed you so much. Seeing you again was all I thought about since our break up,” he said.

I had longed to hear those words months ago. It had been the only thing that kept me going those dark few weeks immediately after he left. I kept hoping for that phone call or email or anything from him to let me know he missed me, but I got nothing. And now, all these months later he finally uttered the words that I’d been dying to hear. Now, when I was finally starting to heal. Now, when I had begun to move on with my life. I felt a burst of anger and frustration bubble up and spill over until I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Are you kidding me right now? I’ve waited for you all this time and not one peep did I hear. You just up and leave for Dubai without a thought about me and how I was doing. Not once did you even try to contact me! And now you want me to believe you missed me all this time?”

“I’m sorry, Mel. You’ve got every right to hate me. What can I say? I was immature and I didn’t know what I had until I threw it away. I thought about calling you, but I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me. Then when I got the promotion and transferred back to New York, I thought it had to be a sign. You know? That I was meant to be with you.”

Chad looked genuinely sorry, his eyes welling with unshed tears. I felt a tug at my heart at seeing him so miserable. My anger vanished as quickly as it had come and a numbness overcame me instead. I sat back and looked at the situation, trying to see it with a cold detachment. What did I want? The truth was I didn’t know. I thought Chad was the love of my life six months ago. Then Ryan showed up and I began to feel happy again and had something to look forward to. Was I in love with Ryan? I didn’t know for certain, but there was something there. The problem was, I was afraid it was only on my end.

With Chad, at least I knew where he stood. Did I want to throw away the security of knowing his feelings for me to chase after something that could end up getting me hurt? I was happy with Chad once. Could I be that way again? My mind ran in circles, and I began to feel a dull pounding building up behind my eyes. I realized I wasn’t in any frame of mind to analyze it all just now.

“I need time, Chad. Things have changed since you’ve been gone,” I finally said.

His face fell, but he made an effort to pull himself together and even managed a shaky smile. “Of course,” he said. “I know I’m asking a lot from you and I shouldn’t be surprised that you’ve changed. You always were so strong and tough. Please take all the time you need. I’ll wait for you for as long as you need me to.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I’ve got another appointment in half an hour, so I should get going.”

I stood up from the table and told him I’d call him when I had decided what I wanted to do. He looked like he wanted to walk me out the restaurant but I held up my hand to stall him.

“It’s ok. I can see myself out,” I said.

Once I was outside I leaned against the brick wall and closed my eyes. Why did he have to pick now to be so kind and understanding? It would make my decision easier if I could paint him as a selfish jerk. It’s what I’d done all these months since he’d been gone and made getting over him a little easier. If I could just pretend that he was an ass and had treated me badly, then I wouldn’t feel any guilt or conflict. But no, he had to be sweet and sincere and sorry. I felt torn in two directions and I had no idea which was the right path to take.

By Monday morning I had worked myself up into quite a state. I tried to call Lily in London, but all my calls kept going straight to voicemail. On top of that, I hadn’t heard from Ryan either. I had no idea what he was up to or if he was avoiding me, not that I would know quite what to say to him if he did happen to call. “
Oh hey, you know my ex, Chad, contacted me and wants to get back together. What do you think I should do?
” Despite how easy it was to talk to Ryan, I doubted even he would appreciate that conversation.

When I walked into work, I made a beeline straight for my cubicle and Candace. She was already there, busy on the phone. I motioned to her that I needed to talk with her pronto.

“Yeah, I’ll have someone come pick up the samples this afternoon,” she said. “Ok great, talk to you later, bye!” Candace hung up the phone and eyed me expectantly.

“Thank God you’re here,” I said, taking the seat next to her.

“What’s up? You look like you just drank a gallon of Red Bull. Relax and tell me all about it,” she said patting my lap gently. “And stop fidgeting.”

I exhaled a long deep breath and locked eyes with her. “You’ll never guess what happened to me this weekend,” I began.

“Did you get some?” she asked, without missing a beat.

“No! Uh—I mean yes, but that’s not what I was talking about.”

“Woo hoo! Go Mel! Who was it?” she asked, leaning forward eagerly. “It was Ryan, wasn’t it?”

“What? How did you know that?” I blurted.

“Oh my God! It was! I was just guessing,” she said. “I had no idea you two were an item.”

“We’re not! I mean, I’m not sure what we are exactly,” I stammered. “Darn it, Candace. Now you’ve got me off track. I had something important to tell you.”

“What can be more important than going over the details of your steamy weekend with a hot sexy billionaire?” she asked.

“Shh!” I hissed looking around the office. “You don’t have to say that so loud.”

She had the decency to look a bit guilty and apologetic. “Sorry about that. I’m just so excited for you.”

“Don’t be,” I said. “You might change your mind once I tell you everything.”

Candace’s face immediately lost its teasing manner and her lips turned down in a frown.

“It sounds serious,” she said.

“Chad’s back from Dubai,” I said.

“How do you know that?” she asked.

“Because he told me. And anyway, I’ve seen him.”

“You’ve what? When did this happen? How?” she spluttered.

“That’s what I was trying to tell you. He called me up on Saturday and asked me to meet him for lunch. Then when I got there, he told me he missed me and wanted me to give him a second chance. I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do,” I said.

“What?!” Candace screeched. “That bastard had the nerve to ask you for a second chance?”

“Can you please lower your voice,” I pleaded. “I don’t want the whole office knowing my business.”

She brushed off my concern with a wave of her hand, but still lowered her voice when she finally spoke. “What did you tell him?” she whispered.

“I said I needed time. I told him I’d let him know my decision when I had decided.”

“You’re not really considering giving him another chance, are you?” Candace asked. “What about you and Ryan?”

There it was in a nutshell. All I had been thinking about was Ryan, the only problem was, he didn’t seem to be thinking of me. If only I knew where things stood between us, I could build something around that, but if it was just casual sex, then I didn’t want to waste any more of my time.

“I don’t know, Candace and that’s the problem. You should have seen Chad, he looked really miserable and I just didn’t have the heart to deny him outright. And I have no idea what’s going on with Ryan.”

Candace shook her head slowly, giving me a sad, pitying look. “Your life is like a soap opera,” she said. “There’s so much drama.”

“Don’t I know it!” I replied. “Why does everything have to be so hard?”

“Because you make it that way,” Candace said.

I shot my head up to stare at her in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“All I’m saying is if it were me in your shoes, there wouldn’t even be any doubt. I’d kick Chad to the curb. He had his chance and he blew it.”

“I know that, but we just have a lot of history together. And we did have some great times together too,” I said.

“So, you’re just going to pick Chad over Ryan?”

“I didn’t say that,” I shot back.

“Well, what’s your heart tell you?”

“My heart can’t be trusted. It’s led me down the wrong path before,” I said. “I’m trying to make this decision based on facts and thorough analysis.”

Candace let out a snort. “This isn’t a book report, it’s your life. Personally, I wouldn’t even look at Chad if there was even a chance with someone like Ryan. He’s the real deal,” she said. “Guys like that are rare.”

I remained silent, trying to process her words. It wasn’t something that I hadn’t already thought of before, but then the coward in me protested. What if Ryan broke my heart as well? I somehow knew I’d never recover if that happened.

“I’m more confused than ever,” I said miserably. “I just wish there was some clear cut sign that would show me what to do.”

***

Throughout the morning, Candace and I didn’t have another chance to discuss it any further. The phone kept ringing off the hook and the editors kept piling up more and more work for us to do.

“Hey I’m heading to lunch now. Are you coming?” Candace asked as she stuck her head into the storeroom closet. I was busy making an inventory of all the items we’d need for a photo shoot later in the week, but looked up from my clipboard.

“No, I’ve got to finish this. You go on ahead without me,” I said.

Candace hesitated before she nodded her head. “Did you want me to pick anything up for you?” she asked.

“Nah, thanks for the offer, though,” I said.

After she left, I focused my attention back to work. It was actually a relief to be busy and to keep my mind occupied on things that didn’t have to do with my personal life. It was those quiet times when I was by myself that all the doubts and thoughts came rushing back at me. I knew as soon as I left work and got into my apartment, I’d have to deal with it all again. But for right now, it was a nice break.

My ears perked up as I heard footsteps nearing the closet door. At first I thought Candace had forgotten something, but then I listened closer. They were quick, determined strides, each click of the heels sharp and precise. I knew that walk and it definitely wasn’t Candace’s. I braced myself for the encounter, and before I could wonder at why she was making the trek to the storeroom closet, she appeared at the door.

“Melanie, come in to my office, please,” she said before turning around and marching back in the direction which she had come.

It took a minute for me to get my bearings about me. That was odd. My mother had never acted like that before. If she wanted to see me, she’d either call me at my desk, text my cell phone, or have her new personal assistant come and fetch me. I wondered why she was going out of her way to seek me out personally. Could it have anything to do with the recent photo shoot we just did? I knew I made sure to have the insurance all set to go, all items were accounted for, and the photographer had been pleased with the shots. My stomach dropped at the idea that I’d still managed screw something up.

I stood up from where I had been kneeling on the floor in front of a box of shoes, and brushed myself off nervously. Well, there was no point staying there wondering about it. I might as well go and find out, I told myself. Besides, the longer I kept her waiting, the nastier she would be. I made the walk back to her office with a feeling of dread hanging over me. Whatever my mother had to say to me, it couldn’t be good news.

The door to her office was cracked open and I walked in, stopping just over her threshold. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, have a seat,” my mother told me, pointing at the chairs in front of her desk.

I sat down gingerly and scooted towards the edge of the seat, looking the picture of calm politeness, even though my heart was racing in my chest. “What did you want to speak to me about?” I asked.

For a moment she paused and looked unsure of herself. It was such a rare occurrence, I sat gaping at her. But the moment didn’t last long and she regained her composure immediately. Then she went and smiled at me and I almost fell out of my chair. My mother never smiled. At me or at anyone.