The Rivers of Zadaa (28 page)

It was time to read.

ZADAA

I
've now written twenty-two journals to you guys. I've described the amazing things I've seen and the impossible truths I've learned. This journal will be no different. I'm going to tell you about the invasion of the underground. It happened. We couldn't stop it. Zadaa has been changed forever.

Obviously, I survived. As I'm writing this journal, my hand is shaking. Nervous energy, I guess. I think it's because I'm having trouble understanding the truths I've learned since I last wrote. I don't know what to think. It's all so confusing. The battle may be over, but I'm more scared than before. It's because I'm afraid to face the person I've become. The frightening truth is that I'm not the same as when I left home with Uncle Press. I guess that goes without saying. Nobody stays the same forever, especially after having gone through what I have. But understanding that in my head, and accepting it in my heart are two different things.

What's actually bothering me more is that in reality, I may not have changed as much as I think. I know, I'm contradicting myself. Let me explain. The way I've always thought about what's happened to me is that I was a normal kid who, for reasons I have yet to figure out, was chosen to be the Traveler from Second Earth. Nobody ever told me what those reasons were, but the decision was made and off I went.

Now I'm beginning to think it didn't exactly happen that way. Since I wrote you last, I've learned some things about myself that I can't explain. There are things I'm able to do that aren't exactly normal. At least they aren't normal for a kid who grew up in Stony Brook, Connecticut. I'm not just talking about the ability to be persuasive. Compared to what I've just done, that's about as impressive as a card trick. There's more. A whole lot more. That's why my hand is shaking.

I'm confused. But I'm also upset. Take my word for it, it's a strange feeling to realize you aren't the person you thought you were. One of the things that's kept me going this whole time has been my base. My home. You guys. Stony Brook. And of course, the hope that I will one day find my family again and get back to normal. Now I'm beginning to wonder if I truly belong on Second Earth. Or ever belonged there. What makes it worse is that if that's true, I have no idea where I do belong.

I don't mean to sound so sorry for myself. I think you guys know that writing this all down helps me sort it out in my own head. I wish it would help me find some real answers. So far those have been few and far between. All I can do is look ahead, and keep searching.

I've got to tell you what brought me to this point. I suppose I should stop whining about my own pathetic state of mind and be grateful that I'm still around to write at all. I've got to reset my head, back to where it was only a short while ago, so I can get this all down. I finished my last journal when Loor and I were hiding with Teek, the Tiggen guard. The fuse was lit. There was about to be an invasion that would determine the future of Kidik, the Batu, the Rokador…and the entire territory of Zadaa.

We were safely hidden in a remote room deep below the main building on Kidik Island. No Tiggen guard would look for us there, and if the Batu attacked and the water was released, we would survive. Hopefully. Teek was off trying to get more information about the elite's plan. That left Loor and me to regroup and plot our next move.

“We've got a couple of choices,” I said. “We can warn the Batu that they're headed into a trap and hope they back off—”

“It is too late for that,” Loor interjected. “They were preparing to attack when we left Xhaxhu.”

“Okay. Then we can try to convince the Rokador elite that by wiping out the Batu, they would doom the rest of their tribe, because killing the Ghee warriors would leave them exposed to attack by the cannibal tribes of Zadaa.”

“That is not likely either,” Loor said. “Their hatred and fear of the Batu runs too deep.”

“I agree,” I said. “Which leaves us with the third option.”

“And what is that?” Loor asked.

I hated to say what I was about to say. It went against all we had been doing to defeat Saint Dane, and against my nature. It definitely went against Loor's nature, but it seemed to be the only choice.

“We can leave,” I said.

Loor shot me a surprised look. “Leave? I do not understand.”

“I think Saint Dane has won,” I said. “I don't know how we can stop this.”

“You are suggesting we abandon Zadaa and allow the territory to crumble?” Loor asked.

I didn't answer right away because that's exactly what I was suggesting, and it sounded rotten. This was tough. We were talking about Loor's home.

“I'm sorry, Loor,” I said. “But we have to look at the big picture. We've already lost Kasha. Spader and Gunny are trapped on Eelong. The battle here on Zadaa is going to happen—”

“It will not be a battle; it will be a mass execution,” Loor said coldly.

“You're right,” I said. “But whatever happens here on Zadaa, you and I must survive to continue the fight against Saint Dane. We have to think of all of Halla, not just one territory.”

Loor showed no emotion. She looked me square in the eyes. I wanted to be able to read her mind to know what she was thinking. Or maybe I didn't. She might not have had such a hot opinion of me just then.

“I understand, Pendragon,” she said calmly. “Protecting all of Halla is of more importance than saving one territory. Your decision is a wise one. I will get you back to the flume.”

“Good,” I said, though I wasn't happy about it. “I know how you must feel—”

“I am sure you do,” Loor interrupted. “That is why I know you will understand when I say that I cannot leave Zadaa.”

“Why?” I asked in surprise. “You can't stop this.”

“Perhaps not,” she said. “But I could not live with myself if I did not try. I agree that losing you would be a crushing blow in the fight against Saint Dane. I, on the other hand, would not be missed.”

“You are so wrong—”

“Please, Pendragon. My mind is made up. Perhaps I can stop some of the Batu from descending into the underground. Saving even a few lives would be worth the effort. Whoever is left alive will be needed to defend Xhaxhu from the marauders.”

I knew it was useless to argue.

“Come,” Loor said. “We must not waste more time.”

I felt like a coward. Though my brain told me it was the right move, my heart wasn't so sure. I had never given up before. I guarantee Loor had never given up. Ever. She wasn't giving up now, either. I didn't feel as if I had a choice. I had to force myself to think of all of Halla. Losing a battle wasn't the same as losing the war. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't running away, I was running toward the next battle. I hoped that by the time we made it back to the flume, if we made it to the flume, I could convince Loor to leave with me.

We left the small room and moved quickly through the labyrinth of underground tunnels, looking for the way to the surface of Kidik Island. We no longer feared running into a Tiggen guard. We knew there weren't many left. Our plan was to get back to the beach, take the boat to the city of Kidik, and drive the dygo back to the flume. My biggest fear was that we would run into the first wave of Ghee warriors, and the show would be over. All we could do was keep moving, and hoping.

We finally popped out of the underground in a familiar area. We were on the ground level of the vast cemetery where most of the Rokador population was buried. Seeing all those white markers with the small flame burning on each was a gut-wrenching sight. It was hard to grasp the concept that so many had died—and so many more were soon to follow. The two of us stood looking out over the sea of death, humbled and sad.

“Why?” Loor asked. “Why is any of this happening?”

She didn't expect an answer. She knew I didn't have one. There was only one person who could answer that question. As it turned out, he was standing right behind us.

“Not guilty,” Saint Dane said.

Loor and I both whipped around quickly, pulling out our weapons.

Saint Dane was alone. He stood there with his arms out, showing that he wasn't armed and not interested in fighting. “Please, there is no need for violence,” he said. He circled around us, walking to the edge of the cemetery. He looked out over the thousands of markers with a small smile. I hated this guy.

“Such a tragedy,” he said.

“Yeah, right, like you care,” I said.

“Correct. I don't care,” Saint Dane said. “The tragedy is that I had nothing to do with it.”

Loor took an angry step toward him. I held her back.

“You're saying you didn't prevent these people from using the cure until it was too late?” I asked. “I don't believe you.”

“It's true,” he said. “The virus was a natural occurrence. I simply used the event to my advantage. It was the turning point on Zadaa…that, and the death of Pelle a Zinj. Thank you, by the way, for delivering him to the assassin. Without your help, the Batu may never have decided to attack. It was a nice little piece of insurance.”

I could feel Loor's anger radiate from her like heat. I kept a hand on her shoulder to calm her.

“We know the plan,” I said. “We heard your performance at the—”

“At the banquet with the elite, yes, I know,” Saint Dane said. “I felt your beady little eyes staring at me through the hole in the floor, like rats. I thought I was quite remarkable, didn't you?”

His arrogance was pissing me off, but I couldn't let him get to me.

“I don't get it,” I said. “What's different this time? Why haven't you taken on a disguise?”

“Because I didn't need to,” he said casually. He turned to face us. His expression grew dark. “And because I wanted you to see how simple it is for me to control these creatures. To me, that's what Zadaa is about, Pendragon. A demonstration. I wanted you to see, firsthand, how weak the people of the territories are. How stupid. How their emotions control their actions. You believe they have noble aspirations? That they would make sacrifices for the greater good? That they care for anyone or anything outside their selfish little orbits? I say the people of the territories are no better than common animals. Dangle raw meat in front of a starving rodent and he will kill his own to get it. That's who you're working so hard to defend, my misguided friend. You are surrounded by fear, greed, and envy. The Batu, the Rokador—all of them. The Milago and Bedoowan of Denduron. The arrogant agronomers of Cloral, those criminals on First Earth, the klee and gars of Eelong, and the escapists on Veelox. None of them seek the truth. None are willing to suffer or sacrifice for others. They all fear someone else will get more than they have, or they might experience pain, or their lives will be less than what they feel they deserve. You think you're fighting me, Pendragon? You're not. You're fighting the nature of the very people you think you're helping. All I've done is give them what they want.”

“No,” I said. “That's not what it's about. Of course people will defend themselves if they're afraid, but there's a lot of good in—”

“Good? What is good?” Saint Dane said dismissively. “It's easy for people to be good when they're comfortable and well fed. But that isn't what this existence is about, Pendragon. It's about challenges that you conquer, or fall to. Now the people of Zadaa are about to fall, and I will have made my point once again.”

“No!” Loor couldn't take it anymore. She blew past me and attacked Saint Dane. I have to admit, I wanted her to do it. Saint Dane wasn't fighting me this time. He was taking on the pro. Too bad for him. I wanted Loor to take the demon out. Loor lunged at him with her wooden stave, committing the cardinal sin. She made the first move. Saint Dane easily blocked her attack, reached into his jacket, and pulled out a metal, Tiggen weapon. Before I had a chance to react, he nailed Loor in the chest, sending her crashing to the ground, shaking with pain. I stood there, frozen. I don't know if it was because of the surprise of the sudden violence, or because I saw Loor beaten.

“You wanted her to kill me, didn't you?” he said. “Don't lie. You wanted her to beat me unmercifully like I beat you. You're no better than the worthless creatures you've dedicated yourself to protecting.”

I couldn't move. His words hit me hard. He was right. I wanted Saint Dane to hurt as badly as he hurt me. Had I just proven his point? Was I no better than an animal who only knew to attack when threatened?

“What are you feeling, Pendragon?” Saint Dane seethed. “How will it make you feel when I touch this weapon to her head, and melt her brain?”

Saint Dane lowered the metal baton toward Loor. I was too far away to stop him. His white-blue eyes had frozen me in place. Loor was about to die, and I was too far away to stop it.

From the corner of my eye I saw a sudden flash of silver. An instant later Saint Dane screamed out in pain and dropped his weapon. Sticking from his arm was a silver arrow. I spun quickly to see someone standing on the balcony above us, holding a crossbow.