The Roses Underneath (39 page)

Emil continued nodding and bit his lip. “
Ja
. It was me. Why was he out there at the villa that night anyway? He wasn’t supposed to be there. I was just trying to help you...”

“Of course you were,” Anna said. She had no idea what he was trying to say. “And you did. Now, just give me the gun. We can talk about it later after you’ve had a rest.” It occurred to her that’s just what Thomas would have said.

“No, no, it’s okay,” he said, slowly wrapping his lips around the American word. “I’ll just tell you now.”

“Emil, just shut up, why don’t you?” Frieda barked and made them all jump. Amalia let out a frightened cry.

Emil raised the gun and aimed at his sister. “You shut up now. So, listen to me, Anna, this is important. I went out there, to the villa, because I had to take the painting. Because I knew what they were going to do with all the art. They were going to use it for bribes. But then you and the
Ami
found it and I knew they would come back for it, you see?”

Anna didn’t see anything except that Amalia was still crying and that Frieda had a firm grip on her. She was barely listening to Emil.

“And that stupid Cooper showed up and he was going to mess up my plan. But I got the painting anyway.”

“You stole the Runge painting from the villa? Why?”

“I told you. I needed it to prove the truth about the art. I was going to bring it to the
Amis
. Because it’s all stolen, and Schneider was going to use it to pay off anyone who got close to finding out where it really came from. So he could be a big important somebody. Right Frieda? And now they lie and say it’s not stolen. But it is. Took it from the Jewish families and then kept it all for themselves. Pretended it was theirs. I think the
Amis
will like to know the truth. I am going to tell them, Anna, don’t worry. And I will tell them about her too.” He waved his empty arm around his head. “You must have told some good lies on your
Fragebogen
, sister. You were always such a better liar than me.”

“Shut up, Emil. No one cares about what you have to say. They should have left you in Stalingrad. Then you’d at least be a real hero, instead of the disgrace you are.
Feigling
,” she spat. “Coward.” She looked at Anna. “Listen, you. I don’t want you pillow talking to your American about me or about any of this. Don’t you want to have a better future for you and your daughter? Have a nice house, more children? Not have to work for the
Amis
like some whore? How can you allow yourself to be so degraded? After everything we fought for? You are a traitor to the Reich.”

“Stop!” Anna screamed. “You are crazy, both of you.” She could make no sense of anything Emil or Frieda were saying. Her vision was focused only on Amalia’s little face, twisted in fear.
Why is she not coming to me?

Frieda shook her head. “No. If you go to the
Amis
and tell them about me, I will tell Ludwig. He can make it so you lose your job. The
Amis
love him. And Schenk, he can make it so you lose a lot more. You understand?” She squeezed Amalia’s shoulder and the girl cried out.

Anna felt something powerful take over where her mind and her muscles had collapsed from fear. She lunged forward and pushed Frieda backward as she rammed her shoulder into the woman’s rib cage. With her other hand she pushed Amalia out of the way, sending her stumbling onto her hands and knees. “Run, Maus!” she shouted as she tried to regain her balance, but Frieda scratched and punched, arms flailing as Anna tried to reach around to get to Amalia.

“Mama!” Amalia screamed as Emil grabbed her. Anna only saw him drag her into the darkness of the cellar, but before she could react, Frieda struck her across the face with the heel of her hand, sending her jaw painfully out of joint. Anna swung back, landing a punch that drew blood at the top of Frieda’s cheekbone. Frieda clawed at Anna’s face as Anna swung both fists wildly, blind with fury and terror. Frieda grabbed Anna’s hair and pulled her head toward the floor. Anna threw a fist upwards that connected with Frieda’s throat. Coughing, Frieda lost her footing and pulled Anna with her as she fell to the ground. Her head struck the back wall behind her with a flat thud and she screamed as she slid. Anna felt herself being pulled down, but then she was grabbed from behind and yanked backward, her hair still in Frieda’s hand.

“Stop, Anna!” Emil held her around the arms as she kicked at Frieda. “You have to get out of here.” He pushed her toward the door. “Get out,” he shouted. “Both of you.”

“I did nothing wrong,” Frieda yelled after them. “Any one of your
Amis
comes after me, you know what will happen to you.”

Anna barely registered the threat as she scrambled toward Amalia, who was standing at the basement door. “Run, Maus,” she cried again, but the girl stood firm with her hand held out, waiting for her mother. When their hands connected, they ran out into the foyer and then the brightness of the sunshine.

“Mama?” Amalia stopped.

“Not now, Maus. Get on, and let’s go,” Anna panted as she struggled to right the bicycle. She looked back at the front door, expecting to see Frieda emerge from the darkness.

“But Mama, this is heavy.” Amalia held up her arm. The gun dangled from her sagging wrist.

Anna snatched it from her. “How did you get this?”

“Emil told me to take it. To give it to you,” Amalia whispered. “Mama your mouth is bleeding.”

Not knowing what else to do with the gun, Anna laid the gun in the basket attached to the handlebars. She leaned the bike against her thigh and lifted her daughter on to the back. “I’m all right,” she said. “Let’s go now.” She pushed off and pedaled down the hill. Once she had put some distance between them and the house, she became aware of the warm metallic taste filling her mouth. She spat a dark red splatter onto the street. It was her tongue that found the source. Her tooth was finally gone.

While everyone slept, Anna stood in the bathroom and finished washing Amalia’s clothes. She was too agitated to sleep and needed quiet to think. The art, Emil, Cooper’s missing gun, Frieda and Schneider—now this was all connected, too. It made her head hurt. She hung the little dress on the line above the bathtub and slid down against the tile wall to stretch her legs on the cool floor. She lit a cigarette and watched the paper burn around the edges. The silence of the night rang in her ears. She closed her eyes and considered the bigger problem of what she would do now that her job at the Collecting Point was over. She would go back to the
Arbeitsamt
to apply for another job and this time she would tell them she spoke English. Surely some colonel somewhere needed a secretary. She would say good-bye to Cooper and wish him well. She would wait for Thomas, who was probably on his way already. And if not, then, well she would cross that bridge when the time came.

“Mama?” Amalia’s voice made her jump.

“Maus? What is it?”

“Mama, I can’t sleep.” Amalia padded over to her mother and folded herself into her mother’s lap.

“Are you feeling sick?”

The girl shook her head. “No, I just can’t stay asleep.”

Anna stroked her daughter’s hair. “Are you worried about something? About what happened today?”

Amalia nodded. “I’m sorry I took the pin.”

Anna gently pushed Amalia away so she could look at her. “What pin, Maus?”

“The pin I found at Fraulein Schilling’s house. In the basement where she kept all those toys. I’ve been keeping it in my box.”

“And?”

“And Fraulein was looking for it today and she couldn’t find it. So she got really angry. And then I told her I took it and she got even more angry. I said I would give it back, but she was too mad already. And that’s when Herr Schilling found us in the basement. Because I think he heard her yelling.”

“I think you had better tell me everything. Go on.”

“The basement is where she keeps the special toys. If you were really good she would take them upstairs to play with. You saw it, Mama. She had dress up clothes down there, too. She said they were old uniforms, from the war. That’s where I found the pin. I took it for my collection. I am very sorry. I will give it back.”

Anna took a deep breath and set the information aside for the moment. “Oh don’t worry about a silly pin. Tell me why you were in the basement today.”

“That’s what I am trying to tell you. Fraulein was looking for the pin and she was making me help her and then I told her I took it. And then she asked me lots of questions about you.
And about Captain Cooper. And when I didn’t know, she hit me. She just kept yelling and yelling. I was so scared, Mama.”

A blind rage filled every space inside Anna’s body. “She hit you? Where?”

“Just here.” Amalia pointed to her cheek as she looked at the floor. “She was really mad. She never hit me before; she was always so nice and sweet and pretty. I am sorry I was bad,” Amalia said, tugging at the hem of her dress. “And then Emil came in and he was acting all strange. And then they got into a fight and Emil shouted at me to leave, to go home, but Fraulein Schilling grabbed me and wouldn’t let me go. She was holding my arm so tight and she kept yelling at me that I had to do what she said or you would be in trouble. That you would get hurt. And that’s when he pulled the gun from his pocket. And he scared me so bad. And they yelled at each other and he called her bad names and said he would kill her if she didn’t let me go. But she held on to me. And then I saw you. I am sorry, Mama.”

Anna’s fury tumbled in her core, ricocheting off her insides like a rubber ball. When she didn’t let it out, it turned on her. How could she have been so stupid? To trust her child to people she didn’t know at all? “You did nothing wrong, Maus. Not even taking the pin. It was good you took the pin, you understand?”
You did nothing wrong.
These words applied only to children now.

“I will give it back,” Amalia whispered.

“Can you show the pin to me?” Anna asked.

Amalia padded into the living room and returned with her treasure box. She put it on the floor at Anna’s feet and sat down, legs splayed on either side. As she rummaged, Anna caught glimpses of her many finds: various buttons, the piece of ribbon Madeleine had given her and the postcards from Anna’s mother. Small, dirty, once shiny objects slid around between her little fingers until she pulled out what she had been looking for. “Here,” she said as she pressed the pin into Anna’s outstretched hand. It was a long, thin rectangle framing a set of leaves. The word
Helferin
was spaced evenly across the length of the strip. It was the two lighting bolts in the center that left no doubt. Frieda was an SS
Helferin
, a helper. Emil’s story was holding up. “It was in the dress up clothes, Fraulein’s old uniforms. She said the lightning bolts meant she was important. That she did important work for Germany.”

Anna put the pin on the floor. “She did?”

“And she told us that the Americans are nothing but monsters and that no good German would work with them. And she said the Americans were going to steal everything from us. Is that true, Mama?”

Anna shook her head. “No, Maus. That is not true.”

“Are you mad at me, Mama?”

“No. I am just glad you are safe now.” Anna began to cry. “And I am sorry about everything. I am so sorry.” She pulled Amalia close. “Fraulein Schilling has some very bad ideas about how things should be. And I didn’t know about her, otherwise I would never have let you stay with her. I don’t think I’ll ever let you out of my sight again, Maus, I swear it.”

“Is Herr Schilling a bad man too?”

“I don’t know if he is a bad man. I don’t think so. I think he is very mad about things that happened in the war, but he doesn’t know how to feel better. Sometimes when very bad things happen to people it takes a long time for them to heal. Even when the hurt is all on the inside where you can’t see it. Do you understand?”

Amalia nodded. “Papa could make Herr Schilling feel better.” She paused. “But Mama? I am scared. Why is Papa not coming?”

Anna closed her eyes. “Why do you think Papa isn’t coming?”

Amalia shrugged. “I don’t know. Because he’s taking too long. And because he is mad at us for leaving.”

“Well, you know, it takes a long time to travel now. Things are complicated. But he will come.”

“But what if he doesn’t? Lots of papas never came back.”

“I know, but ours will.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

Anna decided to give her daughter the credit she deserved. The weight of the unfounded optimism was beginning to crush them both. “You are right. I don’t know anything for sure. But until we know different we are going to look forward to him coming, right?” She rested her cheek on her daughter’s head. They sat this way, without talking, for a long time. Amalia’s body felt heavy and Anna thought she had fallen asleep, but then the girl said, “Is Oskar all right?”

“What makes you ask about Oskar?” Anna said.

“I don’t know. I just miss him a little bit.”

“Yes, I think so,” Anna lied. “I think he wants to find his family.” Another lie.