The Royal Affair (The Palmera Royals) (6 page)

“I would always help if I could. Suzie’s a sweet child. Good night.” She closed the door on him, silencing any retort he might have had, but Marina wished it were that easy to silence her emotions.

For a second night in a row, she found herself unable to sleep. She tried to reason everything out, but it all came back to Jonas and the fact that in a few days she would be leaving, and the likelihood was that she wouldn’t see him again.

She tried to tell herself this was the best thing. That he certainly wasn’t in the market for any kind of relationship—except sexual—and she was not going down that track again with him.

She tried to tell herself she deserved better. She did…but…she had loved him, and thought he loved her. Now she knew the truth, she understood why he left so abruptly, but…four years later, she wouldn’t climb into bed with him so easily. Marina wanted more, a fact that surprised her. She’d thought she’d got her life all sorted—royal duties; managing her stable; promoting her horses.

So what about your love life?

There wasn’t one. Not that the tabloids—or Jonas—believed her. If there was a man at her side, the papers reported she was sleeping with him or, at the least, dating.

Exhaling a frustrated sigh, she rolled over and swung her feet over the side of the bed. In the dim light filtering through the partially drawn curtains, she walked to the window and stared out across the darkened landscape.

New Zealand was indeed beautiful, a paradise down under and in some ways similar to the lush land of her beloved San Torrevna. But it wasn’t home. Home was family. Her countrymen. Her history. Her life. And yet she could so easily slip into life here.

With Jonas?

No, she wouldn’t think those thoughts, couldn’t allow the dream.

Shrugging off her growing dissatisfaction, she retreated back to bed and snuggled beneath the duvet.

“Sleep. Don’t think.” Thinking was dangerous to her contentment.

Chapter Six

Pony rides, walking alongside the river, playing princesses with Barbie and climbing into the playhouse for pretend afternoon tea quickly became standard activities each day.

And Marina loved every minute of it.

For a child who had been mute just a few days ago, Suzie now seemed to want to talk, and though the constant chatter could be exhausting, it delighted Marina to hear the stilted childish voice, the tinkle of her laughter so long pent-up by trauma. That in itself made her glad she had agreed to stay.

Inside, however, her brain was a ticking clock. Seven days, she’d said. Seven days and then she would leave. But as the clock ticked closer to the end of her time with Suzie, the sense of sadness grew alongside it.

Suddenly life didn’t feel so certain, or so fulfilling. Just lonely.

Today, as the sun warmed and edged away the early morning chilling the landscape, Marina played with Suzie on the swing and slide set, though she repeatedly looked over toward Jonas as he walked the colt Ebenezer up and down the cobbled drive. Every now and then he would stop the horse, lean over and whisper something in its ear. Jonas did this for quite some time, and with each parade back and forth, his expression grew dourer.

Marina wanted to ask what was wrong. Perhaps she could help. But Jonas’s mood had been grim since breakfast, and the man had barely uttered two words. The rumble of an arriving horse truck brought Jonas and horse to a halt.

Ebenezer was going elsewhere and even though it was the business they were in, she understood how hard it was to see a favorite colt or filly leave for another stables.

It didn’t take long to load and secure the horse and Marina stood by a silent Jonas as the truck departed, leaving a swath of dust in its wake.

He didn’t say a word but remained stock-still, eyes fixed on the vehicle. Instinctively, she understood his emotions and rested her hand on his bare forearm in a gesture of comfort. “It’s okay, it had to happen.”

“I know.”

“They’re your babies.”

“I helped Florian give birth to Ebenezer. I kinda feel like his father. Oh jeez.” He jerked away, escaping her touch, and ground the tip of his boot into the grass. “Listen to me. I sound like some sap.”

“You sound like a man who cares.”

Jonas scowled. “Don’t start that psychology stuff, Marina. I’m a businessman. This is all about business.”

“Does that preempt you from caring? You care for your daughter.”

“Entirely different.”

“No, it’s not. It is okay to care, Jonas.”

“You reckon? Caring gets a person into a lot of trouble. I
cared
for my ex-wife. I cared for…” He snapped his mouth closed, jaw rigid, and the pulse in the side of his throat hammered.

“Suzie is doing great.”

His expression softened instantly as he switched his gaze to his daughter intent on gathering daisies. “Yeah, she’s a remarkable girl.” Eyes glistening with deep love, he yanked his cap out of his back pocket and jammed it onto his head. The peak shadowed his face, obliterating what she knew was there only seconds ago. Tears. Love.

Jonas could care, could love, but apart from his daughter, he had closed off anyone else from that world. “And it’s all because of you,” he said.

“Me? I’m merely a fleeting moment. You’re her father. You see to her day-to-day care, love and treasure her. Besides, the life of a princess is not all it’s cracked up to be, but don’t tell Suzie that.”

“Do I hear the tone of discontent?”

He did, and she didn’t know what to do about it. Seeing him again had revived dreams and hopes she had thought long ago squashed. Dreams of a real life. Of love. Of family. Of just being.

She pasted her princess face back on. “It may sound glamorous attending, but it gets a bit boring eventually.”

“Hence your business.”

“Yes. I always loved horses. My grandmother owned several extremely successful racehorses, and when I was a child, I would stay with her on her country property, watching horse and trainer for hours. That, and watching the Grand National. The energy, the excitement.”

“So when you got bored with the parties, you turned to horses.”

She offered a rueful smile. “Don’t tell anyone, but they’re better company sometimes.”

“They’re intelligent animals.”

Her laughter burst out. “Nice to know you put yourself in the same category as our intelligent equine friends, Wilder.”

Jonas became serious once more. “That’s good. You’re smiling and laughing.”

“All your fault.” And his mood too was lighter. She liked this side of him.

“A good thing, since I made you angry and sad before.”

“You also made me…” The words stalled. Should she say them, admit them? The air hung suddenly thick and palpable, cocooning them. “You made me happy.”

“I’m glad, but I’m also sorry that, well…”

“It’s okay. I know it’s over. You have your life.” She took a step back, breaking the invisible thread holding her to him, and took a seat on a low wooden bench. She glanced up at him. “I have my life. Your leaving made me realize I wanted more than what royal restrictions offered.”

“And here we are, years later, and you’re a huge success.”

“Thank you, that certainly is high praise from you. I’ve worked hard, and it seems I’ve inherited my grandmother’s instinct for finding just the right horse.”

Just then, a shower of daisies fluttered over Marina’s head and landed in her lap, accompanied by a giggling Suzie. “Oh, how beautiful.”

“Tummy….” Suze rubbed her tummy theatrically

Mock horror marked Jonas’s face. “What? You mean you want to eat again?” He reached out and grabbed his daughter, tugging her to him. But Suzie rocked backward, falling onto Marina. Jonas followed, and the three of them ended up rolling across the grass, their laughter echoing, a flurry of decimated daisies raining down on them.

Just as suddenly as the moment started, it stilled. Every inch of Marina was aware of the man lying with her, hip to hip, his hard chest rubbing across her breasts. His mouth was so close all she had to do was tilt her head up a fraction and their lips would touch. She could kiss him. Wanted to desperately.

Seemingly of its own volition, her tongue swiped across her parted lips, and Jonas’s hooded gaze followed the action.

“Do that again, and there could be trouble,” Jonas said, his voice low and husky.

“I think trouble has already arrived.”

His arousal pressed into her thigh. Eyes deep and soulful shadowed by a thick cloak of ebony lashes stared down at her. Marina couldn’t break the contact if she tried.

Suzie broke the spell. “Daddy, you…sl…ep, or some…thin’?”

“Try
something
, sweetheart.” Using his muscled forearms for support, he hoisted himself upright. “Sleeping does sound kinda fun. The best time, I reckon. All that skin on skin, the heat, the sunlight so you can see everything.”

Marina ignored his outstretched hand and stood, dusting off copious amounts of daisy petals from her jeans. Oh Lordy. Desire charged through her veins. Why, oh why did he have to say those things, rekindle memories? She so wished she could silence his teasing words
and
stem her wayward reactions. “So what happened to lunch?”

Suzie put her hands on her hips. “Foo…food, D-Daddy.”

It delighted Marina to see Suzie’s progress. She still stumbled over words, but at least she was speaking often now.

“Well, since you’re so hungry, Miss Suzie, I guess you better come and help prepare it.”

The little girl’s eyes widened with delight. She grabbed Jonas’s hand in her tiny one and yanked him toward the house. He started to move off, then stalled midstep and glanced over his shoulder at Marina.

“Stay right where you are, Princess. We’ll dine alfresco with the daisies.”

“Sounds divine.”

“Nothing but the best for
my
princess.”

My
princess. His words reverberating in her brain, Marina watched father and daughter retreat inside. His. No that wasn’t right. A dream. She wasn’t anybody’s anything. Not a girlfriend, nor lover, nor…wife.

Since when had she wanted to marry? Since four years ago, to be exact. Since Jonas. Only to Jonas. And now she was about to leave. Naively, she had believed time would heal everything and make her realize she had her own life now, and not want what she couldn’t have with him.

The problem was that the wanting hadn’t gone away, and in a few days’ time, she had to leave for good.

What then?

Chapter Seven

The sound of her name wafted across her subconscious, soft and caressing. She wanted to hear it again, liked its soothing caress.

“Marina. Marina, wake up!”

A sharp knock shattered the silence, and Marina’s eyes flew open. She struggled upright, blinking several times to clear the fugue clouding her sleep-drugged brain. “Jonas?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Open up.”

“What’s wrong?” A burst of fear spiked her heart. “Is it Suzie?”

“No, no, she’s fine, but there’s a call for you.”

Marina tossed back the duvet and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Goose bumps skipped across her bare arms, and she rubbed at them briskly as she padded across the room, feet sinking into the luxurious carpet. She opened the door, and her jaw dropped as she took in Jonas.

Wearing only pajama bottoms, hair tousled and his jaw unshaven, Jonas offered a prime view of perfection.

“Move over, David Beckham,” she muttered.

“What?”

She shook her head. God, she’d actually said that. She really needed to wake up, but heck, if this was a dream, the view was perfect. She tried to swallow and then breathe. Nothing seemed to work, and definitely not her brain. Her libido, however, sure worked overtime.

Desperate not to look below his waist, she made the mistake of catching his sleepy gaze instead. “You look just like Sleeping Beauty, Princess.” His gaze settled on her breasts, and her nipples pebbled beneath her silky black nightie with its froufrou lace edging. It was short, too short, really, but it had been a present for her birthday from her sister Layla, with the comment that she needed it to catch a guy.

She hadn’t bothered to try, and she wasn’t trying to catch Jonas either.
She tugged at the lacy hem, wishing the bit of frothy silk were longer.

He held the cordless phone out. “It’s your brother.”

“Lucas!”

His smile quirked. “Yep, and it sounds like he’s on the warpath.”

Marina screwed up her nose. “That bad?”

“Yep.”

After taking the phone from Jonas, she turned away from him. “Hello, Lucas.”

“So, tell me what the hell you were thinking?”

She prevaricated, glancing up at Jonas. Mistake. The guy was laughing at her. Okay, so he was silent, but he was laughing nevertheless. “About what precisely?”

“Don’t play games with me, Marina. You know exactly what I mean. Security. You sent Pierre and Jacques away, and why the hell didn’t you answer your cell phone?”

“It’s turned off.”

“I gather that. I’ve had the devil of a time trying to find out where the hell you are.”

“You could have asked them.”

“First thing I did, but they’re mute on the subject.”

Marina exhaled a thankful sigh. “They’re loyal. That’s why I employ them.”

“Correction, they’re employed by the palace security division.”

“But they work for me,” she countered.

“What were you thinking?”

“I wanted to get away. A friend asked for my help.”

“Friend? Is that what you call Wilder now?”

Her annoyance escalated. She tempered her anger and turned away from Jonas’s prying eyes. “Actually, it’s none of your business who I see or what I do, Lucas. I’m a big girl.”

“That is where you’re wrong, especially when it involves San Torrevna. As its head of state, your welfare is my concern.”

“Welfare! You make me sound like some recalcitrant child. I’m thirty next month, not three.”

“So face up to your responsibilities.”

A gasp lodged in her throat, and the noose that was her life tightened that bit more. “All my life I’ve done what others asked of me. I’ve played the predestined role as required.”

She cast a secretive glance over her shoulder. Jonas lounged against the doorjamb, arms raised and hands tucked behind his head. Why was she so addicted to this man? She had thought—believed—she was over him. Wrong! So very wrong. She’d fooled herself.

Last night he’d asked if she wanted to view the wild Kaimanawa horses. She’d declined. Oh, but she’d wanted to go. Desperately. The truth? Fear held her back. She was scared to be alone with him, really alone, one on one.

As she half listened to her brother’s diatribe, Marina soaked in everything about this beautiful man that tugged at her like no other. Pajama bottoms slung low on his hips, the fine smattering of hair tapering way down to…

She spun away, but just because she wasn’t looking at him didn’t mean that Jonas Wilder didn’t seep beneath the armor she’d tried to put in place. He infiltrated her, body and soul.

“You need to do what you’re told, Marina,” Lucas insisted. “For San Torrevna’s sake.”

She balked at her brother’s autocratic manner. “Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black,
Your Highness
? You know all about royal responsibility and duty, and yet it took a list of prospective brides from Layla and me to get you to even contemplate marrying.”

“I’m not asking you to marry Wilder.”

For a fleeting second, her eyes fluttered closed. Once, she had hoped, dreamed, only to have such whimsy decimated.

In the background, she heard Lucas’s wife chastising her husband. Marina opened her eyes. “How is Cassie, by the way?”

“Fine, but tired.” She heard the hint of worry in his voice. Their first child was due any day now. It was no wonder he was stressed, and she, unfortunately, had become a niggle that he really didn’t need.

“Well, give her my love, Lucas, and thank you for calling.”

“Is that all you have to say?”

“Yes. It’s not even sunrise, and I’m going back to bed.”

“With Wilder?”

“You have no right to ask me that, so I’ll just pretend you didn’t.” And without hesitation, she shut the call off.

“Wow.”

She twisted around to face Jonas. “Don’t you dare start.”

“Hey, don’t bite my head off.” He held his hands up in mock surrender. “I’m only the phone carrier.”

“I think that’s meant to be ‘don’t shoot the messenger’. You’re right. Sorry.”

“I gather that was your brother, and he’s not a happy camper.”

“That’s putting it mildly. He’s annoyed I sent Pierre and Jacques packing and thinks it makes me vulnerable.”

“I get that he’s worried about you. You’re famous, but we Kiwis are friendly, and I don’t think there’s any gun-toting princess kidnappers about.”

“I’m sure that’ll make him happy.”

“So what are you going to do? Go home?”

For a heartbeat, Marina stared at him; then suddenly, her decision was clear. For once, she intended to stand up to Lucas, her family and the invisible chains of being royal. “Yesterday you mentioned the wild horses at Kaimanawa.”

“Yeah, they’re a beautiful sight. They do tours down there, but I reckon you’d prefer your own private tour, no one gawping at you instead of the horses.”

She offered a half smile. “You know me well.”

“I should do.”

If he did, he would know he’d broken her heart. However, Marina shoved that little bit of the past back where it belonged.

Jonas pushed away from the door and took a step toward her, triggering a tangle of nerves in her stomach. “So, what you going to do, Princess?” His voice quiet, he had a tight control about him, coiled and expectant.

Make a new beginning.
“Take to the sky in your helicopter of course, Mr. Wilder.”

Surprise and something else flittered across his eyes, then evaporated as if it never occurred. “You sure about this? I reckon your brother won’t be happy.”

“Dear Lucas is going to be a daddy soon and will have other things to occupy him rather than worrying about his recalcitrant sister.”

“Recalcitrant, huh? Big word.”

“It means…”

“Oh, baby, I know what it means. I just wonder if you do? Seems to me like you want to be the bad girl for a change.”

Bad girl.
The words slid easily around her mind, and sounded exciting, brave. Actually, the idea of doing her own thing just because she wanted to offered a deep sense of relief. For twenty-four hours, it would be freeing not having to worry if she had the right clothes on, the perfect hair, the perfect smile. Not upsetting others for fear of the media frenzy that would result.

Confidence bolstered, she pushed back her shoulders and gave Jonas a wide smile. “I’ve already let my bodyguards go. That’s a start. It’s time to shed my princess chrysalis.”

“So the real butterfly has a chance to fly. Sounds good.”

“Actually, you’re right. It really, really does. It’s time for this royal to test her wings.”

The corners of his eyes crinkled as his grin stretched. “Now
that
has infinite possibilities.”

The teasing hint in his voice was unmistakable, and she wagged a finger at him. All he offered in return was that puppy-dog look of his. This was fun. A different Jonas. A different Marina too. “So what time does our flight take off?”

“Ten sharp.” His instant answer didn’t allow one heartbeat to let her change her mind.

“Great. I’ll be ready.”

Jonas leaned closer, and Marina thought he was going to kiss her. She hoped so.
Bad girl, wrong thought.
Instead, he said, “You don’t have to worry. I can still be the perfect gentleman.”

Worry? About him not kissing her, about her reaction to wanting him to kiss her, or about wanting more than one kiss?

He was wrong. She had a lot to worry about.

“No worries, huh? What a jerk!” Aware that just a few meters away, Marina lay in bed in her pajamas, Jonas paced his bedroom. Pajamas? Hell, that black silky thing barely covered anything.

His arousal pulsed, his need for her all-encompassing. He wasn’t allowed to want her. Wasn’t allowed to even think about her. Not in the way he remembered.

Oh jeez, he’d better get his act together before daylight; otherwise, he’d be fried. Several long cold showers were definitely on his agenda, pronto.

To his way of thinking, he’d promised the moon when he’d invited Marina to stay. “Perfect gentleman, hell.” And that was what it was. Hell on earth. Each time he saw her, got close to her, or she looked at him with those wide, soft blue eyes or brushed her fingertips across his body, he wanted to drag her into his arms and kiss her senseless. And then do it all over again. Neanderthal man had nothing on him. Trouble was, Marina was a touchy-feely kinda gal and he sure wanted her to touch him, and feel him all over.

Bloody hell! Listen to his wayward brain. Mind you, his body was pretty darn close in its reaction. He was acting like some teen on his first date. That kid thought he was about to get lucky, while Jonas knew getting lucky would be a disaster. He couldn’t allow it.

He headed to the bathroom and switched the tap to cold in the shower. He’d do anything to assuage his raging libido, except take refuge in blue eyes and a body that promised heaven. “You want the gentleman act, Princess? You got it.” The shower on full blast, Jonas stripped and stepped beneath the freezing water, determined to stay under as long as necessary…until he’d scrubbed that woman right out of his damned head.

The night dragged, long, and lonely, fueled with want, but as dawn hitched itself in the eastern horizon Jonas hauled his sleep-deprived arse from bed. He dressed in jeans and a chambray shirt to ward off the early autumn chill and headed straight to the kitchen. Coffee, lots of it, strong and black, was on his agenda.

After draining his second cup in one long gulp, he headed out to the chopper, deciding to keep busy rather than hang around waiting for Marina to come downstairs. Better that than he head up those stairs and spy her in that barely there bit of silk that called come hither.

He checked and rechecked the chopper while telling his nether regions to behave.

“Suzie’s ready to go.”

The clipboard tumbled from his grip to the tarmac, and his head slammed against the open chopper door. “Shit!” Straightening, he massaged his scalp as he turned to see Marina standing only a few feet away, her hand linked with Suzie’s. His heart did some weird skipping stuff.

He massaged his head a bit more. “You ready to go to Aunty Emerald’s?”

“Sure. Me and Lizzie gonna play princesses.”

At the sound of tires crunching over gravel, Suzie raced toward the oncoming vehicle. Jonas reached out to stop her—and failed.

He broke into a run. “Suzie! Wait, Suzie!” He grabbed her just as the SUV came to a halt, scooping her and holding her so they were eyeball to eyeball. “Don’t you dare do that again, do you hear me? Don’t ever run toward a moving vehicle again.”

“Daddy. Daddy…” Her little lip protruded, trembled, and Jonas’s tough facade crumpled.

He clutched her to him, caressing her head as she nestled into his shoulder. “Shush, sweetie, it’s okay, just Daddy being a grouch, that’s all.” He glanced toward Marina.

Dumb-ass, don’t look at what you can’t have.

Suzie arched back in his arms and stared at him with serious intent. “I’se a big girl. I’se six now.”

Six years old and she thinks she’s all grown up.
Tears threatened, and he blinked them away. “Sure you are, but you’ll always be my little princess.” Hearing the word princess, Suzie turned to Marina. There was a look in Marina’s eyes that he didn’t quite recognize. It confused him, so he turned away before he said anything stupid.

Like,
stay
. Like,
how about getting down and dirty
. Like saying,
I lo…

Shut the hell up.

“Ready, kiddo?” Emerald called as Suzie and Lizzie wrapped each other in a bear hug.

“I got my Barbie,” Suzie said.

“Did you bring the princess dress?” Lizzie stared wide-eyed at Marina. “Is she really, really, really a princess?”

“Sure. My daddy says so.” Suzie rested her hands on her hips, and then bent over to Lizzie. “I told you she was pretty.”

Marina crouched down to the six-year-olds. “Thank you, Suzie. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

Without an ounce of hesitation, Suzie threw herself at Marina, wrapping her arms around her neck, and held on tight. “You gotta stay. You gotta. You could live here. You could be my mama. Please? Pretty please?”